Temper tanturms -by mothers

[grandtoadd]

My 26 month old grand-daughter (whom I have had a very close relationship with since birth (complete bonding) -averaging 3 hours per day child minding five days week (including weekends)-has now reached that stage where she is setting out her demands with a degree of determination previously not encountered.

This is causing, as is to be expected, an exponentially increasing degree of stress for her mother (my daughter) -who is at the moment a 'stay at home career mum'.
I have noticed in recent days that my daughter is beginning to 'lose it' and show her anger when dealing with a 'stubborn resistance' to the 'Joyce Grenfell' style of discipline.

My question is -to what degree of emotional harm -if any, is experienced by a child when confronted by real anger from 'the closest of intimate relationships' -(shouting and rough handling -though I must add here, in no way could it lead to anything more serious such as even a 'slap on the leg') -how much does it affect a child's development?
What are the concerns -considered by the 'professionals' and/or other parents?

will watch with interest as I'd like to know too!

Perhaps your DD just has no experience of young DCs and that 2 yr olds will exert their independence. Why not suggest parenting classes?-I found them very useful.
She needs to realise that the only behaviour she can control is her own and that there are ways of dealing with the tantrum stage.

There's studies that show that boys are affected by maternal PND, I've not read any about aggression though but I'd imagine that it can't be very good for a child to live on tenderhooks, as it will damage self esteem eventually.

Thank you all so much for your response -and advice/suggestions.
I am taking it on board, through the good offices of her mother -my ex.... which latter situation/relationship status, doesn't make it easy, (walking on broken egg-shells).
It is comforting to get your response. Thank you again. She's exceptionally bright (I would say that wouldn't I) -and needs constant attention and her wonderful continuous curiosity stimulates my 'grand-dad glands' to do all I can to help both of them out of the 'impasse'. and give her the best start she can get, which her mother will appreciate in the years to come.

TBH I'd be worried about this too. Why do you have her for 3 hours a day? Is her Mum, your daughter, working?

Is your daughter very stressed at the moment?

She really needs somebody to point out that aanger will only make the situation worse, the more she gets cross the worse her DD's behaviour will become.

How you go about that though, I have no idea, sorry.

My Mum was often cross and angry, I have no nice memories of her as a young child and it has really affected our relationship, forever. Luckily my Dad was great and my Auntie, who had me all day from 0-5, is fab.

Yes, I'd be concerned - and I was that angry shouty mum for a while. I became scared at my anger and sought help (counselling). In my case, the underlying problem was depression, but there's also an issue of unrealistic expectations for toddlers behaviour - and that can simply be borne of ignorance really.

I found the toddler stage the hardest (so far), but it's so important that your DD can realise the joy of toddlers too

So, she may need support and she may need practical advice, but I do think it's really important for the sake of her DD, because I do think that even if the DD is not directly affected in the long term (which is a big "if"), in the short term life gets into a vicious circle, and your DGD will become more resistant.

Some good books - Little Angels by Tanya Byron

Playful Parenting - by Lawrence Cohen

Tantrums - by Michelle Kennedy -full of little tips - easy to read

I'm a bit stuck as to how to raise this with her in a way that won't get her defensive. I suppose you need to establish first whether she thinks it's a problem and is upset and at a loss to know how to parent more calmly. This will be easier to tackle than if she's simply blaming her toddler for her behaviour. As pisces says, that's half the battle - her realising that only adults can change their behaviour - toddlers can't unless their parents do it first.

wow - just realised this is a really old thread