Worried about homeschooling plan

[nanaange]

Hi! Might be worried about nothing but can’t get a feeling out of my head.

im a grandmother. I’m quite young (early 50’s) and work 1.5 days a week at the moment. I have 4 grandchildren and look after 2 of them 3 days a week and I collect the other 2 from school once a week. Weekend babysitting every now and again). Love looking after them and I’ve always offered. I did expect it to get less as they start school though.

My daughter has announced that her 2 children won’t be going to school and will be homeschooled (no problems from me although I know very little about it). The oldest is 5 this month. The problem is that she expects me to homeschool them for 4 days a week (the 3 I normally have them and she’s asked for one extra). She works full time and her mother in law currently has them for the other 2 days (reducing for to ill health).

I just don’t want to. I’ve mentioned this and I just want to enjoy my time with them. She says that we don’t have to do any planned lessons. Just carry on as normal (Tesco, post office, park etc). And they learn through this. They do learn but is it enough?! She has said she won’t be doing anything additional as we’ll be doing it in the week (me and mother in law). I feel stressed that I don’t want to say no but I don’t even know where to start. Will just going about my day be enough??

any advice welcome!!

That's ridiculous - she's a cf

The oldest is almost 5 so would usually be in Reception already, although I realise some start later... Does he have a school place for September so you know?

I think you should offer to facilitate, but not lead the process.

E.g. If she arranges classes/activates - you will take them there. Or if she wants them to do art or reading, she sends them to you with the supplies + books etc.

That type of thing would still be a huge ask, and you would be well within your right to say no. But it would be possible and out outrageously demanding.

--

However, if she expects you to take a lead on planning/designing a homeschool program for her kids? That is a huge job with a lot of responsibilities (even at just 5 years old) and one that you can't and shouldn't force on anyone.

Good homeschooling is a job for the parent. A full time job - they have to properly plan and prepare 'classes', activities, outings, socialization. They have to make sure they have the knowledge of the subject, and how it is taught (phonics, math's, science etc.). And keep up to date with their child's progress, adapt when things aren't working etc. It also only gets harder and harder as the child gets older.

As someone who spent years planning curriculums and activities for early years children... it isn't a fun and casual thing you just give to someone expecting it to happen naturally.

That's a terrible idea. And I home Ed my eldest child.
They do need some structure and to actually learn . Not just basic things like how to make a shopping list.
Also she will have to either have education officers come and check what work and plan they have or submit a full report. Which goes into a lot of detail.
You can't just wing it. And you shouldn't .
Children's education is very important.

Sorry that is not acceptable for you to do it. She made that choice she needsnto wuit her job and homeschool.

The child psychologists and experts say learning up until age 8/9 from age 5 is only 3 hours max a day. I.e sitting and learning something. And is broken up with activities.

But that is besides the point she should be offering the schooling part 3 hours and then fun things they can do with you.

I am a Mother and I home school my 3 year old. Because we do it in small chunks here and there it doesn't seem like schooling but he has learn loads. He speaks 2 languages, knows his Alphabet and numbers up to 100. And can write his name and about 14 other letters. It is at this age child led so it is really just 15 - 20min chunks throughout our day and evening. Uf you decide to homeschool you need a plan in place a rough curriculum.
It seems your DD has been watching the TikTok "Unschooling, mums. That actually don't do anything unpess a chid asks!!!!
That is fine but after 5 you do need to have some structure.
Refuse to do it Op

this it ridiculous, she is expecting you to homeschool her dcs rather than do it herself.

please say no. If she really wants to homeschool her kids she needs to step up and deal with it properly

I don’t need to repeat what most PP have said, but I completely agree.

I home educate my two DC and have done since they were 10. We’ve adopted a mixed approach, including unschooling at times. We’re lucky to have a large and active home ed community locally so there are lots of different learning activities to attend/sign up for.

Just a few things:

a) in the UK, it’s known as home education, regardless of the approach you take. Home schooling means something different.

b) your DD will have to provide an annual report to her local authority. Some are great, others are actively opposed to home education and make life extremely difficult for home educating parents. This often includes making illegal requests or insisting on things they have no right to. Has your DD researched what your LA is like? Even in the most supportive LA areas, your DD will have to describe what her children are learning, the progress they’ve made, and the methods used. How will she be able to do this if you’re delivering their education? She’ll have no idea.

c) there’s a bill going through parliament at the moment which is set to make life infinitely more difficult for home educators. If you spend more than three hours per week educating a home ed child, the LA can request information from you. There are penalties if you don’t comply. This applies for formal learning providers as well as grandparents who have their grandchildren for an afternoon and do some baking with them. The proposals are draconian.

Home education has been wonderful for us. Our community has a real mix of children who are intelligent, curious, confident, and well-socialised. But to be successful at home educating your DC, you have to immerse yourself in it totally - which means your DD would have to quit her job. She cannot expect this of you - it’s a heavy responsibility that’s about to get even bigger with the new legislation. The only people who should be expected to shoulder that are the parents, not grandparents who are providing free childcare.

It sounds like she is going down the 'unschooling' route. So yes what you would do with them counts.

I think she is asking a lot of you though and it is very CF.

I watch quite a lot of YouTube including Jar of Fireflies which is produced by an orthodox Jewish mother who home schools her children.

It is a full time job and she uses premade curricula.

Home ed can be fantastic but I do think the 'unschooling' is not the way to go permanently. Doing it at some points in a child's life is IMHO fine, some children need a breathing space, particularly if they have had a troubled education in school.

Thanks everyone

we live in south wales have been reading up on LA policies this morning.

i asked my daughter if she had applied for a place for September and she said no as this was her plan 🫣

turns out most of this idea has come from instagram. I think they’ve adopted a few new ideas over the last few years from instagram. Oh dear.

i have asked for a proper chat with her this week about her plans so hopefully will clarify what I will do.

Be firm or this will be a nightmare.
If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for the children: do you think it would be good for them to go to tesco & the parc instead to learn from a qualified teacher, with other children their age? The social aspect is very important in the early years.
Tell your daughter that once they reach school age you are happy to look after them x days a week after school but not more.

It blows my mind that anyone would assume someone providing free childcare for non school age children would continue to have them when there is a free alternative that also educates them. And that’s not even considering that you’re then expected to take on an additional day
of caring and to take responsibility for any teaching delivered. The sense of entitlement your daughter must feel is staggering. I really hope you can put some boundaries in about this sooner rather than later because while I feel for you having to deal with it, I really feel for the child whose mother didn’t think to check her education plan was good with the person who’d be providing education.

That’s pretty audacious of her. Just say no.

i’d be very worried about my daughter and dgcs in this situation

taking kids out of school is only something that should be done with children in very specific circumstances IMO not because you saw it on bloody Instagram

it won’t be too late for her to get a place at school, although it likely is for the better schools

🤣 If I’d told my parents they were going to homeschool my children, they’d tell me to fuck off! The cheek of it!

I would plan ahead what you want to say.

I would state that you love your DGC but you don’t agree with home schooling- particularly if you are the one meant to be responsible for it - and certainly not 4 days a week ongoing.

I would be objective about it. It doesn’t matter what @nanaange ‘s view of EHE is - only that you are not willing to be responsible for it.

I would be using the LA Guidance to ask her…’how are YOU going to educate your children/child? How are you going to evidence your child’s learning and progress?

Additionally, ‘How are YOU going to manage financially if you need to give up work to provide EHE?

If she has plans, that are in place, let her get on with it. Nothing to do with you @nanaange 😉

This - also

1. It is expensive, even if you unschool and don't attend any groups (not recommended, groups are important for play and also adult support). To properly unschool you have to be ready to run with any interest the child shows in anything, and also provide them with a really wide selection of opportunities to give them ideas and stimulation, and these "learning invitations" can quite quickly add up even if you do lots of free nature walks and trips to the library too.
   Once you start adding groups, forest school, maybe a Twinkl subscription for some print-outs (even if you don't do worksheets), bus fares, all the ingredients for those lovely baking sessions where you double the ingredients to teach multiplication etc.....she would need to be putting a decent budget at your disposal.

2. Due to 1) you then end up with an entire houseful of craft materials, books, partly-completed projects they lost interest in but might come back to, science materials, baking ingredients, mud kitchen stuff, etc etc etc. You might not actually want your house to look like a nursery/primary school for another five-ten years.....

This is a very unreasonable ask, and triple unreasonable as it sounds like there wasn't a lot of asking actually involved.

3. It would also change your relationship with your child - even if the child doesn't notice because you keep it presented as "fun times with Granny", you will feel much more responsibility as you aren't only keeping them safe/fed/entertained but now also educating them as well.

I know, the more I think about it the more upset I get. I feel very taken for granted.

we had a chat today and I’ve said I will take them to a local outdoor science education group on a Monday morning (we’ve been before as they do fun things like ‘how to build a campfire’ ) but that’s as far as it goes. I will always help with homework and reading but it has to be given to me. I can’t plan by myself.

she wasn’t very happy and has now gone home for a long chat with her husband as they don’t think they can live off one wage. I did suggest applying for a school place as a back up (any place as I know they’ve closed applications ages ago). She was disgusted at the idea but I told her it was better than no education. I will watch and see what happens…

I’m truly aghast that she actually thinks she can make this lifestyle choice (and I used to home educate) and expects someone else to basically do it for her, for free, so she can continue to work.

This is first class CF(ery)

Was there at least any acknowledgement from her that she had been unreasonable to expect this of you?
Also, do you think her partner truly shares her views? I’m wondering if he’ll likely talk some sense in to her, if he’s as entitled as she is or if he just says yes to what she wants to keep the peace.

Wow I actually can't believe she is planning to home school her children with no actual plan! Apart from being a massive strain on you this is really bad for the child. The early years is crucial.
every child has the right to a good level of education. You really have to stand firm on this in the child's best interests - how are they expected to thrive. Sorry I think she is being very selfish.
if she is unwilling to manage this herself, I would encourage her to speak to schools and try and get a school place - it really is the best place for them if a solid plan isn't in place.

She's being ridiculous. I've actually not heard anything so ridiculous.

You can't decide to home educate your children and work FT. You can't expect anyone else to take responsibility for your children's education (unless they're in school or you're paying for tutors).

What's her plan when the kids are older and need more education than a trip to Tesco and the park? Absurd.

It sounds like she hasn't thought this through properly or considered the actual reality beyond the idealised version on Instagram. And I think it's going to do a massive disservice to your grandchildren unless she thinks it through realistically and comes up with a proper plan to home educate the children HERSELF.

It’s actually much easier when they’re older - not condoning what she’s expecting op to do, though.

She’s planning to home educate her children, but not actually do any of it herself and just force it on you? That’s probably the most ridiculous thing I have heard, she’s trying to take advantage of you - does she do any actual parenting herself?? You seem to do so so much already, it’s lovely to have the kids but I’d be taking a step back. And definitely don’t get caught up in this home educating stuff.

She’s mad.
Deciding to home school when she works full time.
Just telling you that you are homeschooling her children.
Basing major life decisions on Instagram.
Getting annoyed with you because you won’t fall into line.