Justine Roberts: When did mum become a dirty word?

[KateMumsnet]

In 2009, I was asked to send a Mumsnet blogger to join the media corps at the G20 summit. I immediately put the nomination to our online audience, who collectively chose one of Mumsnet's finest minds to represent us – a prolific poster who went by the name of Policywonk.

She was a smart cookie – highly educated with a particular interest in climate change. And, by all accounts, she had a high old time at the summit, rushing from one interview with a world leader to the next.

Afterwards, I quizzed her on what it was like. ‘Amazing,’ she confirmed. But there was something a little odd, she noticed. Whenever she introduced herself as a Mumsnet representative to a fellow member of the media corps, they would start speaking very slowly and deliberately. As if she were a child. But she wasn't a child, she was a mum – and that was the problem.

Over the past half-century in this country, women have made astonishing strides along the road to equality. Schoolgirls are more likely than their male contemporaries to apply to university – and to graduate with a first or upper-second-class degree. The gender pay gap has dropped from 45% in 1970, when the Equal Pay Act was introduced, to around 15% today. And feminism, which seemed to lie more or less dormant through the 1990s and 2000s, has reinvented itself for the digital generation via grass-roots projects such as Everyday Sexism and No More Page Three.

It is, in short, pretty much the best time in history to be a woman – until the moment you get pregnant, at which point all bets are off.

Leaving aside for a moment all the examples of real-world discrimination – and there are plenty of them – that women face when they have children, let's just consider what we've done with the word ‘mum’ itself. ‘Mummy’ is the first word in most children's vocabulary and, during their early years, arguably the most important one: its connotations, from our offspring’s point of view, are overwhelmingly positive. What happens, then, when we become mothers ourselves, and look at the word from the other end of the telescope? Why is it, when adults talk to adults, that we use it so negatively?

Read more of Justine's piece for the July issue of Red magazine here.

[scottishmummy]

Nursery/school/afterschool etc don't raise my children.they have specific input.yes
Raise,no.i wasnt raised by my school.i was educated socially And intellectually

[snoofle]

Quite scottishmummy. I sure as heck, and my DH!, raise my own children.

[scottishmummy]

No,being a parent isnt a job.and no it doesn't confer autimatic approbation
We all just get on with it.motherhood isn't dirty word,nor is automatically special
I dont need or seek aprobation for working.no one should seek apporobation for being housewife

[scottishmummy]

Yes,thats the thing with consistently held opinion,i'll express it consistently
Indeed as you'll be keen to emphasise your particular pov
So no i wont be rebuked by your yes,yes.and nor will i yes,yes if you repeat yourself

[scottishmummy]

Youre v keen to provoke a reaction,by vigorously telling me you disagree
As you wish I shant be changing my stance,nor i expect will you
Nor am i going to have an ideological revision and say,you know what housewife it ardest job in world

[scottishmummy]

I will keep it simple,just for you. You seem somewhat aggrieved and preoccupied
Im not biting

[scottishmummy]

Youre worked up im not
Simple as that

[scotchtikidoll]

I cannot help but think that perhaps part of the reason why Policywonk was spoken to patronisingly was because she said she was representing Mumsnet?

I've got to be honest, before I joined over a year ago, I thought Mumsnet was probably going to be full of dumbed-down 'alpha mummy wannabes' whos lives are centred around their children and the forums would be full of cake baking tips and glittery tickers. Of course I was wrong about this, and I am ashamed that I pre-judged with such contempt (one thing Mumsnet has helped me with this past year is to stop being so judgemental and to stop being an inverse snob. I have also learnt a lot from the feminism boards. I am also BU most of the time ). Mumsnet has also helped me to see that there are some fiercely intelligent women out there, who also happen to be mothers.

With regards to the word 'Mum' being a dirty word, If you asked me a year and a half ago, what imagery the word 'Mum' evoked in my mind, I would have said things like 'cakes,' 'staying at home,' 'unbrushed hair while dashing for school run,' 'no social life,' 'PTA meetings' and 'housework.' Now all I think of is 'a woman who happens to have children' because my perception has been challenged so much from reading from this vast microcosm of mothers who are impossible to label.

It is sad but unsurprising that whenever I recommend Mumsnet to a family member or friend (even DP) they have always turned their nose up at it, the same way I did before I properly looked into it. They all perceived Mumsnet as a group of bored housewives who do nothing but bitch about Amanda Holden or talk about penis beakers as if it was the only funny thing we had going on in our lives, as the media would have you believe.

So yeah, PolicyWonk was probably judged for 'just being a Mum' and even more so because she said she was representing Mumsnet.

[alreadytaken]

the media attitude to mumsnet has changed. When it started there may have been a slight tone of surprise that women were talking about other things than babies but there was also respect for the quality of the discussion. But the intelligent and polite debate has largely disappeared and with it the media respect. The different attitde to policywonk was not because she was a mum but because she represented this site.

[TheSameBoat]

Scotchkikidoll, I agree that the reaction was probably more about being from mumsnet than anything else. I've had that reaction myself when I mention that I'm a mumsnetter.

But that in itself is the problem. The fact that people automatically assume that a bunch of mums together will only talk about recipes, PTA meetings, fashion, knitting and celebrities etc AND that those things in themselves are trivial (because women do them?) is significant.

[linkery]

TheSameBoat. That sort of reaction recently? And who from?

[linkery]

To be fair, I have been surprised how narrow the topics are that are discussed on this site.

[scottishmummy]

Its a branding thing,and media image.imo representing mumsnet,isnt as wowsa as DoH,NHS
Mn is a website,its not got a clear definition/purpose.whereas its clear what Nhs does
The mn name does have connotations,of maternal topics,in same way footballnet would suggest football topic

My point is peope cant expect approbation for being mum,it wont be forthcoming
Its oft on mn,the posts about feeling undervalued in society yadda yadda Well no one going to oay a salary and confer status on parents so dont hold breath

[linkery]

Perhaps it is time for a name change for mumsnet!
tbh, parentsnet should be a more appropriate name change

[bbcessex]

I second that 'Mumsnet', as a name, sets the perception at the wrong level but I don't think Parentsnet is ideal either though, as it's a forum for any and all members of the community.. parent or not.

Linkery Its really interesting that you think the topics are limited.. I think there is a really wide range of topics.. maybe it's just that the 'Chat and AIBU' are generally more prolific?.. what topics would you like to see more of?

[linkery]

chat about hobbies, there are innumerable ones, talks about different countries [I would love to know all sorts about 216 countries or however many there are], even sport in some depth would be interesting, men's things such as tools. I dont know, topics are pretty endless

I did start some topics that were more varied, once upon a time, nut it was hard going, keeping them going!