DS1 off to Uni and I'm struggling

[gingina]

That's it really. He's my first born and it's just hit me that he's really going. He's got his A levels and secured his place. He's so excited and I'm trying not to show it but I'm feeling devastated.
Someone give me a slap and tell me I'm a silly cow!!!

[PUGaLUGS]

DS1 was a gamer too @gingina 😊. Not so much now though.

Your DS will be just fine x

I did DS a survival box - a pack of socks, a pack of trunks (underwear) a £20 note, some paracetamol, a bar of chocolate, a pack of biscuits and a pack of condoms. This was that last thing I gave him just before DH and I left him in his accommodation.

[TonTonMacoute]

Mine was at boarding school full time for six years, and I was still in pieces when he went off to university.

It’s quite natural to feel sad at parting, but it does get much easier to bear when you know that they are having a great time.

It also reduces the grocery bills quite significantly .

[Groovee]

I used to work 3 days a week then the job I was doing advertised for 5 days so I applied and got it. Am convinced the reason was to keep myself busy.

[chocatoo]

I am not worried about DD going - I know she will be fine. I am worried about me as I will miss her beyond words. I know it has to happen but I am going to feel so lonely.

[fulhamgirly]

So good to hear others are in the same boat. Son missed his first choice and is gutted. Waiting to hear if he has accommodation at Sussex. He's very reserved and shy and doesn't want to joing any of the Twitter or Facebook chats for his uni. Really worried that he won't come out of his room.or make friends. I haven't stopped crying for days now and that's just not me !

[MakeItStopNeville]

I found the build up very overwhelming but when it came down to it, when we dropped him off, he was so proud and happy it was impossible to feel anything but excitement for him. Then I came home, sat on his bed and sobbed for about two hours.

That was 3 years ago and now I can’t wait for him to go back! I love my kids to death but we’re all exactly where we should be. And you will be too!

[Bakeandyarn]

The build up to results was awful and then as soon as we got them, you’re into uni mode with forms to fill in etc. I’ve been feeling really emotional, DS is first of my two to go. It’s horrid because this is what I wanted for him so I feel like I’m being selfish. I would never let him know because I want him to have this amazing opportunity.

[Dumbledoresgirl]

I know it is hard but you will adjust. I have had 2 leave for uni and this year my only dd is going. The second she told me she had had written confirmation via track that she her place had been confirmed, ie even before she had her a level results, I felt my eyes pricking (though I hid it of course).

What helps for me is thinking of it, as badbadkitten said, as though they are going off to boarding school, though mine have never done that. They still essentially live at home, they are just away for the term.

The first term is the hardest. I know I felt very sad for a week or two, then you start to adjust. It is always so exciting to see them again. The pain when they leave after Christmas is less than the pain in September, and by Easter, it is quite easy to let them go as the summer term is often short.

Remember you can still talk to them via Skype etc. I actually talked to my reclusive ds1 more via Skype than I sometimes did when he was home!


And maybe try to give yourself a treat or a distraction? We unexpectedly adopted a stray kitten a couple of weeks after ds2 started uni. Maybe go away for a weekend, or just enjoy having less housework, or eating food your child has never liked. There are positives to be found if you look for them.

[feliciabirthgiver]

I hope this poem gives you strength.

[feliciabirthgiver]

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

[Hoozz]

Keeping in touch.
I tried not to insist on any particular thing as I wanted them to get it touch because they wanted to rather than out of duty.
Skype, messenger, what's app or phone.
They all do it differently. Some much more than others.
DC1 used to Skype once or twice a week which was lovely because I could see his face and I felt I could judge how he was feeling much more than in a phone call. He also used to phone sometimes when he was walking from A toB.
DC2 Skyped once and never again. To be fair it felt a bit like hospital visiting as he didn't have much to say. However he kept up a constant stream of messages and photos.
So they both kept in touch in different ways.
With both DCI knew if they were down or unhappy because the contact increased. If I didn't hear from m them it meant they were ok, busy and happy.

[Sidge]

For those of you with shy and introverted children - I really worried about DD when she went off. She'd had a really tricky time at 6th form, felt like an outsider, suffered extremely with social anxiety and depression (and actually was referred for ASD assessment and found to be borderline, probable Aspergers).

She went into Halls and I was convinced she'd shut herself away and not make the most of university. BUT she persevered, and she found her tribe (of fellow nerds! They get together regularly to play DaD and game online)

She goes to the SU and joins in the social aspects but finds it difficult; however to her credit she has persevered and has a really lovely little group of friends and they all look out for each other.

She texts me fairly often, calls when walking between lectures/seminars etc and Facetimes occasionally. I tend to think no news is good news as it means she's having a good time! She did really well in her end of year exams and is excited about going back in September.

I still worry and I do miss her hugely but I'm so glad she is growing up into a lovely young adult.

[MrsMozart]

Have a hug lass.

My last is about to go into her final year and I still find it hard.

I asked my sister how long it took to get used to them being away, her reply "Usually 'till the day before they're due back".

[gingina]

Oh my goodness this thread is wonderful. You have all described exactly how I feel. Thank you for the hand holding.
I'm off to Home Bargains today to get him some bits ... Going to keep busy and try not to wallow !!!

[Chocolatedeficitdisorder]

My DD got a year long scholarship to study in China when she left school. I remember smiling at her, but being completely gutted as she disappeared through security at the airport. When I got home I felt completely bereaved and couldn't go into her room for a few weeks. She kept in touch via Skype and we both got used to it eventually.

Now she's been back a year and finished her first year at Uni about an hour away from home. She's been staying home over the summer but moved back into a flat last week. This time, I couldn't wait for her to leave!

[dancinfeet]

I know how you feel, my eldest DD is going to dance college next Friday. Only one and a half hrs commute away, and she will be home every Saturday for work (and hopefully will stay for the weekend sometimes) but I'm still a bit sad - house will be so quiet with only me and youngest DD!

[speakout]

Just joining this thread- DD is off to Uni next week.
I thought I was holding up well but I am feeling so sad today.

She is such a sparkly force around the house - where did all those years go?

[Hoozz]

I'm sure it's harder with an only child. The blow was definitely softened when DC1 went because I had one at home still. It was much, much harder when the second one went.

They do come home for long periods. Also both of mine came home for a weekend mid term.
Youngest is going back for his third year next week. He's been back since early June so we have all got used to it.
There is a song that reminds me of a holiday the summer before they went and it makes me cry.

[speakout]

Hoozz yes, I didn't feel so bad when my son went on a gap year abroad-
although in the weeks before his return the Pampers ad was on TV with the song "I'm coming Home" I would well up every time.

He did come home and he is still here!

DD is going to a local University but will be living in halls- the short distance makes it easier.

Her Uni course only gives her 3 weeks summer holiday- so I will make sure I grab one of those weeks for a girly week in Greece!

[SureIusedtobetaller]

It is hard initially- but my second child is just going into second year and honestly I’m ok now (and I’m inclined to be a bit miserable about stuff sometimes). They are home A LOT.
I like having less washing.

[starfleet]

DS is an only and will be leaving for university in a couple of weeks.

Selfishly I'm not ready to let him go just yet but I also know that this is his time and he is ready for the next step. I am so proud of the young man he has become and know that he'll have the most amazing experience, make new friends and just enjoy life.

I'll probably sob like a loon on the drive home but then suck it up and be happy that he is doing something that he wants to do.

[gingina]

I've mostly got my head round it but he's being so lovely at the moment and spending more time with me than usual and last night I just looked at him and felt so sad that he isn't going to be here in a few weeks.
Trying to keep busy helps but it's going to be a hard few weeks

[Rassy]

Woke up this morning and first thought was that a week today DD1 is of to Edinburgh Napier

[Groovee]

Dd goes today. I'm only just holding back the tears.

[Marmie4]

Groovee didn't realize some leave as early, hope it goes well.

Starfleet that could have been written by me, you sum up my sentiments exactly, really going to make the most of the next 2 weeks.