So working mothers do NOT harm their children - stuff you (again) Oliver James

[LadyBiscuit]

A very comprehensive study (most comprehensive ever apparently) has been done which shows that mothers who work don't disadvantage their children. It does show that working under 30 hours a week is better for babies but that working per se can actually give children some advantages.

Hurrah

Articles: Torygraph
Grauniad
Washington Post

[ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave]

You are talking bollocks, SLAIH. That definitely is one of the reasons I went back to work. It's only one of the reasons, and on balance the WOH isn't working out overall as well for me personally as I would like (and as well as it was doing in the early years) so the chances are I will be mostly a SAHM from next year. But the fact that I won't be showing the DC that women can have a fulfilling career outside the home is the one thing I feel a bit guilty about wrt that change. If I were just making up the fact that it was important to me I could just quit the feeling guilty, which hasn't happened yet. Just because it wouldn't be a motivation for you, or because you don't think it's a good motivation, doesn't mean that it's not a motivation for other people.

[scottishmummy]

i have myriad of reasons for working.mainly vocational and self efficacy.being mum just isnt enough.i like working too

[SoLongAsItsHealthy]

I'm not especially worked up. Just my initial reaction. Sorry, shouldn't have used the word bollocks. I was just thinking that the whole setting a good example thing might have been a tad overplayed. But I am obviously not right.

[foureleven]

great post drymartini

[fishie]

i love you drymartini.

[scottishmummy]

we grew up poor,in a scheme,my working parents always impressed work ethic.and the implicit unsaid was work hard,stick in at school dont do the back breaking graft they had to

[ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave]

You're right in that I doubt it's anyone's whole reason for going out to work. But then I've never seen anyone claim that it was. If you hated your job, didn't need the money, and didn't like your children spending time in childcare then you wouldn't go to work just to "set a good example". But it does factor in as a reason (for many women at least).

[Strix]

Being a role model to my DD (and DS) is one perfectly valid reason for going back to work. It is only one, but it is valid and not just an excuse.

Girls and boys both need to grow up understanding that women have choices, just as men have choices. I am the reason my children are unlikely to miss this lesson.

[foureleven]

I personally cant see a situation where I wouldnt have to work. Unless I won or inhereted a huge sum of money in my own name.

[MathsMadMummy]

I'm in the 3/4, though I am studying for a future career so I still get that self-identity IYSWIM.

each to their own though, surely?

I just wish the meeja would shut up about it, and stop fuelling all these MN slanging matches civilised debates!

[feeimcgee]

I work part time, as do most of my mummy friends, but it's the couple who stay at home that have to justify their decision to others the most. We should all let live and let live I say, we all make the choices which are best for us and our families. And the kids turn out fine at the end of the day!

[MathsMadMummy]

I agree that it's important to be a role model to show your DCs that they have choices - I guess it's just that my choice IS to be a SAHM.

[drymartini]

I met a teenager the other day, very well off parents, public school educated, huntin' shootin' fishin' etc. She was complaining about a boyfriend who was very lovely 'but just not rich enough for her'.

As you can probably tell from my previous post... I lost my lid. Sadly, she had been pre-conditioned to be a dependent for her whole life. A disempowered woman at 15.

Too much money disempowers as much as too litte. As the wise scottishmummy says, it all comes down to the work ethic. Whether you choose to work or not.

[UnquietDad]

Oh, blimey. I'd be ashamed if DD ever thought like that. Surely one of the victories of the last 30 years is that a generation of girls have grown up taking it for granted that both Mummy and Daddy can work for their money, and that this is normal.

I thought the idea of "marrying money" had been left in the 1950s, apart from in a few of the more upper-class strata - I've increasingly had my eyes opened in the last few years to the fact that it's not gone away at all. In fact, if anything, it has had a bit of a resurgence in the 2000s.

I can't imagine any boy or young man seriously thinking "I don't intend to work, I must marry a rich woman instead." And yet it seems to be the aim of a lot of young women.

I hope having parents who both work has made our children both see the value of work. And going to nursery definitely helped their confidence and self-esteem. Now they are 10 and 7 and I honestly can't pinpoint any way that being in full-time childcare damaged them in the least.

[MathsMadMummy]

"it all comes down to the work ethic. Whether you choose to work or not."

I absolutely agree. I'm glad that my DH has a very strong work ethic, and I see no reason why my DCs shouldn't inherit that from him.

I am also hoping that, although I'm not working, my DCs will see the value in studying - I'm doing a degree so I can be a teacher. from that they will hopefully see that studying is worth it!

[bronze]

MMM said it for me-

I like my children to see I have a choice. It so happens that at the moment my choice is to be a SAHM (and I'm lucky that I can...just)
It doesn't mean my children think that I have a cushy life or thats how it should be. They know that Granny has a very high powered job and that before I had children I used to have a paid job. In fact they sometimes tell Daddy that Mummy works far harder than you. It's about attitude as much as anything.

Thats what this study does, it frees up some guilt. Now we truly are able as women to do what suits us best knowing it won't harm the children too much.

[Strix]

I bet she played with Barbie. (just kidding... sort of)

[arses]

We must be the change we want to see in the world.. this is my motto with relation to all my parenting decisions. I need to model the values I want for my children. So: financial security and prioritising family for me = part-time work.

My mother impressed the need for financial independence on me from an early age: I would certainly want to do similar with my own children, my ds now and any future dd's I might have too.

I don't see why it's not a valid reason SLAIH?

[MathsMadMummy]

UQD, I'd be ashamed if my DCs thought that too. it's the whole WAG culture innit

[foureleven]

Indeed. and I feel that too many (not all, before I get flamed)choose to leave work because they didnt enjoy work to start with.. and that could be down to not being given enough choices as teenagers.. or maybe not having roles models who are working women.

Giving up your career is an easy choice if you never had nor wanted a career to begin with.

[CatIsSleepy]

nice change to hear something positive about working mothers

but I kind of wish they'd can the research and let women get on with their lives

[foureleven]

oh 100 posts inbetweem, sorry twas in reply to drymartini.

[wouldliketoknow]

one thing that annoys me the most is in all this studies they referred to paid work as the only work, it is a lot harder to work at home, cooking, cleaning, laundry, ironing, doing the shopping, sorting out finances, and everything else is a lot of work,actually i prefer the office... and bronze yes, you probably work harder than dh, at the end of the day he goes home and don't need to worry until tomorrow, you still have a lot to do when that happens, i hope he helps....

in my home, we both do house work, and chores, we both work outside, i study a degree, dh will finish his when i am done, hopefully that will make dc see that there is no limit and gender is not a limitation

[MathsMadMummy]

"Giving up your career is an easy choice if you never had nor wanted a career to begin with."

good point, and that's the situation I was in - in fact it's the situation I deliberately put myself in. I had a choice of:

• go to uni, get a job, have kids and DH stay home (I'd probably earn more) OR end up not getting around to having kids
• have kids early, then study for a career when the kids are at school and stay home in their early years.

it was very nearly the former - but as soon as I finished my A levels I took a good look at myself and what I really wanted, and it was a family. obviously it would've been very different if I hadn't met DH (who is older than me) by then.

of course this path I've chosen is fairly unusual but I'm very happy with it, as are the whole family, and that's the most important thing IMO

[MadameBelle]

Surely any study is too simplistic if it simply compares sahm with wohm. There are innumerable variations within these extremes, and the vast majority of people I imagine fall into this spectrum somewhere - with one parent working p/t or short days, or having shifts etc. Also, childcare is not simply all or nothing - from full time nursery to being looked after 1:1 by a grandparent who lives next door.

As many people have said, you just have to find an arrangement that suits your family, your personalities, your financial situation and your principles and motivations.

What is right for one may not be right for another but most people's choices are valid ones.