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Original poster

Head teacher putting me on a guilt trip

30 replies

Sleepgrumpydopey · 13/12/2013 18:23

So I've given notice to my DS school that he will be leaving juniors at the end of spring term to be home ed until secondary school. dS is book smart but quite uptight and stressy. I want the time to give him confidence and to chill out and do things like library trips, museums, art galleries etc
Also he is abut overweight so I think things like going for a walk everyday, playing in the garden, riding a bike is important too.

Head spoke to me and said it was a negative decision and the wrong thing to do. dS will not be socialising with children from April til sept and that will mean he can't form friendships when at secondary school. By not doing games/pe at school his fitness will suffer.

I now feel like a selfish mum for considering HS. But the bottom of my heard tells me he needs to distress enjoy being a kid. He has 2 younger siblings and I'll ensure he joins a rugby club or something to interact with other kids in a group.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepgrumpydopey · 13/12/2013 18:25

*de-stress not distress

OP posts:
Bythebeach · 13/12/2013 18:34

Sounds like a perfectly decent plan. It's only one term. He won't lose the ability to socialise in such a short time frame plus there is a natural discontinuity at the end of junior/start of senior so it's not like he'll need to slot into his old class .... unless his entire class moves up intact to seniors which would be v unusual.

I don't think we will manage it due to finances but we had planned to take eldest ds out of school for last one and a half terms of juniors so we could alltravel. School isn't the whole of life and your plan sounds great!

Bythebeach · 13/12/2013 18:37

Although it may not make him less uptight/stressy! But that doesn't mean it won't be beneficial.

NoComet · 13/12/2013 18:43

School PE = an appreciable amount of exercise Hmm

DD1 saw other DCs at nursery and school everyday for 8 years, she still didn't make friends at secondary school.

DFs DCs, who were HE for all of primary all made friend at secondary no bother at all.

breatheslowly · 13/12/2013 18:46

It sounds like a good plan to me. Missing one term really doesn't sound like much and when he is making a new start at secondary, he will pretty much be in the same boat as the other children. I assume he is in year 6 - so he will miss doing SATs (not quite sure about the timing of SATs. That doesn't sound like a bad thing at all. I wonder about the benefit of spending that term in school as SATs preparation can sound like it's just cramming and exam practice. Then followed by quite a lot of arsing about.

I wonder what impact him moving at that point will make to the school's targets and results for SATs. Obviously not your concern, but the HT will be aware of the impact of this.

I imagine that many HTs believe firmly in the importance of school over home ed, otherwise they might not be HTs.

NoComet · 13/12/2013 21:07

If the HT stands to lose a pupil who would get L5 SATs he will be stressy

juule · 13/12/2013 21:42

My dd was de-registered at the end of y3. Went back to school for Y7 (start of secondary) and is now in Y11. No problems at all. if your ds is happy about missing a term then I can't see it being detrimental at all.

Swanhilda · 13/12/2013 22:07

For ds2 Year 6 was quite an enjoyable year. However he left primary with two 4's and 3 in SPAG, and overweight. Also with no special friends. I don't know what that proves, except that your HT is not surprisingly, pro-school. I wish I had taken my son out last year to bump up his academic achievement and focus on some essential skills, which school were not able to provide intervention for. At secondary it is quite difficult to remedy any gaps or issues. This IS a perfect time to take a term out, and you may never get this chance again. Also you will be able to see if ds likes Home edding, if you can cope with it, conversely whether he looks forward to secondary, misses school life. It will put a lot of things in perspective.

I am thinking of home edding next year, if this year proves unsatisfactory and ds2 STILL cannot write properly - but I wish I hadn't hung on so long, convinced that school had all the answers. School is one form of socialisation, but there are many others, if you are proactive.

Tubemole1 · 13/12/2013 22:29

The head teacher should sod off. Its your son, not hers, and you know what's right for him.

You are his mother and you are at the helm of your son's destiny. Far better he gets fresh air, fresh food and gets healthy for secondary school than remain in ban environment where he remains fraught and poorly prepared for the next stage of his life.

I think teachers interfere too much. If I was braver and more organised, I would HS my child.

Good luck. Brew Biscuit

Saracen · 13/12/2013 23:24

"dS will not be socialising with children from April til sept and that will mean he can't form friendships when at secondary school."

Piff. Just exactly how strong are the social skills which the headteacher thinks school has been instilling in your son throughout the last seven years, if six months away from school will result in the disappearance of those skills? Sounds like quite an indictment of the whole concept of learning social skills at school!

maggi · 14/12/2013 14:34

My ds didn't have friends at school. Now he has loads from all age groups. He was destructive because he was so stressed. Now he is mature and receives so many compliments on his behaviour.

At school he was always teased about being overweight (he wasn't round, he just had more flesh on his ribs than most others, but his age group clothes fitted him). Now he spends at least half a day outdoors, plus goes to the gym, plus swims. He is incredibly strong and full of energy. Pah to school PE.

You are not selfish, the HT is being selfish by thinking only his way will work.

bochead · 14/12/2013 23:16

The National curriculum only has about an hour a week allocated to PE at school. Two x 30 minutes lessons. That's not much at all, and so if he doesn't run around like a mad thing at playtimes it's easy to see how the less athletic kids start to get tubby in upper Primary.

I find it hard to understand how you could possibly give him LESS physical exercise at home tbh! A good 60 min walk round the local park daily plus 2 or 3 planned sessions would get him in tip top shape for secondary. In the summer a nice family bike ride once or twice a week sounds fun too.

MariscallRoad · 14/12/2013 23:46

You are a good mom. Heads always treat parents as if they mentally are much younger that their own children. You have a serious reasons to leave juniors. You should feel you ve done your duty well. If your ds likes home-ed you should feel you ve done your duty.

Original poster
Sleepgrumpydopey · 16/12/2013 02:42

Thank you for all the comments. You have all been really helpful. I can't believe that the Head could make me question my parenting! I think I'm a good mum and the points you have put forward help me to feel I'm doing the right thing.

Thanks

OP posts:
claraschu · 16/12/2013 02:57

Head is just selfishly thinking about SATs results.

HE for a term was great for 2 of my children, made a real difference to their enthusiasm and attitude (my third never went back to school). One of my children completely sorted out his social problems by taking a term off and getting some perspective.

Have lots of fun; I wish I could gave that special time over again.

JustGettingOnWithIt · 16/12/2013 08:27

"dS will not be socialising with children from April til sept and that will mean he can't form friendships when at secondary school."

"Piff. Just exactly how strong are the social skills which the headteacher thinks school has been instilling in your son throughout the last seven years, if six months away from school will result in the disappearance of those skills? Sounds like quite an indictment of the whole concept of learning social skills at school!"

Saracen's post is exactly what I'd like to say to your HT. Grin

No parent is selfish to consider removing their child from one type of education to another they feel is better for their child. Head will probably seek to make you feel many thing between now and then, manipulating parents perceptions is part of the job, and they can be sore losers. (some can also be lovely)

Bonsoir · 16/12/2013 08:32

I think that it is fine to HE your DC for a term but I think you should consider sending him away to sleepover camp for 2/3 weeks in the summer in order to boost his socialisation skills.

Saracen · 16/12/2013 10:14

"I think that it is fine to HE your DC for a term but I think you should consider sending him away to sleepover camp for 2/3 weeks in the summer in order to boost his socialisation skills."

Hmm, maybe, but it could easily backfire. I used to go to those camps and while I was never bullied, I never felt properly part of the group either. It was very lonely for me, and I didn't have the comfort of going home to my family every night.

I'd go in for small doses of socialising as and when he feels ready for it.

Saracen · 16/12/2013 10:20

...and I'm not sure why you're assuming that his social skills will need a boost, anyway. The OP didn't mention anything about him having difficulties in social situations.

Bonsoir · 16/12/2013 10:24

I think that any DC who does not go to school for an extended period needs to have his/her socialisation skills maintained through other sources. Socialisation skills are like any other - they wither without practice and don't develop without opportunity.

Saracen · 16/12/2013 10:54

Oh for goodness' sake. It's less than six months. And the OP wasn't proposing to shut him up in a cupboard anyway. Opportunities to practice social skills are everywhere.

I haven't been to school or summer camp for decades, and I really don't feel my social skills have withered away. Quite the opposite.

Bonsoir · 16/12/2013 11:59

Well no, because you are an adult and you mix with adults in adult life.

throckenholt · 16/12/2013 12:19

Arguably a kid that is out and about going to museums, libraries, art galleries, plus lots of physical exercise is likely to be doing a lot of social interaction. There are a lot of people out in the world that you don't see when you are in school.

And likely he will be playing with mates after school, at weekends, and over the summer holidays. Plus 2 younger siblings.

Sounds like a great chance to give him some special one to one time (I had my ds1 for a term at the end of Year 4 for 2 days a week just me and him - it was lovely).

The Head Teacher really has no say in it - you just deregister and say he is being educated elsewhere.

One thing though - if he will be going to a local secondary I would try to get involved in induction days that the rest will be doing at the end of the summer term, just so he knows as much as the rest about what secondary is like.

chocolatecrispies · 16/12/2013 19:53

Bonsoir, what makes you think that extended periods with other children and no parents is so crucial for socialisation? I agree with Saracen, I've been out of school for years and years, I spend most days in the company of my two young children and socialise with other adults maybe once a week - I would say my social skills have improved dramatically since my days of spending all day every day with people born the same year as me.

Skimty · 16/12/2013 20:39

For lots of rugby clubs that's the off season so you may need to look at a different sport :) (Volunteer coach who's looking forward already to getting her weekends back)

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