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Original poster

So what do we think about Molly/Misbah, the 12yo who ran away to Pakistan?

34 replies

edam · 04/09/2006 10:03

Very odd story about her mother searching for her and the girl turning up in Pakistan with her father, saying she wants to be there. Haven't seen any MN thread on this.

Today's Guardian says her father has filed court papers in Pakistan a. banning the mother from snatching her back and b. claiming the mother is unfit to look after her as an apostate and someone who drinks and has a history of mental illness. Which seems to me the sort of thing that gives Islam a bad name - the idea that it's justifiable to take the child away from her legal guardian because that guardian isn't Muslim.

Wondered what anyone else thought about it?

OP posts:
nutcracker · 04/09/2006 10:03

I think that if thats where she really wants to be then thats where she should stay.

expatinscotland · 04/09/2006 10:03

I got sick of hearing about it so didn't pay attention

expatinscotland · 04/09/2006 10:04

But if I had to be a teen in Lewis, I'd probably think Pakistan was a better alternative, too.

Tinker · 04/09/2006 10:09

Apparently, according to Independent today, the mother had to wear a burqa when she got married to the father at 16. She has since rejected Islam, met another man and had another baby. There is a lot going on there, it's not at all black and white - daughter looking for boundaries etc. Do agree that living in the Western Isles would be a bit bleak for a young girl though.

coppertop · 04/09/2006 10:29

I would've thought that at 12yrs old she would've been old enough to tell a judge (or whoever) that she would rather live with her father. I don't agree at all with the father just taking her like that rather than going through the legal system. It just smacks of arrogance to me. A kind of "I'll decide where my daughter should live" attitude.

Original poster
edam · 04/09/2006 10:30

It seems desperately sad. Molly/Misbah's brother said he left home because his mother wasn't a good Muslim/living according to Islam. So that's three children the poor mother has lost through leaving her husband and leaving the religion she'd adopted through marriage (with the elder sister already in Pakistan).

Would give me pause for thought if I was in a relationship with a religious Muslim man with family in Pakistan, tbh.

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HRHQueenOfQuotes · 04/09/2006 10:34

Just looking on the otherside of the coin (without the religious aspect). Perhaps she gets on better with her father than her mother? It wouldn't be the first family I know of where the child(ren) get on better with their dad than their mum and when the parents split would rather stay with their father!

Piffle · 04/09/2006 10:34

If the girl has been brought up within Islam, a change to a sudden non islam way of life when her siblings are still practising, would be an awful choice for a child
when Mollys mum married she converted to Islam, one presumes her own choice.
Now that they are divorced, she has given up Islam.
I think in these cirumstances Molly should be able to choose, from what has been reported the father says he will evne cover epxenses for Mollys mum to come and see her in Pakistan.
Her mother did look somewhat "fragile" in the TV interview, but when she started asking Molly to come home and saying she had done nothign wrong, I did think "abduction" in the true sense was unlikely.

nutcracker · 04/09/2006 10:36

Thats exactly what I mean QofQ.

Me and my brothers all chose to live with my dad when our parents sperated, I actually had to get a soliciter involved as a 12 yr old to get what I wanted.

expatinscotland · 04/09/2006 10:37

Seriously, being the teen I was, I'd have been busting to get out of those Western Isles at first chance.

There's FA to do out there, and although so many people romanticise and idealise life in these places, we've had loads of students come in from there, and there's not a one who has anything good to say about being a teen there.

belgo · 04/09/2006 10:38

It brings out the insecurities in me. I am happily married, but I sometimes wonder what would happen if we split up, what with us coming from different countries - the difference isn't as far as Scotland and Pakistan, but as a mother it is my worst fear.

Original poster
edam · 04/09/2006 10:41

The mother was only 16 when she got married and converted to Islam. May not have worked out that if she ever left her husband, she'd be at risk of losing her children.

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coppertop · 04/09/2006 10:49

I don't have any problem with her wanting to live with her father and family in Pakistan. I guess I just don't like the way the father went about it.

FWIW my dad's (Catholic) family weren't too thrilled either when he and my mum divorced. My mum is CofE but carried on bringing us up as Catholics. None of us are particularly religious though.

LIZS · 04/09/2006 11:02

I think there is a lot not being disclosed here. The elder children seem to have already been with their father while M stayed with mum. Presumably the father felt that the UK courts wouldn't favour him for some reason yet I've heard "experts" say that they would have seriously considered her wishes at 12 in any decision.

It is very unclear as to what sort of direct contact her father and siblings have had with her recently and at 12 it is easy to have a romantic view as to what life might be like elsewhere. Do hope it works out in her best interests.

LieselVonTrapp · 04/09/2006 11:29

Havent heard the full story but from what I hear if its a choice between Lewis and Pakistan I think I'd be in Pakistan as well.

saltire · 04/09/2006 11:38

There's a piece in the Scotsman today saying
"She wants to bring me up as a Christian. I do not want to be a Christian, i love Sctoland but i love Islam more". It goes on to say that life in Stornoway was a "living hell".
There is also a comment from the father that the mother's outlook had been poisoned by " a lunatic fringe of white racists" (his words). However he goes on to say that he will pay for the mother to go to Pakistan and visit whenever she wants.
She's 12, she should, at that age be able to make her own mind up

prettybird · 04/09/2006 11:49

Interesting article in the Herald .

What I am interested in is why, if she had been looked after by her father from the age of 5 for 5 years, did a court then award custody to her monther when she visited the UK?

The other hing that struck me in the news srports is her obvious happiness and relaxedness with her father and siblings.

It is tragic for her mother, who is obvioulsy devastasted, but one wonders if she was really listening to her daughter's needs or was more caught up in her desire to get away from her ex-husband and Islam.

I also find it patronising that a number of papers continue to use the name Molly, when she has said that she prefers her proper name of Misbah and not the name that her mother had changed it to.

joelallie · 04/09/2006 11:56

She went of her own accord - her father didn't 'snatch' her. Her sister came over from Pakistan to accompany her. I think she should be left where she is if that is genuinely what she wants. Mother's are not automatically the best parent in all circs.

JennyLee · 04/09/2006 12:06

Yes read the Herald article it seems odd that her mother got custody when Misbah had been living with her father from age 5 to ten, I think

JanH · 04/09/2006 12:19

This piece from Saturday's Guardian has a lot of incidental information - eg that Misbah was not allowed to attend her sister's wedding in March.

Original poster
edam · 04/09/2006 19:49

Well, her father took her away from her legal guardian without permission. I'd call that snatching even though Misbah wanted to go with him - he should have arranged it through the proper channels.

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harrisey · 05/09/2006 02:44

Could I just ask how many of you commenting on choosing Pakistan over Lewis have actually been there?
I lived in the Hebrides for 10 years, and the vast majority of teens there are perfectly happy, yes, even in Stornoway! I taught at the school she went to for a little while (though mainly in another 2 schools in Lewis and Harris) and the facilities are superb.
Though we are currently living in Glasgow we have kept our house in the islands and are planning to return there - yes, we will probably be there when our children are teenagers as well!

I think the issue has a lot more to do with the mother than it does with the place - they had moved to more than one remote location and having read the Guardian articles it does sem that the mother had some problems.

But the majority of island children dont plan to run away age 12. And there are other children of Pakistani origin on the island as well, I really dont think its a race issue either.

joelallie · 05/09/2006 08:20

Lewis is lovely Harrisey. I would love to be there. I also don't think that all teenagers need Starbucks and Macdonalds to live a fulfilled life .But I guess it might be a shock to go there from somewhere busier when you were in your teens. I agree that the mother seems like the problem not just the place.

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2006 08:28

I got the impression that misbah had been living in Pakistan most of her life but maybe that was wrong. I also thought that her father was welathy and her mother was poor which made a difference.

MrsFio · 05/09/2006 08:31

I agree with nutcracker. I have no qualms about the girl being with her father (not that it is any of my business) and i think the media have clung onto the 'muslim' connection as per usual