How do you cope/deal with the horrors we hear on the news everyday?

[Playboxpony]

Sorry for such a morbid thread! But lately I've been really, really affected by recent news stories (particularly any involving abuse or the death of vulnerable children - Daniel Pelka, the little boy found mummified in his cot, and some of the horrific stories coming out of Syria). Some of these cases are just too horrific for words.

I'm pregnant, and already a mum to a little boy, so obviously I know that has something to do with my reaction to these stories. I'm definitely not depressed or anything like that, but I'm just finding it hard to process how so much hurt can be inflicted on other human beings. I've tried to convince myself that there MUST be more good people in the world than not, and that the majority of us are sane, with an in-built ethical or moral obligation to protect the vulnerable. I'm just not sure how much I am really convincing myself though. The world feels like it is going a bit crazy! :-(

I just wanted to know how you cope when you hear these sort of news stories. I am not religious, never have been, never will be (in my opinion, too much pain has been brought about by organised religion) but I find myself looking for some kind of explanation or answers from somewhere ...

Does anybody else feel the same or are these the mad ramblings of a hormonal, pregnant lady? Anyway I guess it would be of some kind of comfort to hear if others are feeling the same way!

You see I don't like the hands over the ears 'la la la, can't hear you' attitude.

I think we should watch the news, we should be aware of the horrors that happen around us. Turning a blind eye is never good no matter what angle you're coming at it from.

You see I don't like the hands over the ears 'la la la, can't hear you' attitude.

I can sort of see what you mean, but WHY should we watch the news? What can we do? Just watch and sigh? Surely better, as some posters have said, to be active in your community, donate to charity, volunteer your time etc.

I do see Likes point about bearing witness. But I think that's more relevant to things that are happening on our doorsteps. 5,000,000 people bearing witness to an article in the Daily Mail or a story on the Ten O'Clock News doesn't actually change anything or help anyone.

It's not 'la la can't hear you'

It's you deciding how much of the world you want in at any one time. That applies to most things that come into your personal space.

It doesn't exclude you from involving yourself in helping others - the vast majority of people I've come across have given too much, to their detriment. And it's made them anxious and ill.

Nancy66 that's fine as a rule, but there is a definite rise in sensitivity perinatally- it can trigger depression, so what the OP and others suggest, avoiding it is very sensible.

I can sort of see what you mean, but WHY should we watch the news?

Because it keeps you politically aware?

Often what happens will have a consequence on lots of future decisions.
(eg whether our country goes to war with another, whether we give aid or impose sanctions)

If you are not informed with what is happening in the bigger picture how can you be sure what you are voting for?

flipchart, like Nancy you're right. But for the OP and many others the emotional cost isn't worth it.
There's a world of difference between being bogged down in the gory details of child abuse cases and being socially and politically aware. It's possible to swerve the former and not be ignorant.

I too think that doing an "I'm a mother and therefore Too Sensitive For This" is a bit pointless.

Having said that the only story I've found unbearable in the 12 years I have been a mother is the Daniel Pelka one.

...and I think that wasn't because I've entered the sacred club of maternity but just because it was quite upsetting.

I once asked a Buddhist monk how he deals with living in a world with so much suffering. He said that adding his worry to such matters would not contribute anything positive. His distress was not going to help anyone.

He did his thing to help.

So, I do my thing to help. I try to protect my children as best I can. I help others through my job, give to charity and add my voice when it will be heard.

I avoid a lot of the random horror stories, especially from overseas. Don't see why we need to know about the little boy in India or whatever eaten by a crocodile or such. I usually also avoid the awful cases about abused or murdered kids in the country, I don't want to know all the details. Years ago people weren't bombarded by news the way we are now. It's become over saturation and voyeristic.

And the news is more of a business these days, a 24 hour very competitive business. Half of the coverage is crap - they need to fill up the page and airtime often to keep their advertisers happy.

Daniel Pelka was heartbreaking. Also the boy in London who was tortured by his sister as part of a witchcraft fantasy she inflicted such horrific injures on him that I wont write on here she then drowned him in a bath .

I have also not stopped thinking about the 2 teenagers stabbed to death in Birmingham last week. Feel so sad for the poor families and how it affects so many people, the victims family the family of those who did it the friends etc etc.. When will people stop taking knives out with them.

I actually don't want to read about these things but somehow I do but not sure why.

flipchart maybe I didn't phrase that right. Yes I watch the news and keep abreast of politics and current affairs - I meant why do I need to know every last detail of distressing cases of child abuse, esp when I know it takes me a very long time to shake off the distress these cause me.

I watch the news once a day and that's it. I try to put as much to the back of my mind as I possibly can.

Child abuse stories I glance over but NEVER go into detail. I read the bear minimum and that's all I need to know. Usually the main title is enough and I can guess the rest thanks to an overactive imagination.

I try to stay up to date with the news, but do find many stories upsetting, especially ones involving children (since being pregnant I keep putting myself in the parent's shoes) or soldiers (DH is in the army).
However in almost every story there is proof of how good people can be. I was reading about Kenya today and there were accounts of bravery, donations of blood for the injured, money donated etc. I try and focus on that. I also tell myself that the world isn't getting worse, we just hear more of what's going on now.

I really like that philosophy yama...

I'm just going to have to be more selective in what I read or hear. I'm not feeling depressed but can definitely see how the incessant stream of bads news could be a trigger at the moment. The radio is on constantly at home and news sites are always up at work. Quite jealous of the posters who have jobs which directly help other people as I am sure that gives you a different perspective and a feeling of purpose. My current job isn't like that (whereas my previous one was) so I think after my maternity leave a few changes need to be made. Best to keep busy and do my thing to help others! Thanks everyone for your responses. I'm going to try really hard to just check the news once today!!!

Can I recommend ditching sensationalist TV and newspapers and getting your news from Radio 4? :) You only get the headlines for a couple of minutes every hour, the tone of the current affairs programmes is quite calm and reassuring (if Jim Naughtie isn't alarmed, all's right with the world) and there are no gory pictures. Should it all get too much, you can retreat to The Archers, Tweet of the Day or The Shipping Forecast as a form of mind-blanking meditation.

cogito I avoid the sensationalist media anyway and radio 4 is in fact the channel I listen to (or listened) to mostly. But even that I found too much with certain cases, especially the Daniel Pelka case. But yes I'm a big James Naughtie fan too, such a calming voice ....
I'm listening more to 6 music for now, and stopped checking bbc website etc so much and have to say it is helping.

Another one that really struggles with hearing such terrible things on the news. But I think to myself - if I cannot even bear to hear of such terrible things, never mind the poor people that go through them, particularly children - that makes me weak.

I feel like I should be at least able to do that. My little boy is 11 months old and the string of heart-breaking child abuse and death instances in the last year or so has affected me so badly, I can't look at him crying over something innocuous without thinking - god, that poor child, what must it have been like when they were crying because of the abuse they suffered.

I guess I do think we need a certain amount of self-preservation, and that news these days has become sensationalist and almost...god I can't think of the word: debauchery, maybe. The way we are saturated and bombarded, and the lengths "journalism" goes to. It's not right. We aren't equipped to hear so many incredibly distressing things all the time.

But, I am grateful for this thread because I genuinely thought it was just me, and that I was weak in some way because I find these things so upsetting. I don't actually think it's weak...I just felt weak. So thank you for starting this thread :)

Yep, struggle immensely since having my (now 3yo) DS. A while back I wondered if I had become desensitised because I was no longer reacting, but it was more because I'd made a conscious decision to move it to the back of my mind - kind of like flicking the 'off' switch. I engaged less with media of any kind (difficult considering I work in police communications) and just kind of dismissed the deeper thought process required about certain subjects.

Anyway, recently the feelings have re-surfaced. It was around the time of the Daniel Pelka news, but just recently Madeleine McCann again. My DS pointed at a photo of Maddie while he was looking over my shoulder a few days ago and asked so innocently "Who's that?" and then pointed at Kate and asked "Who's that? What's wrong with her?" I told him my version of the truth, which was "That's Maddie. She got lost and her mummy is sad because she wants to find her but can't." Inwardly I just dissolved at the thought of not knowing where my precious boy had disappeared to, were it to happen to us. It is too painful. And I get so bloody angry (and sad) when I hear about child abuse. Why the hell do people have children, only to treat them so appallingly? It makes my heart ache to know that some children never experience the true happiness, love and protection from their parents that my son has since the minute he was born. Baby P's little face is etched on my memory because he looked so desperately sad and vulnerable, never having experienced a kind word or gesture.

I'm not normally prone to emotional outbursts and regularly rationally remind myself that the chances of something like that happening to me/ us are remote. But there is still a chance, however small, and no amount of rational thinking can dismiss it. If I didn't consciously shove it to the back of my mind I would be a complete basket case.

I try to ask myself how representative the story is. We have friends in TV news who freely admit that they promote stories according to how many victims (especially fatalities) there are and will even include foreign stories if the body count is higher. You do tend not to get news stories about people who gave their neighbours a sandwich, cut their lawn or gave them a lift to work. But we all know it happens.

I choose the news provider and listen to Radio4 news, I feel more comfortable with how they present the news.

But I do have a problem with the child abuse cases and will turn it off.