But what about socialisation? School is essential for all children........

[Yurtgirl]

I was talking to a teacher friend (so clearly biased!) of mine the other day about my sons difficulties at school and the fact that we are very tempted to HE him (and his sister) instead.

I feel completely worn down ds and his struggles at school during the last 6 months. I have been advised to 'push' for assemssment and make a parental request for statement. We havent really started the process yet and I am utterly fed up with it all tbh. Im not keen for my son to be continually assessed as if he has a problem. He has aspergers which means he has additional needs, which the school are currently overlooking - hence his misery.

Friend was insistent I shouldnt give up, should push for statement which would mean miraculous change in ds who would then be happy at school etc.

DS is fairly convinced that nothing much could be done to make school a happy place, he is keen on HE......

Friend was absoulutely 100% negative about HE (though tbh I dont think she knows much about it!) and was insistent that without school a child wont be able to socialise in the way they should, will be a failure in life, denied rights of a child, blah blah blah

Obviously most of you (if not all!) who HE will be biased in another direction but I would really value your opinions - and constructive arguments that I can chuck back at her next time I see her!!!

She is a lovely woman and means well but.....

HELP

TIA

Hi Yurt girl.
I get emails from the HE Special needs list as a digest every day.
Much more useful than having messages sent separately.

Right now the messages may not seem pertinent to you, and so you can just delete them.
Ask a question though about what you want to know and the folks there will answer you and you'll get the support you need.

On the page for the HE Special needs email address, if you scroll down it says

How many emails will I receive each day?

A At times the list can get busy, at other times (often school holiday times) the list can go very quiet. On average there are probably about 20 emails through the list each day. If the volume of emails becomes too much for you, you can always set yourself as ?NoMail? for a little while. It is also possible to receive a digest version of the list - choose this option on the subscribers page. (Follow this link then click on "Subscribers corner")

The volume of emails has become bigger at the moment-because more and more families have become interested in home educating their children who have SEN AND because the list members have been discussing a response to the HE review being held by the Government at the moment, something fundamentally important to protect our rights to home educate our children with SEN.

To my knowledge there is no list more specific to families who home educate children with Aspergers. Have you seen the Aspergers links on the main page of the HE Special website?

Have you found the South Wales Home Education Network?
There is an active group down there and that page will take you to their Yahoo email support group.

"Teenytinytoria- do you feel you missed out on anything by not going to regular school? Did you ever question the decision to not go and do you regret it at all? If you could go back and change anything would you and if so what?
sorry for the nosy questions."

Not nosy at all!

The only time I regretted not going to school was when I was five and I wanted to use my new lunchbox. This lasted about a week. Since then I have never had any regrets. I don't feel I missed out on anything. Socialisation wise, I had several friends from local home-ed groups, but also friends who went to the local schools. I went to clubs and activities where I met other children, and I was certainly never isolated!

Educationally, I found home-ed to be a huge benefit. I was able to study for exams in my own time at my own pace, and I could do formal "work" whenever I felt like it. I liked being able to cycle past a school on a sunny day, knowing that I could go and enjoy the weather now and work later. I also found that subject choice was much more flexible. My school friends complained because they couldn't take certain subjects, but I was able to pick and choose what I wanted to do. I was also able to use the local college from the age of 15, which meant I could do computer courses via Open Learning and then move on to HNC level.

To tell the truth, I'm pretty relieved I never had to do the whole school thing. One of my sisters asked to go into school to do her exams, and was miserable with peer pressure to "fit in" to different groups, and all the bitching. She found that her classes were constantly disrupted so it was hard to concentrate, and the work wasn't very interesting. I took part in a young writers' group at my local library, and couldn't stand the "classroom" atmosphere where a lot of children were bored, uninterested and obviously only there as free childcare.

I know there's an argument that children should get used to all this, as you need to take part in class/office/work environments in adult life. However, when I went to college I found that I could work well as part of a class - I just hung around with the mature students when I went to study childcare. None of the people my own age passed the course, so I'm glad I was used to working under my own steam and didn't get sidetracked. Then when I went to drama college I fitted right in - so again no problems or regrets about not having the school experience.

Home-ed suited me because I like to be independent and work at my own pace - it might not suit everyone, but it's been successful for me and my siblings so far!

Gosh, that was a long reply - sorry!

I think if he is only 7 and school is not working well for him, you should take him out and try HE.

Do you think YOU can cope with it? If so give it say a 6 month-1 year trial. I should think your family could live with that since you are not burning all your bridges but taking him out of a stressful environment to work 1-1 perhaps with a view to reintegrating him in school at some stage. I presume he could go back to his present school if that is what you wanted?

I'm just wondering about science if that is his big interest at the moment. I wouldn't frankly feel up to (much interested) in conducting experiments at home. Do you feel up to doing that? See if you can find good material/CD-roms, books, websites, maybe even some kind of club. If there is enough out there you think you can work with effectively, I bet your ds would love it.

I'm really starting to think the whole idea of mass schooling in schools is maybe defunct. Not sure yet really, I do wish my mother had home-schooled me though. I am sure it would have been great - I would have learned so much more from her and I don't think the socialisation at my secondary was anything to write home about - dire on the whole.

Science experiments at home are easy enough with Krampfs Science Experiment of the week sent free to your inbox
'They use common, household materials. They are simple enough for young scientists, but should provide some new angles for more advanced readers.'

My mums friend saw my son playing and immediately said he was like her boys,both with aspergers so I checked out the signs on website he pretty much fit but I have never seen the point in diagnosis as he is HE.
Am not going off subject I promise.
My son when younger found large groups(6 or more)of children to noisy and distracting.He has always worked at his own pace meaning slower oin some subjects he doesn't like and faster on others that he loves so have used favs to encourage others.H
He found the whole socialising thing a pain and prefered the company of older children(12+ when 7)and adults.After years of listening to idiots raking out the whole issue of socialization my now 14yr old has a large group of good friends and although they argue sometimes it's pretty good to see.He has become a confident happy lad with a wide age range of friends and aquaintances whom he has made for himself.I only have to compare this to my younger brother who did attend school with similar probs and who has awfull social skills and has never reall the whole idea of being forced to socialize when not ready to do so.
I honestly believe that HE has made my son (for want of a better word)'better'
See what your friend thinks of that

Hi Yurtgirl

Why not start a thread on HE-SPECIAL about home ed with Aspergers? I was about to do this, then I felt it would be second guessing what you might want to ask. Most first posts on there include the word 'help' in the title by the way!

Thankyou for the support and encouragement once again

I will check out those links, thanks

Teenytiny - I told my ds about your lunch box, he was most amused and sympathetic!

The more I think about it the more I know this is the right choice for ds (and also dd) But now isnt quite the right time

Ds know that and knows why - he is prepared to hang in there for a bit though that makes me feel

It is fantastic to read stories of adult/teenage success becuase of (or inspite of I suppose anti HE people would say!) home education! Very heart warming

Thanks all