Guest post: "I called my son a dick on my blog – so what?"

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

In the years I've been blogging, I've called my son a dick, compared my toddler daughter to Margaret Thatcher and sworn A LOT when writing about my 43-year-old partner's complete inability to correctly identify where the cheese is kept in our home. I have also written about my children being wonderful and my partner being a rock. But I've blogged far more about them all being annoying as hell.

I write about stuff in life that makes me laugh - usually after it's made me cry - in the hope that it will make others laugh too. Of course the stories I tell are embellished, redrafted and made funnier with a little artistic licence. The tagline on my blog is 'the funny side of family life' not 'an accurate description of the life of a 40-something mum of two living in a small Yorkshire town famous for a song about a decomposing corpse'.

Who the hell would want to read that?

Before I became a mum I thought there were things mothers should and should not do. I assumed that the act of pushing a baby out of my front bottom would bestow upon me an air of motherly grace and decorum. It did not. I was disappointed to find that having a baby simply left me with a sore fanny and an inability to watch adverts with cats in without crying. I did not stop finding dumb stuff funny, it just hurt more when I laughed.

The thing is, a lot of dumb stuff happens when you have very small children. But I've discovered that some people really do not like mums making jokes about their children. If you're lucky, like me, you may even become the subject of a whole blog post devoted to calling you a bitch and a terrible parent – because the blogger took your joke about lobbing wine in your toddler's face at mealtimes a little too seriously.

"Why bother having kids if you're going to moan about them?" people often ask. The idea that parents should never complain about their children is ridiculous – we need to acknowledge both the good and bad parts of parenting, if only for our collective sanity. Children are amazing, but sometimes it's hard to remember that when your toddler is headbutting the supermarket floor because Mummy won't let him eat the big bag of kitten crisps (it was cat litter). I am living this - so why can't I talk about it?

In the same way I won't stop doing something I love because some people only want to read the sugar-coated version of parenting, I won't stop just because my children may find my rants embarrassing at a later date. It's a parent's job to embarrass their children – and it's one of the main reasons I signed up for the role. It's the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow built of tantrums, tears and shit.

Embarrassing parents are something of a tradition in my family; I grew up watching my own mum and dad prance around shopping centres up and down the land covered in bells and waggling hankies in the air because they thought morris dancing was an acceptable hobby. As a teenager this taught me an important lesson: that embarrassment can actually be liberating, and shouldn't be a reason to stop doing something. My shame was a by-product of my parents' passion, which actually raised thousands of pounds for charity.

People take issue with parent bloggers sharing details of their family life in a way they never would with, for example, stand-up comedians. But then the majority of them are not mums, and we mums have a responsibility for our children. What many people don't realise is that this sense of responsibility is half the reason we're blogging in the first place.

Personally I don't write reviews or sponsored posts because I have other work that pays my bills; I don't need to make money out of my blog that way. But if I did, damn right you'd be reading reviews. We should be proud that there are bloggers out there finding a way to contribute financially to the family coffers by working with brands and not making working mums feel bad about building successful blogs. Blogging gives parents not only the opportunity to express themselves creatively, but also to build business empires and earn money whilst raising a family - can't we just leave it at that?

As for me, I will continue to write about my partner and children until they are all fully trained and perfectly behaved. I reckon I've got at least another month to go.

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Wow, didn't realise there was so much blog hating. I write a blog, it started as a Mummy blog, but I got bored very quickly of recanting stories about the kids, plus it started to feel a bit invasive/wrong. So now I blog about me and my life more, with a strong focus on my aspergers and how I deal with various aspects of life with that slant.

People read my blog, therefore I guess not everyone finds it dull. However I mainly do it for the personal satisfaction that I get from writing it.

I don't really like the name calling Mummy blogging. It's out there, and the children may one day read it. I think there's a difference between being embarrassed by your parents Morris dancing, and being hurt and confused by finding something online in which your Mum is calling you a dick.

PurpleElla I would say to blog your experiences about dealing with aspergers, or about something that is slightly unusual is probably more interesting and helpful than someone going on about their kids and how funny/ charming/annoying they are. I think it's also the perception that everyone is a mummy blogger. Their experiences aren't unique or interesting, they just think they are!

just a thought - but if anyone on here doesn't like this blog they could always, you know, find something else to read? Haters, you can't move for them, these days

God, what a lot of sanctimonious sniffy nonsense upthread. I hate the sneering, dismissive way people talk about 'mum blogs'. It's just writing that happens to be on a new platform, and people have been writing, including about parenting, since the dawn of time. Some of it is amazing, some is good, much of it is atrocious.

I think your writing is brilliant - sharp and funny. Some of the people commenting upthread probably can't write for toffee (and I suspect in many cases haven't even actually read your work), so they can keep their armchair sniping to themselves. It's like people on the Guardian comments threads under articles by well-known journalists saying 'haha, call yourself a writer, I could do better than that!'. Yeah, well, except that you can't really, can you? One of you is a well-known newspaper columnist, and one of you is a sad nobody spitting bile on the internet.

Kirsty, your excellent and funny writing is getting increasing coverage, and rightly so - keep it up!

You all have a choice! You don't have to read it, so stop whingeing, run along and go and play nicely with your friends. And find something you do actually enjoy reading. Thank goodness we're all different.

Eehbahmum, I enjoy reading your posts and they have often had me crying with laughter. Thank you

And as for people saying 'oooh, you embellish stories, how outrageous, you LIE' - words truly, genuinely fail me. That anyone can be so jaw-droppingly ignorant about the process of non-fiction writing is just astonishing.

Fine to moan about your kids (mine can be incredibly annoying and irritating) and even blog about them if you fancy it, but to call them dicks is going too far, even in jest.

I really wouldn't mind if my Mum called me a 'dick' when I was child. I don't mind what she might have done done to let off steam, tbh - three kids was hard work, I'm sure. And she obviously loved us, so who cares what she said under her breath, in her head, on a blog...

Thanks regenerationfez yes I suppose the area I blog in is more niche, and in fact my audience has increased since I started blogging about adult aspergers.

I agree that Mum's experiences aren't unique, however the way they react to them, and write about them is, which is why some Mummy blogs are a cracking read and others are dull as dishwater.

Arf at jaw droppingly ignorant

What's to understand? It's hardly rocket science. Person writes amusing account of daily life as a "mummy". Embellished to make it more amusing. Calls her kids less than amusing names (only it doesn't matter because it adds to the fun), belittles partner, doesn't take kindly to folk criticising, writes to defend. That's it really. Not ignorant, just commenting on the facts.

If people enjoy reading it and it makes money then all power to the writer's elbow. It's not my bag but I'm equally entitled to defend my opinion

Presumably this blogger (op) wants attention? Well, she's got attention on this thread! Or is only positive attention permissable?

So easy to write off people as haterz isn't it?

And exactly what has being good at writing got to to with the price of bananas zoemaguire? I'm definitely no writer (sob) but I appreciate good writing enormously. I wrote a perfectly reasonable explanation for why I don't read blogs, an opinion which is shared by many.

Right - but it's not a 'sham' is it, not in any sense of the word. It's just writing! You put a spin on reality - it's impossible to do otherwise and still produce something worth reading. Otherwise it's just a shopping list. Sorry if I overstated it a bit, but yes, that's the ignorant bit, because 'embellishing' is just the process of making an account worth reading, which is what good writing is.

You all have a choice! You don't have to read it, so stop whingeing, run along and go and play nicely with your friends.

Ouch, that clever putdown was like a whiplash.

We DON"T read them - how many more times do we have to say it? We didn't go there to criticise, she brought it here, to us. We have been invited to comment on Kirsty's rather confrontational heading, which was very deliberately designed to garner an opinion/reaction while simultaneously sneerily dismissing what she anticipates that opinion/reaction will be.

'I called my son a dick - so what?'

That's fighting talk, that is.

She isn't a bad writer, there are moments of amusement there, I won't deny, but the subject matter is just dull dull dull and has been done to death a thousand times. That whole schtick of being an outrageously shocking, too cool for school mum who calls her baby a dick and ignores the ironing pile on account of being far too interesting and far too hungover for such tedious tasks was funny and original in about the year 2000 but now, not so much.

No, maybe being good at writing or not yourself doesn't come into it, you are right. I was taking issue at the sneering at the whole concept of mothers writing online, that's it is just mindless drivel that anybody could produce standing on their head if they wanted to. That is definitely the subtext of a lot of the comments here, which is why pointing out that actually, no, not everybody could do it, or at least not well. The very term 'mummy blog' is demeaning. There's all sorts of writing about parenthood out there, online and off. Most of it, I completely agree, is a load of rubbish. But dismissing all 'blogs' outright is just weird. I've read some amazingly brilliant essays on'blogs'. They'd have passed muster in any edition of the LRB. It's just snobbery to decide that because something happens to be written by a mother online, it is therefore not worthy of your attention.

Sorry, am ignoring my children to post here. Above should say 'That is definitely the subtext of a lot of the comments here, which is why pointing out that actually, no, not everybody could do it, or at least not well, is fair game'

Let's face it though - the author really needs to up her blogging game if the best she can do is 'my son is a dick'.

That's the beauty of MN - someone always says it better than the bloggers.

I don't think a mummy blog is easy and anyone can do it standing on their head. I do think though that the market is so overwhelming saturated that it is weird to think there is anything new to add really.
It's the same reason my DD doesn't get very excited and yell 'OMG Glee series 6 - bring it on!'
Once you have seen them do a dance to a mash up while thwarting Sue for the 100th time you struggle to engage.
They remain just as talented but it's just the same thing in new costumes.

If this was a blog post I wouldn't have commented. It was a guest post on the active board so I replied.

If the response to every negative post was 'you don't have to read it', it would make for a pretty fucking dull talk board.

Load of dull shit.

The reasoning that 'It's been done before' or 'there are millions of mummy bloggers out there' is ridiculous. What 'new' subjects should bloggers be covering then eh? What hasn't been done to death?
BUT hundreds of babies are being born per year in the UK and a good handful of those parents are looking for recent content, not something from 10 years ago. Social media and blogging allows people to follow a current journey and that can be a great support, especially for those who don't have a lot of physical support around them.
Remind me again what irritates you so much from someone doing something on their own personal space of the internet that you don't have to read?

Ok. Ridiculous.
Because having a baby and blogging about it is a need which must be met. How would we cope without the online uplift of a contemporaneous blogger?

If someone blogs I don't comment. I am happy for them to blog yo their hearts content. But if they post on the board asking for comment then I comment.
Clearly unreasonable.

Exactly Capri.

The point here is that it's not the blogger's personal space of the internet - it's MN, and she's invited comment (at least, that's generally the point of threads on MN, and I presume she was well briefed). She got it - and a lot of it was less than complimentary about her puerile 'I called my son a dick, so what' - but of course, that's our own personal space of the internet that she (or you) doesn't have to read.

I never understand this "it''s a parent's job to embarrass their child" business. Why?? My Mum wasn't/isn't embarrassing. She's not boring either. Why actively set out to embarrass someone? You'll only end up embarrassing yourself.

And there's a big difference between having your parents dance about the street, and having your mum publicly tell personal, embellished stories about YOU. Ones that can never be erased at that. The first is (possibly) a reflection on you, the second is actively "you".

I imagine you'll do whatever you want. Just don't be surprised if your kids aren't thrilled that their personal stuff is in the public domain. Thank god there was no internet when I was little. Although I expect my parents would have used it with respect for me.

My son is 4 Sometimes he says the most hilarious things imaginable! I think I should write a blog so that I can remember how funny he was when he's a hulking teenager. I tell his grandparents and his dad, who love and know him and also think he's hilarious. I wouldn't put all the bad stuff on there, unless to remind me never to have another baby. And it would only be for me and my family. Someone who puts something on Mumsnet about her blog want people outside her family to validate her opinions and get other people to read her blog. People are entitled to say 'actually, no thanks because chances are, its not that original'.

I think it's a bit unfair to say "why do people write parent blogs - it's all been done so many times before " because there are always new people moving into the target audience eg new mothers, mothers of teens etc. Just because we've read it all before doesn't mean everyone has

Having said that, I can't bring myself to read a blog that says "The thing is, a lot of dumb stuff happens when you have very small children"

Hi there lovely ladies,

It’s me! Just to clarify this post appeared on Mumsnet because the editors asked me to write on this subject, rather cleverly they thought it might stir up some interest for Blogfest a conference all about, wait for it….. blogging!

I know how dreadful!

If you are so inclined you may wish to organize some kind of anti blogging protest in the Kings Cross area on Nov 21st. Perhaps you could burn an effigy of a mother posting a picture of her children on Facebook? Or, er, something better, I’m just spit balling here.

I get that some people don’t like my blog or my sense of humour and I’m fine with that, but I also think that blogging and in particular blogs written by mums are important - they give women a voice at a time of life when they are struggling to work out who they are, what their role is and how the hell a human being can manage to get poo in their own ears.

I can see how some people might find this sort of chatter ‘dull as fuck’ and I’m working on a list of topics that have started to get tired so writers don’t keep covering old ground - so far I’ve come up with - motherhood, falling in love and crime. Possibly cats doing funny shit and mustaches.

Anyway must dash as I am putting the final touches to my book it’s the ideal Christmas present for someone who hates people wittering on about having babies. But only if you’re feeling super mean.

www.bennionkearny.com/How-to-have-a-baby-and-not-lose-your-shit-eeh-bah-mum-book.htm

Thanks for all the support,

Kirstyx