My daughter has said she'd like to go to school! Really not sure how I feel about it.

[mummyloveslucy]

My daughter went to a nursery attached to a private school. She loved the nursery and had several good friends. She had a lovely reception teacher, but year 1 was so much different. The teacher had little to no understanding of her SEN's. She was being punished for not being able to complete work and spending whole PE/ Dance lessons in the changing room crying as she wasn't able to dress herself. The teacher thought she was capable and putting it on.

Anyway, that's just a bit of background info. She ended up being so scared of school that we had to take her out. She did calm down so much and it was like having the old Lucy back again.
She's been HE for about 16 months now and although she goes to clubs, meets up with other children occasionally, I think she is missing having children to play with every day. She mentions her old friends quite a lot. We didn't keep in contact, so it's awkward.

I was telling her a story about my brothers first day at school and she said "That makes me miss going to school". I asked what she missed and she said seing her friends every day, play time, fun things but definatly not maths! I told her that she'd have to do maths and english and she said she will if someone helps her.

A big part of me would really miss her and miss home ed in general. Is that being selfish though? I also have other majour concerns like the fact that she still wets and soils herself very regularly. She has severe speech problems which make it hard for children to understand her. She is also extreamly sensitive. Also with her learning difficulties and processing problems, I can't see her being able to concentrate in a class of 30+ children. She finds it hard enough one to one at home if the kettles boiling or even the heating noises.

I also think that if she tries it and doesn't get on well, we will then be known to the Education authority. We've avoided that so far, as she was in a private school.

What do you advise?

OP-has your DD had a DX for her SEN? I don't HE and don't know if I would consider it in the future, for us both DS's go to mainstream primary as both DH and I work, but DS2 does have SEN and a Statement and I definately think school is the best place for him. He is very young for his 4.8yrs as he has develomental delay, and is also an August baby, and although I was very worried about him starting school it has worked out well so far. Just wondering what your DD's DX is? Would you get any support from agencies, e.g. Speech therapy etc if you HE? I have no idea about that one.

The ed psych's recommendations were things which would only really be helpful in school.

The only DX she has is a developmental delay and speech disorder. We are having speech therapy. She also sees a private therapist who does brain gym with her. She also has a bowel and bladder nurse.

Have you met up with other families who home ed near you? That could be another way for lucy to get some of the social contact she misses. I'vr heard of home ed families and groups spending days learning together, much like a very small school...

I can absolutely empathise with your fears about sending your dd to school, she had a horrible experience in Year 1. I think that when your child is struggling or vulnerable, your natural instinct is to hold them close and protect them from anything threatening. (I hate sending my dd to school some days) By home educating your dd, you have kept her safe and prevented her from becoming distressed by the unreasonable demands placed on her in her first school.

In the gentlest way possible, I would like to suggest that it is time to let her spread her wings a little. With the right school and the right support, she will be safe and get the social contact she needs. Would you be able to look at some schools to find one that you would be comfortable with?

Just checked, you are right exotic, I was misinformed. sorry OP. There is no obligation to inform, but the LA can issue a notice if they find out and think the provision is inadequate.

We do have groups and I should try to go more often. I don't drive, so it can be tricky.

Is a state school out of the question OP? I am just wondering if they would be better able to handle your daughters needs than a private school, through additional support.

Mummyloveslucy - say you'll consider it for the Autumn. Then drop the subject. If she keeps on about it, see if she can do some sort of taster at the end of the summer term. If the subject is a one week wonder, then let it be the one-week wonder of this week. Just be open and supportive and honest.

"LA can issue a notice if they find out and think the provision is inadequate."
sigh

I bet you read that on a Local Authority website.

In fact the law states in Section 7 of the Education Act 1996 provides that:
?The parent of every child of compulsory school age shall cause him to receive efficient full-time education suitable ?
(a) to his age, ability and aptitude, and
(b) to any special educational needs he may have,
either by regular attendance at school or otherwise.?

and the department of Education Guidelines to LAs state
Local authorities have no statutory duties in relation to monitoring the quality of home education on a routine basis. However, under Section 437(1) of the Education Act 1996, local authorities shall intervene if it appears that parents are not providing a suitable education.

So the LA may make informal enquiries if they have reason to believe an education is NOT taking place.

If a child has never been to school, the parents have no responsibility to inform anyone about their home based education.

As a family whose children were known, the LA asked us for a home visit, we declined -as we are legally able to do, and instead we sent in written information about the education we were providing. The children did not wish to meet the LA, nor share any of their work-so we didn't.

There is no benefit in being known to the LA IMO, and even sending written reports is a hassle home educators could do without.
There isn't a single thing that LAs could give us that I couldn't get better bigger and faster from the HE community.

I'd agree with Ommward. I would agree to review it with her at some point in the future-and then I'd be sure to do so, so she knows you are taking her seriously.

And in the meantime I'd be working on going to HE groups where possible,

As a parent whose child went to state schools and were so badly let down with regard to their SEN, I thought hell would freeze over before I'd let them near to school again.

DD2 did have a phase where she mentioned trying secondary school, but I knew at that stage of her development that they would never cope with the complexity of her needs.
I did promise that we would look at it again at regular intervals and in the meantime worked to address the issues she felt (wrongly IMO) that school would address.

She finally went back into the system at FE college level, a stage where she was much better able to cope.

"she has is a developmental delay and speech disorder. We are having speech therapy. She also sees a private therapist who does brain gym with her. She also has a bowel and bladder nurse."
From personal experience, I dread to think how much fighting you'd have to do to get this level of care in a state school personally.

Thanks Ommward, I will do that. She hasn't mentioned it since, so who knows.

She does get a much higher level of support at home than she would in any school. Some of it is paid for privatly, but she'd need time off school to attend these sessions.
The whole family help to educate her. Her Uncle teaches her geography, some maths and Latin in a very informal chatty way. Her Grandma is interested in History, so she learns a tot from her. I do some maths and english with her. It's all very relaxed and informal though. Most of the time, she thinks it's just playing different games. She is very musically tallented and plays the piano every day. When she was in school, she had no energy to do anything at home other than eat and sleep.

Hi, mummyloveslucy :)

Julie and ommward have pretty much covered what I was going to say

If it comes up again, I would say, we'll think about it in the Autumn so we're not at the end of a school year. Then I would do everything possible to up the social side for her, however difficult.

I think missing the social side is a poor reason to go back when it's probably the most easily rectified at home, with children who will have more time to play with Lucy and be far more accepting of her than you would get in a school culture. It's easy for them to think the grass is greener. Does she remember the bad bits of school, or just the good bits? I think distance can lend enchantment to the eye so maybe worth pointing out some of the bits she wasn't so keen on. She sounds as though she is having a great time at home and it's good you have got some family support.

TBH it sounds as though things are far more together for you than when you last posted. :)

If she really does keep on, you can review in the autumn, as you've said. That way you know she is truly keen.

I am lucky. DD2 had 4 years of school which was enough to know she never wants to return!

Thank you. I am really going to try to up the social side for her.
She does remember the bad points of school, but she seems to think that I can go with her this time and help her with everything. I've told her I can't. She does seem to think with all her ideas and changes, everything will be brilliant. She has a vivid imagination and does tend to live in her own fantasy world, which is lovely.

I honestly can't imagine any child who could join in with children they didn't know in the park. I think you really need to find ways to up her social life- it's hard, though.

Do you feel she's getting all the help she needs for her special needs?

She used to play with children she didn't know in parks etc. She will still do it with younger children too. So many times we go to a soft play centre, she'll come running up to me with a pre-school child who is her new beast friend. She's farmore shy with children her own age. She also loves older children of about 10+. I think she feels safer with younger or older children. They are less likely to turn her down.

She is getting all the help she needs at the moment. As she gets older, I will consider tutors and things, but at the moment she is fine. Everything we do is tailored to her and her needs. We have no other children to think about, so we can do that.

I'm also going to look into more clubs and attend more of the meet ups.

Hi fallenangle

When you say:

"You have a legal obligation to tell the local authority if you are home educating OP as they are required to monitor the education you are providing for your DD. If you don't inform them, when they find out, you may end up in court."

Which country are you thinking of?

The legal position in England is set out here
edyourself.org/articles/guidelines.php
edyourself.org/articles/helaw.php

I told Fallenangel that she was misinformed way back and she looked it up and said that she was wrong.

argh yes sorry, didn't read p2 of thread, catching up after weekend away [slinks off]