Can I have a moan please? I am exhausted....

[lolapoppins]

....with having to explain that we HE to every other parent I meet. It's the same questions over and over again, always in the same order, I know what the next question will be, what the reaction to my answer will be and it's getting really old and boring.

Ds attends a theatre school four evenigs a week for different music/drama/dance classes, and there has been an influx of new children this term, as well as some moving up classes, so there have been lots of new parents aroud the place. When the subject of schools comes up, my heart sinks as I know they will ask me where ds goes and I will have to have the same conversation again. It's like groundhog day at the mo, it's such a small place and I volunteer there while ds is in his classes, so there is no hiding!

The one comment that hacks me off the most when I tell them he is HEd is "but he's so sociable, you'd never guess!" It really gets to me and makes me want to scream!

Ds was performing with the choir at a fête yesterday and was having a great time in the park with his friends from the choir, when one of the parents came over and said "it must be lovely for you to see him playing, it must be so hard with him having no school friends". Er, he was playing with a group of his friends! That's the kind of comments I get all the time when ds is playing with his friends from various clubs and activities.

I feel like I can't win at the moment. I was asked for the millionth time the other night 'how does he socialise' (grrrrrr!) I told them that he goes two home ed sports groups a week, one home ed meet up, a HE music group and an art club, as well as after school
activities everyday and a couple of playdates a week with HE and schooled friends and they turned round and asked me "how do you fit in academic work then?". I felt like banging my head against the wall.

I sometimes feel like making up the name of a school and pretending he goes there, but ds is quite proud of the fact he is home educated, so it would make me
look strange!

Also, it never ceases to amaze me the amount of people who think school is compulsory. I have been asked countless times who I had to ask permission from to HE, who sets the work, who marks the work etc. People harp on about living in a 'free' society, but so many belive that it's the law to send your children to X place to be educated for X numbers of hours per day. It's baffling really.

Lou, I can see how it is very easy to vet defensive about HE though. It is very, very hard to embrace questions when they are sometimes asked in an argumentitive manner. I can imagine that after growing up hearing it for years on end you would get pretty defnsive.

But that reinforces the 'isolated odd kid' image, don't you think?

Lou I really agree with you, and thebossofme. I never had negative comments about bfing either so I often wonder if I give off an air of confidence and 'don't even think about saying anything negative'

I try to assume most people are asking from genuine curiosity - it's well known that most people don't even know it's legal, let alone ever having met anyone making that choice, so it's natural they'd be curious, and I, personally, welcome the opportunity to 'spread the word' because if other HEors had not been so generous with me, I may not be such a confident HEor now (that's not to say I don't get wobbles, but I'm still certain we've made the right choice).

I feel really sad that so many children have to stay in school where they are miserable and unhappy just because their parents either don't know they're allowed to HE, or because they don't think theyr'e capable of it. I think it's kind of a duty to let people know it is an option, and why.

Just remembered a few weeks ago someone started to Qs my DH when he was out with DD and asked DD "Oh but wouldn't you like to go school and play with all the other children"
Before DD could answer DH quickly asked her DD (aged 4 too) " Oh but wouldn't you like to stay home with mummy all day"
The other mother didn't like that much but it did point out how rude and undermining she was.

I try my best not be be defensive and always start out open and friendly about the topic but the questioners can get rather aggressive and even defensive of Schooling. They don't seem to get that telling me I'll raise my children to be socially backwards, fall behind peers, make them lazy and self indulgent is in fact bloody rude!

MN has been a real eye-opener for me on HE - its not something I would ever have considered before, just saw it as something a bit American (don't know why!) and very unusual, and a real limiter on ambition (no chance of Uni). Whereas my experiences here suggest that its getting more and more mainstream, and that it actually opens up educational possibilities for some children, rather than closing them down. DD is only 2, but I know now that I would definitely consider HE if I felt the school system was failing her. Thanks guys!

It just shows that if people are patient and answer the questions they get converts TheBossofMe-many people are genuinely interested.

I think people are just plain rude. I would never envisage approaching a parent with a child in tow in school uniform and asking why their child was attending school.
I've lost patience quite a few times and just stood there and told someone to mind their own business.

Picesmoon, as Margoriew says though, people can bejust plain rude. I have honestly never had anyone in RL ask me about HE out of genuine interrest. It's always been in quite a nasty, sneery way, however politely and patiently i answer their questions.

Totally not looking forward to this eveing. Ds has two classes at the theatre school tonight so I am there for two and a half hours solid (such a rural area that there is no point in coming home) and there are two women in particular who took to relentlessly questioning me for a few weeks, but are now just content to sit next to me very loudly talking about how wonderful thier dc schools are and all the things they do while throwing me pitying looks.

I find if I give as good as I get, it shuts them up and if I see any individual in town whom I've had 'conversations' with before, then they are usually the ones to avoid passing me in the street.
I used to get the same when I went out with my 7 children and it would be remarks like 'Are they all yours?' like, I borrowed them for the day or something. :0 Or, 'I can't even manage with one, never mind 7!' and then it would be from me 'Well, that's your problem, isn't it.'
We go into Wilkinson's, Sainsburys, Tesco, Waterstones, PoundWorld and everyone knows us and knows grandson is HE. Everyone is always really nice to him.
How rude is it for an individual to literally accost someone in the street and enquire about their private lives?

lola - I find many Mum's are just very rude about any parenting choices which are different from their own - be that education, feeding, routines, whatever, really. There are some of us who are genuinely interested though, so please don't assume we are all so rude

Clearly I need some more education myself on the proper use of apostrophes - that should read Mums.

Thebossofme - I don't assume people are rude, only when they act rude!

If someone is really interrested in anything I do, then great, I will answer any question they have.

I know what you mean about some mums being rude at others parenting in general. I am fairly young in the area i live to have anlmost eight year old child, and I look a lot younger than my 30 years, so I think many people judge me on that too. I know the mothers who I see on Thursday nights do, as they have said so many times. Dh is working from home today so I am hoping he will finish up by 4 so he can take ds tonight, how lame am I?!

Oh dear Marjorie. Those sound like the kind of comments I would make they wouldn't be intentionally rude though. Families of 8 are quite unusual and I would probably wonder if some were cousins or friends or something. My mum and dad are both from big families and I think it is lovely but I really do have my hands full with two at the moment so I admire anyone who has 8. If you have any helpful parenting tips please pass them along! I'll try to just smile at people in future and not attempt to make conversation!

Re the OP. I think I would probably ask a lot of questions too but out of genuine curiosity and not with intent to be rude. I'm considering HE so I'd love the opportunity to speak to anyone with real life experience of it.

I get pitying looks and I've only got 3! They're young though (4 and under) so that might be part of it. When we went to vote today (one on his bike, one in the buggy, one in the sling) I had three people say 'you've got your hands full!' in the space of 10 mins.

I love it though, in loads of ways it gets easier the more you have. Today I managed a "quiet time" for all of us- dd1 was napping and ds played with dd2 in his room for 20 mins. I had a cup of tea and a cookie and a sit down. Bliss!