Homeschooling schooling, school Refuser

[Castiel07]

I'm seriously thinking of homeschooling, my yr 8 child is bright and is willing to learn
But is school refusing (this has been since December).
We are not getting any support from school and her behaviour has become awful after having 6 months of her being back to her lovely normal self during lockdown.
I physically can not make her go in, she won't even put a uniform on she is petrified.
I'm a sahm as I'm a carer, husband works long hours though.
What they found useful while homeschooling?
What resources to use?
How easy is it actually to deregister your child.
Tia

Hi op. I’m sorry to hear about your child. That sounds so stressful for her and for you.
I home ed my DC but they are all primary age so can only advise basic info. Not on secondary education.
It’s very easy to deregister your child. You just write a basic letter saying that you will ‘educate her otherwise’ and that’s it. See the website entitled ‘education otherwise’ for a template. The school inform the LEA.
All I can say is you are doing an amazing thing for your child. School can be hell for some, especially teens.
We love our home ed life. It has its challenges but overall it’s a great joy and a blessing. It’s special time to spend with your child you’d never get otherwise. Hope this helps x

By all means homeschool but as a positive choice.

If you aren't certain, you need to start kicking up a drink to get your dad's needs met. Contact your local SENDIAS service (,advice for parents on special needs). It should be listed on your council "local offer" page.

Your daughter's local authority is legally obliged to provide some home tuition after 15 days out of school. Your daughter's school should have involved their ed psych and referred to child and adolescent mental health (also called young minds in many areas) and be looking at planning for her gradual re entry or requesting an ehcp or home tuition/hospital school if they cannot. The profs should be looking at what is so overwhelming about school and seeking to reduce barriers. They should be working with you as a team.

There are several good guides around anxiety based school refusal - West Sussex has one that is often recommended, for example.
Has anyone sought to investigate whether she had intrinsic factors that increase her susceptibility to anxiety? Autism is the obvious one, often missed in girls until they don't cope with transition to secondary.

Kids who school refuse because of anxiety are often badly served and it's not good enough.

*kick up a Stink, not drink.

Though as a former school refused parent, wine can help :D

The school just don't want to help, we have a meeting and then manage to get her in for a day believing it will get better and she will be supported then she is left to cry most of the day and then won't go back in.
And its just rinse and repeat.
I have children with ASD already so I know the protocol around that.
But she is fine with everything else other then school and only just started in December.
She has great friendships, her behaviour at home is good other then school days.
I just literally feel like I've been left to sort her out on my own, with just the odd phone call frombthe school.
They said about desensitising her but all they do is meet her at reception and put her straight into lesson which is just sugar coating the problem.
All I get is I will get fined/jailed, how on earth can I drag a child who is as tall as me out of bed and into school.
It didn't help that the attendance officer called her a baby and that she would get taken of me if she didn't grow up and go to school.
And luckily the reception was filled with parents (just before k
Lockdown) and even the receptionist heard and made a complaint against her.
I'm just at a totally loss, I just want her to be happy

This is a very useful guide from Young Minds youngminds.org.uk/find-help/for-parents/parents-guide-to-support-a-z/parents-guide-to-support-school-anxiety-and-refusal/

School should be working with you to address your child's anxiety around school, ask them for support through the pastoral team or the Education Welfare Officer if they have one based in school.

School is not required to provide work after 15 days, that applies to exclusions not to Emotionally Based School Non-attendance. Providing work to be done at home without having devised a return to school plan with you and your child is likely to increase anxiety rather than reduce it. Tuition at home is based on medical need and anxiety is not covered under this without another health condition that cannot be managed in school or would significantly disrupt learning.

Please contact school to request support with a return to school plan if that is what you want to happen. I'm surprised they haven't been in touch already but it's still early in a hideous term so they have perhaps not caught up yet.

A good return to school plan should be child centred and can incorporate strategies to encourage a child into a school environment, eg a reduced timetable that gradually increases. It could start with short school visits to reorientate your child or even something as simple as getting up at "school time" and putting on school uniform. It needs to build gradually and will occasionally push a child out of their comfort zone but not at a pace that causes the whole plan to crumble.

If your school is offering blended learning for children who are isolating at home you could tap into that as part of the RTS plan but this isn't going to be sustainable long term.

Your other option, as you know, is EHE, and it's a straightforward process to deregister your child, as described above. You should have an Independent Advisory Service locally, if you google your local authority and IASS you should find them.

Good luck and I hope all goes well for you both.

Just read your update. God, what a mess, and her school is failing her. Have you thought of a different, more supportive school?

I work with EBSN children in a school setting and there are times when we mess up - we're all human and have lots of conflicting priorities. A child should not be "dumped into a lesson", though, but a carefully planned entry with friends and a supportive, understanding teacher in a subject she is fond of is often successful.

It sounds like your school isn't that bothered or doesn't have the ability to support, so maybe a change of school might help. EHE is always an option but think carefully about how to manage if your home situation changes, and I'd consider joining a HE network for further support and learning and socialising opportunities.

Thank you, I will write an email to the pastoral team right now.
If I have to I will home ed but long term I think school is the right place for her.
She doesn't think so but the longer this goes on for the harder it will be, covid is not helping because normally I could take her into reception myself and personally speak to collage manager or pastoral but can not do that now.

Thanks HarrietSchulenberg for your post and the link to young minds really helpful.

Hi Castiel07,
I feel your pain and in a similar situation re school refusal. I have no solutions but the school definitely do not sound supportive at all. Some good advice has been given further up. Please know you are definitely not alone,

@HarrietSchulenberg
I don't believe you are correct. I specified the LA (not the school) have to make arrangements for home tuition
Ipsea says the same
www.ipsea.org.uk/faqs/our-daughter-has-started-school-refusing-due-to-her-mental-health-needs-she-has-an-ehc-plan-but-it-doesnt-contain-any-information-about-her-mental-health-needs-as-these-have-only-arisen-recently

I also disagree that anxiety is not sufficient for a home programme in some situations. If it is so bad that it is preventing access to education we are looking at pretty severe anxiety. I know a number of youngsters accessing hospital school or home tuition with "only" anxiety.

Op there are a number of guides and downloadables here:

schools.westsussex.gov.uk/Page/10483

Generally speaking LAs are not allowed to have blanket policies for access to SEN and I believe that "anxiety doesn't count for home tuition" would be an example of such an illegal policy.

CulturallyAppropriatedName it may vary between councils but mine is very clear on grounds for home tuition and I don't know of any others that would offer it for "just" anxiety, debilatating as it is. Obviously I do not know every local authority in the UK but any that offer it would need to have access to significant resources. It's thrown back to schools to deal with, which they do to varying degrees.

CulturallyAppropriatedName the example you have quoted refers to a child with an EHCP in place, which the OP's child does not. Statutory guidance for children with an EHCP is different.
For everyone else with anxiety it's thrown back to schools to deal with, which they do to varying degrees.

CulturallyAppropriatedName the example you have quoted refers to a child with an EHCP in place, which the OP's child does not. Statutory guidance for children with an EHCP is different.
For everyone else with anxiety it's thrown back to schools to deal with, which they do to varying degrees.

CulturallyAppropriatedName the example you have quoted refers to a child with an EHCP in place, which the OP's child does not. Statutory guidance for children with an EHCP is different.
For everyone else with anxiety it's thrown back to schools to deal with, which they do to varying degrees.

Sorry for multiple postings, the app told me I had a bad connection and failed to post, so I tried again. And again. And again.
Sorry.

Well I have emailed them, I've explained that we need a plan put into place as current support (laughable) has not helped.
Have asked for a meeting and this time I will not come out of there until some help and support has been but into place.
I'm not asking for miracles but small positive steps with the right help would be great.
I genuinely feel like they think she will snap out of it and be fine.
Quite clearly that's not going to happen but I can not do this alone it will take the 3 of us to come to some sort of support plan that will work and not just sugar coat it.
Thank you so much guys for all your help, really appreciate it.

@HarrietSchulenberg
I am really sorry to bang on but the ehcp is not what makes the difference.
The fact is that most LAs don't follow the law but that is the law.

Here is the actual law:

www.gov.uk/illness-child-education

You will need a medical sign off OP to be entitled to that support.

And yes, mental ill health (severe anxiety) counts as illness.

I hope no one takes your LA to the ombudsman.

School-based anxiety is not recognised as a medical condition. Whether it actually is one is another matter and one which can be debated until the cows come home, but education access teams will not provide home tuition on that basis alone. Local authority home tuition is a) extremely costly and b) usually only covers English, Maths and Science. It is never intended as a long-term solution, merely to plug the gap until a child can return to school. The costs are borne by the school and additional funding is not made available although it could be included in an EHCP and some funding be received that way.

The choice is whether to take on a lengthy and costly legal battle or work on a practical plan to provide a child with an education, and we can be as theoretical as we like but it's not offering a workable solution.

There is a movement called Not Fine In School which might also offer the OP some practical advice.

One other thing I would recommend is that the OP keeps records of every phone call and email to school requesting help, the responses and the outcomes. This to support any attendance issues which might arise. Fines for non-attendance become very hard to enforce if a family demonstrates they are making every effort to get their child to attend, and schools need to evidence that they have supported that child and family too.

I can't add any more.

You are of course correct that any home tuition is temporary and a stop gap. Many LAs recommend and facilitate online learning.

I am not suggesting that OP try to get a full home tuition package. I am staying that the law says that LAs have a duty to ensure something is provided and it is simply not good enough for a school to shrug its shoulders and say "we referred to camhs what more can we do". They should engage their EP in an analysis of the problems, begin plan- do- review cycling, identify push and pull factors, facilitate medical sign off and home tuition if that is needed. My LA has a hospital school full of kids who initially presented with school based anxiety that became entrenched because no one did anything much to analyse and support. And yes school based anxiety was the initial presenting factor which turned out to be autism or social anxiety disorder or a breakdown or depression. I don't really understand why you are talking about school based anxiety as if it's trivial and doesn't "count" for support.

As someone who has been in this field with both personal and professional hat on, I reiterate that school based anxiety is usually symptomatic of serious failure to cope whether because of intrinsic "within child" factors, family factors, systemic factors in the setting, or a combination ( usually the latter). It is immensely immensely stressful for families and parent-child relationships and an utter soul destroying grind. If your LA does not recognise that anxiety so debilitating that it prevents a child from attending school and getting their education is a medical condition, then it needs to take a long hard look at itself. How do cyp get medical sign off if it's not medical? Why do they end up in psychiatry or clinical psychology if it's not medical? Where does your policy leave struggling children if it doesn't acknowledge that they are not mentally well?

Hi Castiel07 thanks for starting the thread and please do keep us up to date with progress or not. I don’t know if you have heard of PDA Pathological Demand Avoidance but there are a number of support groups on Facebook also PDA society as there is quite a lot of information and support for families where some children are unable to attend school due to anxiety based demand avoidance, some of the discussions and information maybe helpful (although not everything will apply in your case). I really appreciate all the contributions tonight and have learnt some useful information through the various exchanges.

Thanks Everyone

Hi CuturallyApproriatedName,
Thanks for your posts you raise some excellent points about how the system Works (or doesn’t at times) and the consequences Children & Young People and families. I didn't read HarrietSchulenberg posts as intentionally meaning to be dismissive about the impact and consequences of anxiety. From the little I know so far the system is clunky and unless you enter in a certain way, say the right things or be in the right area it can be a lottery in terms of the support or outcomes that you may get. I keep trying to demonstrate to school and GP that my child’s anxiety is a medical issue however it is not being acknowledged as such at the moment. It’s frustrating curious to know how I can make my Gp understand- they just consider it as sulky/ kid behaviour.

You say your daughter is bright, eager to learn and had returned to her lovely normal self during lockdown. It seems that school is unbearable for her.

Extreme anxiety related to school attendance is often described as irrational. But for some children it is an entirely reasonable response to an environment which is a terrible mismatch for their character. In this case, no treatment, no counselling is going to "fix" the child by making her happy to go into a stressful environment.

If there are additional factors at play besides school simply being the wrong environment for your daughter, it should be easier to identify and address those factors once the massively stressful factor of school is gone and she is mostly happy. So you could take her out of school for a year and use that time to figure out what's going on with her and decide on the best way forward - maybe continued home ed, maybe return to school with better support, maybe college 14-16 programme. Why do you feel that home education wouldn't suit your her in the long term?

She's deeply unhappy now, and you have seen that she is quite happy without school. There's no simple solution to the problem while she remains at school, not least because her current school are being so useless. How long are you willing to put her and yourself through more of this, when a quick fix is at hand?

There are lots of resources available. You don't have to have a detailed plan in place before you deregister. You can figure it out as you go along.