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Gransnet

Looking for Mumsnet's sister site for grandparents? Then come on over to Gransnet.

Original poster

any non-biological grannies?

16 replies

Lucifera · 10/04/2008 13:21

hi, I have mostly lurked on MN for several months, and only recently saw the Gransnet board. I have never had children, but have had close and strong relationships with kids (lived with and shared care of three from ages 11, 9 and 7 to adulthood). My (female) partner has 3 grown-up children, the eldest of whom has a 3-year-old boy. They live quite near us, DP looks after DGS one day a week, and I see him lots too. I love him very much, and refer to him as "our gs" or occasionally to people who don't know both of us as "my gs". Anyone else in similar position? Do you think of yourself as a granny?

OP posts:
SquonkTheBeerGuru · 10/04/2008 13:30

hi.

I am not a granny yet (either biological or non-biological) but fwiw, I had a step-grandad who was my grandad - in fact, even though I know that there was no blood link between him and me, I still find myself giving his medical history when asked about my own.

My parents split up when I was an adult and my dad married again about five years ago. My step-mum is lovely and treats all my kids as her own grandchildren. She doesn't want to be known as grandma, so she is just known by her name. I thought of her, actually when reading your post. She doesn't have any biological children either.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say, I think, is that your grandson (and future grandchildren perhaps?) is very lucky to have you in his life.

Hope you get some actual grannies to come and say hello soon.

Original poster
Lucifera · 10/04/2008 14:22

oh thanks Squonk, lovely message. Great that you have a nice step-mum who appreciates her DGCs!
I certainly feel very lucky to have a delightful little boy in my life.

OP posts:
mimismummy · 10/04/2008 14:33

Hi,

Not a granny but just wanted to say you sound lovely and your grandson is a very lucky little boy. I met my dh when ds was 3. DH's whole family have welcomed ds as their own and treat him as they would any other member of their family. he calls my MIL by her first name when he talks to her, but refers to her as his granny to other people and she always refers to him as her grandson. We have two dds now and there is no difference in how they are treated. It is lovely and i know it means my son is very happy and secure. I think it is great that you love your grandson so much and I'm sure he feels very special as a result.

motherinferior · 10/04/2008 14:35

Well, his dad's your non-bio child, so I reckon he's definitely your grandson .

Hello and welcome, anyway!

Original poster
Lucifera · 10/04/2008 16:04

Hi Mimismummy - thanks, your family sound great! My partner's children were all in their 20's when we got together, so (hello motherinferior) I have not been any kind of mother to them, but they have all welcomed and accepted me, so my relationship with the DGS follows on beautifully from that. Obviously these days so many families include new partners and spouses, so non-bio "relatives" are very common. I would not have been a good mother and I'm glad I never did it (not putting myself down, it's the simple truth), so I do feel v privileged now. Isn't there a bumper sticker joke "Our grandchildren are great - we should have had them first!"!!

OP posts:
EllieG · 10/04/2008 16:11

Hello - am not a granny but am a step-mum to a smashing 9 year old whose Mum died about 3 years ago. My Mum and Dad adore her and she very much views them as grandparents. They have a lovely relationship with her, and although DP and I are expecting our first child together next week I really do believe that DSD will not be looked upon any differently by them. I think a grandparent relationship is rather special, from what I can see, and the biological thing is not as important as spending the time together and creating loving bonds. Your grandchildren sound lucky to have such a nice grandmother and will no doubt enjoy their relationship with you as much as my DSD does with my parents

scottishgran · 11/04/2008 09:47

My son's partner has a 6 year old son and calls us by our first names. We treat him as our grandson and when talking to people I call him our grandson. They are having another baby in July and he says he will call us Granny and Grandad then so as not to confuse the new baby. He sends us cards with granny and grandad on them. It is a nice relationship and when our other grandchildren are here visiting we treat them all the same.

Original poster
Lucifera · 11/04/2008 12:36

thanks Ellie and Scottishgran, it's great hearing about all these different loving relationships! I think children can bring out the best in all of us (or sometimes the worst, but let's not go there!).

OP posts:
FioFio · 11/04/2008 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ummadam · 07/05/2008 09:59

My granny is my mum's stepmum as my biological gran died before I was born. I would have loved to have known my biological gran but it wasn't meant to be and my granny has been my granny all my life - she is my son's greatgran even though they are not biologically related I've never felt I was treated differently to her "real" grandchildren and I think of them as cousins - my mum finds it weird but I don't as it is all I have ever known

MissusH · 07/05/2008 10:08

My nan was not my biological nan (dad's mum died when he was young) but we were always her grandchildren and as far as we were concerned she was just nan.

I'm also a step-child and my dd calls my stepdad grandad. He was always going to be called grandad - there was never any question about that.

My dd adores him. He has no biological children of his own (me & my brother were 9 & 6 when mum remarried) so he did not have any experience of babies & toddlers, but he was, and still is amazing with her (she's now 6). he can't wait for gc #2 to arrive in September!!

Kewcumber · 07/05/2008 10:15

well technically I haven't "had" children either as DS was adopted so I obviously don't think that biology defines a relationship. Presumably you're not biologically related to your partner and yet you love her and have a close relationship with her? Intention and behaviour a much better determinant of relationships than biology in my very humble opinion.

And my mum adores my DS and it wouldn't even enter her head to describe him as her "adopted" grandson.

Squirrel3 · 07/05/2008 15:06

Hello, I am a bio-nanny to two and a step-nanny to two and I love them all to bits. They all call me Nanny, why would they call me anything else? but I was incredibly moved when dsd handed dsgs over to me when he was born and said to him "Say hello to Nanny" it brought a tear to my eye...

I love being a Nanny, all of my grandchildren are great fun to be with!

Original poster
Lucifera · 14/05/2008 13:10

hello, sorry hadn't looked here for a while (god, work is such a distraction . . . )
thanks for all messages. Just to share, DGS was with us for part of last weekend, he's just on 3.6 now and so lovely! I put him to bed on Friday night and when he woke at 1.30am he called out for me. It made me laugh how chuffed I felt, I'm sure no-one but a very occasional carer could feel pleased by that!

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pranma · 28/03/2009 17:45

I have 6 stepgrandchildren and 3 'blood'.I was once asked by 8yr old what the difference was to me and I was able to say in all honesty,'you are all the grandchildren of my heart its just fhat S,F and E are blood relations too.'I am amazed at how much I love them all

Original poster
Lucifera · 28/05/2009 16:04

hi Pranma - sorry did not see your message earlier. How lovely for you to have 9 gcs, and for them to have you. We still just have the one (but he is perfect of course ...)!

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