Tutors at university

[ByeAgain]

My son is in his first year studying a science subject at Oxbridge. Struggling and feeling stupid which I know is kind of par for the course. Has friends and is overall happy. But when revising at home he gets very upset and frustrated when he doesn’t understand stuff. Won’t ask his peers or supervisors for help.

Are there tutors who can support with academic work at this level? I am more familiar with tutors at secondary school so would value any advice as to how to start looking for someone.

Thanks.

[Overtheatlantic]

He should contact his course tutor for guidance. If he’s doing the work and turning it in then his course tutor should be willing to provide some additional guidance. This might not be an individual meeting but they can certainly incorporate it into the next tutorial. First year is quite often very challenging and he has to find a way to ask for help. He won’t be the only one. Pastoral support is also an option for help.

[Dearover]

There will be a team of pastoral fellows within his college who can help with academic welfare issues if he is struggling. DC spent all 3 years feeling like the thickest person in the room. The 1 to 1 or 2 tutorial system can add to the pressure when everyone else gives the impression that they are flying.. However, once my DC spoke to the academic welfare team they were given support within their college.

[ByeAgain]

Thanks for the advice. But they are adamant they will not seek help within the college. They want to be seen as ‘normal’. I also want them to meet up with the student welfare person for anxiety but they are refusing. Stubborn as hell. They want someone they can run complex questions by in the holidays that has nothing to do with their university. Very frustrating as a parent.

[Dearover]

Does he have Collections over the next couple of weeks or is he just heading straight towards prelims? Results from either may provide the push he needs to ask for help.

[anoxfordtutor]

He really should go to speak to his college tutor (or at least one of his other tutors if he finds the college tutor difficult for any reason). He definitely won't be the only one. I find that at least half of my 1st year students come to me at some point in their first year to tell me that they are worried about how they are doing. Every single one of them also tells me that everyone else on the course is doing well and seems to find things easy. Of course I know that's not the case! Usually I can reassure them that in fact they are doing fine and have nothing to worry about, though I also give them targeted advice. We have graduate students who are available to work with them on areas they are finding tricky (and a college budget that pays for this). I am not sure that all colleges have such a formal scheme but they are likely to have something available.

Please persuade him to talk to his tutor, the tutor really will be used to it.

[ByeAgain]

@Dearover

Does he have Collections over the next couple of weeks or is he just heading straight towards prelims? Results from either may provide the push he needs to ask for help.

Mocks next week and then proper exams a few weeks later. He just has to ‘pass’ but says he won’t. He has form for underestimating himself.

[poetryandwine]

@anoxfordtutor

He really should go to speak to his college tutor (or at least one of his other tutors if he finds the college tutor difficult for any reason). He definitely won't be the only one. I find that at least half of my 1st year students come to me at some point in their first year to tell me that they are worried about how they are doing. Every single one of them also tells me that everyone else on the course is doing well and seems to find things easy. Of course I know that's not the case! Usually I can reassure them that in fact they are doing fine and have nothing to worry about, though I also give them targeted advice. We have graduate students who are available to work with them on areas they are finding tricky (and a college budget that pays for this). I am not sure that all colleges have such a formal scheme but they are likely to have something available.

Please persuade him to talk to his tutor, the tutor really will be used to it.

Edited

This, OP. The PGs who are plugged into the system are the best 121 tutors for your DS, whether his College has a budget to pay or whether, as at my university, the student pays.

I am not at Oxbridge but at a highly ranked Russell Group university and everything @anoxfordtutor says, except for having a budget for 121 tutoring, resonates with me. Really, your DS is quite typical and I hope it will help him to know that. Please encourage DS to follow @anoxfordtutor ’s advice. Best wishes to him

[poetryandwine]

PS If DS absolutely will not seek help within his university, which is a grave mistake on several levels, the next best thing would be to seek out a highly ranked PhD programme in his field. Contact the Teaching and Learning Office and ask them to recommend some PhD students who are good tutors, then see if any of these people will do online tutoring sessions

But this is very distasteful to me. The best scholars are profoundly humble and not ashamed to admit what they do not know, Albert Einstein being a quintessential example. I fear it will lead DS into a kind of intellectual double life that will do him no good - although I am not implying any ethical problem. I think he would ultimately be better off following the advice from @anoxfordtutor Best wishes to him

[BeBesideTheSea]

The absolute worst thing your DS can do is not ask for help. He needs, in the nicest possible way, to get over himself. None of his peers is even thinking about him - they are all too busy worrying about their own performance.
The only ones judging him is his tutors - and they are wondering whether he is too arrogant, too deluded, or too stupid to ask for help!
Part of being an adult learner is taking self responsibility and asking for help. If he doesn’t get the hang of that in his first year it is only going to get much worse in later years - for his mental health he needs to stop bottling it up and trying to struggle on by himself.

[T2H]

He should also remember that the pass mark is only 40% and 2:1 level (or good) is 60% . He may be comparing his work with A levels where he was probably getting 99 or 100% but no one can get that in Uni exams.
Also be assured that tutors will pick up if the start of exam terms go badly and give extra advice/support.
if you’re really worried about his mental health then you can let the College’s welfare lead know and ask them to follow up with him. They won’t report back to you as he’s an adult, but they’d rather know if you have serious concerns.

[MistyBerkowitz]

@BeBesideTheSea

The absolute worst thing your DS can do is not ask for help. He needs, in the nicest possible way, to get over himself. None of his peers is even thinking about him - they are all too busy worrying about their own performance.
The only ones judging him is his tutors - and they are wondering whether he is too arrogant, too deluded, or too stupid to ask for help!
Part of being an adult learner is taking self responsibility and asking for help. If he doesn’t get the hang of that in his first year it is only going to get much worse in later years - for his mental health he needs to stop bottling it up and trying to struggle on by himself.

This.

[ByeAgain]

@BeBesideTheSea

The absolute worst thing your DS can do is not ask for help. He needs, in the nicest possible way, to get over himself. None of his peers is even thinking about him - they are all too busy worrying about their own performance.
The only ones judging him is his tutors - and they are wondering whether he is too arrogant, too deluded, or too stupid to ask for help!
Part of being an adult learner is taking self responsibility and asking for help. If he doesn’t get the hang of that in his first year it is only going to get much worse in later years - for his mental health he needs to stop bottling it up and trying to struggle on by himself.

The only ones judging him is his tutors - and they are wondering whether he is too arrogant, too deluded, or too stupid to ask for help

This could not be further from my shy, anxious quiet child who doubts himself and thinks he is a failure. He would be devastated to know this is what tutors think of him.

[Needmoresleep]

Well, what is holding him back for asking?

University is about learning how to study effectively as much as the learning itself. Most students will struggle one way or another. He should also stop comparing himself to others. Many of the confident ones who seem to be strolling through their first year will either have gone to the sort of school where university style study techniques were introduced in sixth form, or come from families where high powered parents debated around the dinner table.

[ViciousCurrentBun]

I’m sat next to my Professor DH who is an Oxbridge graduate he said that you only learn by asking questions and clarifying information. He was happy to ask when he was in college all those decades ago. He is always assisting students with their queries. He just said he likes people asking as it shows they are bloody paying attention, plus in his field if they mess up they could blow up stuff and kill people directly and then indirectly.

[BeyondMyWits]

He really does just need to ask.

DD found she just did not understand the intricacies of a topic she was studying and privately asked the guy who was teaching it if he could explain it to her. He was delighted to do so, she understood it much better, he added some stages to the way he taught it... everybody benefits.

She then felt confident enough to choose his exam question and did well in that exam, as well as feeling able to ask others when needed. It can seem overwhelming, but he just needs to ask for help.

[MistyBerkowitz]

@Needmoresleep

Well, what is holding him back for asking?

University is about learning how to study effectively as much as the learning itself. Most students will struggle one way or another. He should also stop comparing himself to others. Many of the confident ones who seem to be strolling through their first year will either have gone to the sort of school where university style study techniques were introduced in sixth form, or come from families where high powered parents debated around the dinner table.

Or they are asking for help in stuff they’re struggling with because they recognise that they’re at an institution of higher education, and that’s what the academic/support staff are for? The OP’s son won’t know that they are or aren’t.

I’m also an academic who had an Oxford job (humanities) aeons ago, but he one thing that holds good across all institutions I’ve ever taught at is that it’s the students who don’t engage with the resources on offer that fail, regardless of whether it’s disorganisation, arrogance, fear, or insecurity that prevents them.

It’s crazy to be considering paying lots of money for private tutoring when your child is at an institution with so many resources.

[poetryandwine]

@ByeAgain

The only ones judging him is his tutors - and they are wondering whether he is too arrogant, too deluded, or too stupid to ask for help

This could not be further from my shy, anxious quiet child who doubts himself and thinks he is a failure. He would be devastated to know this is what tutors think of him.

OP, we well know the shy, anxious quiet ones are reluctant to seek help and it isn’t arrogance. So this was slightly harsh. But it is in fact stupid not to get the best help you can, and that is at source. The stealth help idea I reluctantly outlined above may perpetuate feelings of isolation and guilt, even though it does not inherently raise an ethical issue, which make things worse in the long run.

Every year I have at least one personal tutee convinced they are the weakest student in our large School. No, the weakest student in our School is blowing off their work and not even considering this question. It’s the same at Oxbridge.

Why not show your DS this thread? The underlying message is that his tutors want to help and are the best people to do so. BTW, his exams will be marked anonymously. He may not know that yet.

[InAMillion]

Tutors are there to help it's their job

He only has to ask

Hopefully the Tutor will actually help and isn't some kind of obnoxious arrogant prick


My DS is just about to take his A Levels and is going to talk to his Chemistry teacher today about a question that came up in a past paper he did and just can't find how to answer it in the spec or anything they've covered so far

My DS is a stubborn sod but he has learnt it's ok to ask if he needs it. He found it really difficult at first but now feels he has more of a connection to his subjects and tutors once a dialogue has been started.
It opens up the door for any future dialogues

[Needmoresleep]

A few years back when DC were UGs, I was having coffee with a friend whose first year DD was struggling. My DS had had a wobble at a similar point, had gone along to the lecturers office hour and got, effectively, a 1:1 coaching session in study skills.

My friend said her DD would be reluctant to do this. It would be a bit like knocking on the school staff room door at lunch time.

My DC had been at the local private school, hers at the nearby state (who did not offer DD a place!) At DCs school, with the advantage of being in smaller, more academically homogeneous classes, and more teaching hours, there was an expectation that you should, could and would ask questions until you understood. So no big deal to continue asking questions at University. At various points school teachers encouraged study buddies, pairing up stronger and weaker mathematicians in a Year 9 form group, encouraging a very academic girl to allow dyslexic DD to photocopy her class notes and help with revision strategies. At University both DC gained a lot by working closely with peers, supporting and gaining support as they needed it.

My friend's DD finally plucked up the courage to approach the tutor, found everyone really helpful and made the important step up in level. Indeed she stayed on for a Masters, then a PhD.

Inter alia DD found Imperial's voluntary "essay club" the most effective English teaching she ever had. Perhaps because it was targeted specifically for scientists.

[SleepingisanArt]

Yes you can get undergraduate level tutors (I know several - they are more expensive than those who tutor school age children but their results prove they're worth it). Google for undergraduate tutors and see if there's one who would suit your son. (They tend to be remote, over the Internet but able to fit around lectures.)

[anoxfordtutor]

If his tutors think there is a problem then he should already know that. At the end of every term he should get a report from anyone teaching him on the 'TMS' system. If there are any problems then they should be flagged up in the report. If there are really serious problems then the tutor is likely to proactively raise them with the student in term. College tutors will usually organise an end of term meeting to go through reports with their students and give any advice for areas to work on in the vac. If these have all been straightforward then he is probably doing fine. That's not to say that he shouldn't ask for advice. If a student has encountered problems then tutors will often be very generous with time and pointing students to other sources of help (such as a good grad student). It's really unlikely that the tutors are judging him as being arrogant etc. This is all very normal and they will have seen lots of 1st years with similar worries.

[omgz]

I'm an academic. Just tell him it is completely normal and expected that students go to their tutors to ask questions. We don't think those students are stupid. It's the ones who don't use the resources provided to them (academic office hours being one of them) to sort out problems that I am most frustrated by.

The peers that he is comparing himself to will be emailing/visiting tutors and asking for clarification and guidance. It is often the more engaged and ambitious students that get in touch with me.

There will also be study skills resource at the university, separate from his tutors. e.g. a 'centre for academic skills' or similar. That can help with more general issues around academic study. Subject specific issues are better directed to tutors though.

If it helps him to feel better about this, he should take some time to think about what he is finding hard, and organise his thoughts into a few key questions, so he can present himself as a sensible, proactive student, rather than just a rambling mess. Although, to be clear, I've dealt with many rambling messes in my time and have felt nothing but empathy for them.

I would say that I would be quite judgemental of an undergraduate student who had a private tutor. Partly because there are risks about academic integrity if they are involved with any assessments, but mainly because universities provide all the support and resources a student needs and it seems like an indication that the student is unwilling to be proactive about their studies and is resisting their development into an independent learner.

Your son is paying £££££ a year to do this course, and to be unwilling to take the opportunities provided to them via the university (whether wellbeing or academic support) is concerning and non-sensical. Literally no one will have any opinion about him accessing university services.

[BeyondMyWits]

As @omgz says they are paying thousands of pounds a year to have access to the experts in their field of study.

Why would you pay more money on top to someone else? His teachers/professors/whatever will be the ones setting the assignments and exam questions , make use of their knowledge, their way of teaching will fit with their expectations of how the examined work is approached.

Use their expertise - it has been paid for!

[ElaineMBenes]

@BeyondMyWits

As @omgz says they are paying thousands of pounds a year to have access to the experts in their field of study.

Why would you pay more money on top to someone else? His teachers/professors/whatever will be the ones setting the assignments and exam questions , make use of their knowledge, their way of teaching will fit with their expectations of how the examined work is approached.

Use their expertise - it has been paid for!

100% this.
As an academic I'd be pretty unhappy if my students were paying tutors to support them when that's my job and i know my course/modules better than anyone.

[NoNotHimTheOtherOne]

1. Why does he think those pastoral tutors are employed, if "normal" students don't need any pastoral support?
2. University courses are designed and assessed by the university. Courses in the same subject at different universities will be different in terms of content, delivery and assessments. There isn't a published syllabus or past papers in the public domain for a third-tutor to work from. There is no reason to assume anyone outside your university knows anything about the curriculum or assessments, and putting your faith in them as supplementary tutors is extremely risky.