sick of it all

[fedupone]

I am about to state that I am sick of home-edding, fed up to the back teeth of it. Home-edding has become a sacred cow that you are not supposed to get fed up with. After three years of busting my gut, and virtually shouldering every aspect on my own I am finished both emotionally and physically. The home-ed social scene round here is dire they struggle to meet once a week. We often just spend afternoons on our own. I am sick of the lack of respect from, husband, government and society at large. I do not earn money so therefore do not have the right to breath air according to some.

Vent over

have you looked at schools for christain families - i know there is one just outside gloucester called the school of the lion - you ar eprobably no where near but they do have a website which explained about how htey were a group of christian families educating together who set up the school. they might know of other school like it around the country ( btw i am an agnostic and drove past this school everyday for a while so looke dit up as we were looking for a new school for dc at the time , so cannot comment on what it is like)

random thoughts

1. Yes, criticising HE in HE circles is a very difficult thing to do. I think this is because we spend our entire lives being expected to defend our decision to every tom, dick and harry who feels they are entitled to hold an opinion about the educational arrangements we are making for and with our children. We are very used to putting on a bright and breezy brave face, never talking about the negative sides of taking this responsibility for ourselves because that would be taken by 90% of the people we talk to (and probably more than 90% of the MN posters) as the immediate moment to say "well, put them in school then" as if your complaint is simply confirmation of what they have known all along, which is that HE is weird and probably a Bad Thing in almost all circumstances.

1. That said, if HEing is not the best thing for your family at this point then, well, that's what schools are there for

1. I think you really need at least one key adult completely on your side if you are HEing, just to have an ally who won't take any passing complaint as the opportunity to say "send them back to school then". It really ought to be your husband. I mean, that's a heck of a fundamental difference to be carrying within the nuclear family. If thinking of carrying on, I would be thinking in terms of a) working out with him which parts of your child's education are his department. It might involve you working a bit part time and him working a day less a week or something; it might involve some weekdays being total relax days and then obvious learny type stuff happening on a saturday, whatever works. b) finding a way to persuade him that this is the right thing for your family, if it is.

1. The social side is hard. If you want more social interaction for your child, then I think you and your child have to make that happen. We don't go to any HE groups just now, just because of where we are all at in our lives - but we arrange meet ups with HEing friends on a regular basis. If we didn't make it happen it simply wouldn't. Also, HE circles needn't be the big social outlet. A good friend of mine has her son in all sorts of sporty-type clubs which is a good solution for them.

1. The beliefs bit is important I think. If your beliefs are incompatible with the moral relativism which permeates all but explicitly faith schools in this country, then that is a perfectly valid position to have. A faith school? Finding other home educators to team up with and hire a tutor in to do particular things with a little group of HE children? Again, it's the sort of thing you would have to make happen if you wanted it to exist I think

1. Anxiety over academics - oooh, I think you need to let go of the idea of you as teacher and, as people have said upthread, if you want to continue HEing, then you'd be better off either a) signing up to an internet school or a boxed curriculum, or b) going t'other way and reading lots of Sandra Dodd and Joyce Fetteroll and start seeing yourself as a facilitator rather than supposed to be the fount of all knowledge. Learning with your child, on your child's agenda = unschooling.

hope something here helps.

How do you feel about the methods or approach you are using for HE? Is it time to alter the way you are all doing it, or the types of HE you spend time with online or in real life??

Can you put your finger on what is not quite right at the moment for you? And start from there.

onwardandupward, I think your comment

"Yes, criticising HE in HE circles is a very difficult thing to do. I think this is because we spend our entire lives being expected to defend our decision to every tom, dick and harry who feels they are entitled to hold an opinion about the educational arrangements we are making for and with our children. We are very used to putting on a bright and breezy brave face, never talking about the negative sides of taking this responsibility for ourselves because that would be taken by 90% of the people we talk to (and probably more than 90% of the MN posters) as the immediate moment to say "well, put them in school then" as if your complaint is simply confirmation of what they have known all along, which is that HE is weird and probably a Bad Thing in almost all circumstances".

is absolutely spot on.

I am currently exhausted by HE; not by the children, but by the responsibility of it all.

Can't let the mask of invulnerability slip though.

fedupone, I wonder if the time of year has a bearing on how you feel about HE at the moment too?

The weather is getting colder, nights are drawing in, schooled friends have got back into their routine.... etc, etc.

I know that I always find this time of year tricky for these reasons.

Just sympathising - I am finding HE hard too. For me it's about not having any time to myself. I crave and yearn for quiet and space on my own at home, and plenty of it.

I don't have any better suggestions than anyone else, but just wanted to let you know that not all HEors are unable to cope with a rant about the downside of HE!

Shall I poke the sacred cow?

If you don't enjoy home educating, are at the end of your tether and can't pass the 11+ yourself, your children probably aren't getting a very good education. It's nice that you want to live by the bible but unless they are going to spend their entire adult lives in church, they need to have other skills than bible recall, and if you can't provide these skills, you have a duty to provide someone who can.

I don't HE so feel free to ignore my ramblings, but are you sure you're not just knackered generally?
My DH is away a lot with work and sometimes the burden of bringing the kids up alone is very hard - particularly as I live 200 miles away from my Mum.
When I feel like this I don't beat myself up - I just do the best I can. Things don't need to be perfect. The kids don't need nourishing, organic food at every turn, they don't need to be clean and shiney every day, the house doesn't need to look like a show home.
With educating your kids, perhaps you just need to take your foot off the peddle a little and 'let it be'. You don't need to achieve something every day.
And finally, you are of course allowed to moan. Why not? I think it's totally disingenuous of the HE community to do that -each day is a joy- routine. Kids are a challenge. Having them around all the time must be an extra challenge. Admitting that doesn't make you wrong or the concept wrong.
Let us know how things are going.

If you are tired of it all I think school would be a good option. It would leave you lots of time to do things with your DCs out of school and you could just relax and have fun.
Most importantly it would give you time to recharge your batteries. I am the sort of person who needs time, and the house to myself for some part of the week,to operate.
From the religious point of view I think everyone should be exposed to different ideas and they can make up their own minds.Blocking out other opinions is often counter productive in the long term.

what a smashing reply litchick... how refreshing.

i certainly think that feupone needs chill out time. MAYBE school could be in the future, but i'd say don't make a rash decision now. (out of the frying pan 'n all).

maybe make the most of the better weather and see how you feel in a few weeks.

xx

ps are you sure the HE scene is so bad... might you find some new folks somehow??

Litchick - I thought your reply was a good one, too. General tiredness can make you not see things quite as clearly as when you are not tired.

fedupone (and hc), just a thought, but do you take holidays?

we are pretty autonomous, but we are ALWAYS in HE mode. By which I mean that if they kids ask a question, show an interest, etc in something, we ALWAYS follow it up with books, etc, until they are satisfied, whether its 9am on a weekday, or 8pm on a Saturday night. In short, we are rubbish at giving ourselves a break. We do it when grandparents are around, then they field the questions!

Every teacher I have ever known sometimes gets fed up to the back teeth of teaching. This is because it is a hard, exhausting, profession. Essentially we are doing the same as teachers, but in addition to being pretty much unpaid, most people think we that we are a bit mad.

What do you Do you actually want to stop? Deep down, do you want your kids in school? Or do you want some respect from them? Or your husband? Do you want a supportive local HE scene? (have you explored all options here? could you travel? Our local scene is quite quiet, and I suppose we struggle to meet once a week, so we travel. If you can work out what you want then perhaps we can help you work out ways to get it .

If you feel like this about it, surely it's time to give up? How can it be good for your children to be at home with someone who is seething with resentment and fed up of home edding??

Enrol them at school - they'll no doubt love it!

I agree with LitChick. I am home edding but I have only just begun (my son is only 4). I also have a lot of backup fromm DH, moral support from my relatives and a very active HE network. Please don't jump out of HE yet. Once the children go to school, it will be a much harder choice for you to change back again and you may really regret it

Take a breath for yourself. Could you have a change of scenery and maybe go for a holiday or something just to break patterns etc.

You sound so stressed - hope you sort it out

Are you any happier 3 months on?