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So working mothers do NOT harm their children - stuff you (again) Oliver James

320 replies

LadyBiscuit · 01/08/2010 20:46

A very comprehensive study (most comprehensive ever apparently) has been done which shows that mothers who work don't disadvantage their children. It does show that working under 30 hours a week is better for babies but that working per se can actually give children some advantages.

Hurrah

Articles: Torygraph
Grauniad
Washington Post

OP posts:
Druzhok · 02/08/2010 13:55

the youngvisitor: yes, agree re all the shades in between. DH is hoping to drop to 4 days as soon as DD starts school, as he can really see the benefit that that additional day off makes.

undercovamutha · 02/08/2010 13:57

I'd quite happily have not gone back to work, as long as I could have have still had the childcare!

I KNOW I am a better mum for working p/t. I have felt bad about leaving my 2 in nursery when they were little (started nursery at 8mo - DD and 12mo - DS), but now I see how much they love it, I have very little guilt.

I LOVED being a SAHM for the first 6-9months. And then I just started losing my way - MNing too much, going a bit listless/lacklustre tbh, and not doing enough 'fun things' with the DCs. Now I am back at work I have renewed energy for the fun activities. Although I still MN too much .

whimsicalname · 02/08/2010 14:07

i love my work, but earn very little. my husband can take or leave his, but earns much more. Ergo i stay home with kids and miss work. he goes to work and misses kids.

I'm just waiting for the daily mail to say it gives you cancer. or cures cancer. or whatever.

slug · 02/08/2010 14:11

I was desperate to go back to work after having DD. DH on the other hand.....

I quite enjoy people trying to guilt trip me about being a working mym. I let them go on for a bit before I point out the SAHD situation. Funnily enough, nobody tries to guilt trip him about his choices, they are just all in awe at a man choosing childcare above a career.

ruthosaurus · 02/08/2010 14:22

I found that the reality of being back at work better than I had been expecting. I was worried about going back, but I have 3 days at work, 2 with DS & 2 with both DS & DH. I like the balance.

My SIL, who is one of the world's less cheery people, opted to be a SAHM because her job was really boring, but seems to be bored at home, too. She's just announced that DN2 is expected sometime around May next year, bless her.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 02/08/2010 14:33

Some of the comments underneath are shocking - I don't understand how the study has created such vitriol.

All it says is that working mums are not harming their children by doing so - it doesnt say that they are better, that mothers should go out to work or that mothers shouldnt stay at home. Just that we shouldn't beat them with a big stick

eagerbeagle · 02/08/2010 14:39

I totally agree peppapighastakenovermylife. A lot of the comments seem to demonstrate a level of rage that I just don't understand.

wouldliketoknow · 02/08/2010 14:45

it look to me that the 1/4 of mums who want to get back to work is rather large,... i want to get back to work, being at home 24/7 drives me crazy and depresses me, dh instead wants to rearrange his hours when i get back to work, seems that studies consider the 'mum is everything' approach with absent fathers, at least emotionally absent. dh tries to do as much as he can with ds, and we both would be happier if i could get back to work full time, and he took part time instead, we need two salaries i'm afraid...
besides, there are too many variables in this studies, do they say if the childcare is just proffesionals or family, not just dad but what if they stay with nana, or some other family member...?

scottishmummy · 02/08/2010 14:48

i instinctively knew i ws doing no harm using nursery but this study is nice affirmation.have used nursery since 6mth ft for my children.i love workinhg and being mum

OrmRenewed · 02/08/2010 14:48

Quite peppapig.

If all SAHMs are forced back to work at gunpoint I can understand why it would annoy. But that isn't the case - the report merely says that it doesn't hurt to work. Why does that upset anyone?

Original poster
LadyBiscuit · 02/08/2010 14:51

I haven't read the comments but I can imagine what they say. I had my sister's MIL ranting at me yesterday saying how she would never employ a mother again because they always want to take their holidays during school holidays and how inconvenient that is. Funny - I work in a mainly male environment and it's absolutely dead at the moment because so many of them are on holiday with their kids

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 02/08/2010 14:53

i had all planned from 12wk pg.nursery booked,much as i liked mat leave i really wanted to return to work.missed the stimulation and adult company

foureleven · 02/08/2010 14:53

Hoo-fucking-ray and a tra la la on top.

I knew I was right

GetOrfMoiLand · 02/08/2010 14:56

Didn't really need affirmation that I hadn't damaged dd irrevocably by going back to work when she was 3 months, however it is nice to see a positive article about WOHMS.

DD is 14, happy and confident, and has grown up knowing that being a working mother is both normal and healthy, and is something to aspire to.

Never any guilt here. i would have felt more guilty if i had stayed at home and gone on teh dole, tbh.

scottishmummy · 02/08/2010 14:56

soon a precious moment mama will turn up citing counter research from shitsville yooni school of parapsychology.just to disprove this

essentially use your own judgement and intution, i know nursery does no harm to my children

preghead · 02/08/2010 15:04

About bloody time!

BaggedandTagged · 02/08/2010 15:13

I dont get angry about the findings- just that these studies keep getting done - and keep finding opposing things- but there's no actual intellectual debate about it/ connection of one study's findings with another.

.........and the reason for this is that you just cant generalise about that stuff so the studies are intellectually and scientifically bogus. Every family is a unique set of circumstances and how a child "does" depends on so many different things that pretending that you've come up with a study that can miraculously isolate the WOHM/SAHM factor is, frankly , the worst kind of pseudo-academic BS.

Women should make their choices without the pressure of all this crap. Most kids turn out fine anyway.

foureleven · 02/08/2010 15:15

thats right bagged. But horray that one of these bollocks articles is finally in favour of the working mother rather than against.

BaggedandTagged · 02/08/2010 15:16

Ha ha- yes. I suppose it does even up the size of the "guilt ammo" caches somewhat.

SoLongAsItsHealthy · 02/08/2010 15:16

Pointless if you ask me. You can make your report say anything you want. Let parents be the judge of how their own child will handle being cared for by a third party. I am sure many thrive on it but others will suffer. What I really don't like hearing though (and I read it time and again in these threads) is women who have chosen to go back to work saying they did it to show their children that women have choices and are not simply chefs and cleaners. Bollocks. That's not why you've gone back to work, admit it.... Loads of reasons, many of them sound, but to teach your DCs a life lesson ain't one of them so stop being so bloody noble. I grew up knewing I could be an astronaut if I wanted - my Mum didn't have to sign up at NASA to prove this to me though.

theyoungvisiter · 02/08/2010 15:20

solongasitshealthy - I think that's unfair.

We model behaviour for our children all day long. That's not necessarily the SOLE reason we act like that, but it certainly plays a part.

I think working mothers are entitled to feel proud that they are showing their children women have choices, just as SAHDs are entitled to feel proud that they are showing their children that men can be primary carers too.

What's wrong with that?

FWIW I work part time, thus showing my children that they can have their cake and eat it

foureleven · 02/08/2010 15:23

solongasitshealthy you are right, I doubt that is the sole reason for anyone to go back to work after having kids but it is a big factor in the decision for a lot of people.

scottishmummy · 02/08/2010 15:24

What are you so worked up about SLAIH.we all have myriad of reason to return to work and not all the reasons are bollocks.sweeping of you to say "bollocks" to someone else reason. i was brought up to be self reliant,work hard.be solvent earn my own money that ethos was imparted by both parents. and i do think by working i am demonstrating to my dc that you can do both,work and family.

OrmRenewed · 02/08/2010 15:25

I've rarely seen that given as a reason for going back to work certainly not as the sole, or even the main, reason.

drymartini · 02/08/2010 15:27

The concept of the SAHM is a unique moment in history. Borne out of post war American affluence, it is still resonating 60 years later. Prior to this, you either all worked (mums, dads, kids, everyone) or you were wealthy enough not to work and farmed the kids out to nannies/bording schools. From what I can see this is a uniquely Western debate, which seems to be fuelled entirely by the media and an archane set misogynists and older working women (who never did it like that in their day).

I am not sure we mums mind either way, we know how hard we all work whether for free and at home or for wages and out of the home.

Frankly the debate is not even worth having. Two thirds of women with dependents are working. That's a huge % of the workforce. If we stop, the UK would grind to a halt!

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