school refusal and extreme ocd

[pinkw77]

I am desperate for some help and advice please! I have a child who is meant to be starting year 9 and at the end of last term just refused school,she is on the waiting list for an autism assessment,and goes to cahms because of extreme ocd.
she has sufferred with ocd behaviour since starting secondary school,she is now at the point that she never leaves her room,has meltdowns over germs,she scrubs herself so badly and washes her hands so many times a day,she refuses to go anywhere and has never had a friend visit and refuses to see people as she is so scared of being infected with germs,its very diffiult and sad to watch her struggle and the cbt therapy she has been receiving is not helping.
I have bought uniform this week hoping she would go back in to school next week but she refuses to try the uniform on as she thinks the clothes are going to infect her because they have been in a "germy"shop.
I feel I need to home educate and try this year to get her well again without the pressure of school,she is very willing to learn,my question is if I de register her then all learning is on me,or can i say to the school she wont come in as she is unwell and will they have to provide some online learning or will they just demand she comes in and start to fine me for her attendance?
I would really like to know if anyone else has been in a similar position to get some help and advice please.

@pinkw77 DD3 is going to an independent specialist school this year, funded by the LA. She has an EHCP. She had no diagnosis at all when I applied for her Needs Assessment. The only thing I could say is 'she's on the ASD waiting list, and she has OCD symptoms so is on the CAMHS waiting list, and she's finding it really hard to go to school.'

By the time the LA had agreed to the Needs Assessment, she was completely unable to attend school.

Over the course of the Needs Assessment period, she was seen by an Educational Psychologist, an Occupational Therapist, and a Speech and Language Therapist. They all highlighted the symptoms that make it difficult for her to attend school. For DD3, online isn't an option because it reminded her of her current school, and it would turn her bedroom into a classroom. Tutors weren't an option because she wouldn't let people into the house and wouldn't leave the house. Assessments were done in the back garden, in winter. Not ideal!

Follow the rules. Report her absent every day, saying "DD is too anxious to attend school." Ask the school for support. Email the SENCO and give them an update of how your DD is at home - they have to document it.

Apply for that Needs Assessment. State all that is going on with her in bullet points. It will help if you can give a timeline of her decline.

Ask for Section 19 provision. Keep asking.

Thank you to everyone for the advice,i have felt so overwhelmed and lost with what to do for the best,its very reassuring to know there are other people who have been through similar and know exactly how exhausting and difficult it is dealing with a mentally unwell child and school refusal.

We aren't saying different things, I don't think. 🙂

I think you understood my statement to mean "A significant proportion of kids who are EOTAS move on to EHE." That isn't what I meant. I don't know whether that is or isn't true.

What I meant to communicate was "A significant proportion of kids who start EHE were previously EOTAS." This is based on my experience of supporting families in my area who are new to EHE, and also what I have seen on national EHE forums.

Sometimes parents deregister because the EOTAS provision is worse than useless and they are tired of fighting to get the LA to provide something suitable. Sometimes they deregister because the child infers - or is even told explicitly by LA staff - that their EOTAS is only temporary, the goal being to get them back into school, and the child finds that expectation crushing.

Sometimes parents deregister because the EOTAS provision is worse than useless

You are misunderstanding what EOTAS via an EHCP is. DC with EOTAS via an EHCP must have section I blank. They are not registered anywhere so cannot be deregistered.

I don’t have evidence for it, but I suspect far more DC begin EHE from MS than they do from EOTAS/EOTIS. So I’m not sure how big your ‘significant portion’ can be.

can i say she will only agree to online learning?

I'd suggest a different phrase, as that suggests that your daughter is exercising a choice. Presumably that isn't the case. How about something like, "due to anxiety she will only be able to engage with online learning" or similar? Perhaps others with more experience would be able to word it better than I.

@EndlessLight "I suspect far more DC begin EHE from MS than they do from EOTAS/EOTIS"

I agree with you! Obtaining EOTAS is usually quite a difficult process, I guess, and plenty of parents won't complete it but will instead go to EHE from the outset or at some point along the way.

Some do opt for EHE instead of EOTAS, yes. Something that isn't an option for those whose DC need expensive support they wouldn’t otherwise receive, which is well beyond what most parents can fund.

The number of children and young people with EOTAS is rapidly growing. A sign of the increased knowledge about it but also the deterioration in support within schools (MS and SS).