May-be this time - Fledglings flutter through May 2016 (Flylady thread)

[CotswoldStrife]

Welcome all - and thanks to SpareCrust for leading us through April.

If you are struggling with C.H.A.O.S. (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) and S.T.U.F.F. (Something That Undermines Family Fun) then this is the thread where we (loosely) follow the step-by-step Flylady housekeeping system (in our own unique, relaxed style) with lots of support and chat along the way.

Link to the Flylady website

Don't let the somewhat sickly and barftastic language of the site put you off: the underlying system is sound!

This little-and-often system is designed so that you can follow a series of steps and routines each day (which gradually become second nature) in zones of the house which are designated weekly; defining and minimising housework; which in theory should leave you with loads more time to do something more interesting instead!

At the same time it is intended to reduce that panicky "rabbit in headlights" feeling when you are overwhelmed and everything needs doing all at once. No problem if you miss a day or two; just jump right back in and it will all come around next month again!

It's up to you, but we advise not signing up to receive the Flylady e-mails as you will be swamped with masses of bumph. All the information you need will be linked here on a daily basis.

From the first of the month, we will be following Flylady's steps and routines using a three-pronged approach (dependent on the stage everyone is at):

• start or repeat baby steps
  
• repeat baby steps + do 15 minutes a day decluttering in the current zone
  
• reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.
  
  ** And if you are really enthusiastic and have finished decluttering - you can go on to detailed deep cleaning in each zone.
  
  There are three key points to keep in mind throughout:
  
  
• No perfectionism allowed - this is harder than you would imagine and many of us on this thread struggle with this one.
  
• You are never behind - just start where you are and anything you do is progress.
  
• It didn't get into a mess overnight - it won't get tidy over night - accept it will take time to get on top of things.
  
  If you are new; then trying to spend 15mins decluttering daily and doing the babysteps is a good way to start. Some of us (mentioning no names!) can have scary looking ‘ta-da’ lists but don't let that worry you. Do what you can, anything is better than nothing, and don't judge yourself against others.
  
  If all else fails, a brew + the power of three technique + a bit of support on here can work wonders!
  
  Here's the launch pad for more experienced fledglings
  
  Oh and don’t let it put you off if we appear a bit cliquey, we really aren’t! . Some of us have been on here for years and some of us natter rather a lot – but all lurkers, intermittent returnees, oldies and newcomers are very, very welcome!

[SpareCrust]

Oh no Knitting it's bound to be a huge adjustment for your ds2. Here's hoping things will get easier ... . Well done re: the bedroom deep cleaning!

Not surprised you are frustrated with your dh Whoknows with everything you have to juggle! I hope he steps up to the plate and volunteers a bit of domestic support. Good luck with the revision!

Made 'proper' pesto tonight for dd (who is heavily in to garlic atm!) and a caesar salad for dh and me and have left all the washing up and mess for tomorrow. Then sorted and put out all the endless sacks of rubbish and recycling (lots of going up and down stairs) aand hung up two more loads of washing to dry. Also polished some picture frames. Also managed quick tidy of bathroom but boudoir starting to descend in to chaos again.

Another day with nil decluttering achieved.

G'night all!

[SpareCrust]

Meant to say Knitting that it must have been reassuring for your ds2 that he knew the subject matter. I hope he has a better day tomorrow.

[Cagliostro]

Oh Knitting I'm sorry it wasn't a good day :( hopefully just settling in nerves though. I can see how being asked questions constantly would really get to him too. But perhaps the novelty of a new student will wear off soon, IYSWIM, and they can just let him get on with it. Not a clue what coastal slumping is BTW.

Spectacularly demotivated still. I put a wash on. Not even transferred it to the dryer yet! Must put another wash on tonight (dryer takes two wash loads at a time). Dirty clothes everywhere. House an utter tip. Ugh. Supposed to be doing the grocery order too but keep staring at the screen blankly. And clicking the Mumsnet tab instead, clearly.

I keep veering between resentment about this whole situation, and feeling excited about what's next, the teaching etc. On that topic, I've come to the conclusion that unless the room hire I'm enquiring about (just sent a friendly follow up email as it'd been over a week) comes back with availability and is much cheaper than the alternative - which would make it very hard for me to earn a decent amount while being affordable for the students' families - I'm going to have to bite the bullet and have the class, erm, HERE. Yikes. I mean I think we COULD do it. Would require some pretty intense tidying/cleaning downstairs. But I'm warming to the idea slowly.

[Cagliostro]

I meant to say Knitting that despite it not going to plan, bloody well done to you all for making it actually happen!

Thank you folks for the kind words re: DD. She's been ok today, though we took things a bit easier home ed wise as I can see she's still a bit wobbly. Neighbour did knock for her, and I said what I'd planned about DD not wanting to play out with her today because she didn't want to be pushed around. Neighbour agreed and left. She won't be about til the weekend now as she goes to after school club so I'm sure it'll all be forgotten by then.

[CotswoldStrife]

Bit tired tonight so here are the links and will come back tomorrow morning. Hope your DS is OK at school tomorrow, Knitting.

The daily summary for Tuesday (also available on the Flylady website at flight plan which should update automatically each day.

**

Baby-step no 10 - working for 15 minute bursts with a timer (this one works for me more than I care to admit!)

We are in Zone 2 this week: the kitchen

Spend 15 mins decluttering in Zone 2.

When you have finished decluttering, the detailed cleaning list (if you are at that stage) for Zone 2 is here

Mission for Tuesday decluttering the plastic storage containers

The daily focus for Tuesday is: planning

The monthly habit for May is moving in May!

[midlifehope]

what kind of things are we planning? xx

[knittingwithnettles]

well, he went to school, still quite excited by the uniform but he is really gloomy, depressed and snarly It is by all accounts a lovely school, so I think I just need to take the SENCO at her word and tell her he is finding it difficult atm. It is just I thought (why did I imagine things would be easier?) that somehow I would have to tell her, because everything was down there in the EHCP...

He is not very communicative when he is cross, that is the problem. Except to snarl of course! I've sent her an email first thing, partly to get rid of that feeling that I wanted to burst into tears when I came home

Thursday and Friday are free days, so he can look forward to that, but I don't want him to look forward to them ifysim, I want him to enjoy school!

[knittingwithnettles]

sorry "wouldn't," not would have to tell her

[SpareCrust]

Knitting Completely natural that you are feeling so worried and and upset but take comfort from the fact that you have worked wonders at getting your ds2 the place and the funding for it. No school is perfect but by all accounts it is the best possible option for your ds2 and I'm sure he will come to understand that, even though it will be difficult initially for him and for you. [Proffers consoling ] DC are always very suspicious of change, particularly such a dramatic one.

I know it is a different scenario but dd hated her new school through from Sept to Jan and I was ringing my hands and thinking we had made the completely wrong decision. Now she gets upset when we talk about Brexit and a potential move back to the UK as she doesn't want to leave her classmates (despite dd having wanted to "go to school in England" for years and years). Just saying this to reassure you that things can turn around really dramatically.

[SpareCrust]

and for later!

[knittingwithnettles]

ds2 burst into tears in the last lesson, which is good, because then the TA took him out to a peaceful place and talked to him for about an hour, which he liked...I'm pleased that he showed them how he was feeling . On the plus side he enjoyed the first lesson which was Art (he did a big industrial collage on the theme of Work ) and seemed to have played Battleships at lunchtime with some other pupils. No homework yet which is really lucky because there is no way he will touch anything after school.

Atm he is playing scrabble very happily with DH.

Dd and I have been to Tesco's to buy more food for lunchboxes and some extra supper food.

Ds1 has been doing Spanish revision, having lied about it previously.

I spent a lot of today nattering to a long lost friend, who also has a much older son with ASD, who has a string of A* at gsce and also at A level but still finds it hard to cope.

[Greymalkin]

Evening everyone, thanks for links Cotswold, and lovely to see Midlife and Ratbag back on the thread.

Caglio - your poor DD to go through that again, hope she settles soon.

Knitting - what a massive change for your DS; no wonder he is finding it hard being at school. Sounds like there is a good TA though?

Some ta das
Cats fed x2
Wash loads x2 and hung up to dry
Dishwasher
Nursery runs x2
Living room hoovered
Loads of crap listed for sale on eBay and Facebook groups
Trip into town:
-Glass recycling dropped off
-Medication picked up
-Parcel collected
-Library book collected
-Bits dropped off at charity shop
-Made appointment with estate agent to get a property valued ... there is a possible move on the cards...

[Cagliostro]

Lovely day here but no housework! DH tidied the living room while I took the DCs to a friend's house. We studied some Spanish (4 kids in total) and then she showed me how to do division using the Montessori method. Fascinating stuff!

Also I thought of you just now SC - I remember how tickled you were when we wrote haikus about beavers. Well, recently since seeing Zootropolis we've been planning poems about sloths! :o :o

[Toffeewhirl]

Oh, knitting, just seen your posts about your DS2 going back to school. I would say it's too much to expect him to enjoy it, certainly at this early stage (actually, DS1 consistently says he doesn't enjoy his school). As others have said, it is a huge adjustment. It's good that your son has an understanding TA and that he's enjoyed some of the lessons. It will take time for him to settle in.

DS1 is running out of time to get any revision done . I asked his science teacher (not for the first time) to set him exact revision work to do and he just emailed me a quick message about DS1 needing to decide what he found most difficult and focus on that. He completely missed my point, which is that I needed to have the main topics set down in black and white by an authority figure in order for DS1 to know where to start. As it is, DS1 said he had to focus on his media studies homework instead this evening, but has only just started it, so no science revision done tonight at all. First exam is next week. Oh well.

[CotswoldStrife]

Grey did you sneak in a mention of a possible move there? Will you know for certain soon (the waiting game for this kind of thing kills me). Midlife, I am hoping that writing ever-increasing to-do lists counts towards the planning aspect, but on a good day it's menu planning (no interesting trips or anything like that!) Knitting in my experience SENCOs need constant prodding. Sorry to hear that your DS was distressed but the TA sounds good. Cagliostro the Spanish lessons sound fun.

Toffee frustrating as it is, you can't make him read although I do think you are doing the right thing by 'encouraging' him to revise. My DH's parents seem to have taken a more hands-off approach to revision than my own (we were expected to stay in our room and read/apply effort) and unfortunately for our own DD, I'll be following my parent's example! I already prod her about homework!

[CotswoldStrife]

The daily summary for Wednesday (also available on the Flylady website at flight plan which should update automatically each day.

**

Baby-step no 11 - working for 15 minute bursts with a timer

We are in Zone 2 this week: the kitchen

Spend 15 mins decluttering in Zone 2.

When you have finished decluttering, the detailed cleaning list (if you are at that stage) for Zone 2 is here

Mission for Wednesday cleaning the small kitchen appliances

The daily focus for Wednesday is: anti-procrastination, or getting things done that we keep putting off

The monthly habit for May is moving in May!

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es]

Midlife - if you follow the link there are a few examples. I do the bulk of my planning over the weekend, menu planning and main weekly food shop on a Sunday, plan for the week ahead on Sunday evening. I started using a bullet journal a couple of months ago and it is helping me get my life better organised (there are threads about it, BuJo Wankers or something ).

Knitting - sorry to hear DS2 is having a tough week, such a big adjustment for him (and you), I think keeping close contact with the school yourself is a very good idea in the circumstances, it might all be in the EHCP but I think personal communication helps (and keeps them on their toes).

I've had a bit of a mixed day today. DH is on much better behaviour after our weekend "words" and we had a lovely evening reading and generally interacting properly with the DCs. I managed half an hour in the greenhouse which is a proper little haven. But a friend (of 30+ years standing) has had a very serious diagnosis, luckily caught quite early and I am feeling upset on behalf of him and his family.

Oh and Flying! Have done a bit of that too.

Vacuumed downstairs, two loads of washing, swish and swipe, general tidying, forced DCs to put away clean clothes.

[SpareCrust]

Morning all

Sympathies to those with revision/hwk frustrations.

Pls forgive me but I've just come on here to vent an arrrgggghhhhhhhhhh after a rather frustrating morning (and evening last night).

As some of you may know, we have recently instigated a more "hands off" approach with dd wrt school work and general organisation and for a while it seemed to work. After a reasonable period of time making an effort, she's started to let things drift again.

This morning (when she goes to school in gym kit) she was in a foul mood because she couldn't find her school shoes and then shouted at dh and I who were helping her to look . She then went to get her boots (far too hot for today but the only replacements she had) and she couldn't find those either and that was our fault as well. So she went off school furious that she would be getting detention for a uniform infringement.

I found them about ten minutes after she had gone [sigh]

Last night she was complaining because she had loads of revision for a test. She was cross with me because I wasn't hugely sympathetic because she has just had from Wed-Sun Ascension holiday and could have easily done the work then. During that time, dh and I were constantly reminding her about using the opportunity to catch up missed work and get ahead with revision for her end of year exams (2nd/3rd wk June). She swore to us that she had done all of her hwk and didn't even mention that she had a test . We literally knew nothing about it and are concerned that we had no idea (I knew every single piece of work she was doing in primary). So she has either lied to us or just was drifting and didn't correlate a test on Tues meaning revision the previous week. (Not sure which is worse tbh.)

Think we may be reverting to your parents approach Cotswold!!

[SpareCrust]

Achieved virtually no Flying yesterday at all other than basic clearing up from previous night, a couple of loads of washing, one school run + dog walk and the making of a veggie shepherds pie. Felt beyond tired for some reason and weather was very "heavy" that sort of oppressive sunshine behind cloud ifykwim.

Whoknows I'm so very sorry to hear about your friend

Cheers! (for later!) for Cotswold

Good luck to your ds1 with his science exam Toffee and sorry his teacher wasn't more helpful. Your ds1 is doing v well to remain in school though so hats off to him!

Congrats on long list achieved Grey

TA sounds good Knitting as does battleships and collage!

Ahhh the mention of sloth poetry has cheered me up no end, thank you Cag!!

There was a young sloth from Penzance ...

Big wing flaps to everyone else!

Sincerely hope to get some decluttering done today, well that is the theory anyway ... .

[YesEinsteinsMumDid]

Thing is though SC sometimes it takes failing once to get the idea into their heads that it is their responsibility. Since ds had a letter and had to report t his headteacher every morning to sign in due to constant lateness (because I refused to battle him because it made no difference) he is now out the door with NO shouting and HIM making sure he has EVERYTHING he needs. But he had to fail once. A reminder that it is her responsibility and that she needs to find her shoes/boots when she gets home because it is her responsibility will re-inforce it. It is hard to watch our kids make mistakes and get things wrong but it is an important step in life. And she was only being horrible to you and dh because she failed and she got it wrong and it is easier to blame you and dh than take responsibility. It is another life lesson. I fear if you change the tactic atm you may undo the independence and responsibility taking that she has been learning. Lets be honest we all make mistakes when we are learning these things. But it is less important now than later in life and in the long term better to learn earlier than later.
You can't protect and do everything for her all her life. I know it might be easier and less confrontational but you are doing ok and so is she. She is just learning new skills. It will be ok.

[SpareCrust]

Thanks Einstein - wise words as usual

I'm sure you are right and definitely agree with >""Lets be honest we all make mistakes when we are learning these things."

If I'm really honest I'm still making lots of mistakes now fhs!

I suppose I am irritated this time because she had appeared to get a handle on it and now seems to have regressed out of sheer laziness but I suppose it is unrealistic to expect all progress to be linear.

I'm also getting a bit antsy about the academic side of things because I feel so dislocated from it. We are supposedly meant to be in communication with all the teachers via this new computer 'smart school' thing, but in reality only half of the teachers have posted the subject outline/details on there. DD isn't communicating them to us either (in fact she gets very tetchy when questioned) so it feels outside of my control - which, being dd's school-work, is as it should be - but then she gets herself in to terrible pickles by not working consistently and leaving everything until the last minute.

I know it is better for her to learn these lessons now though. But it is hard work when she is so confrontational all the time and even general reminders are greeted with shouts of outrage and eye rolling.

So weary of it and we are only in first year of secondary! It gets a lot worse apparently ... oh joy !

Great to hear how your ds has got a handle on his morning routine though which is a v positive and hopeful thing to hear! Good on him! [And you!]

[SpareCrust]

Ta da:
animals
crack of dawn bout of harrumphing with dd
followed by another one
dw, wm, td, s&s, dining room table hot spots, got laundry ready for fortnightly ironing lady
wiped down kitchen surfaces
quick trip to supermarket
bit of typing for dh

To do:
find some new clothes on-line for dd (who has grown out of most of last summer's things)
sort med appts
wrap up yet another parcel and card and post
lunch time school run + dog walk 2 (dh did no 1)
lunch for dd
volunteering
return ballet run

Desperately hoping summer clothes buying will not be another source of conflict. Understandly dd likes things that I do not and so we find that on-line is the way to go so at least she can veto the things first. I don't know why it is so hard to find a pair of denim shorts that cover the bum and a t-shirt that doesn't have a brand name emblazoned across it or some sick-bucket- provoking statement such as "I'm awesome" or "I woke up this pretty". [Old curmudgeon emoticon]

[YesEinsteinsMumDid]

Oh he still makes mistakes that leads to conversations that go 'I am banning your technology in the morning because you are consistantly late.' Or 'it is 8:30 are you ready yet? 8:40 you are going to be late...' But not the repetitive monologue of put your clothes on, put your clothes on, have you eaten breakfast? Why have you not put your clothes on etc etc etc.

No progress is linear, it is a forwards and backwards thing. Ds was the same and still gets it wrong but the occasions he gets it wrong is getting fewer and fewer. I measure progress in these sorts of steps.

[YesEinsteinsMumDid]

Progress isn't linear. please send coffee. Just realised I have forgotten t write and important letter to school. Arrrrrgh.

[BlueEyeshadow]

for Einstein as requested, and also because it's my birthday!

I have given myself the morning off, and done some gardening which is more pleasant than Flying or work...

I have also applied for the 2nd of the two professional courses in the summer that I was dithering over a few threads back, if anyone remembers. So we'll see.