mother with breast cancer lose custody of children

[bubbleschimp]

shocking read .. apologies for the daily mail link

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1385143/Alaina-Giordano-loses-custody-children-breast-cancer.html

that's ghastly. Depending on the agressive nature of her tumours - she could still be perfectly fit and well in 5 years time.

SIL had bone tumours for 4 years before a tumour appeared on her liver. Even now, she is fit and well, with the bone tumours coming and going (never increasing in size) depending what hormone treatment she is on.

The family court judge has obviously assumed that bone tumours mean the mom will be dead within a year. Maybe this is the case, based on an oncology report?

I doubut that very much if her prognosis was to live for 10 years the judge would of been told

My oh is a cancer nurse what you don't understand is that eventually she will die better to get the child settled while mum is fit and well or do you think they should of waited till they had to admit her to the hospice To remove the child

Children need stable parents not one who is tired from treatment, coming to terms with dyeing and has to be in hospital all the time

This was. She can see her child while being freed up to do what she should be doing fighting for her life thats what should have her full attention at the moment

She will see the child the dad would never be thanked or forgiven by his child if he was kept from his mum in her last years

Breast cancer that has spread to the bones is very manageable and this woman could quite easily live until these children are adults. But there are no guarantees.

It's a disgusting decision. If I lost my son, I'd lose my only reason for fighting this stinking disease.

Very very sad but I do think the judge made the right decision.

What a heartless cunt her dh must be! Sorry but my mum died when I was small. Necessarily we were looked after by others but spent all the time availalable with her. How can they ship children to another city away from therir mother and how can anyone think that is reasonable. This has upset me more than anything I ever read on here.

I agree Porto. I think it speaks volumes about the man. I

The children surely have friends and relatives, a whole network of support in the city where they have been raised. He chose to move away, he is choosing to remove the children from their mother and everything familiar to them. It's disgusting a court should sanction this.

Those poor children.

I have a really tight feeling in my chest after this.

I think there is more here than is being reported. The fact that it quotes the Mum as saying the judge was unfit because she is not a mother and is unmarried doesn't exactly present her in a good light. Certainly not balanced reporting. Not that you would expect that in the Daily Mail but.

Those poor kids. Surely it would be in their best interest to spend as much time as possible with their mother before she dies if she's going to. While still maintaining a good relationship with their dad so they can go to him after/if their mum dies. I'm thinking that Chigaco to North Carolina is probably quite a distance and rules out regular weekend visits?

I think the father is behaving very badly and the decision is highly questionable BUT we should recognise that chronic and terminal illness impacts on the parenting children receive and it may be in a child's long term better interests to live with another caregiver whilst the ill parent still plays a huge part in their lives.
I have a friend whose sister died a number of years ago from breast cancer. A long time before her death she had all but relinquished active parenting of her children. Fortunately her family members were able to live with her and so there was no apparent difference for the children. If that had not been possible other solutions would have had to be found because she simply was not able to care for them.

Fuck me,i was 27 when i had breast cancer i had 3 ds's 8,6,and 3 i was a single parent and didnt even get a bit of help with the housework etc,my kids kept me going tbh and i was always perfectly able to cope,i even worked thru chemo. I was neber told it was terminal but they never can say its not going to kill you eventualy as it has been known to recurr years later.I think my children would have been extremly traumatised if they had been taken from me especially if i was dying. I do hope those of you who say its ok never live to experience it for yourselves.

Any decent father would have found a better way to deal with this too.

Northernlurker, but where do we draw the line?

Of course it's not ideal to be raising children whilst you're ill, but life isn't perfect.

Would it be okay to take a child away from someone suffering from a chronic condition, like diabetes perhaps? Or a severe disability that might make life difficult at times? God, the prospect is frightening actually.

This woman's cancer is stable, it's in her bones, she could easily live for another 10/20 years with current medication and who knows what is around the corner in terms of medical advancement.

None of us have any guarantees in life, as far as I'm concerned, this woman should be treated the same as any other parent and not judged on her illness.

I wouldn't want to get ill as a single mum and have had my dc taken away 850 miles and then be told it was me that needed to move away from my family and doctors treating me if I wanted to see my dc - I can't imagine that.

This will have an averse effect on the dc and stay with them forever, far better to leave the dc where they where and he move back and have shared care.

It speeks volumes about the selfishness of the father of the dc, if he had their best intrests at heart he wouldn't take them so far away from their mother

I am still stunned at the insensitivity of the father.

Wubbly - I'm not drawing a line but I think we have to recognise that sometimes an ill parent is not able to parent as well as is needed. Regardless of what other arrangements need to be put in place to care for those children, they should of course remain in contact with the original caregiver. That's the major issue with this case - that the father wants to take the children so far away (and he generally sounds like a git)

How about the rights of the children not to be taken away from Mummy when she i clearly unwell and may die at some point? Bereaved children feel a range of emotions one of them is guilt,they may see being taken away as an indicator of it being somehow their fault, Im am sure as well that a child would be better prepared for the death of a parent by spending time with that parent and being around for Drs visits etc so the ilness isnt a secret. of course discretion should be used and this is where any decent father would put aside his needs and step in to have the child say,during chemo sessions or on bad days, I think its avery dangerous path to go down,if my cancer ever recurrs god forbid,should my children be put into care? Cos there is nobody else who would fight for custody.

Northern, I do understand what you are saying. There are many young children in this country who act as carers for their parents. It's terribly sad, I think, that their lives are so difficult and they often don't seem to have the childhood they ought to.

I can see that those families need help, although I'm not sure we would suggest that those children should be taken away from their home? Whilst their situation is less than ideal, I think it would break their hearts to be removed from the people they love and care for.

In this case though, the mother is living her life normally, her illness is stable, she isn't even on chemo at the minute.

The decision seems to have been made on what might happen in the future, unless this particular judge has a crystal ball. On that basis, we should all be worried. None of us have any guarantees.

yes but in those cases wubbly they are cheap labour, the governemtn would have to fork out millions of pounds to do the jobs of those carers and that is why a blind eye is used.

In this case though it seems it is about the father rather than the dc rights

I suspect also that even with Mum slightly below par she is a bette rMother to them than he is father. Hes the one who buggered off and now hes the one who heartlessly ripped them away. A father who cared that much would move back. I don't think much of the man to be honest

I dont think having cancer would affect child care untill the really late stages and then it would need re thinking,it is normally a rapid decline but modern medicine often manages it for ages,my dc's never had to do anything different when i was ill,in fact their lives were better cos i was off sick from work. Im pretty sure people who have lost a a parent would have cherished all the time they could have with them before they died.

Typical Daily Mail reporting I suspect. Apparently there are many other issues aside from the breast cancer - the judge's report is 27 pages long. Allegations of abuse from both sides.

Bronze thats a massive supposition, and as for him 'buggering off' apparently she has admitted cheating on him.

All that said, in the end its what is in the children's best interests that matters, and without all the facts of the case, none of us can really judge.

Folly- So he leaves her, he doesnt need to move so far from his children, they didn't do anything wrong to him. Yes it is supposition but I can't imagine taking to court the main carer of my children becaue they have an illness that may give them years. It's not about the Mother or the Father it's about the children and I don't like what I know of his behaviour towards them

None of us know why anyone moved anywhere. And the case wasnt just about the illness, it was about abuse, cheating and mental illness. None of us have any idea whether she is a better mother or he is a better father (and anyway it isnt a competition) or what would be best for the children (which is the only thing that matters).

Things are rarely as one dimensional as they are reported in the Daily Mail.