Fledglings chatter and try to FLY through July

[BlueEyeshadow]

Following June's chatty thread, welcome aboard another month of vaguely trying to follow FLY Lady's housekeeping system. There are still babysteps and missions for each day and the little and often system for decluttering and keeping chaos at bay.

It is still a long running thread and newbies will always be welcome. Usual disclaimer still applies "Don’t let it put you off if we appear a bit cliquey, we really aren’t! Some of us have been on here for years – but all lurkers, intermittent returnees, oldies and newcomers very, very welcome"

But for another month we'll try to fly without daily links. The Big link you will need is the launch pad which will take you to all the daily reminders/missions/zones etc...

The first link for the babysteps is the particularly waffly introduction to the system, and through it you can get to all of the other links.

So it only remains for me to thank DEM for setting up the last thread , and stock up the naughty corner bar for when it all gets a bit much. Plenty of and to see us through.

Ds did not tell me the truth about anything which is part of why I am so furious. The full scale of the issue came tonight after he had been sent to bed and I have been going through his tablet. He is in for the high jump conversation and I suspect his dad will probably be the first to approach it. But I have decided on my approach which will be bans for the lying and attitude and the sneaking, overnight ban for the over night activity and a full on education of the dangers of the internet.

DEM that should have read 'parental anxiety and exasperation' over self-inflicted sleep deprivation - I know it's completely infuriating!!

x post DEM

Well in that case, well done for finding out and getting to the bottom of it all. (The scary thing, as I discovered, was that you think you have a handle on what's going on - be in the same room fhs - and one has in reality no idea at all.)

Hope the ban instigation not too draining for you - although tbh - all of this is completely draining.

Need to think about reinstigating ban here too.

Keeping dc safe is so much more difficult in these technologically laden times - I tell you - our parents had it easy!

Hopefully, in the morning, rationality will have returned and I will remind myself that some things about parenting are a lot better in this day and age too and how the Internet, like the sea, can be wonderful as well as dangerous!

Bit soon for that yet however ...

I guess it is very much like the sea, and we are teaching our kids to swim safely. We can't stop them taking risks and wanting to dive in, but we can give them the skills to do so safely and to know when they are out of their depth and putting themselves in danger.

[Could have sworn I have just posted this but nothing appeared on thread so trying again ... .]

Quite so DEM As you said down-thread, despite parental monitoring and controls, it's impossible to protect them completely, so best hope is to give them the knowledge/skills to keep themselves safe too.

Morning all!

Woken up by extremely loud power drill from next door this morning, which is actually quite helpful as have several tasks to complete before delivering dd to dance workship this morning.

Then need to focus on finishing parcels, continuing laundry, changing bedsheets, and it is starting to be difficult to walk across floor of boudoir again [sigh]

Had better get to it ... .

Hope everyone has a productive start to the week!

I couldn't sleep, at all. But that is what sleeping until 2pm yesterday does to me when combined with stress. Will crash in a few hours for a nap. child to deliver to school first. He is not impressed with being woken up at 7. apparently 10 1/2 hours was not enough

Ta DEM [swigs gratefully] Sorry you had such a bad night.

DD has been duly delivered to dance classes. Technological issues aside, nice and relaxed holiday feel here starting to develop here now (thank heavens!). The traffic is so much better in the morning now the schools have closed for summer and driving is altogether less stressful.

Hoping to make the very most of my last week of proper freedom: knock a few long over-due house projects in to touch and dh and I are going to visit a few antique shops/flea markets to search out light fittings and old furntiture and have a few lunches together this week (that's the theory anyway). Sadly (and as usual) most of my friends have already left the country.

SC and DEM: The woman who ran the online safety talk I went to recently compared use of the internet to crossing a busy main road, ie we gradually teach our children to cross the road safely, according to their age and understanding, rather than saying, "You are never going to cross that road - it's too danagerous."

DS1 is naive, but understands, in theory, about grooming and usually jokes about it (which is weird, I know, but at least we can have the conversation). I once caught him Skyping a complete stranger through some online game and went ballistic. DS1 was so humiliated when he found me interrogating his 'friend' as it really was just another teenage boy, who was actually quite scared of me. I go on and on about the dangers to DS1.

The thing is, DS1 is so computer savvy that I can only deal with his internet use by educating him, rather than installing controls. He can find out our passwords, uninstall safe search, hide his history, is obsessive about computer security, etc, so the best way of keeping him safe is to keep the communication going and show an interest in what he is doing, without condemning it. That way, I hope that I have an idea what's going on.

DS2, at nine, is completely innocent, always has 'safe search' on and knows he can't play certain games or reveal his name or where he lives. He doesn't chat online because I won't let him. If he plays Minecraft, it's single player.

We have had some really hair-raising moments with DS1 on the computer. It has been a steep learning curve for us too.

Right, have to shift my backside and go shopping for lunch. Told DS2 to tidy his room, but am not sure if that's actually happening . DS1 is still asleep. At least I have put the guest bedclothes on to wash.

By the way, SC, I didn't initally tell DS1 about the real nature of grooming, so you may not need to be explicit with your DD. For years, DS1 thought there were some adults who captured children so that they could do all their housework for them. When I was a child, I thought there were grown ups who poisoned sweets and that was why my Mum told me not to take sweets from strangers. You can protect without destroying innocence too soon, I think.

Thanks for all that info and advice Toffee - much appreciated - esp when you are under the cosh this morning. Good luck with all the visitor prep! And hope you are feeling stronger today.

And same here about dd being more computer savvy than me (not difficult!) although not to the extent of your ds1, who sounds like a real whizz with the technology.

Still pondering how to handle this because although dd went to a strict Catholic school, here on the continent they are much more robust and direct about sex education etc, so she knows a lot more than I did at her age, and in much more detail (which is no bad thing). So unfortunately she has to be aware (to a degree) about the 'dark side' else she won't believe that she is really in danger.

Both the websites that have been recommended here are really good - as ever - I don't know I would do without this thread sometimes! So thanks again for all the links everyone!

There is a very good description of grooming in one of them (with proper examples) and they are specifically for 11 to 13 age range/age appropriate. Then I am going to take NSPCC PANTS acrostic rules and use it to develop that particular theme in general terms (without scaring her to death I hope). So difficult when we all know stranger danger isn't the main threat but you don't want to give the impression that there are threats lurking around every lamp-post either. Or that she can't trust her teacher (but that this threat could potentially come from someone she knows and respects). So have to remember to emphasise that 99% of people are good and kind and just the odd one or two that you have to be careful of.

Pornography is a bit more difficult but think I am just going to start by talking about the facts of life and then go on to say that sex has been commodotised by some people who want to make money. And talk a bit about how women are portrayed etc. And that there are some pretty unpleasant images out there.

Lord, it's a minefield!

Ta da:
found dd ballet shoes
animals
dw& wm and one more load on
s&s
collect up all detritus from w/e and put away properly
mend a bra
soaks bras
rubbish and recycling
couple of phone calls
x 15 min boudoir

To do:
more laundry
bedsheets
more parcels
boudoir again
prep healthy supper
research maths learning websites

Sorry, been lurking more than posting, but the whole safety / internet / strangers thing is a complete minefield. I keep telling myself there aren't weirdos behind every lamp post too, but then I heard that in fact there have been sightings of a man hiding in bushes outside the Girl Guide hut here when the Brownies are due to leave .

As for the computers, neither of my two is using them to communicate with anyone except us at the moment (AFAIK!) but I also feel I can barely keep up with the pace of technology and I am quite techy. I have mixed feelings about filters, parental controls etc, we have limited parental controls on actual computers, but portable gadgets are fairly tightly strapped down and all internet devices have Google Safe Search locked on with a secret password. I think the downside of this is that my DCs can search Google images safely for pictures of kittens or whatever but if they tried the same on someone else's computer they might get a shock, even just at someone like grandparents' house. I also get annoyed with Apple because they keep introducing "helpful" new features that make it harder to control what the DCs are doing - private browsing is offered an option every time you click on the browser on our Mac now and you can't disable it, I don't want the DCs using it needless to say. Am thinking about switching away from Safari, but might find the other browsers are just as bad.

FLying 0, bad day 1, shouting by ds 1, ready for it to end oh yep. Need to be uber productive tomo. A good night sleep might help. So fingers crossed.

I hope conversations with DC went ok, SC and DEM. Plenty of food for thought in all this, as our boys are getting more into tech etc now.

I did manage a little dusting and hoovering today, as well as getting rid of a few things to the boys' old CM and a charity shop. V frustrated with the admissions dept re trying to get the boys' school places sorted out for as and when we move. Get different information depending on who you speak to and worrying that there won't be time to sort it all out now that we've effectively lost a week right at the end of the academic year. Grr!

We were notified of ds' teacher for next year. I am impressed with the school's decision on this matter. It was nice to have some reassuring news today.

Oh, that's good DEM. As usual we are being kept in the dark about that till the last possible minute.

Blue that must be very frustrating. Are you moving far?

SC - I forgot to say thank you for posting links to next stage cookbooks last week. DD has loved the Usborne one you recommended a couple of years ago.

Very little Flying today, but DH did quite a bit at the weekend (I was at the theatre with DD for most of it). In return I ironed his shirts last night. DD fell asleep fully dressed (in her dance show costume!) at about 6.30 tonight, as well as being in dress rehearsal and show all day Saturday she went to a trampolining party in the evening, then yesterday we went to the theatre again to watch the senior dancers (DD is in the junior section), who were absolutely amazing. No wonder she's tired. I've spent the day at work and the evening at a meeting but did manage to pay some bills in between.

I should probably do some stranger danger with Ds1 (4). He's quite shy, so unlikely to interact much with people he doesn't know (unlike Ds2 who is a master of generating attention). I was terrified of stranger danger adverts as a child. When Charlie and I adverts came on the TV, I used to run out of the room with my hands over my ears. DS is quite sensitive and risk adverse, so I don't want to scare him too much.

I finally, after many weeks of feeling a bit disgusted, managed to excavate. the hall, lounge and conservatory floors for vacuuming. The last few weeks have been crazy with observations, assessments, marking, and a few hundred reports to write. Now I can actually get some time to deal with the CHAOS. Something that I've been struggling with is getting round to doing is a proper clean of the kitchen floor.

Other jobs for the day include sorting clean laundry and dishwasher maintainence.

Just checking in. Not much time for posting over the last few days but some productive stuff done including a long overdue visit to my aunt who is very unwell.
I am concentrating on keeping the laundry and the washing up under control. DH and DS are being given jobs to do so I don't have to do it all!
A quiet week ahead for a change. I only had one evening when I am due to be out and that was last night. I have an appointment with the nurse this evening and that's it so I just have to get to work each day. Need to add in a bathroom routine next.
Hope everyone has a peaceful day!

I've spoken to the admissions dept this morning and handed over the relevant forms in person. Now it's just waiting. I'm a bit anxious about DS1's school because there's no realistic alternative if he doesn't get in there. So fingers and toes crossed that we hear soon. It's about 7 miles, WhoKnows but one of these situations where they're building more houses but can't expand the schools so there's pressure on places.

Morning!

Pace is slowing a bit here thankfully although I have the option of doing work for an off-shoot project of the office so it may pick up again very shortly if I decide to go for it, but not sure how it will dovetail with travel/visitors etc yet or exactly what it involves. Going for meeting about it later today.

DD, having taken a break from ballet for exams, did a 6-hr dance day yesterday (jazz and contemporary as well as classical) and was really suffering in terms of aching limbs this morning. She's also realised how much she has missed which came as a bit of a shock (usually the summer workshop comes under category of 'light fun' and I'd forgotton that now she has moved up a class they don't do crafts for a half a day!!)) but she is having to put a bit more effort in this year and grumbling about it and needed a lot of encouragement this morning.

Safe-guarding conversations went well in the end (I think!) thanks Blue. Had done thorough prep, thanks to all of the helpful links provided here - thank you again everyone! Didn't want to make it too heavy but made sure I got across the main facts/areas of concern and although dd seemed a bit horrified at times, she asked loads of questions and seemed fine about it at the end, so hopefully OK. Think message has gone home anyway. Will keep revisiting!

Whoknows what you say about the Internet and safe-guarding etc is extremely interesting. (And how awful about Girl Guides - hope they step up vigilance.) Didn't know that about private browsing and Apple and you make a v good point about the downsides of parental controls and browsers etc - will have to ponder this further.

Definitely will be following suit and sorting out our portable devices in the same way you have (although dd only has an old phone of mine on which virtually everything has been disabled at the moment) but we are going to make a decision about whether to buy her a new phone for secondary school or not.

In the end though, I am coming to the conclusion, that one of the best remedies is doing like you do Whoknows and making sure that dc don't have a lot of down time and are involved in all sorts of parascolaire activities outside of school, so don't have much time to get up to technological mischief!

So glad your dd enjoyed the Usborne cookery book Whoknows (We still return to it now and then!) We've been using the new cookery books a lot too - the way they are set out really allows dc to be far more independent in the kitchen - the photography and production is so much better nowadays (and I think the actual recipes are too!)

And well done to your dd again re: dance show - I know from experience how it takes it out of them!!

Blue hope the admissions confusion is sorted very soon and you get prompt responses from everyone. Well done re the decluttering too!

Good luck with everything you have to get done today DEM and good news about ds's teacher!!

MrsMook Done sensitively, I think role play can be quite effective to get across safe-guarding messages at that age as it is a sort of game (but with a serious message) and not too frightening and can give the little 'uns feeling of being in control ie when you say in certain circs it is ok to say "no" loudly to an adult and run awayce - my dd loved that!! Your end-of-term sounds crazily busy! Well done re the decluttering and floor clearance - impressive you have the energy do Flying after all of that!

Glad things are a bit calmer for you too Droitwich and good to hear you are delegating. I am also trying to make a concerted effort with the laundry, which is so much easier to dry in this sunny weather.

Right, I had better stop wittering on and continuing 'doing'. List of tasks too excruciatingly boring to commit to screen!!

Have a good day afternoon everyone!

Oops, typing far too fast, that should have read;

have a good day/afternoon

and parascolaire = extra-curricular

and run away - not run awayce

continue doing - not continuing

Second dishwasher load in. Playroom floor excavated.
Some clothes sorted.

Skipped Ds2's swimming lesson as I pulled a muscle in my back yesterday while trying to pull both sleeping children out of the car yesterday. Lifting and heaving a 2 year old around a pool seems like a good way to aggravate it!

Paperwork day

On the way home ???? Tonight is ironing night!

Feeling slightly less anxious having heard from DS1's potential school that we can go and see it with him next week, but still no official word on whether he's got a place...

Consequently have been very antsy all day, but got nothing done except over eat and fidget about!

Oh no, hope your back's on the mend, MrsMook.