Autistic 11 year old thinking about Home Ed

[Stressedmummyof4]

So we have mulled over this all weekend. My DS is 11 primary 7 (Scotland).

School has always been really hard and triggering. He struggles massively in the mainstream setting. Was on a part time timetable for the best part of 3 years and this year they are attempting to move him up to full time and it's going horribly wrong.

Because he is struggling so much it's now coming out in challenging behaviour. He is being cheeky, can not cope sitting in the class so is wandering round the school. Has been given a room to go to which he sits in alone. They have given him a laptop so he doesn't need to do any writing, which at first was tempting him into the classroom but not now. He wants to kick a ball all day every day, and one day they allow it to calm him and the next they are giving him into trouble. There doesn't seem to be any consistency, which I think is making it worse.

My solution regarding the ball would be to put a lock on the gym hall cupboard but that doesn't seem to be taken on.

Friday was a disaster, it was children in need in school, no work all fun. Kids were doing things that they enjoyed and he wanted to play with the ball, whilst it wasn't convenient as the gym hall was being used he is supposed to have regular movement breaks which didn't happen on Friday and resulted in me being phoned to collect him. When I went down he was being cheeky and using the f word in sentences. I don't condone this behaviour at all. I eventually managed to calm him sitting on the stairwell when the head teacher appeared telling us that unless I got him out the school she was phoning 999 to have the police remove him.

I got him outside where he cried and pleaded at the window to stay in school and join in the fun stuff, they ignored him. I watched my son crumple in a heap begging. My friend came and collected us and we went home.

I am ashamed to say that I physically attempted to move him as the school had put so much pressure on me to get him out he grabbed my glasses. They were not broke and he returned them to me.

When I got home she called me to said he was excluded for three days and she would be contacting social services regarding his behaviour.

I just feel now after battling for so many years we have come to an end. He begged me on Friday night not to ever send him back and for the first time I found myself thinking I agree with him.

I forced the issue of school because I wanted him to socialise, but the way I look now is he is receiving no education and is unable to stay in a class so therefore he isn't even socialising anymore what's the point?

I feel since I have came to this conclusion like a weight has been lifted. I'm just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation? Many thanks

Try to speak to Enquire too.

It's been just over a year since we took DD out of mainstream. I can't believe we waited till year 9 to be honest. DD now does online schooling…

You don’t need to EHE to get online schooling.

So this morning we had his support worker out at the house with a copy of the incident report and OMG I am so angry. The lies that are in it are unreal. She has said that he threw a bat at her, that he hit me all so untrue. I have managed to get a copy of it and I am so upset and what she has written, it's an absolute disgrace

Write an email to the school leadership and governors. Demand a solution. It’s the last year of primary so they are passing the problem on. This is the perfect opportunity to get a specialist placement for secondary school.

The excuse of someone not being disabled enough is hogwash. They are pushing you along. The current placement and education plan isn’t working. The child needs a different approach and the current school is not able to provide a plan that would actually work.

The next step after going to senior leadership (because they will fob you off) is to go to the LEA. I would also go to your MP and ask for their help. Your child is falling through the cracks and not getting the help they need. Time is ticking. You need to get that letter off this week and follow up with the LeA and MP in January if you want specialist placement to happen for September.

Also, get in writing what the social working recommends with regards to school. They probably won’t give it to you, so I would write them an email (or letter if they don’t provide email addresses) where you write down what they said. If they refute it, you will have it in writing that they refute it so go back and ask them to clarify their recommendations. If they don’t refute it, you have implicit evidence of support for the school to do what the social worker said.

The implicit evidence saved my friend so many times when she was fighting for her child to get some help. I did the same in the US and it was extremely effective. When the school refute what they have said verbally they often dig themselves into a bigger hole. State rules allowed me to record the phone conversations without their consent. It was made very clear to everyone the school leadership had said what I wrote in the email, tried to gaslight me and then lied again in court despite the transcript of the call being made available. When the recording of the call was played all of a sudden people listened.

Sadly, schools the world over are much the same when it comes to disabled children. They don’t want to pay for it and will do everything in their power to push your child through the system.