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Guest post: 'Why we need compulsory sex and relationships education'

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MumsnetGuestPosts · 25/09/2014 18:21

Three years ago, Rape Crisis South London was contacted by a form tutor at a local school. She told us that a 13-year-old girl at her school had been sexually assaulted on a school bus by one of the boys in the year above her. A worrying culture of blame had spread - the girl was being called a slag and a liar, she had stopped coming to school and none of the teachers knew what to do.

This incident was the start of Rape Crisis' work preventing sexual abuse in schools across south London. and since then, we have heard some heart-breaking stories from teachers and students. This includes the girl who disclosed, after a session on ‘sexting’, how she was being blackmailed by an older man into sending increasingly sexual explicit pictures of herself. He was threatening to send them to her parents unless she escalated what she was doing in the pictures. She was terrified, but didn't know how to get out of it. In another session, a group of 14-year-old boys said that they had sex with ‘wrong un's’ – girls they think are unattractive – to gain points with the boys, making sure they got a picture to prove it happened. Even a primary school told us how two seven-year-old boys had digitally penetrated a young girl in one of the toilets. Pornography repeatedly comes up as an issue, with boys saying they feel public pressure to use and like it, but privately feel really uncomfortable with the sexism and racism they see threaded through it.

Sadly, these are not isolated incidents. For many girls and young women, abuse and harassment by boyfriends, friends, male family members and men on the street are part of their daily experience. Thousands of young people have shared their experiences of harassment and assault on the Everyday Sexism Project website, including many who experience ‘groping’ and harassment on a regular basis at school or on their way to school. A 2010 YouGov survey for the End Violence Against Women Coalition revealed that almost one in three 16-18 year old girls have experienced unwanted sexual touching at school, and that sexual name calling such as ‘slut’ or ‘slag’ is routine. More recently, a Freedom of Information Request made by the Independent revealed that nearly 3,000 alleged sexual offences in schools, including 320 rapes, were recorded by police between 2011 and 2013. Over half were committed by other children.

Ongoing scandals like the recent revelations in Rotherham reveal a desperate need to address attitudes towards women and girls, and the normalisation of abuse. We must alter the culture in which young people are bombarded with messages that women are sex objects and men are sexual aggressors, from ‘Blurred Lines’ to online pornography to Page 3. This is the context in which 85,000 women are raped in England and Wales every year and 400,000 sexually assaulted.

Three years on from that first call from a school seeking help, Rape Crisis South London now deliver a six week programme to schools across the area on sexual violence, consent and respect, pornography, gender stereotyping and the age-old sexual double standard, where boys are applauded for being sexual whereas girls are ridiculed. We know that this needs to be part of a ‘whole school approach’ to tackling all forms of violence against women and girls, too, so we also train teachers to give them support in their difficult work - as well as holding parent workshops where we talk to parents about the particularly gendered pressures around sex and sexual performance that face young women and men today.

Whilst these workshops are a huge success, both teachers and children tell us that doing this work after someone has been hurt is too late; that society's squeamishness around talking to young people about sex, and challenging sexist attitudes and behaviours, is having devastating consequences.

The absence of compulsory sex and relationships education that tackles sexual consent, gender stereotyping and the harms of pornography is letting young people down. That’s why the Everyday Sexism Project and the End Violence Against Women Coalition - supported by Mumsnet, Yvette Cooper MP, Jo Swinson MP, Caroline Lucas MP, and many others - have launched a campaign calling on David Cameron, Ed Miliband, Nick Clegg and all party leaders to commit to making sex and relationships compulsory as part of PSHE. This must include ongoing training for teachers, and support for children who disclose that they are being abused or worry that their own behaviour may be abusive.

A couple of years ago, a Mumsnet survey showed that 92% of members think Sex and Relationships Education should be a compulsory subject in secondary schools. Mumsnetters know that this is too important to leave to chance. Let's tell David Cameron and co, too.

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PacificDogwood · 29/09/2014 14:59

There is good evidence out there that what leads young people to have sex very early is not just (or even primarily) what they do and do not know about sex/contraception/abortion but self-esteem, self-worth, having meaning in their lives and having experienced unconditional love by a primary care giver.
This is why relationship education is so important - yes, to teach kids about the biology of it all, but much more importantly to teach them about consideration to others, respect of themselves and others and that they have the right to say NO to anything at all that makes them feel uncomfortable.

With respect, vdb, I think any parent who has thought about how they want to raise their children as much as you have, whether that includes faith or not, is also very likely to have taught their children much of the above.
Sadly, many many children have little or NO experience of this. And seek 'love' by having damaging, early sexual experiences.

The Netherlands is not some kind of enlightened utopia wrt to SRE, but there is little point in arguing with lower teen pregnancy rates etc IMO.