My partner calling himself "Grandad"

[shebear]

I've lived with my partner for 11 years. He has no children. My eldest is about to produce my first grandchild ))) My worry is that he keeps referring to himself as "Grandad". However I've been told in no uncertain terms by my daughter that because she was forced to call my step father "Grandad" she's not going to force her child to do the same ... how do I tell him? Or shall I just say nothing and hope that he will eventually realise when she introduces him by his christian name ? When we first found out she was pregnant he was a little negative (or even jealous). I said that he was either with us and supportive of the change the grandchild would bring. Since then he's been very positive about the whole thing and says he's looking forward to it. I'm conflicted. I don't want to upset him but I understand my daughter's concerns. What does everyone else think?

I would just leave it. Let him sort out his own relationship with the baby and when it can talk it will most likely come up with its own name. In the meantime she can use his name and he can use Grandad.

thanks everyone ..

Pisces I think you're right - I'm going to keep out of it! Things will become apparent I'm sure as baby gets older - but it was helpful to share.

Just tell them both it is nothing to do with you!

Surely being a grandparent and being acknowledged as such, is about more than a biological link between two people? My maternal 'Nan', was actually my Dad's step mum, his own mum having died when he was a child. My grandfather remarried fairly quickly and his new wife was always my Nan. my parents divorced and each re-married. My DSis and I always called my step dad's parents nan and grandad because they acted towards us as though they were our grandparents. My own children call my step mother 'Nan' and my Step Dad was always grandad to them. They were lucky, because they had more than the usual quota of grandparents. The my step dad in particular, was the most wonderful grandfather they could have wished for and they couldn't have been more devastated when he died if he had been their biological grandfather. It must be quite hurtful to your partner to be excluded from the family in this way. I just hope that your daughter doesn't expect him to treat the child as though he were the grandfather. personally, I think your daughter sounds a little selfish and mean spirited over this.

I agree with everything sayithowitis actually.
Also she was forced to call your stepdad Grandad but was she already a borna dn aware child when this started happening rather than being born into the situation and always knowing him as her grandad because I think that makes a difference too.

My dd usually calls MIL by her first name but ds more often than not calls her grandma because he is younger and cannot remember her not being his grandma (DH is my dc's step-dad)
If that is the case I think your dd is being a little over the top as this baby is not going to be forced into anything it would be calling your DP by the name he had always known him as.

Completely agree with the above two messages - we (my sister and I) have always called my stepdad by his first name.

When we had children he asked that they could call him grandad and we were delighted - he has been fantastic to us and it's the least we could do.

Sounds like he is just excited about the baby. He has no children of his own, so this will be the closest he will ever have to a 'grandchild'

Ultimately it is up to your daughter, but when baby is old enough, is she expecting him/her to call you grandma & him by his name? That's a shame.

DG is now 6 weeks old. I've asked twice if I can bring DP over to meet DG. Both times refused as she is too tired, too this too that to the other. Mean spirited and selfish is my interpretation of her too unfortunately. Hmmmmm.

Inneed and sayit ... agree ..is a shame. DD is a bit of a nightmare to say the least. I think she's a control freak ... anyway not asking again - and DP says don't worry about it ..although haven't told him about what she said about his perceived title .. spect it'll all come out in the wash - not going to get stressed over it - she's the sort of person who'd find fault with an angel as you may have guessed.

It sounds like there's more to this, but on the 'Grandad' front, if your DD is going to dig your heels in perhaps he can be called a special nickname instead? This is what my DH's family did for their Grandad's partner as they didn't want to be upset their Grandma.

Your DD doesn't realise yet that she won't be able to control her child! Let it ride and see what happens.

Could the baby call him Grandad ? Rather than just grandad?

I wouldn't worry too much - children have a canny knack of coming up with their own solution.

My ds2 has always heard Grandma and Grandpa from us all- but has elected to call Grandpa 'MyPete'. Because is his name is Peter and he bears a strking resemblance (in ds2's eyes) to Pete the (fat-ahem) Cat on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

So we have Grammer and MyPete.

My daughter was grown up when I met my present husband and has always called him by his first name. But Baby will call him Granddad (name) as his blood grandchildren call him that. Baby's blood grandfather will call him whatever blood grandfather wants him to!

Is it really such a competition?

My DC call my much loved DSF "Papa".

I think you should tell your partner what your DD said. Then at least he's forewarned and won't feel foolish or embarrassed if he says the wrong thing.

And fwiw I think your DD is being a bit wierd about the name thing.

Dh's father married the other woman so dh has obviously never had a close enough relationship to call her mum. However, she is Granny X to our ds because what's the point of raking over old ground when ds is nothing to do with it? Dh's sister feels differently but that's her perogative.

Perhaps your daughter will change her view once the baby is born and hormones are settled.

My children have step-grandparents, aunts etc and when it comes down to it, the relationship an adult builds with them is more important than whether there is a 'blood' link.

It's probably more important to define with your daughter what the relationship should be rather than what he will be called.