Guest post: Baby names - what do our choices say about us?

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For parents of small children the ONS report held no real surprises - it's basically a list of all your friends' baby names put in order of popularity. (Not actual popularity - that would be a list worth reading.)

But where do we want our name choices to appear on the list? What is the optimum positioning? Did you choose from the top, middle or bottom? I reckon, where you want to be in the chart says more about you as a parent than the actual name you choose.

Selecting a top 10 name says 'I want my child to be popular and easily understood.' But there's a major drawback - if your son or daughter shares a name with half the class, there's got to be some way of differentiating them. People start throwing adjectives around for clarification.

It's already bad enough being constantly referred to as 'Harry's Mum'. When there are two Harrys and you become 'Y'know, Angry-Harry-who-pooed-in-the-dressing-up-box's Mum', being in the Top 10 doesn't seem too appealing. So, if you're in the throes of baby-name picking, ask yourself this: is your teeny, tiny, perfect little baby likely to grow up and poo in a dressing up box? (the answer is yes, by the way.)

On the other hand, deliberately selecting a name that is not in the Top 100 says 'I want my child to stand out from the crowd.' Again there are drawbacks, not least that your child will spend many hours of their life spelling and clarifying their unusual moniker.

While Hereward and Tethys waste entire days explaining Saxon legend and Greek myth to 'Steve' in a call centre, Oliver and Amelia have used the extra time to master the flute. Who's outstanding now?

The third path is to aim for a name that charts, but not too near the top. A good, solid choice. Classic but not trying too hard. This basically says 'I want my child to be popular but not common.'

Personally, I'm a huge fan of aiming somewhere the middle. Mid-table is where all the old fashioned names fall. Mid-table is home to Violet and Esme taking tea in the drawing room with Freddie and Stanley.

But, a note of caution - and here I speak from personal experience. Choose one of these names and you will no longer be able to watch Who do you think you are? or Downton Abbey without a shit-load of tissues. Old fashioned names are brilliant, until you discover what happened to old fashioned people.

Fortunately, this new generation of Ivys and Arthurs will be spared our upset when they revive the lost names of our parents' generation. Their children's names - Pauline, Sheila, Brian and Kenneth - will conjurer up memories of TV sets with only three channels and Fray Bentos pies, rather stories of the war and the workhouse.

If this all sounds a bit stressful, there's one thing it helps to remember: no matter what name you choose, be it classic or kooky, at some point you will find yourself screeching it down the supermarket aisle after a 3-year-old doing a runner with a packet of Haribo. And it will sound awful, wherever it charted.

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I chose unusual but still ended up with another in the same school class.

My priority was choosing a name that had flexibility or options should my daughters not like their names (I don't like my name, so slightly biased on that one ). In fact both girls have adopted nicknames derived from their full names which we use.

I wanted names that did not hold any particular connotations - so nothing you'd say was posh or common etc. I also avoided anything in the top 50. This is because I teach and have seriously known children dubbed all sorts to differentiate them (Amy microphone head and thick Ben being amongst them!).

Dd1s name reached a peak of top 75ish but is now out of the top 100 (around 140 ish, I think) and DD2s name is in the top 200. However, hers is regularly dubbed a classic on Mumsnet (a bit like Elizabeth).

Both children are the only children with their names in their whole primary school (200+ children).

I would be curious to know if there was the same name angst among parents-to-be prior to the internet and, more specifically, forums like mn and blogs like this one. And I speak as a name geek.

I very much doubt my parents anguished for months over whether I would be one of twelve in my class, or if I would turn into Vicky pollard.

Just checked and dd's name was top 50 the year she was born. I have been told she will never be a lawyer with that name but as she wants to be a physicist that's ok.

My kids have Gaelic names. Never looked at a list in my life.

dranksangria there was certainly no angst over mine - my mother wanted a boy and when she got me instead she told my father he could name me. i was to be daniel if i was a boy.

It doesn't matter how long I have been on MN, it never ceases to amaze me just how bent out of shape people get about name choosing.

Think of a name YOU like.
Choose it.

Why do you care what strangers think?, if it appears on a list?, if you cousin once knew someone with that name and that person smelt weird?

It has all become an excuse to sneer and feel superior.

Today's acceptable name is tomorrow's non -u name.

Chelsea and Sydney, Tracey and Harry were once all MC names.

Just pick one you like ffs.

The problem with that Devere, is that there really is no accounting for taste!

My mother just chose a name she liked. I really wished she hadn't, it's bloody awful. Mum still says she likes the name. It's alright for her, she hasn't got to live with it! So I'm stuck with a naff name (actually, I use a nickname 90% of the time). Almost all of the other names she thought about but didn't like as much are ten times nicer! The name has even been on MN before and the general consensus was "terrible".

I for one would have appreciated a bit more thought than just. "I like it".

my 5 have names ranging from in the top ten right to the very bottom of the chart.i just chose what i liked.

lecherrs if you hate it that much you can always change it by deed poll.

When my DM picked my name she thought it fairly uncommon - actually it was no.3 that year! That's what happened in the era before it was possible to check. But seeing as nos.1 & 2 were Sharon & Tracy I'm actually quite relieved! (with apologies to all my contemporaries called Sharon & Tracy, of course!!!)

But lecherrs how on earth would she know what name her baby would like?

There must be loads of Sophies and Carolines and Susans who hate their names and use nns.

I never use the full version of my very traditional name.

My name was top 20 I think for the year I was born. At one point I was one of four in my year, but these days I haven't met any for years! As for my DDis: she's unique,neither of us have ever met another!

We chose DS' due to it being international and easy to spell. Didn't check the ons list for UK, don't think one exists for Spain. There aren't many under the age of about 25 here.

We did want the Catalan name Roc (meaning... erm... rock ) but neither DH nor I are Catalan, so felt a bit silly! Dead cool though.

My two DS' s were born four years apart. I've just checked and for the year of each of their births, I some how managed to pick the name in position 24 for both of them!

I would be curious to know if there was the same name angst among parents-to-be prior to the internet and, more specifically, forums like mn and blogs like this one. And I speak as a name geek.

My parents agonised, then picked my name because they thought they were being different. Just like everyone else at the time! I ended up with one of the most common names of the year...

DH and I are trying to decide names for our imminent arrival. We want something different and that means something to us. I don't think either of us could go with a name that we simply liked the sound of.

We are almost certainly likely to be thought of as pretentious if we go with our current first choices - but they are spell-able and in theory aren't so out there, that we don't think people couldn't cope with them. However the boys name we have thought of doesn't even make the entire list for 2013 and neither does the girl's middle name.

I am worried about how other people will react to our choice, but the truth is, no matter how much we keep looking at names and like alternatives, they are the ones that we both keep coming back to and agree on. They have multiple meaning and significance to both of us. They do feel right... So unless either of us has a major wobble, our poor child will be saddled with something that will give celebrity children a run for their money.

Ultimately we have to choose between conforming or going with something that truly comes from our hearts but might raise more than a few eyebrows. Its difficult. It feels a bit of a rock and a hard place in a way.

I think name angst is a very British thing too. Along with all the other ridiculous things the brits find to judge about.

The fact that there are all these kids out there called Oliver and Harry and Amelia and Sophie still amazes. I didn't meet anyone with names like that until I was 18 and went to university. Everyone I grew up with is called Clare or Kevin or Liam or Katie! Glasgow, Catholic school, early 90s

Honestly, I never met anyone called Ben until about 10 years ago. Where are all the wee Johns? Where are all the wee Pauls? And where are all the wee John Pauls?! I used to know legions of them!

Oh and if we all thought like this:

Personally, I'm a huge fan of aiming somewhere the middle. Mid-table is where all the old fashioned names fall. Mid-table is home to Violet and Esme taking tea in the drawing room with Freddie and Stanley.

What do you think would be the most popular names for that coming year?

www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/gallery/2013/feb/11/whats-in-a-name#/?picture=403828007&index=3

These Venn diagrams are interesting. There are 5 to click on.

It always amazes me how people collectively think of the same names so there are names that are generation specific. It will be interesting to see what affect being able to easily see name lists on the Internet will have on the distribution of names from now on.

sciencefocus.com/feature/psychology/names

Indeed, I find the whole psychology of names fascinating. The thought that people will subconsciously judge / stereotype you for life based on your name is both scary and fascinating.

There's tons of research out there, from teachers stereotyping students, to success in job applications and the salaries people get, can all be affected by your name.

When considered in this light, I think it's easy to see why parents are anxious about the names they choose for their children!

I chose my daughter's beautiful name as it just popped into my head a gew days before she was born. Its perfect for her and is classic yet not too common. Its a lovely soft feminine name, quite unlike mine.
Dd wishes she was called Scarlett but im glad shes not.

Indo also think its very important to think of a name that wont lend itself to teasing. I love Venus but realised it rhymes with penis!
I also think its important to choose a name that has nice associations. Archie is very popular atm but I always think of that baddie from East Enders!

DD's name is not in top 100 I'd say, but is one which everyone recognises. Picked for that reason among others.

It doesn't really matter what name you choose. With few exceptions people will be able to guess what age range you are in from your forename in years to come.

You are likely to be judged by someone looking at your CV if your name is Haseeba or Bilal.

Fortunately parents have not chosen to give their children the names Jane and Peter to pander to the prejudices of others.

That way the prejudice has a chance of dying out.
The other way means that diversity dies out.