The one thing that saddens me most...

[Colleger]

Is when my friends say they couldn't bare having the kids around them all day.

I don't deny that my boys can do my head in at times but what I do know is that I'm less patient and loving with them whenever they've not been around for a while and they come back. My friends talk as if they shouldn't have their kids at home, that they should give birth and then send them away for over half of their waking day once they hit four, or sometimes before. Yes, some parents have no choice but to say they can't bare it and it would drive them nuts to have them at home just seems so wrong. :(

In just over 100 years we have taught parents that we shouldn't tolerate our children being around us for more than a few waking hours each day. :(

[exoticfruits]

Maybe colleger's DCs are still very young and want to spend lots of time with them- in which case make the most of it! Parenting is the one job where you make yourself redundant! They don't want to be with you. I loved the stage where we could all go out on a bike ride, all go to the cinema, but it doesn't last- and shouldn't. If you have done it well you get back to them actually wanting to spend time with you and go out with you- but not all the time.
I am now back to being able to do things together without them being embarrassed. Problem parents are the ones who don't let go.

[Colleger]

Firstly, I am not really a new convert to HE as both kids were HE'd when they were younger and, like seeker, I foolishly thought I couldn't give them everything they needed and wanted so sent them to an establishment (school) where they were merely bums on seats.

I am saddened that we view our kids as nuisances if they are around us for more than a few hours a day. I too felt like that, and society taught me to think that this was ok. That's probably why HE didn't work as it should have the first time round - my mindset was wrong.

But it's not all a bed of roses. My son really irritates me at times depending on my mood and his attitude. I'm sure I annoy him too. We do not spend every waking moment together but his presence around the house has been a positive one, in fact it's felt natural.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

No Collegers DC are older one is at Eton and the other who is a bit younger is now being HE rather than following his brother to BS.

[Colleger]

Just to clarify: when I comment about me being able to give him everything he needs I mean by facilitation. If he needs the company of a male mentor, I'll find one, or to be with peers, I'll send him to a group. HE has never been about my needs. If I had my way I'd be mountain climbing right now and had planned to but it's been put on hold.

[seeker]

"I am saddened that we view our kids as nuisances if they are around us for more than a few hours a day."

But "we" don't. Who has said they do?

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Colleger
Did both your sons board before senior school as well. If so you have had a different experience to many parents of schooling. Yes, the children are out of the house for a few hours a day but they spend more time with the family than they do at school each day so its not really as if parents treat them as a nuisence that they don't want to spend time with.

I am really glad that HE is working out for you and your son but I wouldn't assume that most parents regard their children as a nuisence. They might regard taking responsibility for the education of their child as something they can't or won't do.

[pictish]

I am really glad that HE is working out for you and your son but I wouldn't assume that most parents regard their children as a nuisence. They might regard taking responsibility for the education of their child as something they can't or won't do.

That ^^

You're opening your mouth and letting your belly rumble Colleger.

[Chubfuddler]

There's no need to feel sad for children who have loving parents, good food, a good education and a lively social life just because their parents feel the whole family benefits from time apart. There are children who deserve your sad faces. Street children, children used as drugs mules. You get the idea.

This is not a safe space and its certainly not one where posters are free to scatter about their "I feel sad for you" nonsense and then act faux surprised when it gets backs up.

[exoticfruits]

I have never found mine a nuisance -I don't send them to school to get them out of my hair-I sent them because I loved it and wouldn't want them to miss out. As crackcrackcrak said earlier-if I was a millionaire I would still send them to a good state school. There is no need to feel sad for them or me.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Seeker.

Once again I disagree, because your comments are completely unfounded. I have never read a post on here, nor met a H.edder who is not doing it solely for the dc. Ok they might enjoy them being around but not to the extent of not going to school, or pulling them out for selfish reasons. Of course parents need to know how H.ed will impact on their lives, the changes etc. But from what I see and hear and ime the decision has usually come from the dc not the parent. As for examining motives, I have read many parents on here doing just that before talking to their dc about the option.

[exoticfruits]

Many parents do it for themselves-as in anguished posts 'I want to HE but my DC likes school-what should I do?' (simple-it is about the child and you leave them at school)
There are also many parents who project their own negative experience at school onto their DCs. My father had some very negative experiences but I fail to see what they have to do with me-I was a different age , a different place and a different person.
There are also the families where the older ones are taken out of school and the youngest one never gets chance to go-because it would be 'inconvenient'.

[foxy6]

I can remember when my 3 oldest were little (4 ,3 and 1) i would hear parents talking about how nice school time was because they had a break from their kids and thinking how sad that was as i loved spending time with my boys and was not looking forward to them going to school. but as they got older and went to school i appreciated the time to so the things that i wanted to do and started working, then school holidays came, i would plan lots of things to do with them and looked forward to it but the boys would get board after a while and would spend half the time arguing and fighting, i would feel tired and flustered trying to keep them happy and working and having to sort out babysitters and was always glad when school started again.
i would feel guilty after as i always felt i should be doing more with them but time is not kind and goes to quickly they are 16, 15 and 13 now ( along with a dd9 and ds5 ).

[morethanpotatoprints]

Exotic.

That title was quite similar to my first post on here. But I can assure you that put into context the parent clearly sees that school isn't working for their dc, but the child is happy. Just because a child is happy doesn't make it right. I would also like to see your evidence for the rest of your statement especially the youngest never having the chance for school because of inconvenience. So do these parents with negative experiences of school H.ed for this reason then, can't say I've met many.
Do you really have any experience of H.ed exotic. I will listen to or view your evidence.

[exoticfruits]

My friend took her 2 eldest away when the youngest was a toddler-he never got the chance-it was 'inconvenient' to keep to school hours.

[exoticfruits]

If the child is happy I would say it was working. I would have been highly annoyed to have been taken away from the place that I was happy because my mother decided it wasn't working-it worked for me!

[morethanpotatoprints]

So THE families you refer to are one family you have met?
What do you base the rest of your theory. I ask as my dd was completely happy at school but is thriving now and able to fulfill all her aims and ambitions, something no school could ever offer her.

[Chubfuddler]

Home eders seem to fall into two camps - those who have effectively become their children's full time tutors in order to deliver an education superior to what was on offer in the mainstream system: I couldn't offer my child that; and those who take the "you don't have to do 9-3 you can do 6pm to 8pm" route which I think is actually inadequate; I wouldn't do that. Basically I don't want to turn my home into a school, and I wouldn't want to abandon formal education in the way some home eders do. I know that's kind of a moot criticism because to them abandoning formal education is the whole point.

[exoticfruits]

I really don't want to get into all the HE families I know. It is enough that everyone is different-if you and colleger are happy that is fine but you really don't need to feel remotely sorry for those of us who chose school. I can only think it is insecurity if you have to set out to prove that you are right/best to get the 'wonderful mummy' badge. We all do what is best for us-there is no need to judge the people who say they can't bear being with their DCs all the time-they probably don't really mean it in the first place-we all like a moan!

[seeker]

Morethan-is your dd happier now?

[morethanpotatoprints]

Exotic.

On the contrary, we can all kid ourselves we are happy or even have a perceived idea we are happy drifting along in our usual way because it is expected, until we experience something that really makes us realise how content, stress free, fullfilling, and happy our lives are. In our family H.ed has been such a positive move for all concerned but especially dd. If she was happy before then she is exststic now.

[exoticfruits]

Great for you and your DD-as I keep saying 'we are all different'.

[Chubfuddler]

That's great. But the cost of making my son ecstatic, assuming he would be if he was home educated, would be to make me really quite miserable and to reduce out household income by a good 30%. Im afraid I don't value his ecstasy over my mental health or the family finances.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Seeker.

Sorry cross post there. She is really happy and mostly greets each day so enthusiastically, much more than her school days. She loves the fact that she can do music all morning if she wants to and we do so many activities together. She isn't as tired anymore and her concontration has improved and she now feels as though she is in a position to reach her goals and ambition. I'm not sure how much you know of our story but we have 2 much older dc who went through the system and were not the same type of character as dd. They were not interested in music but we encouraged them in sport, their chosen activities. They are now 17 and 21. DD watches any programme on music, listens constsntly, loves opera even though nobody in the family does and announced at 3 years old she was going to be a musician. These were practically her first words

[seeker]

What happens if she doesn't make it as a musician?

[morethanpotatoprints]

Chub

We are all different, I am a sahm but know of many H.ed parents who work as well, not losing an income.
H.ed works really well for some families and wouldn't be good for others. I personally don't feel that a one fit all education should apply whatever the setting.
I also think there are many ill informed responses from people who don't want to H.ed which is fine if thats what you want to believe. However, when it is my particular circumstance which is questioned, criticised or wrongly assumed I feel inclined to set the record straight. I definitely don't think I am better than a parent who chooses school. But I am a better parent for my dd by allowing her to be H.ed