My poor ds1........

[becaroo]

......I took him out of school in January as he was miserable and being made to feel stupid because he couldnt read at the level he was "supposed" to be reading at. There were a lot of other issues too but that was the main one.

Anyway, I have been HEing him since then and we love it, however, literacy is still a real sticking block for him. I am using "Yes we can read" albeit I am going slowly..only 1 page per session (about 3 sessions per week) as opposed to the 20 mins a day it recommends.

Yesterday he read the page and did really well but he just has no confidence in his ability at all. He got very upset and told me that he "was left behind in school" and that "the other children could read I and I couldnt" and that "I will never learn" and that he is "too slow".

I am heartbroken. He is such a sweet kid and so clever! His vocab is fantastic and he knows what the words he uses mean.

He does no reading now (apart from yes we can read) because it was just getting too stressful and now if he wants we read to him. He watches lots of dvds and likes imaginary play.

I dont know what more I can do to build up his confidence....I praise him all the time, I tell him how well he is doing but he doesnt beleive me.

Am I doing something wrong? I cant just let him watch dvds and play outside for the next 9 years!!!!!

Feel lost and a failure as a mother and home educator

how are other subjects going with DS1, Becaroo?

Hi MMM

Numeracy is going well - we use CGP workbooks and mathswhizz.com. Science - we also use CGP workbooks (albeit not for a while.) He has got loads of science esperiments to do actually - we havent got round to it yet!!

I am starting ICT with him when we get this old nightmare of a PC out and get the shiney new laptop up and running

Other than literacy and numeracy I think you need to go with what the individual child is interested in, hence the science and ICT.

He is not fussed about art, although he is good at colouring in and drawing.

He hated music at school (I think he once told his class that his fave song was "Dont stop me now" by Queen and because it wasnt lady gaga/JLS/beyonce etc he was made fun of ) Although his fave song at the moment is "bad romance" by lady gaga!

I am now not sure about following the NC anyway as not sure what the new govt plans are re: NC in schools. I am thinking they are going to overhaul it seeing as they are promoting academies and "free" schools which will be more autonomous.

Am going to concentrate on having a nice stress free summer and come september have a rethink.

DS1 will be delighted he is having the summer "off"

I would really work on ensuring he loves books. I have friends who do drama therapy with children with reading dificulties, which helps them overcome their fear or books.

I would also recommend at least looking at something like Phono-Grpahix (borrow it from the library if possible) and see if that gives you ideas that might work, and that you could bring in as games.

Do have a look at autonomous education, as it shows you that you can never really "have a summer off" just learning in a different way. (BTW my kids are at school,but still learn a lot in the summer holidays.)

Becaroo - Re-read the Liz Waterland book if you're getting 'lost' in phonics. I've recently had to do that after I got a bit 'teacher-happy' with DD2! It helped a load to remind myself how children learn best from an apprenticeship approach.

And let's face it, they learn most other things that way - they don't just get up and walk usually, but spend some time walking round furniture and being held by the hands by their parents. They learn to potty train from us doing it 'for' them ie. inviting them to sit on the potty/loo at certain times etc.

I also agree with mummytime about re-looking at autonomous learning. I found it really intriguing to read your summary of how your DS is doing to MMM. My DD1 is the same age, and I would have to really think to be able to break down all her knowledge and experiences into different subjects. I have spent the last few years trying to train myself not to want to think about how well she's doing in terms of subjects, though, so I guess I've nearly got there if your post made such an impact on me!

I now have two goals for my children - that they grow up happy and knowing how to be happy without hurting anyone; and that they remain curious. The first is easy to monitor. The second is monitored by whether or not they ask questions. I try not to be bothered what the questions are about and trust that they'll learn what they need to learn if I don't interfere and upset the balance. Just like I could trust that they'd get enough fat and fluid in my breastmilk if I just let them go at their own pace.

DD2 (5.5) is just wanting to learn to read now, and is doing it differently to DD1, but phonics still bamboozles her. We talk about letter sounds, and common blends and rhymes only when they come up in the books we're reading. She likes playing with words, and she likes reading scheme books so we often come across books with, for example, lots of 'looks' and 'tooks' in, so we'll go and find other words that end in 'ook'.

I'm enjoying it more than when DD1 learnt to read, because DD2 wants more input from me than DD1 did - I guess that says a lot about myself and my need/want to be involved and, maybe even in control?

Gosh, what a self-indulgant, reflective rant you've inspired in me! Sorry!

I really enjoyed your rant

Hehe, me too! You on FB for a chat?

beware of overpraising him

if he is nervous about it, and doubting himself he may feel under more pressure to achieve if you praise him a lot. he may feel that he HAS to get that level of praise all the time, and if he is unsure then that could be quite offputting

i would encourage him to read bits and pieces, and try and get him to read stuff to you now and then, but just realy low-key. no praising, just "hey, you read that!" if he reads a page or whatever

Good point, tiy. Some children need more praise than others. It puts my DD1 off, but really encourages my DD2.

ooh, Bad Romance? good taste :o
my parents saw LG live the other week. I'm so jealous. even my dad loved it, and he's normally (like me) found listening to Beethoven, Bizet et al!

it's great to have an eclectic taste. 'tis one of the reasons I'm pro-HE - less of this 'you must like the same as everyone else or you are not cool'

somehow I grew up not caring about fitting in, here's hoping our kids can do the same and just be themselves.

very good point from TIY, I'd never thought of that.

becaroo - can't remember which board, I need to look it up again myself, but there was a thread on child-friendly, easy science experiments somewhere on MN recently.

Mrs wobble said:

"I now have two goals for my children - that they grow up happy and knowing how to be happy without hurting anyone; and that they remain curious. The first is easy to monitor. The second is monitored by whether or not they ask questions"

I completely agree

Have had a chat with ds1 this morning about how he finds phonics hard and doesnt like it and that we are going to try a different approach and phonics is only one way to learn to read. I told him that mummy didnt learn to read with phonics and I do ok!!!!

Thanks again for all the input...much appreciated.

becaroo said:

"Have had a chat with ds1 this morning about how he finds phonics hard and doesnt like it and that we are going to try a different approach and phonics is only one way to learn to read. I told him that mummy didnt learn to read with phonics and I do ok!!!!"

I rather hope that your son's apparent dislike of 'phonics' is a result of that dreadful 'Yes we can read' scheme (which,I can assure you, was not a proper phonic scheme at all! It was just 'look and say' with a nod in the direction of 'phonics')

On the one hand I would hate to think you were going round badmouthing 'phonics' on the strength of your son's reaction to a scheme which no-one with any expertise in teaching synthetic phonics would touch with a barge pole.

On the other hand, I would be relieved to know that it wasn't synthetic phonics which put him off!

Do keep reporting back on how sucessful your 'different approach' is.

Hi becaroo,
the following websites might be of interest to you.

www.jordanseyes.com/

www.irlenuk.com/

My son really struggled until my GP referred us to an orthoptist at our local NHS hospital,he too had 20/20, but turned out to be his tracking ability was way below the norm. Two years and a few eye exercises later he has no problems in reading, with the exception that sometimes (rarely) his eyes get tired.

thanks fava will check those out x