What are you all up to today?

[Marjoriew]

It's gone quiet here - just wondering what you are all up to.
Grandson was up at 7 am. What's an Achilles Heel?
So we researched that>which lead on to doing some stuff on the Greeks>to getting out the skeleton poster>to learning about the bones in the body>to making a pasta skeleton>to making up the Glow in the Dark jigsaw we got in the charity shop.

Now I've got me feet up with a bacon sandwich and a mug of tea and grandson is on his trampoline in the garden.

Musicposy, Marjorie is right. You have all had a terrible year and a break to renew will do you all good. Sometimes, you just need to think about yourself for a while and cut yourself some slack.

Try not to worry about lack of progress for a while. It's a temporary blip because of circumstances. Things will get better, again. And girls our DD2's age are always difficult, aren't they. I remember that I as a bit of a nightmare.

I have to say that I have used the back to school threat with DS3. It seems to work for a few weeks, but then fades way again. I don't think that he believes me because a)he had such a bad time at school and ended up suicidal and b)he's so far behind his peers in almost everything thatit would be very hard for him to go back to school. He would be going into S2 in August and there is just no wa that he is prepared for that.
Marjorie, my DS3 had a very low reading age. WHen I took him out of school after P5, he had a reading age of 6 and a writing age and fine motor skills age of about 4. What I did was just forget about reading altogether, except when it was necessary, like reading the questions in his maths book or whatever. I read to all of them daily (things like Stig of the Dump, Can you Feel the Force, Horrible Histories..) and I bought him books about things that interested him or that he liked and just left them lying around, although Captain underpants really does my head in. Eventually he began to read them and slowly his reading picked up, now he reads for pleasure every day and his reading has caught up. So, at least that's something, I suppose.

He is my main worry, I think, because he is 13 now. I just feel like he should be learning something and have some sort of disciplined structure to his life. There are only a few years until he will need to think about his future and he just has no interest in anything or drive to learn or do anything at all. To be honest, in 6 years of HE, I have never seen any evidence of this learning all the time stuff. For example, my 7 year old still can't read or write, despite being read to all the time and being given ample opportunity to make marks etc, my DDs spelling is the worst I've ever seen in spite of being told how to spell everything she asks about, and DS3 seems to know almost nothing except a whole load of rubbish pertaining to video games. They refuse to take part in activities that I provide for them, would never do anything like Marjorie's pasta skeleton or whatever. And they NEVER tire of video games/tv/computer, unless I ask them to do brain training or something.

I guess I just have to wait ntl after the summer and see what happens next year. But I am rapidly losing hope, to be honest.

Shinynew things, I know what you mean about wanting to live somewhere else. THis place is a nightmare. The bus drivers won't even drive through here after 8 at night because the neds are always bricking the buses and taxi drivers won't come between midnight and 7 o'clock in the morning unless you are a regular client! My next door neighbour has 4 ASBOs and a few outstanding warrants and at the weekend a rival ned put his patio window in at 6am. Then they proceeded to have a, eccie and buckfast fuelled fight out in the square. The police didn't arrive until 1/2 8, by which time, of course, all was quiet and neither of the boys involved was answering their door. It's not safe to go out after dark here, and it isn't even very pleasant during the day. THe whole place is filled with drugged up. drunken neds who spend all day every day drinking Buckie, smoking hash, taking Eccie and blues and swearing non stop. Then of course come the subsequent fighting and smashing up of the neighbourhood. My older boys (20 and 17) won't even go and visit their friends unless someone can come and pick them up, and half the time my other kids won't go out to play because of the constant hash reek and bad language. Some people just have no respect for other people's lives.

Oh dear, another rant all about me.
I don't know what is wrong with me lately.

Anyway, posy, just try and keep going and be kind to yourself. Look at what you have already achieved, in spite of the difficulties you have had this year. You will get there.

God your estate is worse than mine, StressedHEmum!
Grandson doesn't play out on the estate at all, so we arrange our own outings and I spend as much time as possible away from here. We often go to my son's in Cirencester where he is stationed. Their army housing is inside the camp wire. They can go out and leave their doors and windows unlocked. No anti-social stuff going on.
We just take the laptops with us, and I plan stuff before we go.
We're looking for a move soon. I've got plenty of people after my place - I just don't want theirs!

I know, Marjorie. Sadly, this used to be a nice wee bit in what is really one of the worst towns in Scotland. In the last few years, though, everytime someone dies/moves on the person that gets moved in is worse than the last, and it only takes a few to turn the street into a nightmare. The whole area is a bit of a no go place tbh. There are streets in areas of this ton that even the police won't go and that the local neds barricade off with burning furniture, tyres and stuff so that they can run riot.

It's not helped by the facts that our secondary schools are some of the worst in the country, that we have just about the highest unemployment in the country, are officially the drugs capital of the west coast.... we are recognised by the EU as an area of extreme deprivation. The Scottish Government tried to improve things by piloting a scheme for NEETS here and other initiatives but the problems are so ingrained that nothing really makes much of a difference. Nor does it help that in the midst of all the poverty and social problems, the council keeps giving planning permission for new, exclusive housing enclaves to be built, where the average house costs about 20 times average local salary. These communities are built behind walls, to keep the neds out, and aimed at people from Glasgow, who can get more house for their money here than in the city while keeping their commute to 30 minutes, if they drive. These schemes have multiple play parks, lovely open spaces and beautiful houses and it just shows up the differences between the haves and the have nots even more, thereby causing resentment and fuelling more trouble. BUT, it allows the council to skew the stats on things like average income and percntage of home-owners, so that it looks like the place is improving. Sadly, these new people don't really contribute to the local economy. hey don't shop in town, the go to Glasgow or East Kilbride, they don't socialise in town (who would) a lot of them don't even send their kids to local schools but choose either private schools or schools near where they work in the city, especially for secondary education. To be honest, I see little hope for this area at all unless there is some kind of radical shift in culture and everything else besides. There are no jobs here and we have never really recovered from the recession of the 80's, although it wasn't much cop even before that. Poverty and poor opportunities have been endemic here for generations and now we are reaping the consequencs of at leat 40 years of under investment.

stressedHEmum- I don't want to sound flippant, but could you move? Just trying to throw something radical into the pot- I really feel bad for you reading your posts (although it sounds like you did a fab job with DS3 and reading, there's prob loads more things like that if you think of them).

I'm trying to pre-empt the trouble with TV and computers- we don't have a licence so only use ours for DVDs and iplayer, for which at least there is a natural end point when it finishes, so I can turn it off rather than it run on and the kids get into something else. DD(4) doesn't know what the wii does yet and I'm going to keep it that way for as long as poss. He does go on the computer to do Starfall or Nat Geo videos, but not very often. When he gets more competant with computers I'll maybe think about some kind of star chart (ie get a star for doing xyz work, x number of stars = y mins on computer, iyswim).

Would a schedule for computer time help? You could work out how much you think is ok, and have a timetable so the kids know exactly who will be on it when.

We're not planning a fully autonomous route, although I do want to be fully respectful of my children's personality, interests, needs, learning style etc. But at the end of the day I believe that at the moment I have a better idea of what is good for them than they do (that is why children have parents!). I don't think you should be afraid to put your foot down about things, although whatever changes you implement you will probably have to fight for for a while.

Good luck, I really hope it gets better for you soon. And also the most important thing like Majorie said- look after yourself! Beg, borrow or steal some "me time", or whatever else it is you need to refresh and refuel.

Having written all that I now have a horrible feeling I'm teaching you to suck eggs as you've loads more experience being a mum than me! But I've spent ages writing it on my phone so will press 'post' now anyway. It's meant kindly!

stressedHEmum

He is my main worry, I think, because he is 13 now. I just feel like he should be learning
something and have some sort of disciplined structure to his life. There are only a few
years until he will need to think about his future and he just has no interest in anything or drive to
learn or do anything at all.

I know it is difficult but I would try not to stress too much about it. Does he still think he is going to live with you all his life, LOL? My DD has been really motivated to a career, but it was like flipping a switch at 14. Her brother was sure he was going to be a child until later than that (and my experience of other people is also that boys take longer to get the idea that they'll grow up and be independent). My DS at almost 16 still does not know what he wants to do but knows he'll have to be independent at some point.

I remember how it felt as if we were never going to get over the idea that he needed to think about jobs, etc.

Same here, SD. Grandson was developmentally behind and always seemed young for his chronological age. But over the last couple of months he has grown up so much.
He's more keen to learn than he ever was before, and it's lovely to watch him.

marjoriew my daughter is only just 11 too. She is very 'young' compared to other kids her age, which for the most part I like; I want to be able to preserve her childhood as much as possible, relieveing her from the pressures of having to grow up before she is ready.

She is a bag of hormones at the moment and I think is trying to grow up, but she is the one I struggle to motivate the most. I am taking note of the screen rules different folk have, and after a big blow up last night, am implementing a no screen unless for learning rule for as long as it takes. Gulp!!

I wanted to know how long you've been HEing for? Didi it take a fair while for your Grandson to get into his learning and become focussed etc?

I feel a fair bit under pressure really as I want to at least get something fairly independent instilled before this baby is born; this gives me possibly 11 weeks! Am still finding my way juggling the other 2 kids along with this!!

I am not in a deprived area; just one that is very expensive and costs me a packet to get into town; by buses/carparks! There is an awful lot to do here, technically, but that is so dependent on finances, which we rarely have any of! I think it's sod' law..

I would love for my kids to be as keen to learn as your Grandson sounds!

He started school at around 5. He just didn't settle so I took him out. He's been HE since then.
I had worries along the way with him. It seemed like he just wasn't flourishing at all. But it seems to have clicked now. Of course we do have what I call DWT days[don't want to] but they are now few and far between.
The problem with the school system as it is, is that children like him who are 'looked after' have statistics which show that such children do not fare well in the education system.
My experience has been varied, but mainly that their cards are more or less marked when they start school. Also, there is the poor little '...' he's had such a hard time, and we must'nt expect too much from him.'
I just cannot abide such sentiments and I do think children like grandson can play on this.
As far as outings are concerned, I'm a pensioner now and have my bus pass which I can use, so it's cheaper for us to travel now more than it ever did.
I got grandson a telly-dvd for his room from freecycle for his birthday, and he also got an MP3 player, and some games for his DS from his aunts and uncles.
I think every family is different in their approach. Obviously you are nearing the end of the pregnancy and feeling concerned. You should take heart. Ask your daughter what she wants to learn about, even if it's only an hour a day to start with -
We only do 3 hours a day at most and get as much out of it as we can - sometimes he wants to carry on and that's OK too.
He has to 'buy' his time for telly/laptop/DS, not so much depending on how much stuff we get through, but more about whether he asks for help, puts effort into what he does, and finishes any tasks he starts. I know to some it may sound a bit regimental, but grandson has had a very bad start and he prefers routine. I think it makes him feel more secure.

Try to relax a bit- you can't afford to be stressed at the moment. Tomorrow is another day

Thankyou! Absolutely, we are all different in our approaches, and I think that only having been doing this since mid Feb, we are still finding the right approach with a lot of pitfalls along the way!

I am trying to take it one day at a time and being very inspired at seeing what others get up to; a constant font of ideas!

I do think some kids do benefit from more structure, and am begininng to see that I don't think my eldest in particular is able to cope with too much free reign; I think the boundaries have become blurred in a way and that we should together construct at least a loose structure; I need her to see the things that affect her learning for the positive and negative.

This is quite hard to do in this heat!

Thanks again for the advice though; note to self; try to relax!

Robberbutton, hi, thanks for your input and encouragement. Sadly, though I would love to, we can't move. We live in a council house and have been told that, even tough we are way overcrowded and the house is unsuitable for my AS kids, there is no chance we will ever get moved. The council just doesn't have any suitable housing left, they sold it all under right to buy, and they won't move us to another house where we would also be overcrowded. So we're stuck. The other thing is that DH works 2 jobs, 6 days a week, and still only earns 16,000 or so a year, and he works for the SLC, so his wages have just been frozen for the next couple of years. There's no chance we could afford anything other than social housing.

I know that the obvious thing in here is to get rid of the screen things, but I just feel like that would be punishing the older boys for something that isn't their fault, iyswim. Because of the housing situation and the finances, they don't have tellies/game things etc. in their rooms (which are too small anyway, largest 9ft square, 9ft x 8ft, 9ft x 7ft)and we only have one computer (except DS1's laptop for uni) which is in the living room. So it's actually quite difficult to take things away.

SDeuchars, no he is quite well aware that he will soon have to make decisions about his future and be an independent adult. His big brother is in 3rd year at St. Andrews and his other one starts and HND course at the local college in September. He knows that he has to find something, he just doesn't care. It's like hitting your head off a wall. I know that a lot of it is my fault, actually, because his older brothers are such high achievers. DS1 is one of only 3 people to have been accepted onto his course at uni in his year. He was captain of the debating team, has a merit in grade 8 sax, despite never having a private lesson in his life, is a champion public speaker and Burns performer, wrote for the local paper while he was still at school.... DS2 was one of the first people ever to pass levelE maths in P6 in Scotland, most kids never get this far before they have to do their standard grades, also English and science. He has been accepted onto an HND course without any qualifications at all and knows more about military history than anyone I have ever met outside academic circles. I know that I should never compare the children to each other, and I don't do it out loud, but it is very hard not to look at DS3 and his constant under achieving and perpetual bad attitude and wonder what has happened. I just wish that he would at least make an effort to do something.

Marjorie, you always seem so wise and calm. I wish I could be more like you.

Catbus, Marjorie is right. You should try and relax and concentrate on just getting through the next few months with the minimum of stress. THe summer is here and autumn will bring a brand new start and a new baby is a great learning experience for kids. I really sympathise with you about your daughter. Mine is 10 1/2 and a hormonal nightmare. Everything is a huge drama, isn't it? I think that it is only made worse by the fact that there is no escape either for them or for you. I think that until after the baby comes, you should just go with the flow, and even then, I would take a good few weeks to settle in before trying to start anything to formal.

I have to thank everyone for being so understanding and encouraging, and apologise again for whining so much. I think that what I actually need is some kind of break for a few days, but that isn't going to happen at all, so must just slog on and try not to worry too much. At the end of the day, as long as they can read, write and count to an acceptable standard, they can go to college or something to actually learn anything when they are a bit older. I just feel that I am letting them down really badly when I hear about all the fab things that other people get up to with their kids.

stressed- what about moving to the private rented sector? I know you couldn't afford a private sector rent outright but what's the HB situation like? Would you not get help on a low income? (sorry if this is patronising twattage- I'm sure you've looked into all the available options and I know that giving up a secure Council tenancy can seem like madness...)

I feel a deep shame about this country when I read stuff like your post about your estate and the gated "communities" nearby. It's absolutely shocking. And I have to say as a lifelong Labour voter that after 13 years of Labour government it's double shaming. This dreadful inequality was the sort of thing they were supposed to be tackling and it's obvious that in the main they've failed.

on thirteen year old boys-my ds is 12. He goes to a school which was in special measures not long ago but has a huuuuuge collective will to achieve- and not at the childrens' expense either. The pastoral care is fantastic; they encourage each child and find that particular child's strength- and they've goto loads of extra funds for sports and music and subsidised trips to Namibian schools- you name it. Now my ds is academically very able and has a sports scholarship.

But guess what- he just Can't Be Arsed to do anything. Nothing grabs or holds his interest either at home or at school. I've tried everything and now I'm to say it but I've recently been yelling my head off at him. Whatever I do though- shouting/ bribing/ cajoling/ encouraging him- it's like meeting a brick wall. I just get that sort of stare-through thing (and it's not just at me either- it's to his dad and his step-dad too.)

The interesting thing though is that I'm now hearing a similar story from a lot of his friends' parents too- at the same school and at other schools- so I can only think that this is a common enough thing and sooner or later they find they're really bored and pull their fingers out and get on with it?

now I'm mostly hopeful (after some on and off weeks of deep dark despair)- specially after talking to other parents of similar age boys. Do you have any of this sort of support you can call on?

(I'm sorry if my post sounds illiterate. My comma key is buggered and now someone's done something to the j as well )

SPJ, don't worry about your keyboard, mine is knacked and stuggles to do b or r as well as pound signs and some other stuff. I just ignore it mostly.

The unfortunate thing is that because of our particular circumstances, with AS kids etc. and where we live, I don't really know many other people with boys DS3's age. MY sister and brother were older when they had family, so their eldest kids are the same age as my youngest. None of the neighbours have kids the same age, either much older or much younger, DS3 doesn't have that mnay friends his own age, tbh. Most of his social contact comes through BB. He has many bad memories of boys his own age because he was very badly bullied at school, to the point where the doctor signed him of sick for weeks on end, so he is a bit reluctant to find friends, iyswim. He has a couple of friends his own age, but they are very different. They know what they want to do and are working towards it. My own older boys were the same, even though they didn't have an end goal, they were extremely self motivated and hard working. I just can't seem to get my head around DS3 and his complete lack of anything. Perhaps that says more about me than him, though. I am very glad to hear that it is not unusual for boys to be like this, though, and it gives me some hope.

Sadly, private renting isn't that much of an option round here. It's not the kind of place that you find many properties for that sort of thing, tbh. I only actually know 2 families who rent privately and both of them have so many issues with their properties and landlords and have had so many problems with their housing benefit that it is quite scary. Both my husband and I had a lot of experience of private landlords while at uni as well, none of them good. OH is very reluctant to go down that route at all. I'm just glad that we have a roof over our heads to be honest and we just try to make the best of it. There are a lot of people in worse circumstances. I knew a couple of families who are in 1 bed council studio flats with their kids, have been on the list since the children were born but have been told that they will never be rehoused. The council sold so many of its properties under right to buy that the place is a mess. Then these families have to watch 17 year old drug fuelled neds get all the houses that are there because they go and tell the council that their mums have chucked them out and that they are homeless.

The little bit of town that I live in is nowhere near as bad as some places are now. (I live in a new town that has a lot of specially built social housing designed to take the Glasgow overspill in the post war era.) Many of the houses have been bought and it's actually quite stable, partially because we are very near to 2 lovely private estates and the council wanted to "keep this area nice". It's just that in recent years, things have started to go downhill and every new neighbour in a social house is worse than the last one. People are beginning to sell their houses and try to move to the more expensive private estates to get away from the ever increasing difficult tenants. I'm not trying to be judgey or snobby in any way, though. I just think that you have to live in an area like this to realise what it is like.

I just think that years of poverty, poor education and lack of opportunities have taken their toll on the area and on a lot of Scottish towns. It's like the song about The Scheme from BBC (I don't actually live that far from there, although in a different town.) They made it there, they could have made it anywhere. The whole country's the same. (Unless, like DS1, you are lucky enough to live in St. Andrews, where the police station actually closes at night and when someone broke a shop window recently it counted as a major crime spree! It took DS1 about 2 years to recover from the shock of living somewhere like that. Now every time he comes home for the holidays, he can't believe how bad it is here.)

That should have said:

The little bit of the town that I live in is nowhere near as bad as some of the other areas in town.

Our town is really an amalgamation of different little villages, schemes and areas kind of grouped together with the main town in the middle, iyswim. I live in a newer bit (last 20 years or so) that is a little bit out of the way of the main town. That's why there are such high bus fares and what have you, but it also shields us a little from the worst of the troubles in the rest of the place. In our last house (we moved here 8 years ago) I had 6 drug dealers living within 200 yards of my house and it was just like living in The Scheme.

I have also thought about the private sector in more desperate moments.
However, although there many really nice properties near and around where we live, I don't feel I can take the chance.
We have a large Housing Association property, semi-detached, big garden walled nearly all the way around, 5 mins from town, library, bus station, 4 major supermarkets, hospital, doctor's surgery 10 minutes walk.
It sounds great, but it's just doing my head in.
I'm a pensioner and get housing benefit. Government are going to start allowing the amount of housing benefit they will allow councils to allocate.
If anything happened to me, as long as grandson is old enough, the HA couldn't put him out of this house, or they would have to find him a property to suit his needs. His housing would be secure. This wouldn't happen if we were in the private sector - social housing is sometimes dire, but it's a safety net.
Loads of people want my house, but I just don't want theirs
So our solution at the moment is to get away from here as much as possible, which is the plan for the foreseeable future. Being HE allows us the freedom to do that.
But I expect there are people worse off than us.

That's another thing, isn't it , Marjorie. At least social housing is secure. If anything happened to us, the children would still have a roof over our heads and the council can't just decise that they don't want you as a tenant any more, unless you either don't pay your rent or do something REALLY bad. But then, because of Scotland's homelessness legislation, if the evict you and you are therefore homeless, they have to rehouse you as soon as possible. I have known people around here purposely get evicted so that they can get a bigger house or a different area.

I would LOVE a HA house, but we can't even get on the waiting list without a reference from our current landlord, which would alert them to us wanting to leave, so they might be more likely to chuck us out, and we would have to be on the waiting list at least two years before we could get anything.

Something needs doing, but I'm not sure what. well, I know what actually- councils need to start buying houses all over the place to rent out, but it won't happen.

I have actually found myself looking at mortgages, but they are out of our league for the moment at least.

I would probably try to buy my house tbh- any problems are down to it being rented.

I love my house, Butterpie. I have the biggest garden of all the houses here as I am on a wide corner. My son has landscaped the garden and my sitting room where we do most of our learning is huge as social housing goes and opens out onto the garden.
Big bedrooms too. Mine was built in 1993 so not that old. I just hate where it is.
It's so early in the morning now, and so quiet and peaceful, so I make the most of it, sitting on the patio with the laptop and reading.
Then I go out the front. Rubbish, graffitti, even used condoms and beer cans/takeaway cartons everywhere. House is on an alleyway leading to and from town which is the problem.
Like I said, I know there are worse off than me, so moan over.
Went to Reading yesterday to Hobbycraft. Bought some little mosaic kits [reduced] sunflower one for our sunflower project, plant one for our Solar System one, and a little cross stitch penguin kit for our penguin project.
I try to keep the 'making stuff' for our projects small, so his interest doesn't wain, and it works really well. Got a load of Hama beads and bases in one of the charity shops in Reading.
Off to the car boot today - love carboots. Last week got a brand new MP3 player for myself for about a tenner, cost £40 new.
Oops, nearly 5, got the OU feeling coming on. Bacon sandwich first, though.
Enjoy the day, everyone. They reckon it's going to be a really hot one
Sat down by the river nearby and had sandwiches. We saw a family of coots on the river there, with 4 little baby coots. Went to Poundland and bought our printer paper - 150 sheets for £1 and lovely quality.

Today I'm doing a book stall at a soft play. I'll set off on the bus with the baby at half eight, and DP will bring DD1 a bit later.

One of my HE friends has just started doing the same thing, so this afternoon she and her little boy are meeting us at the soft play, so the children can play together and the adults can take turns watching the stall.

That's socialisation, right?

today I am mostly gardening

I have asked dds (brightly and enthusiastically) if they would like to join me but they say they'd rather watch cartoons in their pants

stressedHEmum- are you still here?

I was having a very interesting chat with my friend who has a son at public school- age 13

she says despite all the opportunities he has all he wants to do is play Call of Duty. I'm starting to see a bit of a pattern- kids from lots of wildly different backgrounds- boys of similar ages- all they're interested in is video games. Call of Duty in particular seems to be a problem (ds isn't allowed it at home but he's allowed to go to other boys' houses to play it. Apparently at sleepovers that's all they do )

...I'm wondering if we should all just lock the games up for the summer and see what happens

[pondering emoticon]

About COD4, have you actually tried it, it is absolutely brilliant. I screamed my head off with delight the first time my son led me round it, one controller each, he was telling me what to do and I was twirling round in circles!!

Don't knock it until you have been on it. The glitches are great, the layouts/maps are quite beautiful, such detail. The rules are ultra strict, players have to persevere so much to get better and get high scores.

I don't think the rating is appropriate at all, it just causes parental stress.

SHJ, I don't allow COD either, even my older boys don't play it. They were brought up with fantasy role play, strategy and puzzle type games and aren't really into all that FPS stuff, thankfully. I think that it a major thing in boys lives nowadays, tbh, and their priorities are all skewed because of it. It's like an obsession, isn't it.

We came home from church this morning and DS3 immediately went across to his friend's house to play his Wii. The motor racing is on, so they can't play here.

I am seriously thinking about just unplugging our thing for the next few months. I've discussed it with older boys who say that they don't mind, really, if it helps with the younger ones. They can occupy themselves quite nicely with other pursuits. DS2 will take the opportunity to practice his Tai-Chi and his sumi-e painting and while DS1 is home, he has plenty of reading/work to do. So, I think that may be the way forward in here.

This evening, we have been invited to a barbecue at a friend's church. So we will go to that (without DH, who doesn't do church stuff) and see how we get on. Therefore, my afternoon will be spent making various rolls. I've already made potato and rosemary hotdog rolls and some mushroom and onion burger rolls. At the moment, I have cheese and chive rolls rising and I've got some sunflower double knot rolls and some parmesan and pesto oval rolls to make.

I'm not knocking the game milou- but finding that a lot of boys I know around the 12-13 mark want to play it ALL THE TIME to the exclusion of other stuff- even other games. As I say ds doesn't have it but his Xbox games are all gathering dust on the shelf as he can't be arsed with them anymore...

and stressed- I am very of your rolls!

your unplugging thingy sounds like a good idea. I might force persuade anti-social ds to have friends for a sleepover soon doing more Old School stuff (food fights/water pistols/dvds) to prove that you can have fun and not be a massive social outcast without COD

Milou, I don't know much about COD games at all, really, so I'm not commenting on it either. I just never liked fps games, but then, I never allowed my boys to play with guns/soldiers/whatever. I am an ageing hippy, really, and won't even watch films with violence or bad language. Sad to say that my DS2 isn't following in my footsteps and loves Arnie films and Gundam games. Mostly, though, thay still all stick with the roleplay/puzzle/strategy games, they all play D&D as well, so there is a pattern there.

As for ratings, you are absolutely right. I remember years ago when Perfect Dark first came out. It had a completely unjustifiable 18 rating. My OH bought it for himself but, after a while, he let the boys play it a little because there was nothing in it. I think that it was 18 because the people looked liked people and the blood was red. I have to say, though, that technology in games has moved on a lot since then and things are much more realistic and gory. My 2 older boys reckon that the ratings are a tool of control, given to games by a bunch of people who don't understand the media that they are rating or that media's audience. COD4 is a case in point. My DS2 is 17 and yet shouldn't be allowed to play it. I don't think so. I can't imagine that he will develop so much psychologically in the next 6 months that, suddenly, this game will somehow be more suitable for him. That's a farce. However, I would be very unhappy if my 7 year old were to play it.

I also think that parents stress too much about ratings, tbh. In here, I get the older boys to play games and then see if they are suitable for the younger ones. It's a reliable system and they have never got it wrong thus far. For example, Eternal Sonata was approved but Bayonetta and Assassins Creed definitely weren't.

Today, we are off down to the landshare to feed and water the delicious vegetable plot. Then we have to do the same out in the garden. After that, we will, I think, try to build a small model of a Harrapan house from air drying clay. The schools stop here tomorrow, so I will have a battle to do anything at all after that for 2 months.

Sound like I'm not the only one struggling... We've gone from quite structured to very very lazy & I'm on the verge of sending my 14 year old back to school! I also have to other lovely girls at home & they will work really well for me, but my 14 year old seems to sabbotage everything & has totally demotivated me. I used to spend hrs enjoying looking for all kinds of resources & enjoyed learning with the girls but everything seems to have gone out of the window since he has been at home, I just had the girls at home at 1st.
Help! I want to get back to how we used to be.
I don't really want to send him back to school ( I hate the horrible environment) but he's dragging me down.