Guest post: "Girls still think getting sweaty isn't for them"

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

We're about to embark on another glorious summer of sport, but for much of the population the exploits of Jessica Ennis-Hill in Brazil and the England men's team in France will have little impact on our everyday lives.

We know why, we've all seen the headlines: girls and women are not doing enough sport or exercise. Despite the increased visibility of female sporting role models, we're in the middle of an obesity crisis in this country and it's women and girls who are most at risk. Only 12% of 14-year-old girls do enough exercise, meanwhile one third of girls aged 12-15 in England are deemed overweight or obese. The estimated impact on the nation as a whole is startling: physical inactivity costs the UK economy £7.4bn a year.

The question is - why do so many women and girls have such a dysfunctional relationship with sport? While women's sport is more visible than ever (though still not visible enough, accounting for just 2% of all sports coverage in newspapers in 2013), why are we still getting it so wrong at grassroots level?

As someone who consistently bunked PE lessons throughout secondary school, now I'm a mum I find myself thinking a lot about how to make sure my daughter's relationship with sport and physical activity is a more positive one. Because although the policies are changing – such as the FA raising the age limit for girls and boys to play football together to 18 years – the culture is not.

I came across far too many depressing stories while researching for Eat Sweat Play. Like the mum who told me her eight-year-old daughter hates playing football in PE lessons because the boys refuse to pass to the girls and so they end up standing around getting cold and bored. Or the bright young football coach who told me that England women's success at the World Cup last year brought girls to his Under-10s football coaching sessions, but no matter how good they are the boys still won't accept them. Meanwhile, on my local parenting message board, mums lament that their five-year-old daughters cannot join a football session because the boys taking part are already so advanced the girls would be sidelined before they even start.

These examples are significant because they refute the common assumption that the problems for girls and sport begin at puberty. While periods and boobs are a barrier for girls taking up sport, or continuing to be active, the roots of the thing are much deeper.

With my own daughter I've watched how from a very early age a myriad of factors gave her the message that sport and being physically strong is for boys, while dolls and domestics are for girls. Comments from parents, images and slogans on kids' clothing, stories in books, programmes on TV…it's an anti-sport cultural assault that ensures young girls know that getting sweaty, muscular or powerful is not for them.

And so, in the summer of 2013 before she had even turned two years old, it was fascinating how she reacted to seeing England women on the TV at the European Championships. For the first time ever my daughter sat staring at the match, all those ponytails bobbing up and down the pitch. Girls! Like her! Playing sport! It was the first time she properly concentrated on a game of football.

Thank goodness then that Tracey Crouch, sports minister, has slashed the national sports strategy age target – from 14 years old to five – in an attempt to engage children as they start school. Because if we expect future generations of adults to do 150 minutes of exercise a week to stay healthy, then we've got to engender the habit in our kids first.

But while schools and sports coverage all play their part, arguably the most important role models of all are parents. Running down the street together, kicking a ball in the park, cycling, swimming, talking about sport and exercise, finding women's sport to watch on TV, or in the local area – all give girls the message that sport is for them. But with 75% of women telling Sport England that while they would like to play sport, fear of judgement stops them from having a go.

We've got to break the cycle somewhere though, and if children see their mums doing sport and exercise, they will likely follow in their footsteps. And who knows where that could take them. Laura Trott might never have won two Olympic gold medals had her mum not taken up cycling to lose weight.

And perhaps, similarly, Laura Trott's mum might never have taken up cycling if she didn't have children to be a role model for. That's the beauty of parenting. Sometimes our children motivate us to confront our biggest fears, even if it's a lifetime of PE dodging, in order to make a change for good.

[lljkk]

anti-sport cultural assault that ensures young girls know that getting sweaty, muscular or powerful is not for them

That wasn't my experience... I have 3 boys + 1 girl. The girl is the sport-mad one. She's petite & very girlie in lots of ways, like many others in her teenage circle of brainy sporty fashionable competitive-as-all-feck girls. I am slow, weak, can barely catch a ball. I still do lots of exercise, happy to rough and tumble.

I don't know if mums of sporty girls can even comment here. Talking to mothers of non-sporty girls would make huge sense. What I wondered about was risk-taking. I find English people very risk-adverse. Just look at the high anxiety levels of MN posters. Humans instinctively like to test themselves and push their own limits; I think girls much more than boys are discouraged from risk taking. Bound to have knock-on effects in many areas.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

This attracted my attention because of the line about sweating...

My kids do sweat... and my 11yo DD is not getting teased specifically about the sweating by other girls (not boys) at school. Her brother is madly sporty and sweats buckets too but his friends tend to comment admiringly and the only negative comment he has ever had was from a female teacher who didn't like him coming back into her classroom sweaty after break time football!

It makes me cross because DD is sporty - she played in an all girls football league for 5 years, did play football with the boys at break at primary school, and sport is always one of her highest grades at school. She is going on a football camp with DS1 during the summer, at her own request partly because none of the girls from her class will be there so she will be able to play at full sweaty tilt!

At secondary school girls who manage to do sport effortlessly without breaking a sweat are still admired, but the actual sweating is mocked and so girls will not push themselves to the level where they actually visibly sweat.

So far, at age 11, all of the teasing and pressure and stigma about sweating is coming from other same age girls (and atm they are the ones whose oppinion she cares about - with 2 brothers she is more than a match for boys her age but not for girls sneering at her!). She has lots of good friends at school (apparently) and this is the first time she has ever come in for teasing and it has knocked her confidence so that she now dreads and tries to get out of school sport Some of the "friends" are doing the teasing but it is general - the better friends don't tease but suggest she rushes about less, thinking this is good advice!

How on earth you break the stigma about sweating I have no idea - it is a direct parallel to it being OK for boys to do well at school as long as they appear to be doing it effortlessly and not actually trying

[tinofbeans]

7 reasons why girls should play sports...
www.icanplaysport.co.uk/girls-sports1/

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Sorry that should have read "my 11yo DD is getting teased specifically about the sweating by other girls (not boys) at school." not is not, obviously.

We live in Germany and girls football is quite big though - our local club has as many girls teams as boys but does have single sex teams right from "Bambinis" who start at 4 (though lots of pother clubs mix girls and boys til U11). We have as many girls teams as boys right through the age bands up to adult (there is a U21 women's team and an "Old Ladies" (to match the "Old Men" Over 21 team too). The girls play in an all girl league from U9 onwards and the U13 team are in Frankfurt at the moment playing in a mock Euro 2016 tournament and none of the boys teams have done that, so the girls teams definitely get taken as seriously as the boys!

[AnnaKessel]

So excited about getting started here! Quick test message to check all is working ok....

[AnnaKessel]

Hello lovely Mumsnetters! My lifesaving mum has taken the baby out in the rain (with a cover, obvs) and I'm sat here reading your fantastic questions... off we go!

[AnnaKessel]

@trailblazer86

You mention 'an obesity crisis'; as an ex- primary school teacher, I found that those girls who were already very overweight or obese were much less inclined to join in in PE lessons. Any ideas on how to remedy this? I felt it was because of self-consciousness about their bodies.

This is such an important point, trailblazer86 I think fundamentally PE lessons alone cannot solve this problem – the whole school curriculum needs to work much harder at cross departmental support on body image, (likewise government departments, eg DCMS with DoH and DoE etc).

For example, I would get everyone in English classes reading this totally inspirational blog by the author Naomi Alderman, who talks about loving her “fat” body (her description). In it she writes about how she learned to fall in love with exercise – it didn’t lose her any weight, but it made her FEEL amazing. It made her love her body. It made her happy.

Here’s a taster, “What I’ve learned is: the story I got told about what it meant to have a fat body, that it must mean that I sat around all day eating deep-fried stuffed-crust pizza and watching TV—that story just wasn’t true. The story about how people who look like me hate to exercise just isn’t true. It's so easy to let the media you see or the discourse you hear define who you are before you've even learned about yourself. And I bought into it for too long.”

You can read the whole thing here: medium.com/matter/i-really-love-my-fat-body-eca64ca3ec78#.qjcnywxbs

I’d also make sure that in PE and other lessons a wide variety of body types are talked about and celebrated, as per the book extract I did for The Observer magazine on Sunday. There are some amazing female bodies in sport – from Valerie Adams, the world’s greatest shot putter, and our British female throwers such as Jade Lally and Sophie Hitchon – to the likes of Jessamyn Stanley, an African American woman with a body type we wouldn’t usually see doing yoga, performing a series of incredible poses. The message is that whatever size and shape we are, there is a space for us in sport and physical activity. And that’s not PC propaganda, it’s just actually true.

[AnnaKessel]

@TheSandmansSon

Hi Anna

I know that in some countries the schools run a kind of tai-chi/yoga class first thing instead of assembly - do you think something like that would work in the UK, as a way of making fitness a part of daily life?

Ooh this is SUCH a good idea, TheSandmansSon. There is a primary school in Stirling that's been doing something similar - a mile long walk/run/skip/whatever you want to do circuit around the school, done in school clothes not PE kit, every day. It is such an accessible activity because every child is able to choose how they complete the circuit (i.e. no pressure to run, fine to walk). But it would be interesting to see whether other activities such as you mention might also be fun. Perhaps different offerings could be on rotation - yoga in winter when it's cold, outdoor circuits in summer term etc.

I can't help feeling that some kind of physical activity should be mandatory for all children to start the school day! There's research showing that moving our bodies improves concentration...now wouldn't every teacher appreciate that?!

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

Thanks for the empress it's badly needed today.

I was just wondering if anyone's kids primary schools are doing the daily mile?
I've tried to convince dds school to start it but they aren't really interested.
All the pupils take 15 minutes out of their day to run a mile around the playground (in their uniform, no need to change). It sounds like a great way to make sure all kids get some excercise from ages 5-11.

[AnnaKessel]

@snowysnowstorms

How can we help girls to confront sexist attitudes in teachers? The male PE teachers at my school would never let girls play football, that pitch was always reserved for the boys. It was infuriating but nobody wanted to risk kicking up a fuss or getting into trouble.

Thanks for your question snowysnowstorms and though you don't say how long ago the experience you're referring to was, unfortunately in the research for Eat Sweat Play I came across a huge problem with sexism in PE departments themselves.

Ultimately that's going to take some time to shift, but we need to start looking at changing the culture NOW. Teacher training for PE should focus on equality, and senior educators need to review what's happening in their schools and whether there is a level playing field.

Sometimes it's the little things that make a difference. For example, some schools will be showing England men vs Wales men today instead of lessons. So let's make sure that next year when the women's Euros are on, the same thing happens. And in the meantime let's tell the children today that England women have qualified in a blaze of glory, and we look forward to watching them next summer, oh and by the way kids can go for £1 to watch women's football in the FAWSL, our local team is xxx, maybe the school could even organise a trip to watch some women's sport, or get sportswomen in to talk to the children about their careers.

None of this is rocket science, it just requires an attitudinal shift. Oh, and parking the outdated misogynist beliefs!

[AnnaKessel]

@WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid

Thanks for the empress it's badly needed today.

I was just wondering if anyone's kids primary schools are doing the daily mile?
I've tried to convince dds school to start it but they aren't really interested.
All the pupils take 15 minutes out of their day to run a mile around the playground (in their uniform, no need to change). It sounds like a great way to make sure all kids get some excercise from ages 5-11.

Great work WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid talking to the school about this. Parent power is huge. I know it might not feel that way sometimes, and communicating with schools can be frustrating, but parent power should not be underestimated.

Only this morning a teacher was telling me how much of a difference it would make if parents would ask to come in and watch a PE lesson, express their concerns about inequality/lack of activity/whatever your concerns are, and put that pressure on the school to answer those queries.

It may also be worth writing to local government, as a group of parents, and asking if all primary schools in the borough can take this up.

[AnnaKessel]

For the many people asking about how to change attitudes about whether girls are any good at sport...see Barack Obama's wonderful quote after the US women's football team won the World Cup last summer. (Could we get a UK equivalent to start saying this kind of stuff...?!)

[tinofbeans]

Hi Anna,

I run a sports coaching company for children aged 2-7. Even at that age I get a lot more interest from parents of boys, rather than girls (from children who come for a trial the take-up rate is pretty equal).

Any ideas on how I can encourage parents of girls to bring them along?

[AnnaKessel]

The other important thing that needs to happen at governmental level is a check on how PE finances are being spent - are funds equally distributed across girls and boys PE in schools?

In the US, ever since the introduction of Title IX in 1972 - a federal law preventing sex discrimination in education - this has been routine practise. It's meant that being sporty as a female in the US is not such a weird thing as it is here. (That's not to say there aren't issues there too, but culturally it is generally easier to be a sporty girl over there.)

[ealingwestmum]

Someone mentioned up thread the risk adverse society we live in, especially where girls are concerned. When my DD was at junior school, they tried to introduce a 'one day' walk to school (get parents to drop off a few roads away if not local, walk in pairs or groups etc). The result was most parents drove behind their girls in their cars!

These are the same parents that place a very low value on sport/exercise etc for their girls, if it comes at the expense of academic lessons, so there's a wider issue to combat, as some schools are willing to support the 'getting moving' concept but are fought by this narrow mindset!

[AnnaKessel]

@tinofbeans

Hi Anna,

I run a sports coaching company for children aged 2-7. Even at that age I get a lot more interest from parents of boys, rather than girls (from children who come for a trial the take-up rate is pretty equal).

Any ideas on how I can encourage parents of girls to bring them along?

Great question quote tinofbeans, and I wish more kids' sports organisations would think about this. My daughter is 4 and I'd love her to play football, but every single session I come across in our local area is male dominated - from the marketing (all pictures of boys), to the coaches (all male). It's really off-putting and I worry about plunging her into an environment that will further entrench this idea that sport isn't for girls.

I think it's about reaching out to girls and their parents in a very proactive way. Marketing, female representation in the sessions, inviting local female footballers to come down and give a guest class, speaking to schools, speaking to parents, making sure the boys in your sessions are going to be receptive to girls etc.

I can't pretend it doesn't involve some hard work, but I do think it's possible. And there are girls, and parents, out there desperate to play - I know because there was a whole thread about it on my local parenting chat pages last week - they just want to be sure their daughters will have a fun time and not encounter abuse/unsupportive environment etc.

And hopefully the hard work is worth it, because girls are 50% of the population, so that should mean 50% more revenue! And, maybe a nicer environment for the boys to play in too.

[tinofbeans]

Thank you so much for your answer :-) There's a lot to do for sure :-)

[AnnaKessel]

@SlightlyPeeved

Hi Anna,

I have two girls, one is 7 and the other is 12, I also have a 9 year old boy.
Their dad is football man and coaches our youngest's football team.

For DS, it was just normal and natural that he did football in the eyes of society - that's what boys do. When DD 7 wanted to join, it was a total non-issue for us but the reaction from others was utter shock. She has begun to call herself a "tom boy" in order to fit in, just one of the lads, it makes my blood boil.

DD 12 is obsessed with her weight, as are all of her friends and yet being sporty is only allowed for those who are considered excellent at sport, otherwise, why bother?

They and society has a massively warped view on women in sport and on health. Everything is food focused, this leads to MH issues, self-esteem and body issues. We don't seem to celebrate girls in sport in the same way, there is a nasty stigma attached to it.

DD7 faces an uphill battle to progress in football due to peer pressure, she has the character and couldn't care less attitude that will carry her through. DD12 does not and although she had a go, she didn't make the hockey or netball team and so she thinks she's rubbish and has given up.

I could write pages, apologies for the waffle, but what can I do to refocus DD12 and get her to exercise more just for fun?

Thanks for your question SlightlyPeeved, and as a mum it makes my heart ache. There are lots of issues in this story...

• The school separating kids into sporty and not sporty, which is really endemic in our school culture, and damaging for boys as well as girls. Could parents get together and ask the school how to help kids who may not have potential to win medals etc, but just want to be able to enjoy sport for its own sake? You could remind them that the government asks adults to do 150mins of exercise a week, how is the school preparing ALL of their pupils to adopt this healthy habit? You can quote Baroness Tanni Grey Thompson (from interview in my book) who says PE should be about teaching physical literacy. A maths teacher wouldn't dare give up on kids who don't show natural ability with numbers, they HAVE to teach ALL children. PE should be the same.
  

• As to the football team, if your husband is the coach perhaps you could sit down together and talk about how to change the attitudes in the team. As the leader the boys will look up to him. You will probably need to work harder to get more girls in the team to support your daughter. And perhaps bring in female footballers from local teams to do skills sessions. Being sporty does not have to mean being a tomboy (although girls should feel free to dress how they want and not be pressured to being a feminine sporty type either) - the examples of England female footballers such as Eniola Aluko and Toni Duggan show that (both are very glamorous - Toni wears false lashes on the pitch!)
  

• With your 12 year old it's harder because she's at a more challenging age, but you can be her role model. Do you play sport or do exercise? How do you speak about your own body? I know my little girl mimics what I say and if I ever criticise my appearance she picks it up immediately. It's hard because as women we are so conditioned to judging ourselves, but we need to try and teach our daughters not to. Could you do a special mum and daughter activity together? It doesn't matter what it is - yoga, a park run (what about the night runs? Or the runs to music, or the Nike 10km where you get a Alex Monroe piece of jewellery as you cross the finish line?), badminton, boxing. Could you speak to her friends' mums and all work together to get your daughters more active?
  

Good luck with it all, I really hope you find some solutions that work.

[IcedCoffeeToGo]

Hi Anna,

With the troublesome gender ID stuff going through parliament lead by that feminist icon Maria-expenses-theft-Miller what certainty can you give girls that the top podium spots won't be taken by a transgender athlete? Should we just tell girls who want to be top of their game to give up now?

This is on the backdrop of the IOC allowing self ID for male bodied individuals to compete as women.

[IcedCoffeeToGo]

In China children exercise as a whole school before lessons, when our school had it's playground redone the kids did dance and warming up in the hall and loved it.... yet this was not kept.

Could this be something that was government lead or have we lost schools to academies?

[AnnaKessel]

@kittykitty

Hi Anna - question for when you're on...

Do you think councils could do more to encourage teenage girls to take up membership of their gyms to encourage greater levels of activity?

Councils absolutely have a role to play kittykitty. There's currently a great scheme happening in several London boroughs called Our Parks. It's an amazing range of free exercise classes - dance fitness, tennis for kids, buggy fit for mums, yoga, tai chi, army fitness etc - and it takes place in parks (while in winter/bad weather it makes use of unused council space such as libraries, community centres and school halls). The council pay the teachers/coaches and provide the space so that everyone in the community can access the sessions for free.

What's been most amazing for me as a participant (aside from doing yoga in the park which feels fantastic!) is the very diverse people taking part. Usually yoga classes are populated by young, white, middle class, affluent women. But these classes had women and men of all ages, and backgrounds. It gave the class a really special, non judgmental, feel.

[EmpressOfTheSevenOceans]

Title IX is currently being used to push for segregation at schools on the grounds of gender, not sex, which means that girls are not allowed to object to biological males who identify as female sharing their changing rooms & showers.

The Women & Equalities Committee are recommending something very similar over here. If girls are already self-conscious, don't you think that this would make them even more uncomfortable?

[AnnaKessel]

@Peanutbutterjellytime123

I always loved sport as a kid and I was lucky that my mum did everything she could to make sure I could play, however I soon lost the spark and since have become really self conscious whilst out for a run due to people shouting out of car windows.

How can I teach my children to ignore these people when even I'm scared to go for a run?

Eek we're almost out of time already...quick one to Peanutbutterjellytime123 just to say I'm so sorry that's been your experience. Way too common. I think the only way is to persevere - but bring friends with you so you're not alone. If you demonstrate to your kids that you're not going to be put off by people shouting out of car windows, then they'll also have the self confidence to ignore those kind of comments. Sadly your children are going to be subjected to horrible things - especially with online bullying etc - and if you can show them how to overcome that stuff and not let it obstruct their lives that will be a wonderful thing.

[tinofbeans]

I don't believe that there is going to be any major changes to girls' attitudes to sport until the very much wider issue of sexism is general is successfully tackled... and unfortunately at the moment there aren't enough people with enough clout who want to do that. Before we know it our girls will grow up and face the same problems themselves :-(

[HairyLittlePoet]

Anna, it's interesting to hear you talk about 'amazing female bodies' in women's sport. But recent developments have led to 'mediocre male bodies' in women's sports. And those male bodies out-compete the amazing female bodies. There will be much, much more of this to be seen in the upcoming Olympics. I'm told the women's 800m is one to keep an eye on.
How can we encourage girls and women to see their achievements as worthwhile and their efforts and bodies as amazing if we don't protest the decision to allow male bodies to win the male events AND the female events. How can we support girls to bother with sports when they are prevented from playing with a level playing field?