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Original poster

Feeling sad and guilty (money)

43 replies

kumquatsarethelonelyfruit · 11/03/2012 16:47

I've been home edding DS1 for nearly a year now and it's going pretty well. He says he is much happier now and never wants to return to school (he is 6). We know it is the right thing for him. The problem is that in order for me to be a stay at home mum, we got into debt (20k on a credit card) with the plan that when the DSs started school I'd return to work and pay it off (1-2 years). The problem is that now DS1 is no longer at school and DS 2 will not be going, I am going to have to pay someone to be with them all the time whilst I am at work. Also it will take me longer to pay off our debts because the childcare situation will cost lots of money. Also I need to go back sooner than I'd planned (DS2 is only 2) because jobs are getting thinner and thinner on the ground and I suspect I will have to take a big demotion and pay cut in order to get established again. Also I am an English teacher and it seems so wrong to go back to teaching when someone else will be with my two and also I feel very differently about teaching now anyway.

I don't think there's any way round it. I'm tutoring but it doesn't bring in the big amounts we need to pay off our debt and people aren't wanting it so much these days due to the credit crunch. I haven't got any other skills (even typing). It's my own fault for getting into this situation but I just feel so sad. I know the DSs will miss me a lot and I will miss them. I'm just doing up my CV now and offloading emotionally. I just wish we could win the lottery :(

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 11/03/2012 19:36

Can you go to the CAB and get some advice? I know in some cases they can negotiate ridiculously low repayments, which might mean you can still be with your kids. I can't think of anything else off the top of my head.
I really feel for you.

FirstLastEverything · 11/03/2012 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigTillyMint · 11/03/2012 19:41

You say you are an English teacher - could you do tutoring while your OH looks after your DC?

Original poster
kumquatsarethelonelyfruit · 11/03/2012 21:21

I already do tutoring but we need the money to live on. Truthfully, I will need to work for two years to get it all paid off. It needs to be paid off as we are only paying back the minimum repayment and are permanently skint with no money set aside for an emergency fund. It is our own stupid fault. We just assumed our kids would be at at school. I am just sad that someone is going to have all that time with my children whilst I'm off doing something I just don't think I believe in any more (but obviously will have to fake to get a job in the first place!) I don't think there's anything to do but bite the bullet and work. I just feel sorry for myself and wish I'd seen this coming.

OP posts:
Coconutty · 11/03/2012 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lilyfire · 11/03/2012 21:26

How many days will you have to work? I work one day a week and have a childminder/nanny for my children. They go to home ed groups or organised activities on that day. I do miss them and they say they miss me, but I also quite like having a break and some time away from them doing something 'grown up'. I could certainly imagine working 2 days a week and managing it. I know someone who works most days though and has childcare for her home educated child and that seems to be ok for them as well. I do sympathise though because I am constantly worried that I'll have to go back full time because of finances and I really wouldn't want to.

Original poster
kumquatsarethelonelyfruit · 11/03/2012 21:40

It is very hard to get P/T teaching jobs so I'll nearly certainly be going full time (IF I get a job at all as it is looking very hard to get one but that's a whole other worry). I don't know who is going to look after them. I was thinking of getting a nanny so that at least they will be in their own home. My eldest gets stressed if there is too much going on and the little one is only 2 so it'd probably be better if they were at home.

OP posts:
Original poster
kumquatsarethelonelyfruit · 11/03/2012 21:43

The DCs will definitely not be going to school. DS1 is resolute about never going back and knowing what I now know about primaries (I am a secondary teacher) and what I've seen for myself in secondaries, I don't want them to ever go (although if they wanted to, especially DS2 who won't be starting school, I would allow them to try it).

OP posts:
RandomMess · 11/03/2012 21:43

Have you got any equity in your home that you could release?

Could it be possible that your ds1 would be happier in a completely different school to the one his is in now? How about one of those new schools, any being set up in your area?

Sounds like it's a very difficult situation to be in.

Original poster
kumquatsarethelonelyfruit · 11/03/2012 21:49

I don't want to send them to any school. DS would be devastated and feel betrayed. I would rather that someone else home edded him than that he went to school.I have promised him that he will never have to go to school again and I will keep that promise. I think me working my arse off for two years is the best option. Then I can be at home with them both, well, forever! I just feel sorry for myself right now and wish that I could get a big wodge of money to solve all this. Mind you, there are plenty of people worse off than us.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 11/03/2012 21:53

Hmm any money in setting up one of those "new" schools - sorry can't remember the name of them. Just for a handful of children ?

exoticfruits · 11/03/2012 22:03

Could you not just find a very different school? You can't class them altogether. Does he know that his experience was with one particular school and that they are all very different?

RandomMess · 11/03/2012 22:07

There are some truly lovely, very small, unique indi schools where I live - the parents have to help - sort of more like home ed on a large scale IYSWIM

Original poster
kumquatsarethelonelyfruit · 11/03/2012 22:24

I know my son! He wants to be at home so he shall remain at home.

OP posts:
Saracen · 11/03/2012 22:57

Depending what your total family income will be, it's possible that you won't have to pay out as much for childcare as you expect. If your income is low enough and you work enough hours then Tax Credits will subsidise the childcare. It makes no difference whether the childcare is for a "school-aged" child, and whether it happens during school hours. The maximum subsidy is quite high, 70% I think.

You could play about with an online benefits calculator to give yourself an idea of where you would stand with various scenarios. I know everything is changing with benefits in future, but still.

SugarPeaSnap · 11/03/2012 23:40

oooh I really feel for you.

Just throwing more ideas in the ring here:

Have you thought about childminding or after school pick ups? That way you can still be with your children whilst earning a bit of money.

Or Reading Recovery Teaching in a Primary school for a few years? I've heard from a reliable source near me that in our area there are going to be a lot more reading recovery jobs coming up in September. You get trained, and only work mornings five days a week so although less pay, you'd still have more of each day with your boys. I don't think it would be out of the question for a secondary english teacher to make that kind of career move, and it's 1:1 too so less of a shock after the culture of HE.

I really feel your pain. I'm on the verge of not sending my son to school in Sept because i think it would most likely be too stressful for him and undermining of his quirky little nature, but at the same time I am terrified of making a commitment to him that makes us so financially insecure and the longer I don't teach the less employable I become.

What about Evening work? And marking exam papers intensively in the summer?

SugarPeaSnap · 11/03/2012 23:47

Sorry, I just read what you said about your eldest getting stressed if there's too much going on - obviously childminding probably out of the question. My DS is similar.

Mrsrobertduvall · 12/03/2012 07:13

Has something happened at his last school?
You can't lump them all together.
There must be more to this.

Tearsofthemushroom · 12/03/2012 07:30

Will you be able to find a nanny who is prepared to home ed an older child? You would have to trust someone who is not qualified to teach your DS. I don't know if you would struggle to find a term time only nanny either which would increase the cost a lot. As a teacher you would not get tax credits so there is not much help financially.

StealthPolarBear · 12/03/2012 07:36

Will it nor cost an arm and a leg to hire a nanny who you think is able to teach? What happens at secondary? I don't know how much you or dh earns but how fast realistically will you pay off debts? You mentioned huge pay cut. How would the amt you bring in compare to weekend or evening work with no cchildcare?

mummytime · 12/03/2012 07:44

Okay, you do some tutoring. Have you offered your services for GCSE among the HE community? How much do you charge? I pay £30 an hour to a friend for French tutoring, and a group of HEs could pay a bit more and that between them, and it's much cheaper than the NEC. What about Easter revision classes, they pay quite well, and you might be able to get your kids into holiday clubs. What about Exam marking? Or working for an FE college or Adult Ed, or even TEFL.
Also I wouldn't be so negative about part time work, of course it depends on where you live but here there is a huge demand for English teachers, and lots would consider employing part time one.
Can you also economise, lots of tips for that on mnet. If your DH is not a teacher you can do any holidays out of the school term.

Saracen · 13/03/2012 00:47

Tearsofthemushroom, I'm confused. Are you saying that teachers are ineligible for Tax Credits? On what basis are they excluded?

I wouldn't imagine it would be particularly difficult to find a home educating nanny or that this would cost more than any other nanny. I know HE parents who would jump at the opportunity to do this job if they could bring their own child(ren) with them. Qualifications aren't really relevant to home education, so that doesn't really factor into it. If children can thrive while being home educated by an "unqualified" parent then why not by an "unqualified" nanny? Home education isn't really like teaching.

exoticfruits · 13/03/2012 07:23

Could you not do a swap with another HE parent? Any childcare care costs are going to negate the reason for working.

Tearsofthemushroom · 13/03/2012 08:36

Just that you will probably earn over the new threshold to be eligible for tax credits I am afraid. I think it I around £26000 and working tax credits even less.

roastveg · 13/03/2012 09:24

You say you don't believe in teaching any more and will have to 'fake it' - would it help to remind yourself that there are plenty of kids out there who would not be best at home and home educated (for whatever reason)? Even if you personally believe they are only a minority, that minority still need schools and teachers.

I know that doesn't address your main problem, but I wondered if it might make you feel a bit happier about having to work again.