Some questions/concerns about HE from a complete novice!

[Bodenbabe]

I'm in the very early stages of thinking about HE my 7yo DD but I know virtually nothing about it and so I was wondering if you could give me your thoughts! Sorry in advance as I'm sure these topics have all been covered 1000s of times before

1. My main concern is my almost-3yo DS. He is SO demanding and wants to join in everything, how on Earth could I home ed DD but still give DS time, and stop him getting in the way of DD? For example, every time DD gets art materials out he just climbs up on the chair and interferes with what she's doing - he won't stick to his own work, he just pulls apart what she does. And every time I try to have a simple conversation with her, he screams about something or other or wants playing with - so how can I possibly give her enough attention that she can learn anything?!

1. How do you find out abot what you are going to HE. I know next to nothing about history, so do I have to learn things myself before I can pass it on to DD? And if so, when do you find time to do that?! I don't really want to spend my evenings swotting up myself!

1. Is it possible to roughly follow the curriculum or does HE have to be autonomous?

1. Re. socialising - I know that there are HE groups out there, but I am a little bothered about this. Will she lose the friends she's made at school (is it impractical to think they can meet up after school?) Are there enough HE children in a local area to give DD a good chance to make friends? What if there's only 2 HE kids near us and DD doesn't like either of them?! And do you find that you make friends as a mum? Most of my friends are mums I met in the playground and I guess I'd lose out on that so I'm worried I'd be friendless too.

1. I do like the idea of school (though think the day is far too long) and I don't believe that HE is better, I'm just thinking about it because DD misses me at school - is that enough of a reason to HE?! She gets on really well at school and we don't have tears in the morning etc., she just really misses me and wishes she was at home. Maybe I should persevere with school?

1. What about secondary school and university, should they decide to go? And about getting a job later? If you don't have exams to judge by then how do these places accept HE children? Are they prejudiced against HE kids or is Uni still possible?

1. Do your DCs pay attention to you? I really struggle to get my DD to listen to me so would worry about how much she'd learn. I'm not tlaking about in a formal setting, I mean even in a simple play situation. Although maybe if I tried the "pay attention or you'll have to go back to school" line that might work

1. Do you think HE children have a lack of respect for authority? That might sound a daft question and you might think that it's healthy to question authority anyway, but if she only ever deals with me (who she doesn't really respect, I don't think ) then how is she going to learn to deal with authority?

I'm also going to ask in the Education topic what people's reasons are for being against HE, as I'm assuming that everyone on this topic is a pro-HE. Please don't be offended by this, I just want to see if there are negatives I haven't thought of! (or if anyone here does have reservations about HE then please share!)

Thanks very much for this, sorry to ask what probably all of you have been asked a million times before

(sorry to hijack!) Thinking of HE my girls, who are both under 3 atm, but DD1 is due to start at the local school nursery class in September.

Is there some way I could compare my kids to mainstream kids? I'm not about to panic or get overly excited, but I worry that I might somehow forget an entire subject or skill set somehow, so a checklist (along the lines of the baby ones - you know, should be smiling at this many weeks, rolling over at this many, and so on) so I could check nothing is going very awry would be good.

What if one kid is a lot cleverer than the other? I just think about a childhood friend who was very clever herself, top of the year in most subjects, but because her older sister was top of the year in every subject she always felt sidelined. Surely that would have been even worse in a HE setting?

Does HE lend itself towards a more "classical" education? Atm, I'm thinking of doing autonomous learning for most things, but introducing more formal lessons in some areas as they get older. For example, I know DP is very keen on them learning Latin, and i would like them to be at least able to read music. A good grounding in history and the classics would be good too. Things like cooking, nature and politics would seem to be good for just letting happen, but I think that maybe some more formal lessons would be good.

Also, do you not get tempted to just stick them in front of the tv? i know I find it hard to keep DD1 away from cbeebies (we didn't even have a tv until recently, but i did keep giving in and she watched too much on iplayer)

How do your friends who school educate react? I don't want our lives to be a constant cycle of justifying ourselves. If the girls had any problems, i don't want people to be saying it is because they are HE.

How does it work with LD? I'm dyslexic and dyspraxic, so what if the girls are? Would I need to diagnose them, or just let things flow?

What happens if I get ill or something? We have a good support network, but if I was somehow out of action for a couple of weeks, is that likely to be a problem?

Thanks!

1. comparison: you could look occasionally at the EYFS checklists up to 5 and then the national curriculum, if you like.

1. the thing about HE is that your children will probably be less aware, until later, of being particularly bright or not. Because HE can always go at exactly the right pace for that child. Of course an older one will be learning at a different level to a younger one at least sometimes (well, duh) but you can actually sidestep that whole how-exactly-do-you-compare-with-the-random-bunch-of-30-other-children-roughly-your-age-who-ended-up- in-your-class. I honestly have no idea whether my children are average, ahead or behind at literacy, numeracy, or anything else. They are where they are, and I help them progress from that point.

1. There is a whole movement of classically inspired home ed. Is it the well trained mind thing? Or the charlotte something... oh I can't remember, but someone will be along with links

1. TV. Can be a learning/discussion tool. If cbeebies is big in your house then trhe CBeebies website is a fantastic learning resource for little ones. Some people go through the whole unlimited screen time so child learns self regulation thing. Others limit TV to certain programmes or certain times of day. TV use is a family decision; there's no right answer.

1. grow a thick skin. Get used to saying in friendly tones "I'm not anti-school, it's just that school is not right for our family right now". Just walk the walk, yk? If people see it's going well for you, they get more open minded themselves. I have one friend who worries away at the question every time I see her. I know it's nothing to do with whether HE is right for me and mine - it's because she is seeking reassurance that HE wouldn't be better for her and hers. So I keep it friendly and full of "horses for courses" and other such cliches.

1. HE is splendid for children with learning difficulties. There is a whole supportive email list called HE-Special that goes into such things. A child doesn't really need a diagnosis if they are being home edded - you don't need to get special professional understanding and help because they can't go at the class's pace. They are the class. Of course it goes at their pace. If they are displaying dyslexic characteristics, then maybe ask on the HE-special list for advice. What you'll get is likely to be much more use than what you'd get from professionals.

1. HE doesn't have to happen mon-fri, 9-3, in school terms. When you are out of action, life goes on in different ways. There's a wonderful essay in School is Not Compulsory, or maybe it's in Free Range Education about a mum who broke her leg early on in the HE journey and it was like an epiphany for her, as she discovered how self-reliant intellectually her children actually were - that they apreciated having her available for conversation, but she didn't have to be providing an educational cabaret all day long.

HTH

Ooh. looked up that well trained mind thing. That could be the clicher, esp for dp. I have ordered the book. I think he has this idea that HE is all about lentil weaving, but if we can mix together the aspects of lentil weaving we like with the aspects of old fashioned schooling that we like, that would be brilliant! We keep looking at private schooling, but we really don't like it as a political idea and also there is no chance we could afford even if we wanted to, but I hate the idea that we are putting so much effort into bringing up our girls to love learning and knowledge, only to send them to be taught that learning is boring.

This could cause a family rift - my sister AND my best mate are both primary school teachers. I need a way of mentioning it to them without sounding like I'm criticising them.

Hi there! I' going to try and answer a few of these!
Comparing to mainstream kids- I panicked a lot about that when mine first came out of school. And of course, you can download the govt targets/ levels for school children fairly easily, buy test books for the relevant age if you like, and use those. However, the longer my two girls have been out of mainstream school, the less I've worried about this. Frankly, who cares? My main aim is that at the end of their home education journey they have whatever skills they need to take them to the next stage of their life. For my eldest, this means doing GCSEs at the moment. But not all children will even need GCSEs to do what they want to do. Also, if you compare UK to other countries, we get our children into formal education much younger, but they don't do better at the end of it. I've seen so many children in the home ed community who can't read at all, in the slightest, at 8 or 9, or even 10 or older, but by the time they are teenagers read better than your average schooled child. Comparison isn't really relevant.

What if one kid is a lot cleverer than the other? all the more reason to home educate. Schools give children labels, they put them in streams, they mark out the clever from the not so clever at 5. Home ed you can work at each child's pace. If I was going to talk in a merely academic sense, I definitely have one child cleverer than the other (I'm not saying which!). This was very noticeable in school where each child is given a level constantly. At home they each excel at their own individual talents, so it isn't an issue.

Classical education - home ed can be whatever you want it to be. I have many autonomous friends who do a fantastic job; we are a little more structured. We certainly do lots of music and Latin, but because the girls enjoy it rather than because we work from a classical ethos as such. I think their education is going to look very "individual" at the end of it all! The LA man said he thought that was a really good thing as employers and unis see only the same, factory produced children nowadays!

TV - there are different ways of playing this. At the start of my home ed journey I made a "no TV in school hours" rule which worked very well at the start. After a while sheer laziness stopped me caring and I just let them watch whatever, whenever. After about 1000 episodes of Spongebob, the TV seemed to burn itself out. Same with facebook (my children are a little older!) Nintendo Ds, etc. After a while they do get bored and move on to something else. Lots of people have confirmed this too me. Today we haven't done much of any set structure and the TV hasn't gone on once yet. It's always there if they want to watch it, so most of the time they don't bother. You have to be quite brave in the wall to wall 24 hours a day phase, though!

Friends who school educate - we are 2 and a half years on and most have adjusted now. It wasn't always easy. I nearly lost a couple of very good friendships, one in particular, but they seem to have weathered the storm. People do tend to take it as a critisism of their decision to send their child to school, no matter how hard you try not to make it like that. In the end I had to think that if other people's opinions stopped me from doing what I truly believed to be right for my children, I'd be a pretty poor parent.

There is lots of special needs help on here, and people could point you in the direction of specific groups. But diagnoses are often for the benefit of schools who need labels to bring in extra resources. They're not always relevant at home. If you haven't needed outside help yet, that won't suddenly change at the magic age of 5.

If you are ill - I love the fact that home ed is so flexible. I've just spent 2 weeks in and out of hospital. For two weeks we just dropped any formal work. This week we are back on track. This week is school half term and last week wasn't - so what? It's taken me a while to think like this! It's taken me a while to realise that we can work in the venings, or at weekends, or take huge chunks of time off, or concentrate what we are doing into a really intensive block - or whatever suits us at the time. My hubby had them for some of the time and my sister for some of it. My nephew was soo envious that they didn't have to go to school in the mornings! And I had utter peace of mind in hospital because there was no homework to worry about, no lunchboxes to pack, no uniforms to wash, no need to find someone who had to drop them off at school at 9 and be there at 3. Had that been the case, I'd have been stuck - my nephew goes to a school 10 miles away so my sister couldn't have had them then. And for 2 weeks they could just be, just chill out.

I do hope this helps. If you do decide to embark on the home ed journey, you'll have a world of fun awaiting!

Oh, and I wouldn't be too worried because your relatives are primary school teachers. I was a primary school teacher for many years, along with quite a few other home edders I know. Teachers know the inadequacies of the system, even if they take the party line at the time!

My mum is a primary school teacher - she's our greatest supporter .

My closest friend (who HEs) has a sister who is a primary school teacher, and no issues there either.

Also, there is no way I would put my own worries about what to say to other people above doing what I think is going to be best for my children. I don't mean that in a critical way, just in a 'remember not to let that affect your decision' kind of way.

I teach and home educate (2 days teaching; 3 days home ed). Colleagues at school know I home ed and I have rarely had any 'issues' with anyone (probably because they know I can talk for England and they don't want that long a conversation just to say that I'm mad etc )

We do Well Trained Mind in some things, combined with Galore Park (small publisher who aim their books at the prep school market). I love Susan Wise Bauer's "The Story of the World" and we also use First Language Lessons. DS1 learns Latin and DS2/ DD will be learning it at some point. We also enjoy some lapbooking, which is a bit more relaxing!