"How did I get to this point?"
I asked myself this question repeatedly as I drove to my parents' house in a state of utter exhaustion. My young daughter was strapped in the back seat, my pregnant belly pushing against the steering wheel, tears streaming down my face.
I was done. I had nothing left to give. How did I get here?
Gradually, then suddenly.
With eternal gratitude to Hemingway, three simple words so elegantly summarise how I ended up in a situation I didn't want or expect. It happened so gradually, almost imperceptibly. And then suddenly, shockingly, I snapped and it was all I could do to keep myself together long enough to make the short trip to my parents’ house.
Looking back, I can see that I had chosen a life of anxiety, perfectionism, comparisons, sleep-deprivation, poor health, a lack of mindfulness, all coupled with the idea that I deserved more.
Gradually, these things took their toll. Until suddenly I found myself in a very frightening place. Strung out, worn down, angry, resentful, a shell of my true self. I was in tears daily, shouting at my family and barely getting by. Then – snap.
This gradual, then sudden decline is not reserved for dramatic breakdowns. It's not reserved for high-achievers, or emotionally sensitive people. Chances are, you know someone who has been through this or have gone through it yourself. Maybe you're still there, in the thick of it. Struggling to get your head above water. If you are, please take heart. You are not alone, and you can turn things around.
For me, the fog started to lift after I reached out for help and soon after that I began to see the problem. There was just too much. Too much stuff. Too many expectations. Too much to do. My priorities were non-existent, I spent the days at full-speed and was overwhelmed trying to be everything to everyone, every day. I was utterly and completely exhausted. Depleted. Empty.
Somewhere in that haze, I stumbled across Leo Babauta's blog, Zen Habits. Call it fate, call it divine intervention, call it clutching at straws if you wish, but the hour I spent drinking in his words on living a simpler, more mindful life changed the course of mine and my family's lives.
I realised there was such a thing as simple living. It was possible to slow down and enjoy life. In fact, it sounded damn-well delightful. I was inspired to simplify our home, and while the last thing I needed was another task on my to-do list, I began de-cluttering.
First it was the junk piled up in the spare room. Then it was the garage. The wardrobe. The kitchen. The office. Gradually I began to learn more about living a simpler life and realised it wasn't just about our stuff. It was about our thoughts, our relationships and the way we moved through our days. And the amazing thing was - as I de-cluttered and pared back - so many of the other pressures I'd felt simply drifted away.
I learned to prioritise. I learned that it is impossible to do everything. I learned to stop and pay attention to what I was doing in that very moment - even if it was hanging clothes on the line or playing hide and seek for the 47th time that day. I learned to be present in my own life.
I got organised. Improved our diet. I realised that doing things simply because they made us happy was a perfectly good reason to do them. I embraced the lost art of doing nothing. Empty dates on the calendar and limited extra-curricular activities meant there was room for weekend naps and impromptu afternoon drinks with friends.
I began making small changes day by day. Some changes came easily, while others required a lot of effort. Some happened simultaneously, while others were my main focus for months at a time. But tackling each of these areas over the past four years has transformed my life.
Gradually I recognised that creating a simpler home isn't the goal of simple living. It's not about having a more minimalist, more pared back home for its own sake. It's not about creating 'a perfect life', and it's not about having it all together in order to impress others. It's just about creating a home that makes it easy for you to live the life you want. A simpler, happier, more connected life.