Grandparents visiting newborn... with large stinky dog

[Jo62]

Hi, our first baby's due this month and I'm dreading not the labour, not the early days, not the sleepless nights but the in laws visiting.
They're fine, we get on but they have a massive disgusting dog that stinks (their whole house pongs) and drools and (sorry) farts everywhere. It also has seriously bad breath. Most worryingly, tho, it jumps up/snarls and is not controlled at all by them, they let it pounce everywhere - it scares me even without a baby in my arms but I can't think how I'll feel if it comes near me while I'm holding a tiny newborn.
Hubbie has just mentioned casually that they NEVER leave the dog so are planning to bring it to stay with us when they come to meet grandchild. They live about 200 miles away.
He could obviously see from my reaction that that wasn't a good idea but I don't feel I can be too critical or difficult - but worrying about this is making me feel ill. They are all totally oblivious to the damage, mess and smell their dog causes so I can't really say anything direct.

Any suggestions? My initial feeling is to offer to pay for a B&B nearby for them and the dog (tho they'd still want to bring it when they visited so that's not ideal) or insisting that it stay in the garden (this will NOT go down well and I'll be seen as a complete bitch).

I really don't want my child's relationship with its grandparents to be negative from the start so want to know how to handle this sensitively, if that's possible.

well you also need to lay down boundaries from the start

i don't like pouncing, stinky dogs and i don't think it is unreasonable that they either let him stay in your garden or kennels

your DH is actually the one who needs to raise it with them and come up with a solution

My niece had exactly the same problem with her MIL, she made it clear from the start that they were welcome at her house without the dog, but she would not go to their house with her baby. It was not a happy start but they have now accepted that she is serious about keeping her baby safe and in a dog free zone. The dog is huge and she is a midwife and knows about baby hygiene so it is non negotiable. Your baby has a right to the best start in his/her life and who else is going to do it if you two dont. I bet that mum who lost her little girl to that savage dog reported on the news that christmas would love to turn the clock back. Its simple really they like stinking big dogs and you dont, you have a right to your views and to lay down boundaries which reflect your values. I wish you luck and hope all goes well for you.

Hi just a thought you could always ''become allergic to dogs'' It could be a side effect of your pregnancy. Who could argue, that way you wouldnt have to take baby anywhere near the bsd and you dont have to have it in your home. More ways than one to skin a cat (or dog)

You have to be assertive enough to say what YOU want and direct them to leave the dog with someone. It's such and important time and you can't afford to let stuff like this worry you because of the feelings of others. You MUST deal with it. Your DH just has to understand and support you at this time.

BTW I'm a dog lover through and through but I know how important this time is for a new mum. You have to call the shots.

Best of luck with it.

When I had a dog there were certain members of my family who didn't want him in their house. I was mildly offended at first because he was like my child, but I soon got over it and understood.

They said, 'I'm sorry Spidermama. It's just that we're really not dog people. Nothing personal'. And they didn't even have a new baby. Just a clean, tidy, animal free house.

Fine. No harm done.

We have two great danes and dont leave them when we go on holiday etc but would never dream of taking them into a house with a new baby. Its just not done! They themselves should know that. We treat ours like babies but they are ours and we dont expect other people to feel the same way. Your OH needs to sort this out now before it gets too far.

The dog needs to be kenneled. It is not expensive, one near us for £14 a day. Send them the details of a local one so they can go and stay with it visit the stinky fucker lovely beast.

I have similar issues, am expecting DC2 and didn't feel confident enough to make such assertions with DS and got walked all over.

Do not stand for it.

Thanks everyone - that's really helped, more than anything because I realise I'm not being totally unreasonable here. I'm going to pick a good quiet moment to have a chat with hubbie and explain why I'm concerned then get him to broach the subject with his parents. I'm hoping if we pick the right moment, they'll be so chuffed about the grandchild, it might mean it goes down a bit better.

I realised looking back over my original post that I seemed more concerned about the smell than anything - think that was down to the sensitive smell earlier in my pregnancy, there were a few tricky visits to their house! It's more the jumping up/snarling that worries me so I'll focus on that when I bring it up.

I don't think kennels will be considered by the ILs, they think they're cruel - but it's down to them to find a solution. I'm especially grateful to the dog-owners and others who didn't say anything earlier but now regret it - that's given me the push I needed to say something rather than try to keep the peace and end up getting resentful. Or worse, something happening to my child!

Their dog...their problem. I would just say to them that you don't want the dog in the house and let them work out what they are going to do.

You are not being unreasonable. I wouldn't want a dog like that in my house whether I had a newborn or not.
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Enjoy what is left of your pregnancy.

We had the opposite problem. We had a big dog and my mum said there was no way she would have it at her house. Fair enough- I know she hates dogs. DH refused point blank to put the dog in kennels (thanks to a bad experience putting a previous dog in kennels). As we couldn't leave the dog and couldn't take it we had to stop visiting my mum altogether (from visiting up to 10 times a year), unless we left one of the kids behind to dog-sit.

Mum had to come to us instead if she wanted to see us, and she hated that (3-4 hour journey).

You may have to go with the no-visit option. It is quite reasonable to keep the dog away from the baby but they may disagree.

(incidentally we don't have the big dog anymore. We had a new baby and the first time the dog scratched the baby- by accident- we had her rehomed Big dogs and babies do not mix)

and if your husband is too lilly-livered to set up boundaries regarding the dog, you will have to do it.

it is just as much your home and your child and its safety as his.

be prepared for no-visits, as cat stated, but if someone's that inconsiderate you don't really want them visiting, anyway.

Same problem. Basically, they love their dog more than the grandchild and their dog would NEVER hurt a child. Total ignorance. The most lovable dog will bite a child if that child steps on its tail or stares in its face. And guess what? Toddlers/small children and big dogs just HAPPEN to walk around at the same height so they are ALWAYS face to face. People are just stupid about their dogs. We forced them to keep the dog in the car, in the garden, on the deck or in the basement whenever they visited us. Now that our baby is 5, they say they are "glad we have finally relaxed about the dog". I say we haven't relaxed, there is just a big difference between a toddler and a child. A child has more stability and isn't as liable to fall over and hit their head when a big dog jumps up on them. However, when dog starts to jump etc - I tell them to put it in the basement. I HATE the dog in my house. It chases our cat too and they say "oh she won't hurt your cat!" Well, the cat doesn't bloody know that! Here's a trick though - tell them you want your child to understand and love dogs and so it is better for the child to learn when they are old enough to understand how to treat a dog properly. You don't want your child to have a bad experience with a dog and wind up being scared of them. I hate trickery but basically with some people, they just don't respect your rights. It's your bloody house and child but apparently that means nothing so use trickery if you have to.

PS to my previous post. Expect resentment from the inlaws about the "no dog" or "limited exposure to dog" rule. But remember "IT IS THEY WHO HAVE CREATED THE PROBLEM, NOT YOU" and just go about your business. You are not being unreasonable. You have made a choice based on best judgment and you deserve respect. Tell them you respect their feelings that the baby is safe around the dog, but that you want no "accidents". Dogs (especially big dogs) have huge claws, huge teeth and a lot of weight. They can do an awful lot of damage to a baby/toddler without meaning to. I have a friend whose dog accidentally stepped on the baby. They had to have the baby checked for internal bleeding. Turned out ok but doctor wasn't too impressed that an "elephant" was in the room with the baby. It just makes sense to keep dogs away from kids until the kid at least weighs the same amount as the dog. By the way, have you looked at the size of the dog's mouth? A baby's whole head can almost fit inside some of 'em! Also, prepare for your inlaws to ignore your request and bring the dog anyway. If that happens, banish the dog to their car, the yard, basement etc. Just say "I see you brought Fido, we can put a blanket in the basement for him" and then if they don't move, take the dog by the collar and move him downstairs yourself. They will take over at that point. Good luck!