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Original poster

Feel sick after reading this :(

44 replies

somedayillbesaturdaynite · 30/06/2011 19:22

Isn't it hard enough to get a rape case to court without this 'new' defense? Surely any guy accused now is just going to claim he has this condition.

Sexsomnia

OP posts:

Jux · 20/09/2011 23:08

I thought it was considered assault if you have AIDS and don't tell your partner before you have sex with them? Surely this is the same principle? You must tell all the people who sleep in your home about your condition, or take precautions such as having a lock on your bedroom door so that no one can come in during the night.

Tcanny · 22/09/2011 20:38

HereBeBolloX. I hate to say that I wouldnt put it past myself or any other person who genuinly has sexomnia to try and initiate contact with someone of the same sex. Hell I had a large pillow once in my sleep. That being said It also takes time to settle into a very! deep sleep for an episode to happen (its a related condition to sleepwalking) so a train carriage is not gonna happen.

Ive lived with this for a number of years now and am very aware of the need to keep myself and other safe from this rather bizzare condition. Other sufferer in my opinion have the same obligation to do that as well.

Oh and its not just men that suffer with this condition, I am in regular contact with a female sufferer living in Germany

MangoMonster · 22/09/2011 20:42

I was once with a guy how had this and believe me he really was asleep. I agree that it does untold damage to rape victims though.

Tcanny · 22/09/2011 21:24

Yes Mango it does. And that is why i refuse to sleep in a room with someone I dont know very well and who knows what I am apt to do.

Was the sexomnia a factor in why things didnt work out?

MangoMonster · 22/09/2011 21:44

No, he didn't always try full intercourse...and I wads able to stop him the few times I and to. Maybe he was a mild case. We didn't split because of that, but I guess if it was more severe we might have had to sleep separately. We split because we didn't have enough in common.

Must be really hard for you, but I hope it's manageable.

MangoMonster · 22/09/2011 21:45

Sorry for all the typos, autocorrect is not all it's cracked up to be!

Tcanny · 22/09/2011 21:53

Thank you Mango. I am sexualy active in my sleep most nights, but am not agressive and can be stopped. If my wife is working an early shift she will sometimes sleeps in a seperate room.

The biggest downside for me is the care I have to take when sleeping in other location, and the fact that I am often tired assleep is not as restfull when I am trying to/having have sex with my wife.

MangoMonster · 22/09/2011 22:10

Just realised my post might have come across like I wasn't with him for long. We were together for 2 years but weren't really that well suited. It's good that you can be stopped. Your wife must be understanding but she obviously loves you.

I know I will get flamed for this but, it's an illness and you can't help it only manage it. Sleep walking is just as disturbing IMO. As I'd be more worried about the person hurting themselves.

I'm glad you have found someone understanding, we all have our things that partners have to accept. I still think it could be used to the detriment of rape victims but each case has to be judged individually and like you said, youre very careful.

You're probably already aware of the case where a girl apparently climbed into a guys bed without him knowing... True or not, I'd think that's the worst situation for you, but like you said, you're sensible.

I know it must be hard, but try not to let these stories get to you, you have it under control. Must be so upsetting when you see stories where men are using it as an excuse to rape.

Tcanny · 22/09/2011 22:18

Yes it is disturbing to hear it being bandied about as an excuse for rape. In reference to the girl who got into a guys bed, the lady in in contact with in Germany has done that as well. Fortunatly I have never left the room I am in.

But as to the being careful part, I have lived with this for many years now and have never found it to be a major hinderance in a relationship as Im pretty upfront about it and have found most people to be pretty understanding.

MangoMonster · 22/09/2011 22:34

I would tend to agree with you, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Wish you all the best. It's good to hear other peoples experiences, especially men, on mn.

Tcanny · 22/09/2011 22:44

lol ... I have found out all kinds of useful stuff on here. As a stay at home dad the resources on here are awesome. This thread caught my eye and I felt I had something worthwhile to say on it.

MangoMonster · 22/09/2011 22:48

I'm a sahm and have to say when I'm short on adult conversation, it's a tonic. Wish there were more men on here though. Feels more natural to have a balance!

NambaJam · 24/09/2011 21:42

Tcanny ..... Do you not realise that you are raping your wife each time you have sex with her in your sleep as she has no way of consenting to your rape advances?

Tcanny · 24/09/2011 21:56

Thanks for that NambaJam. Could you kindly back that statement up please? Bearing in mind that my wife knew about my sexomnia before we ever shared a room or had sex with each other, and also gave prior consent to anything happening while I was asleep.

Im not sure if you are a genuine poster who is rather trigger happy and silly or are just trolling on here?

xxDebstarxx · 25/09/2011 12:23

wow Tcanny that must have been a strange conversation to have with potential partners when you first meet. How did you find out you had sexsomnia? Are you angered at it being used as a rape defence? Sorry for the questions but I am genuinely interested.

Tcanny · 25/09/2011 15:52

xxDebstarxx I dont mind you asking at all. :) The finding out bit has already been covered earlier in this thread, but a brief recap is in order.

I first became aware of my condition shortly after becoming sexualy active. Fortunatly I was involved in a relationship with a more mature woman who had encountered a sexsomniac before. I was luck in the fact that she found it quite cute and amusing.

As for the oddness of the conversation, just think of the potential consequences of not having that little talk. I didnt have the conversation as soon as we met, but it needed to be done before we shared a room or had sex with each other.

And the fact that there are people using it as a defence for rape disgusts me. As soon as I knew that being a sexomniac was part of my life (I refuse to call it an issue as I wont let it become one) dealing with that in a responsible manner was of massive importance. If a person (I know females with this condition as well as men) who knows they are a sexomniac lets a situation where they are sleeping in a room with someone who dosent know that there is a risk of something happening occur then they are responsible for anything happening. A previously unknown sexomniac has a certain amount of sympathy from me however. But unfortunatly the damage to the victim has already been done, and that still needs dealing with. As for the position of the law on those who knew they had sexomnia before a rape/sexual assualt occurs in my opinion they are guilty by neglegence.

I get even more enraged at the thought of sexomnia being used by a rapist to worm their way out of getting convicted.

Tcanny · 25/09/2011 15:54

Oh and Im still waiting for NambaJam to respond

xxDebstarxx · 29/09/2011 17:40

Thank you Tcanny for explaining more about it. I guess it is something you have to learn to live with but like you say it is something you need to explain to people if they need to share a room with you when you are sleeping.

Robotindisguise · 30/09/2011 08:53

NambaJam's talking bollocks. When Tcanny's wife gets into bed with him of an evening she's accepting she might have a rude awakening! When she doesn't want that possibility, as he says, she sleeps in the spare room. That is consent.

My DH occasionally initiates sex in his sleep, but "piss off, it's 3am" deals with it and he stops. When I ask if he has any memory of it in the morning, he never does.

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