How do you afford to home educate?

[ChopsTheDuck]

I have a ds with sn, and school is becoming a big issue now. The next stage is to apply for statementing, but if that doesn't improve the situation, I think HE would be the only thing left.

I love the idea of HE, I feel he would do so much better. But, the things putting me off are looking after him 24/7 with no respite. The other three may feel left out. And the cost! How do you afford all the books and materials they need, and pay for exams, etc?

He gets dla but that tends to get eaten up by other things.

No-one's answered how do you afford to HE when one parent has to be at home all the time with the children? And at home until the children are around 16 I guess?, or does aanyone go back to work when the children are younger but still HE?

And before you say 'oh we do without holidays and new cars and tvs and clothes' etc, well so do we but dp and I still have to both work.

I think HE isn't really a choice thats open to all, I do think you have to have a certain financial stability to be able to afford to HE.

Heavealot - I stay at home and always have. We live on one very low salary. My OH earns about £14,000 a year in his new job, which is £2k more than in his last job. I can't work because 3 of my children have AS, one has dyslexia and related issues and we have never really had anyone with whom we could have left them, even when they were small.

When OH lost his nuclear industry job, I managed to get a part time job, but I was made redundant from that just before DD was born 10 years ago and haven't worked since. OH was able to get a job in a travel about 6 months after I was paid off, but the salary was about 1/4 of what he had previously been earning. In fact, when I recently did one of those test things that tell you where your income is in relation to other peoples, we were on the 14% line, meaning that 86% of people in britain have a higher per capita income than we do, and that's with OH working 2 jobs and including the family credit.

I have been HEing for 5 years because my kids were not thriving in school. DS2 has Asperger's and the LA wouldn't give him any support at all when he was supposed to make the transition to secondary school, so obviously we couldn't send him. DS3 is dyslexic and has a visual-motor problem, DD was horrendously bullied, DS4 has AS. The school and/or LA would not support any of them, wouldn't even put in place the action plans drawn up by our OT. So, we had no choice but to HE.

We live in a council house, don't have a car, don't have a social life, don't do holidays, don't have new clothes, don't do things to the house or have new furniture, when things break it is a disaster etc. A couple of years ago, I spent almost 6 months washing for 7 by hand until we could afford a new washing machine, last year, I did without a cooker for 3 months when mine exploded. I never have any money at all for anything, but I can't send my kids back to school. We also help out my DS1 who is at uni now. And before anyone asks, no we don't get DLA for any of the children with AS, we were given dx and then just kind of dumped, we have no support from or contact with anyone, so we can't get any supporting statements and alawys have our claims and appeals turned down.

How we afford it is to make sure that we claim all the WFTC that we are entitled to and then just budget closely. OH's salary pays rent, CT, gas and elec and travel to work, everything else comes out the WFTC. I am very careful with food etc. Before my DS1 went to uni, I spent about 2 years feeding all 7 of us and buying all the toiletries/cleaning things on £60 a week, so that we would have enough money to buy him what he needed to go. I run the heating at 17 and just wear sweaters. We walk as much as we can. I shop online because it is cheaper than getting a taxi home from the shops. I make my own cleaning things, bake all my own bread, cakes, bisciuts etc. I buy books from places like the book people, scour the internet for free resources, my kids don't do many clubs and things, except for BB, GB and a dancing class for DD. OH teaches them to swim himself. We tend to do free stuff like walking the 7 miles to the park and back through the countryside to play on the swings. MY kids idea of a treat is to get an icecream while we are there. We take them to thngs like the cinema only 2 or 3 times a year because it costs about £80 when you factor in travel costs.

To be honest, HEing doesn't cost us a great deal more than sending 5 kids to school did. We don't have to buy uniform, pay fortunes for trips, respond to the endless requests for money that the school sends home, pay £10 a week each for school dinners or provide £3 a day for their snacks (our school expects children to take in money for snack to enhance their real life experience.) When I buy books, they are for the home, not to furnish the class libraries or main school library with books that should be paid for by the tax payer. School was costing us a fortune, was making my kids ill and was driving my OH and I to nervous breakdowns. TO be honest, I would rather be poor and HE than be slightly better off and have to suffer the hell that was sending kids to school. We afford it because we have no choice, our life is not great materially, but it is so much better spiritually.

We don't have what you might call financial security because we depend on tax credits which can easily be changed, but at least my OH now has a slightly more secure job than before so we will carry on as long as we can. If things went belly up, I would look for something that I could do from home so that I could keep the kids here. But at the moment we manage, so everything is good. HE isn't dependent on having money or security at all really. My only concern about finances for HEers is the new legislation that will force single parents out to work when their child reaches a certain age. This denies single HEers the ability to exercise their legal right to choose to educate their children themselves unless they are fortunate enough to have a good support network that can look after their children while they find some kind of part time work.

Oh dear, this has turned into a bit of an essay. I just hope that it has made the point that you don't have to be well off to HE.

stressedHEmum that was inspiring and really motivational thank you. I am one of those SP facing returning to work next year and thinking about what I will do to make things work. Been stressed about it actually, as have DCs, but reading your post has made me more determined to do whatever it takes. Thanks!

"To be honest, I would rather be poor and HE than be slightly better off and have to suffer the hell that was sending kids to school. We afford it because we have no choice, our life is not great materially, but it is so much better spiritually."

That's it exactly stressedHEmum!

My children were so stressed at school they wanted to die.
I'd have done anything, to keep home educating them and keep them free from that.

I am passionate that parents should be able to make informed choices about what is the right educational path for their children. Only they know what is right at any particular time for their family.

My choice was the same as yours though-for all that meant finacial poverty.
The benefits far far outweigned the negatives of being so broke.

That's the point though, isn't it, Julie? My kids, particularly DS3, actually wanted to die. School was making them so upset and ill that no one could function in any way. I spent 2 hours every morning dealing with screaming, vomitting, hysterical children who would refuse to dress, undress when I dressed them, hide under beds, refuse to eat and then chuck up anything they did. I spent all evening, every evening fighting over homework, dealing with stress headaches, bleeding noses, runny butts, hysteria and insomnia. Then there was the constant bedwetting. And that went on for longer than I can tell you. DS3 was taken out of school after P5, the issues began in P2 when he couldn't read or write like the rest of his class and only got worse the longer he stayed in school.

By the time we decided to remove them all from school, OH was a nervous wreck from dealing with headteachers/LA reps./lawyers, you name it. He couldn't even bring himself to go through the school gates any more. I was exhausted from all the pressure at home and really wanted to punch the headmistress and sue the pants off the council. And the kids were just poor wee things with no self confidence or happiness in their lives at all.

I will wash by hand, live out my slow cooker, sweep floors with a brush and scrub on my hands and knees for ever, if I have to. I don't care if the wallpaper falls off the walls, if we never get a new carpet, never have another holiday or if I have to walk about in rags (which I sometimes do!)I could never subject the children to that sort of horror again. I don't really even mind that much if they don't appear to be learning a great deal sometimes or if I have to listen to constant complaints from my family about them being behind where they "should" be. At least now they are fairly normal, better adjusted kids who don't spend their whole lives vomitting and screaming.

Poverty is nothing compared to the relief of not having to endure school any more. I think it's mostly a matter of expectations, to be honest. I have no expectation of having a certain standard of living, only the expectation that we should be able to live a reasonably stable, misery free life, so neither OH nor I feel the need for me to work outside the home to earn more money when the result of that would be chaos at home and completely traumatised, distraught children. It would be nice to be a bit better off, but not at the cost that would come at.

Bloody awful system that reduces HE parents to this degree of relative poverty. Beggars belief, really.

StressedHEmum - That sounds really tough, it sounds like you really struggle. But I can understand why you've made the choice to HE and I respect the fact that you're doing it because it's the right thing for your children even though it's also really hard because of the financial implications.

Probably a bit of a glib comment that I made about needing financial stability earlier. I think I was basing it on the people that I know or have met that HE. I'm really interested in why people HE because I think there's a bit of a difference motivation-wise, say between those who take kids out of school because the school system doesn't seem able to meet the needs of kids with ASD or other SNs, and those whose motivation is different to this.

You see, I don't really think that we are that poor or that things are a struggle. I know that other people would look at our lives, especially when things happen like the washing machine breaking or whatever, and think "what a nightmare" or something similar, or "get a job", but it's just the way it is.

We have a roof over our heads, all our nutritional needs are met, we have shoes and clothes, we have a tv, dvd player, an xbox360, a computer with unlimited broadband and even sky tv, so we have more than a lot of people. I have no problem with doing things like handwashing while we save for a new machine nor with not having a nice house or a social life. We have everything we need, so I don't really view us as poor.

Had to cut off very abruptly last night as there was a bit of a middle son and daughter incident

I don't mean to sound preachy about things, I just accept that's the way things are. I see myself as lucky that I have the choice to HE and am really glad that I don't live in a country where HE is strictly controlled or even illegal.

The other thing is that I live in an area with a long history of poverty, high unemployment and low play. This area consistently has the highest levels of unemployment, outside of inner city Glasgow, in Scotland. The average wage is less than £13,000. Our secondary schools are some of the worst in Scotland (our local school, which DS1 went to, gets about 20% of the national average higher passes.) Our NED/NEET problem is so bad that this area was one of 7 in Scotland picked out by the government to take part in a special pilot scheme aimed at reengaging these young people. The other areas were places in inner Glasgow, inner city Dundee and places like that. So, there are a lot of people here in much the same boat. What really affects us is the fact that OH pays over £200 a month to travel to work and that, because he works full time, we get no help with rent. I worked out recently, that if he was paid off, we would be about £400 a month better off, because we wouldn't have the travel to work costs or the rent and council tax costs. That's why there are so many people here living on benefits long term. it doesn't really pay them to work in the kind of jobs that they could realistically hope to get. I do believe that the system needs to be changed to give more help to low paid people, but it is better now than it used to be when my older kids were very small.

At the end of the day, you just have to make the most of what you have and get on with it, secure in the belief that you are doing what is best for your children. What's the point in having more money, going abroad, having new things in the house etc. if your kids are practically suicidal nervous wrecks?

Heave - we have only one income - I think most HE families do!

Flamingo - Yes, I realise that. That is what my question was about. TMy question was, how do you live on one income for so many years, given that it must be for at least 11 years if you have one child and more if you have more children and depending on age gaps considerably more in some cases. I think to make a committment to only one person working for the next 11-18 years of a family's life, must be very precarious financially if you do not already have a fair bit of money. My earlier commnet was based on people I know who HE who have fairly nice sized hosues (not huge or anything but enough bedrooms for all the kids and big garden etc) and only small mortgages and so who I would consider to have some financil stability. I'm interested to know if this is not the norm and many people commit themselves to HE and so many years of one salary when they don't have this kind of stability.

i have been reading this thread as i am fascinated by the idea of HE and i would just like to express my admiration for some of the posters. although ds is only at school nursery atm i am confronting bullying for the first time and feel that this is only the start of his woes (his peers will obviously move up into school alongside him next yr).

i would love to start HE now but the only thing that puts me off is the prospect of being criticised by dh and his family for years and years (i know my family would be understanding and supportive as they are more rounded people with a broader experience of life)

We have been home educating for 24 years and have always been on a low income. We are lucky in one way as we bought our home before the huge increase in prices, so we don't have a huge mortgage, but other costs still keep rising.

I think you just get very inventive and manage to cope on less. There were a few times when we had £2 per week more coming in than going out, and we lived on lentils and dried chickpeas etc, with food parcels from my mum and dad keeping us going. We have furnished the house with items from freecycle, where we also got our car.

Clothes and educational items have come from car boot sales and charity shops. We haven't been abroad for 15 years, and usually have the holidays with the sun vouchers, or sometimes we do mystery shopping of holiday sites.

We make enough money to live on by self employment from home, working as genealogists, antique dealers and mystery shoppers - previously we worked as childminders for 9 years before I got too ill.

However, we consider ourselves to be rich We have enough food, clothes on our backs, a roof over our heads and we are really happy spending time together. We have stable happy kids and that is worth everything.

Heavealot - I only know one or two HE families with a lot of money and large houses - most struggle, but struggle happily because they feel so strongly about HE. I'm one of them - DH doesn't earn a huge salary, I earn pin money, we have a 3 bed house for 6 of us to live in, one car (well, two now as DH has just got a new job with a company car), we only get holidays because my parents take us or we go camping etc. etc.

Zebramummy - the only think I would say to you is who is more important? Would you really not do something you feel would be best for your DS because of what other people might think? That sounds judgemental, but I find I often have to tell myself that - my children and their lives are more important than what anything says to me or thinks about me. I know best about my children and I will fight to do my best by them whatever happens. But it's not easy - I do have to remind myself of it repeatedly!

Mehetabel - well said!

Could I just add that it's not just HE families who can be in this position. I have been a SAHM for a few months short of 20 years (exactly 20 years, if you count the fact that I was too ill to go to uni while carrying DS1.) I have always been in roughly the same financial circumstances, sometimes worse. But, except when I was a single parent and then when OH was out of work, I have never worked; even then it was only part time, as I had no one who could take the children full time and, anyway, I always saw it as my job to look after my own children, especially taking into account their issues.

Anyone who lives on one income like ours will be fairly hard up, regardless how they choose to educate their kids. School cost us just as much as HE, maybe more, because of all the constant demands for money for this and that. You just manage your money carefully and don't expect to eat steak every night . Like Mehetabel, we live on lentils, chickpeas, rice and stuff and are happy that we have plenty, good food. (Sadly, nobody sends us lovely food parcels, though )You adapt to your circumstances.

I don't know if the circs you see around you are common amongst HEers, heavealot, but I do know that they are not common amongst anyone round here. I don't think that it's the case that you need to have money already. We didn't, but then again, neither do most people I know. Life is unpredictable and even if you have security today, it could disappear tomorrow. Committing yourself to HE is no different to committing yourself to being a sahp or, really, to having children at all. Money isn't that important in the end, as long as you have enough to meet your basic needs. You don't need a big house or garden (we don't have either, 7 people, 3 bedrooms, biggest 9ft square, smallest 7ft by 9ft) you just need a house. You don't need nice holidays, expensive food or tons of clothes. It's much more important that children are allowed to be happy, healthy, calm and stable and that they are made to feel valued and not as if they are thick and that everything they do is rubbish, which is what was happening to my DS3 at school. In the overall scheme of things, I think that money is a very small consideration when deciding to home educate. At least it was for us.

Zebramummy - I agree with Flamingo. I get no support from any of our family re:HE. In fact everyone is totally deasd set against it. I get comments every time I see or speak to any of them like "School is what they need to SORT THEM OUT", "You are obviously not managing to TEACH them anything - they are behind where they should be", "how are they ever going to be able to get a job/go to uni.........", " How will you feel, knowing that you have ruined their lives?"....

I just ignore it, because I know how miserable they were at school, how the schools failed to deal with their problems, also how dishonest and underhand both the schools and the LA were and how much happier we all are now. SO I just keep making it clear that they won't be going to school and that's all there is to it. It is demoralising and really not very nice to deal with, but the children's happiness and peace of mind are more important than the closed minds of my family.

of course i absolutely agree with these opinions - it is a big step esp when you have never come into contact with another HE. i know this sounds awful but ds is only just 4 and i just want to see whether this "outstanding" school can find a solution that works before throwing in the towel and resigning myself to a life of hand-to-mouth living. as a sahm i have not exactly been rolling in it since ds was born but the thought of going back to work one day has made things seem better on a day to day basis.

atm i feel fortunate to only have one child as fighting his battles on at least a weekly basis is really wearing. it is the reason why i doubt i would ever entertain having another ... although it is possible i would change my mind if he was removed from the system that is generating all the misery.

i have considered downsizing to a tiny cottage to free up money for a small private school instead though it is possible i could end up in a similar situation school-wise except in a postage-stamp sized living space!

zebramummy - I know what you mean. I have never meant any other HE families, either. Actually I have never even met anyone who would consider HE, really, or who doesn't think that I am absolutely off my head. I know how daunting it is and comlpetely sympathise with you.

What I would say is that, in my experience, things with schools don't ever get any better. They only get worse as the children get older and are faced with new situations and challenges. My 2 eldest boys have Apsergers, as does my youngest, DS3 is dyslexic and has other related problems and DD had a speech delay and OH and I spent years doing battle with first of all the nursery, then the PS, then the Secondary school and finally the LEA on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis. It started when DS1 was 4 and went on until he left school at almost 18. We changed Primary schools 3 times because of the lack of support and understanding, but it was never any better and secondary was even worse. DS1 stuck it out because he is very musical and got lessons (which we could never have afforded) at school and was in 4 seperate bands, including the local area touring concert band. HE didn't want to miss out on that.

One of the best things about taking the children out of school was, and still is, not having to do all the fighting any more. THe amount of stress caused by having the children here all the time in a v. small, cramped house, dealing with ridiculously condemnatory family members, worrying about whether they are learning anything etc. is nothing compared to the amount of stress we went through keeping them in school. MY OH was on medication and everything because of it, he eventually couldn't even bring himself to go through the school gates.

Only you know what is best for your family, but I can tell you that the relief of not having to fight the system any more is overwhelming and worth all the struggling, hand to mouth stuff the world can throw at us.

stressed i really admire your courage and stoicism - it must be nice to have the support of your OH - mine is not really the type to ever want to leave the system regardless of the consequences but in all honesty, i know you are right when you say that the problems will only continue. ds' school is a 'sweep everything under the carpet' kind of place - infact, on one occasion the head did not want to even hear what i was saying and raised her hand towards me in 'talk to the hand' style whilst walking away; this was in a roomful of other parents. it was only when they bullied ds openly in front of me when the school apparently also noticed it happening within an hour of my complaint - i believe it had been going on for months

Zebramummy - how awful about the school . sadly, I think that it's a fairly common attitude in schools. £ of my kids were horrendously bullied, to the point that they were actually signed off sick from school, but the schools involved chose to ignore it until my OH told the respective heads that he was going to stand outside the schools and leaflet all the parents as they came through the gates. That got some, but not a lot of, action.

You have my sympathies re your husband as well. To be honest, my OH doesn't support HE at all and takes nothing to do with the children's learning. HE only agreed to it in the first place because the sitch with the schools was intolerable and the LA had repeatedly lied to us, sent legal teams to what we thought were meetings with teachers and other such lovely behaviour. He completely lost faith, not just in the schools but in the whole system and now doesn't trust anyone to do anything that they say within it. HE was a port of last resort for him and he isn't really happy with it, it's just that the alternatives are even worse for him.

Perhaps you could sell it to him as a trial one year thing. You know the sort of thing, if it doesn't work out, you could look at a different school. Apparently, a lot of dads start out not agreeing with HE and putting up with a trial period to indulge the mums. But when they see the difference to the children, they come round. It can be frightening to go against the system, especially looking to the longer term, uni, employment even social acceptance. But there is always a way round it, all. My DS2 is looking at going to college next year to do either Highers or an HNC, that will allow him to go to uni in his own time. the college have no problem taking him as is, without any formal qualis. I suspect that the rest of them will do much the same

thanks - reassuring to know it is not just my oh then! i discussed it with my mum today and she seems to think that i should give them a chance to try to sort it out (as things really came to a head on the last day before half-term )

in a way i want to see how bad it can get before i do anything drastic but not to the extent that it does ds much more damage - i know it sounds awful but i don't quite know how else to put it really. it is just that the prospect of 14 years of HE stretched out before me is pretty daunting - it would take me into my mid 40s and pretty much write-off my chances in the workplace if i then wanted to pick up where i left off

however, i feel i could do it if i applied myself; i feel that am better qualified than a lot of primary school teachers in a wide-range of subjects and i have some 'know-how' as my mother taught us most of what we learnt up to age 11 (due to failing schools during the '80's). she would never have formally withdrawn us from school though and would be the first to say 'i told you so...' if it all went pear-shaped

If I were you I would give them a chance to sort things out, BUT I would also give them a definite timescale within which to sort it. if you don't, it'll just drag on and on.

I know it seems daunting but, to be honest, it's no different really from being a sahm. It's 20 years since I graduated with the prospect of either a doctorate or a job as a translator with the UN. Obviously, none of that happened as I have been a sahm for almost the whole of the last 20 years. I am approaching my mid 40s now and , as my youngest is only 6, will likely be in my mid 50s before we come to the end of this journey. But I really feel that it is worth it, for me anyway and that I am much more productive here at home than I could possibly be in the workplace or academia.

The other thing to think about is this: as your child grows and learns they will need less and less input from you in their education. I have practically no input into my 16 year old learning, unless he is really stuck or he is doing something that he thinks that I will know a lot about. HE has been like this for a good 2 or 3 years. My 12 year old is becoming much more self guiding as well, with me really only explaining stuff to him when he doesn't understand, checking stuff for him and helping him if he can't find what he is looking for. HE isn't like school, where kids need to be taught stuff in a large group and need to follow a set path to make this easier. It is much more flexible and open ended and because you only have one or two children, they learn the basic things much more quickly when they are ready and then can move on to things that really interest them. You don't have to feel that you are tying yourself into a sort of 9-3:30 monday to Friday thing for the next umpteen years, because it isn't like that at all.

You may also find that your Ds decides to go back into school at a later stage and is happy there. So it isn't necessarily such a long commitment.

I also manage to do a couple of days still as a teacher: my OH covers one day and we have a nanny who comes in for the other. This works really well and gives me the opportunity to keep my hand in at work, contribute to the family income and means my OH is involved too.

thanks - i know what you mean about feeling more productive than at work; i recall, in my 20s, the number of times i was paid silly money for doing absolutely nothing during quiet periods lasting several months

tinuviel - does your nanny teach them on that day or is it more a day of respite for them?

just to update - took ds back to school, teachers were quite supportive and reassured me that they were monitoring the situation. ds was taunted by one of the boys outside the gate even before we entered - i calmly answered him back twice on ds' behalf . his parents (recent asylum seekers with no language skills) just stood and watched really. i have been working on my best glare anyway and have managed to use it twice as the other boy's parents are similar (albeit from a different country) - dirty looks are a universal language it seems. anyway, i am seeing how it goes - i am not sure this is a sustainable situation given theit endless networks of compatriots, siblings, cousins etc.

still feeling that ds will need to be moved on from there at some point soon