Guest post: "Britain must not turn its back on child refugees in Europe"

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

I can only imagine my desperation if I had to consider sending my boys away just to keep them safe.

But if I ever had to, I’d want a mother like Karen to be there for them. Karen is an amazing woman who told her story of fostering a refugee boy and brought huge attention to a campaign to get more refugee children settled safely in Britain.

This week, MPs had the chance to vote to let mothers like Karen keep doing what they want to do - opening their homes and their hearts to refugee children who are in Europe all alone without a mum or dad to look after them. I'm ashamed to say that they did not, and that the government decided to close the door to the thousands of children who need our help. The campaign was only asking for 3,000 children to come to Britain. To put that in context – that would be just five children per parliamentary constituency, and nowhere near the 10,000 mostly Jewish children that Britain saved through the Kindertransport before the Second World War.

I took a special interest in this vote because I have been working at Theirworld to help create school places for Syrian refugee children in Turkey, Lebanon and Jordan, where many fleeing families arrive first. I have been focused on how to make sure that children never embark on a further dangerous journey to find a safe haven. When I saw that the British parliament was considering a vote to offer a welcome to 3,000 lone children who really need us to open our hearts and homes, I wanted to add my support. So last week I wrote to my local MP for the first time ever. I wanted his backing for refugee children, an issue that goes well beyond party politics. I know lots of Mumsnetters contacted their MPs too and have heard from many of you on Twitter. It was devastating to see the government vote down the proposal to give safety to lone refugee children in Europe.

But this does not stop there. The House of Lords last night voted to back the bill thanks to the efforts of Lord Dubs and other campaigners. So it goes back to the House of Commons next Tuesday with a chance for MPs to reconsider their vote and help 3,000 lone children.

One of the ways you can help them think again is to sign this petition. If enough of us do it then perhaps a few more MPs will listen and reconsider their vote. In pushing for this change we won't be on our own – we have the backing of lots of energetic dedicated groups like Citizens UK, Save the Children, HelpRefugees and others. This weekend the former Archbishop of Canterbury gave his blessing, arguing that this is a chance to honour what our parents and grandparents did in the face of an earlier catastrophe.

This is not a question of sparking a new political controversy - that is not my way and not the Mumsnet way, I don't think - it is a matter of simple humanity. While we can't ensure that every child is safe in his or her own country, we can act to prevent children dying on our doorstep here in Europe, and ensure a safe home and education and hope for a better future.

As long as this terrible crisis runs on and horribly on - then we have obligations to the children who are here in our continent. Our MPs now have a second chance to help these vulnerable children and we should help them to take it.

Please join me, and sign here: Britain must not turn its back on child refugees in Europe.

Many foster carers are well aware that the children may be traumatised. This is often the case with foster children.

Again, you state 'children' as though you want to cast doubt and resentment toward a group that certainly does include children. If you are a foster carer, which I think you stated you are, I do find that astonishing and wonder what your motivation for that is.

Of course not everyone can open their home to a refugee. However, many that do have the resources would be happy to do so.

Violence isn't the only manifestation of trauma.

'While its a lovely idea that everyone in the UK can just open their doors.'

I think a bit of balanće is required. Clearly not 'everyone' needs to open their home to house 3000 children. I think that's more than a little alarmist.

Is the little that other countries are doing an adequate reason for the UK to do very little too?

The thread isn't about what the Czech Republic are doing, fanny. Feel free to start a thread about that. I would be happy to contribute. I've paid plenty of attention to what the country I live in is doing and will happily discuss it on the relevant thread.

Was it you that linked to The WorldWide Tribe, calling them a'shower', fanny? I wasn't sure,as there was a slight name change.

I have to say I am horrified by the lack of compassion shown by some foster carers on this thread.

Don't be absurd. The foster carers on this thread show compassion daily by welcoming children into their homes to be loved, guided and cared for.

All they've done is point out that not every "child" is a child and that some of them are downright dangerous.

Emily You seem to be suggesting that to safeguard the children and women in the UK against the "children" you wish to be admitted - it would be best to segregate them... perhaps you know... in a building with watchtowers? You can't seriously be suggesting that your "children" are kept in camps can you? If yes, what is the difference between a camp at Idomeni (where your friends were involved in that dreadful drownings just a few weeks ago) and a camp in Kent?

I'm curious as to why you can't take refugees into your home - after all you tell us you're a thoroughly decent person with a large and open heart. Perhaps foster carers are not so rigorously checked in your country of residence and so you could do it without the paperwork barrier. Do it today! Or, if that's impossible for unknown reasons, perhaps you can send a large cheque to a fostering charity in the UK? Or maybe you could campaign your own government to relax rules upon potential foster parents so everyone can have a "child".

I'm also a bit confused as to why you wish to place "children" with foster carers who aren't compassionate? Are you saying these "children" should be shunted off to shitty stand-in parents?

It is not correct to say that 72% of minors were found to be adults in Denmark after age assessment.

Quote from the same article:

Of those 818, DIS investigated the age of 282 refugees and found that 203 of them, or 72 percent of the questionable cases, were actually above the age of 18 despite claims to the contrary.

So of 818 minors, 282 were deemed to be of questionable age and therefore age assessed, and of those 72% were found to be over the age of 18. So that's 24% of the total number of minors, not 72%.

I can take refugees into my home, hildur. Some need somewhere to stay when they first arrive and I am looking into helping with that.

However, as there is no spare room in my home, I would not be allowed to foster someone. I am still renovating my home and may be able to build an extra room, so this may change.

Fanny has inferred in previous posts that UK children should be a priority,which does sadden me coming from a foster carer. She also seems curiously keen to inflate the notion that the children are not children at all, but adults posing as such. Many certainly are children and it is important that refugee children are not viewed with overwhelming suspicion. I would have expected a foster carer to understand that.I also expect foster carers not to call for UK children to be prioritised over refugee children, as fanny seems to have done.

Where have I suggested that children be kept in camps?

I know a large number of people do talk about becoming foster carers. When I've told people what I do over the years, a lot of people have said 'oh I've always wanted to do that one day'. The actual amount of people who go ahead and get approved are minuscule compared to the amount who say they have considered it.

You have to have an empty room. Foster children cannot share with your birth children. A parent has to be at home all the time and you have to show proof of income and that you are not going to be reliant on fostering allowances (very often you will be out of pocket anyway). You have to prove that you have a good support network of people who can step in and look after the foster child and your own child in times of emergency, and these people will be interviewed by a social worker prior to you being approved.

Those people who sleep occasionally in your house will have to be CRB checked, in my case the partners of my adult children and my own siblings who stay here occasionally.

If this doesn't put people off once they have made the original enquiry, then there is a two day 'skills for fostering' course. This is an introduction but also a bit of a reality check for applicants. I have often attended these as an established carer, and find that a number of people don't come back after the first day.

If you are asked to proceed after the two day course you enter a long (months) period of assessment where an assessor writes your Form F with you and will investigate your background and attitude from childhood onwards, interviewing your family members, friends etc and assessing the suitability of your home.

So yes, it can be rewarding, and it's great when you see children become nice, productive adults (and sad when you read about others in the local paper who have got into trouble), but it's a long process to even get registered, and I quite understand why despite regular campaigns to recruit foster carers there is still a shortage.

Well where exactly will they go? There is a shortage of beds for foster "children".

My story: whilst my heart says "yes" to caring for a small genuine child - my health problems dictate I would not pass screening to become a foster carer. Being a LP I would also not welcome a "child" aged 23 with misogynistic views in to my home - much the same way I don't go out clubbing and bring home an unknown quantity. All of us care for children - from the benign looking after a friend's children whilst she goes for a hospital appointment through to the compassionate foster carers who give up their homes on a long-term basis.

I look forward to hearing how you rescue children and set them up in their new lives - it will surely be an inspiring tale. Just don't go telling them to cross rivers eh!

bicnod No, they did not say they'd only found 24% to be lying. They said they'd only tested 282 - huge difference.

Much like saying "only x% of benefit claims are fradulent" means that only those investigated and proven to be fraudulent make up that %.

Do not allow yourself to be confused by semantics.

Emily When this issue came dear to your heart and you rallied your old school & University chums, ex-colleagues, friends, associates and NB people stuck in the UK and asked them to help - which percentage became qualified/certified foster carers? Or did they all turn out to be xenophobic racist disappointments? :(

I have asked my country to do more Anna and have signed this petition asking them to do more. You don't have a UK home, so how did you legally sign a UK government petition? I hope this petition is investigated.

Cheeseburglar From what you say above about qualifying to become a foster parent it takes more than simply "will" alone. Given the stringent checks upon suitability, financial means, room et al - it sounds as though Mrs Brown (and her husband) would make ideal candidates - and one has to imagine that if you're trusted to run the country then you could be trusted by your LA to look after a child or two. So where exactly is Mrs Brown's "will"?

You make an interesting points about the numbers, Hildur - although to be fair it's perhaps important to deal with what can be proved; there's enough nonsense being thrown around as it is

All that said, it's probably true that the "children" tested may have been those giving ages which seemed very obviously wrong ... god only knows how many were borderline and slipped through

Howto , you can be a British citizen or UK resident to sign the petition so stop trying to intimidate me by suggesting I have done something illegal by signing it. I haven't.

Cheese, the process sounds very difficult. What do you think was different about you and made you more determined to do it?

To be totally honest Emily, I think we were very naive.

We had our children young, had a big house with several spare rooms and I thought I would like to do respite foster care for children for a few weeks at a time. I had no idea really how living with damaged children would really be. I had envisaged doing respite care, but once approved had a long term child come to live with us as our first placement.

I don't want to see a single 'child' admitted to this country when they are already in a safe place. it's obvious that they are sent unaccompanied by parents, so that they can enter the country and then the relatives /friends can join them at a later date.
As has been said here numerous times, most of them are teenagers, and some are even older, all coming from a culture that regards women as inferior. NO THANK YOU VERY MUCH.{angry}
We need to wake up before it's too late. I hope this decision is not overturned.
People like Emily are thankfully few and far between. I am left leaning, as are most of my friends. Not a single one of them would sign this petition.

Do you think anything could have helped you, cheese? Could you have had moretraining or better support? It seems unfair that you wanted to offer respite care but were given a long term placement. Were you not allowed to specify what kind of fostering you wanted to do?

emily I think you must've missed my question above: When this issue came dear to your heart and you rallied your old school & University chums, ex-colleagues, friends, associates and NB people stuck in the UK and asked them to help - which percentage became qualified/certified foster carers? Or did they all turn out to be xenophobic racist disappointments?

I was very well supported in the training Emily, there is a huge amount of ongoing training too. The process of assessment and registration is hugely expensive for the local authorities and fostering agencies. It's far more useful to have carers registered for a wider age range of children. The first child we took was actually an emergency placement and only supposed to stay til the end of the week. They actually ended staying for years.

There is such a shortage of carers in this country who will take older teenagers. As other carers have said on this thread we get calls from other counties because of the shortage of beds in many areas. Another issue is that children can now stay in their foster placements until they are 21, so this means the child could now be with a carer for a further three years. This is great in many cases for the child, but means that the fostering place with that carer is unavailable for an extra three years.

Thanks Cheese.

What drives you to want to bring unaccompanied migrant children to the UK Emily?

It would be nice if you told us?

Is it some religious belief, or some belief in World Government - both reasons that some people who are making similar demands as you are profess?

Why is it tat the UK is the only country in Europe that can help these children? Or is it just that the population and Government of the UK are more malleable than other European countries?

Unfortunately, due to government policies causing so much hardship for families in the UK, we are now a country without resources. A quick scan of the news should show that we lack the capacity to care for children in the UK. Consider the sexual exploitation of children, the state of our medical services & the number of families who are homeless through no fault of their own. In order to give, the country has to have something to give. Do you live in the UK? Have you visited any city after hours when the big shops close? Have you waited at A&E recently? As it is, we are on the verge of deporting people who are here legally per visas who earn less than 35k a year. WHO even earns that? I work 41hrs a week & certainly not me, but we will deport & split families anyway - We are kicking out people who are already in the UK, & splitting families up. Many are caregivers, all are self supporting & cannot claim benefits due to their visa terms.

We are broke, as our MPs keep reminding us. Please kindly stop making assumptions about people's race - We are a cosmopolitan population now & have been for many years.

What are we doing for the children in Zim (a crisis we played a large part in creating?) What of people who cannot afford to pay traffickers to take their children?

Sorry, lady. We are not evil, we are cash strapped, resourceless, & cannot feed the people already in the UK. Yes, the problem is huge, but we no longer own most of the world, & are now a small island with an overpopulation crisis & a rampant world debt. Remember, we exported our poverty stricken children to Australia in days gone by. I am not judging that policy, I am sure your MPs will find a way to defend that somehow.

We are silent about the inequality in India because of people like you who have allowed the crisis in Europe to value European children above others in the world. Why? What is your agenda? As you said, all children are equal - All except British, Zimbabwean, Indian, Mexican & countless others who cannot afford to be sent to Europe, or in the case of our local children, nobody will foster.

It will be hard to convince Joe Public who is struggling to live, worried about losing their rented home if the rent goes up, & juggling a few jobs to get through the week that we can afford to provide for any vulnerable people when people living here already are starving. The on-line fiasco that many pensioners do not understand means that vulnerable people are falling through the cracks every day. Most of us are sharing what we have with neighbours & family members & friends. If you want to help a child in crisis, you do not have to look further than any city. You are either very rich & haven't noticed how most people live, in which case you need to get out more. Catch a bus - to anywhere - and just look.

I am sure you mean well, but either you live in a rich suburb far away from the majority of us, in which case you are well placed to foster some local children. Many have special needs & come from unstable & shocking backgrounds & are from all ethnic groups. How many more Baby P's or children in sex rings have to make the headlines before you notice that we have a problem? Most cases do not make the headlines - Please consider the state of the nation before making unrealistic demands on a society that cannot care for its very young or very old.

You speak as if we are all living the life that you seem to live while in fact women cannot afford to stay at home to care for their own children, & rely on grandparents who are often frail themselves to do the job for us. We do not get paid if take a day off sick. We get by by cutting corners, & making do. There is nothing left to share when in the real world, it takes every penny we can earn to pay bills.

Nobody wants any child - any person - any animal to suffer. Lobby to sort out rents, save the NHS, ensure companies pay sick pay, build some houses & attitudes will change. I promise. We do not have coins in our purses, so what would you like us to give? The no name brand fish fingers from our children's plates?

Bloggerme that was hard hitting and powerful. Agree totally. Well said.

Excellent poster Bloggerme. I know so many people here both migrant and local who are in the position of very low income, some relying on foodbanks. These people need help too.

Thanks bloggerme for the common sense and tiny view of the real world, possibly the only one some posters on here will ever experience.

Feel free to start a thread on how to help those people, sporting.