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Original poster

I've just taken DS out for the summer term : ) Long!!

29 replies

Fllight · 23/04/2008 12:25

We were set to try it before the Easter hols, and I wrote a letter, as he had been off for the most part of 3 weeks already - but I had a moment of doubt and didn't send it. I thought we'd give it another try, especially as it is summer and he likes sport and so on. I figured the holidays would give him a chance to regroup.

Anyway he went back on Monday, with everyone else - he was Ok if a little nervous.

He came out at 3.30 and told me that about 4 of his supposed 'friends' had been throwing him on the ground and pulling his hair, coat etc at lunchtime - apparently the dinner ladies didn't see this.
He said when he ran away they chased him. He had asked them to stop but they wouldn't, and he was quite upset.

He said he had approached his class teacher who had simply ignored what he said.

Anyway we made the best of it and talked through ways to handle it.
He fell asleep as soon as we got home, woke up at 9pm and went to bed at 10 after something to eat etc.

Tuesday morning he was still half asleep. I said, come on, lets get ready and he just lay there with his bottle of milk and said he was too tired.

I decided to leave it for a day and to try again today, but he just didn't want to go and is clearly tired.

So, I took the letter in. They were most surprised and said of course they wouldn't bother with deregistering him, if I could obtain a Dr's note to cover him for this term, they'd be happy to keep his place open.

I am not sure whether we will go back to it in the Autumn, but it's nice to know we have the option. I reckon he might have more stamina by then..

However, they want me to go and talk to his class teacher to discuss it. I'm reluctant (Ok, scred!) as I don't know her, she took over in the last week or two of last term, and she is pretty unapproachable - Ive taken him in a few times and she never smiles at me. I'm not sure what we are meant to be discussing anyway. I told the admissions secretary that I have workbooks and plenty of reading material here but she kept saying I could ask the teacher for work for him, and borrow books. That side of it is the least of our worries - I love teaching him at home.

Any thoughts? Just thought I'd share our situation in case it's of interest to anyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 12:27

I wondered if the little boys who were being so rough were a bit unnerved by his having been away so much. Maybe he seemed like a threat...?

OP posts:
bozza · 23/04/2008 12:29

Fllight does he need a real lot of sleep? I don't know much about your situation but keeping your options open is usually wise.

Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 12:34

Yes Bozza, well what I mean is, there's nothing technically wrong with him but a day at school seems to render him very very tired - just lies on the sofa at 4pm and that's that!

He's not 5 till the end of May. He's a bit of a live wire, a fast burner if you like - very energetic and then conks out

School is a very long time to sustain that for him.

He also finds it hard to stay still, to be told what to do all day, and he is afraid of the teachers.

I feel pretty bad and nervous about taking him out but actually I really think he's just too little for the 9-3.30 thing.

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Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 12:35

We then went to the supermarket and met a beautiful, 8 year old lad with long hair, who told me he was home educated in the most sensible, well mannered way you can imagine. He was standing playing with his baby brother while his mum got the shopping.

Sent to us as a sign perhaps!?!

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bozza · 23/04/2008 13:48

Was the school not open to the possibility of half days? I am slightly worried about how my DD (4 in May) is going to cope. She is in bed as I type although that is partly because she was late to bed last night after a trip to A&E.

mumtoo3 · 23/04/2008 13:59

hi we had a very similar situation but our school was not supportive at all, and once we dereg, i was very scared and anxious but we have not regreted it at all, at least the school are giving you a chance to take him back if you change your mind.

i have found alot of inspiration and support from this forum and the structured education forum.

hope it all works out for you, would you like the website address at all?

AMumInScotland · 23/04/2008 15:06

Hi Flight, that sounds like a very good plan - you can decide in the Autumn whether the break, and him just getting that bit older, makes school a good option for him then or not. Or you might find that you get on so much better with HE that you don't even bother!

barksgirl · 23/04/2008 15:07

Hi Fllight,
we recently dereg'd ds3, age 6, and I have to say we agonised over the decision, however it has been such a relief to our whole family we don't regret it at all.
I now realise how unhappy he was and with hindsight wished I'd done it sooner. It has been a joy to have our bouncing, singing ,enthusiastic little boy back!
Best wishes,

Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 15:41

Mumto3, that's very kind - I think I've got the websites bookmarked already!
I'm glad it's working out for you.

Boz, is she Ok? What was up last night?

We did half days for the first term. Then we tried going to 3 days a week in January. He managed just about but we were having lots of time off.

They wweren't keen - lots of encouraging comments about 'perhaps we can try him on full time after half term?' etc and so we did, but he was just a zombie. I really feel 4 is too little. It's a lovely school as they go but I just told them this morning that he is not coping physically, despite loving having little friends there (when they aren't beating him up ) and he likes the challenges...he hates having to sit and do writing and stuff, he finds it a real chore. He's just not into it.

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Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 15:43

Also Boz, I've felt quite worried about it, us having so much time off, but the school haven't really made a big deal about it as they are aware it isn't statutory to educate them until the term after they are five.

His previous teacher (left due to having a baby) was actually very sympathetic to this and said there's no point him being there if he;s half asleep - and she added that much of the reception class was asleep by Fridays!!!

Talk to them and ask about their policy. Ours was hard to get into and are still happy to keep the place for him if we need it, they seemed pretty sad to see him go in fact.

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Julienoshoes · 23/04/2008 17:12

Flight
Well done you-I think this will give you breathing space-and a chance to re evaluate what you want in September.

Pleased that the school is willing to give you the option. Up to you if you go in to meet the teacher-have no idea what she wants to talk about.

Don't think I would though.
Think I'd write thanking them for the opportunity but you don't have the time right now, but you will be back in touch later to let them know about September.

Just my two pennyworth!

Can you find your local home ed group and go along to meetings for a chat?
Find out all of your options?

Enjoy your summer!

Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 17:26

Thanks Julie - I am guessing it is to establish whether there was a problem with what was happening I suppose - I think they phrased it as in 'she would appreciate it' like it would be a kind of curtesy thing, but actually I've barely met the woman and she barely knows Ds, so much for courtesy, we never had the opportunity to meet her before she took over!
I think it was off of them to employ an already pregnant reception teacher, as a reception teacher - iyswim - she was lovvely but the kids were attached to her and then suddenly she wasn't there any more.

It's no wonder he doesn't want to bother. Me and Ds have been through it at length, discussed what he will lose if he stops going etc and he seems quite sure he has had enough - for now at least.

I now have to facethe backlash from friends and family. Wish me luck - they are all as pro school as you can imagine.

His original teacher recently told me she thought he would struggle with year one. I will be interested to see whether he wants to return.

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Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 20:05

That went well...told my mother, who immediately went into her 'I am worried but won't specify why' voice.

I pressed her to explain (after rambling for several minutes in a trying-to-defend-decision-but-not-sure-why manner, and she said, 'No, I'm not going to get into an argument, you know we think differently about these things, I think you just want a fight'

All I'd said was 'I'd be glad to hear your thoughts'.

I really feel awful now. I need her support as nobody else thinks it is the right thing (nobody I know irl) but looks like I am on my own.

I did point out that I didn't go to school until I was 5, and we have hardly burnt our bridges, but hey, that counts for nothing.

Sorry I am rambling again. Your support means a lot, fellow MNers

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posieflump · 23/04/2008 20:13

Aw, Flight, sorry to hear your Mum has upset you...
did he start doing half days for the first half term or was it full days after half term?
sorry if this is out of line but is there any chance ds could have made up the beating up thing because he doesn't want to go? If not that is shockign that no one saw it
At the end of the day you know your ds better than anyone and you know what is right for him xxx

posieflump · 23/04/2008 20:14

also if he does go back in Sept could he go back into reception if they don't think he is up to Yr1 or would all the places be filled by now?

Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 20:21

Hi Posie

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Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 20:22

I think he'd go into yr one in Sept if he went back. They won't have places in recep, I guess. Also he'd have the same friends if he slots back in, which I think is probably a good thing.

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Fillyjonk · 23/04/2008 20:23

flight, I am so pleased to hear this

Please do get in touch with your local group, I have found mine utterly invaluable as a source of support

am very [grin[ for you, honestly, I think it will all fall into place soon. god he is young to be in school!

Fillyjonk · 23/04/2008 20:24

even

MY mum thinks you should HE (I must email you)-does that help at all

Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 20:41

Yes, it does help

Immensely!

Thankyou.

He will be great, I know it, just she makes me think I'll be a shit home educator, and he'll be damaged or something.

I must get my mother's voice out of my mind.

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Fillyjonk · 23/04/2008 20:47

bloody hell you won't be, you will be fabulous

tbh, however crap you are, imo at that age the best thing you can do is let them play. they learn so much from it-playing IS how they learn.

it must be really awful not having your mum's support though, and iirc you were relying on her for practical support also?

I think it is very common for family to be anti, then come around as they see how well it has worked-this has been my experience with inlaws.

Will she still help, even if she disaproves?

Fillyjonk · 23/04/2008 20:47

bloody hell you won't be, you will be fabulous

tbh, however crap you are, imo at that age the best thing you can do is let them play. they learn so much from it-playing IS how they learn.

it must be really awful not having your mum's support though, and iirc you were relying on her for practical support also?

I think it is very common for family to be anti, then come around as they see how well it has worked-this has been my experience with inlaws.

Will she still help, even if she disaproves?

Fillyjonk · 23/04/2008 20:48

(not that you WILL be fabulous

you will be great and he will remember that when he hated school, his mum stepped in and fought his corner.)

Original poster
Fllight · 23/04/2008 20:52

Thanks Filly. I'm glad to hear your in laws softened up when they saw the results. That's encouraging.
She will still help but I will be subject to 'those' looks every time anything goes wrong in any way...she is scared of anything that is not 'normal' and I vividly remember having massive panic attacks aged 11 and her putting her head in her hands one morning and actually screaming, because she couldn't handle the fact I didn't want to go to school. I think that kinda made it worse

I'll be better after some supper, thanks for being there x

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Fillyjonk · 23/04/2008 21:03

oh fgs, i meant not that you will be crap, you will be fabulous, oh dear, see why i don't email?

my in laws do sound similar actually, lovely but deeply pro education and very nervous about not going through the usual education system. They are teachers too and they saw it as a real criticism of them.

but it is obviously working (I don't know anyone for whom it isn't really), and they are much more relaxed.