Need some quick advice- just taken DD out of school!

[CaisleanDraiochta]

I posted recently about Home edding DD from Yr4 (sept2014) but the events of this weekend and this morning have led to me bringing her back home from school instead of leaving her today.

So now what? i'm not sure she will be going back tomorrow or not- or if she ever will- should I be contacting anyone or anything legally important I should be doing right now?

Other than that DD is quite happily sitting at the table next to me doing a maths workbook. she has asked to do literacy next and guided reading this afternoon. i'm guessing this was the timetable at school for today, but if that's what she wants to do I'm happy to just let her do that for now.

I am panicking slightly but distracting myself with doing mega tidying up (not a bad thing)

No camhs although it was mentioned again by gp today. He said the wait is 12 months+ and recommended the school nurse see her first. Tbh the majority of her anxiety seems to revolve around school anyway, so when school is removed from the picture (e.g. during holidays) the symptoms all but disappear. Why she gets so anxious, so easily is another matter though that I have a few niggles about- there are quite a few sensory issues in particular. But my main concern right now is preventing it getting worse, stopping DD from falling even further behind with her education and boosting her self esteem and happiness.

I've complained may times (verbally and in writing) about the bullying. The head is the major block I think, she just will not accept there is any bullying in the school, even though many other parents disagree. Personally I feel its due to the fact they are struggling to get out of special measures and don't want any further obstacles to get around. I tried to get the LEA's anti bullying team involved but they needed school's permission to do so. The head told them that DD and the bully were just friends who had fallen out and would be best pals again the following week, so nothing could be done.

Anyway I'm feeling a lot less stressed about it all tonight. Dd has been home for 2 whole days and seems so much happier. I've been watching her a lot and noticing just how much 'learning' she does just by herself. Both days she's chosen to do maths workbooks (already had them at home from when DS was obsessed) and written all kinds of things purely out of choice (she normally goes to pieces if asked to write anything at all) this evening she has asked again for me to teach her some more French. she already knows some basic words and phrases, but I had a quick google and found some French phonics resources which she loved. I failed French at GCSE so we were both sitting together practicing

How did the meeting go? Sounds like you are easing towards reregistering, to me, but I might be wilfully projecting :-D

Deregistering not reregistering. Bloody phone!

Well I managed to piss the head off (again) I think, but apart from that the Behaviour support person was easily able to see how anxious DD was in school. She managed to get her into the classrom for all of a couple of minutes, before taking her straight out again as she was clearly uncomfortable. She spent some time out of the class asking DD some questions on her own while I waited outside. DD again refused to go back to class afterwards so she brought her back to me. she was going to speak to the head afterwards but said she would ring me later this week and I've got a meeting with her and the keyworker booked for next week. she did say that if i was looking to transfer schools though that the other primary (the huge one) was out of the picture. Even LAC children can't get places there at the moment apparently.

Not made any firm decisions yet either way. On thursday I have the meeting with SENCO, TA and keyworker. i'm waiting to see whether they can come up with any real plan on how to make school work for DD. I'm not very hopeful though as there is a lot I'm not happy about that needs to be fixed and of course the ultimate decision on going back there is down to DD. In the meantime I've joined a few facebook home ed groups so i'm going to see if I could possibly take DD along to a group to see how that goes and I will also look into other school options as well.

Until then I'm keeping my happy little girl at home, doing all the things we have been. I'm not going to rush into anything just yet, but also I'm aware that little DS is starting to get just the tiniest bit jealous and if he wants out too, it may just force my hand.

If she's self-harming and suffering such acute anxiety at such a young age, I'd have her deregistered from that school like a shot. The other school that you mention, being so much larger, sounds as though it would be overwhelming for her. Do you suspect that she may be on the spectrum (I'm asking as you mentioned your AS and her sensory issue)?

I deregistered my DD in Y4 because she was unhappy. She has since been diagnosed with AS and she is so much happier being home ed. HE is a big commitment but it's very doable. For me it's much better than having a desperately anxious and unhappy schooled child.

Is there much of a home ed community where you live?

DD certain has several traits but I'm not sure she would warrant a diagnosis (especially as I worry some of it is just been picked up by living with me!) unlike DS who is almost textbook. I don't currently see any immediate need to pursue having either assessed.

I've joined a few facebook home ed groups and found one group that meets regularly although its not in this town so I'm not sure we could manage to go very often. DD and I have looked at the websites/prospectuses of a few other schools this morning. One I have ruled out immediately as it CofE and they attend church for collective worship daily. I've emailed the LEA for a list of other schools nearby and any info on available places so ~I'm just waiting on that to see what they say.

I hope you don't mind me asking but how old is DS ,have you just the 2 children and do you have a partner or are all these decisions solely down to yourself ( I've not come across your other threads ) .

Yes its just me and the 2 DC, DS is 7, DD is 8. They have had no contact (his choice) with their dad in over 3 years, I separated from him when they were 2 and 3 yo, DS has no memories of ever living with him but DD has a few. He still has PR but chooses not to use so basically ALL decisions about the DC are down to me alone.

So presumably your DS is happy at the school and if you move will you be moving him as well , from a working POV can you afford to HE if that's what you decide .

I wouldn't exactly describe DS as being 'happy' in school but neither is he unhappy if that makes sense. He is largely ambivalent towards other children, will play with them if they are doing the same thing he wants to or ignore them and do his own thing if they are not. Academically he is above average in all areas but whether this is down to school or just his personality is debateable. He taught himself to read and write well before starting school and has learnt several other subjects out of choice without any input (I'm pretty sure particle physics isn't on the NC for KS1) from either school or myself.

I have spoken to him about what he would like to do (hard-work as he's not one for chatting really) and he is adamant that if DD goes to another school he wants to go too. Same for if she is home educated. Practically it wouldn't be possible for them to be at 2 different schools, but home ed for DD while DS stayed at current school would work ok.

If you do decide to go for HE, maybe just have DD at home to start with and then have DS as well later in the year once you have found your feet.

That way DD gets some recovery time on her own. You will have the hassle of being tied to school hours and days while DS is still at school. We did that - had just DS1 at home from Easter, and the others from Sep - it was lovely to have time with just one.

FWIW it sounds like your DS is an ideal candidate for HE - self motivated and not a really social animal who will miss being part of the crowd all the time.

Had the meeting at school today and I think it has helped to make my mind up really. They are not willing to provide any additional support for DD in school. They also tried to guilt trip me and told outright lies. So unless the behaviour support person comes up with something fantastic, that is guaranteed to work and can be implemented straight away (and the school can be trusted to stick to, I will be de-registering DD from school!xccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

Well my cat seemed to get a bit startled by that statement and leapt on the keyboard to type a bit and post on my behalf!

So my next steps are to decide from when and also work out what to do about DS.

I'm still going to look at other local schools as a back up option, but I want Dd to have at least a couple of months out of school, so we can find out whether it works for us but so if she decides to go back I can choose a suitable school. That won't happen before the new school year in september anyway, so almost 6 months.

I'd be very surprised if your son wants to continue in school, if he's just "meh" about it at present and sees his sister coming out.

Personally I think you should offer it as an option to both. Approach it as a family adventure?

Mind you, I do know a family where one is HE and the other three go to school........absolutely their choice. Might be the exception that proves the rule, though......

I think your cat was trying to type ccccccccccat!

The school sounds crap. I think that 6 months out to let her decompress and get some confidence back could be really positive for her, and would probably be no bad thing for your DS too. If you go to the social events in the next town you may well find that you meet people who live more locally to you. Are you going to be able to cope ok financially? The petrol costs of ferrying them around and the various activities do mount up. Mind you you're not being constantly squeezed for cash by the PTA any longer, nor shelling out for lots of school trips.

Not sure my cat is clever enough to type cat by herself, although she did once add 7 pages to an essay I was writing, by having a snooze on the warm, accidentally left open while I went out, laptop!

DS has said he wants to be home educated, if he has that option. He was quite jealous of DD's 'science project' she started yesterday (growing some plants from seed). He also asked me if he would be allowed to choose to learn division using decimal points instead of 'stupid remainders' Not sure whether to leave him in until Easter though or let him stay to do his SATS (he is obsessed by what levels he is getting) or just take him out now as well. Neext week the school have a trip to a local Science centre they were both looking forward to. I know I can take them there myself another day (I have an appointment that day already) and we have already been several times anyway, but the school trip was free and it is quite an expensive place to go.

On the subject of finances, I had to quit my last job because I was always having to leave to collect DD from school/go calm her down/ go to meeting about the latest incident. So right now I have no income other than Child benefit and tax credit. I don't qualify for any other benefits, though I have been told to try applying for DLA for DD. We can manage on what we have now to just about live, but with nothing leftover for extras or emergencies. I have been offered some part time hours at a former job from around July/Aug (to cover maternity) which I'd like to take and would definitely help financially. It would be mainly during school holidays and 3-6pm in term times but I would be able to take the DC with me.

The DLA is something that you could apply for regardless of your education choices. Given the difficulties your dd has I would hope you would qualify.

Should you decide to HE there are a number of free or relatively inexpensive resources. KHAN academy and Education City being two excellent ones. Often you can get a school or HE discount to exhibitions and other educational centres.(might need to ring in advance). Sports organised by HE groups are often offered at school rate.

In my experience anxious children thrive in HE. I took out ds (AS, sensory issues, processing problems, social and communication difficult and severly bullied) at the beginning of yr3 and 5&1/2 yrs later he is a happy, confident,bubbly boy and he is academically thriving.

I'm not insinuating that you would do it wrong but please take advice about filling in the forms for DLA as it is really important to fill them in correctly and stress how your dd is on a bad day ,not an average day IYSWIM . TBH having your DS at home may motivate your dd as they are quite close in age . Good luck with it all .

Also see what your local library offers to HEdders , ours does free time on the computers, copying for free and discounted , you can also take out more books and for an unlimited time . There is also lots of free resources on line ,my dd is older and we have downloaded loads of stuff from the edexcel website .

Read through the thread, and lovely to see such support.

Just wanted to note, you can't continue to claim tax credits as a working person after you have left your job. You need to inform them of any changes, and they would cancel the working tax credit part of it and tell you to claim JSA. It's quite important to be straight with tax credits or you will end up with a huge bill.

Another option is to start a business, and claim working tax credits as a self-employed person. Either 16 or 30 hours. I'm sure there are people and threads on here that would help. As will google.

Best of luck!

You can actually still get tax credits if you are not working but don't worry I'm not receiving a penny more than I am entitled to. I really hate being made to feel like a scrounger and needing to beg for enough money to feed my DC, so that's why I trying to find a job that will fit around needing to be there for DD rather than pinning my hopes on her getting anything from DLA (I really don't think she will qualify, but her keyworker is adamant I should apply) There's no chance I could set up my own business!

I'm having a real wobble tonight about what to do tomorrow morning. DD won't be going into school but DS is saying he doesn't want to go either. its not really fair that I should force him, but it means I would have to 'make it official' wouldn't I? everyone i've spoken to over the weekend has had nothing positive to say about home ed (think I'm crazy/wouldn't cope/DC need friends/will be disadvantaged at secondary) so I have no real life support. Also one person thinks I should be fighting harder to make to school accomodate DD, and i shouldn't let them get away with effectively excluding her (illegally?) Don't know what the best thing to do is :(

((Hugs))

I hope the solution will become clear to you. It's a tough situation!

disadvantaged at secondary
Utter nonsense! Across the years I have seen children returning to school in yr6 or 7 who are now thriving. I have witnessed a lot of anxious, introverted (often previously bullied) children flourishing and growing in confidence within HE.

Dc need friends
Of course they do. Why would home educating prevent your children from making/having friends? In county council there are close to 2500 families HEing-plenty to find/make friends. Should you decide to HE'd...you have already found a local group and in my experience local groups are incredibly supportive; it would not be long before you and your children have new friends.

fighting harder for school to accommodate DD
There are children who thrive in school given the right support. My dd was an example.
The Easter holidays are round the corner, you try to postpone your decision until after, whilst negotiating further support.

Good luck for today. (Hugs)

*my county council

*HE'd=HE

*you try=you could try

I should really wear my glasses when using the phone!