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Gransnet

Looking for Mumsnet's sister site for grandparents? Then come on over to Gransnet.

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Original poster

Are any of you raising your grandkids?

17 replies

alysonpeaches · 05/03/2008 22:54

I am bringing up my two grandkids aged 5 and 2 and wondered if anyone else in mumsnet land was in the same boat?

OP posts:

shoshe · 25/03/2008 07:05

I was she is back with her Mum at the moment althogh we still have alot of input. DGD is 12.

lizziemun · 25/03/2008 07:52

Keep a lookout for a poster called "Joash" She looks after her grandson.

Hope that helps

Original poster

alysonpeaches · 29/03/2008 21:18

I think I might have come across Joash before, a couple of years ago when I first got my court order. Unfortunately I lost touch with her.

OP posts:

Asgoodas · 13/04/2008 22:01

Joash is still posting - I will let her know for you. I look after my GS, have done for 2 years, exhausing but brilliant.

shortshafe · 19/05/2008 16:15

hello ladies!

there is a very well used forum on the Family Rights Group website - www.frg.org.uk. For grandparents who are caring for their grandchildren.

twoplusone · 03/07/2008 14:16

I was brought up by my grandparents.. I lved with them from the age of three till I was 11.. then after senior school (I was a tboarding school( I went back to them to do college..
I went to live with htem as my mum and dad divorced and mymum wanted a career, and was always getting let down by childminders.. and obviously late 70s early 90s you didnt get help from the government.

I never wanted for anything, and have a great bond with my grandparents now.. tbh if anything I talk to them more than i do my parents..

On serious note can I just add how it made me feel.. I have always felt rejected by my parents.. and when I have tried to talk to anyone about it in the family i am always told dont be silly... stop being so ungrateful.. if any of your dgc.. say this to you or want to talk to you about it.. please please listen to them. As this has caused me to have sever bouts of depression, and even now... I am 32years old and I still get upset about it a time esp whne I look at my three kids.. and wonder... And in fear of upsetting anyone or hurting anyones feelings I am generally left to deal with my emotions myself..unless my dh is at hiome then he listens and is very understanding..

Sorry just felt it needed to be said.. but enjoy your dgc... as I said earlier, I loved living with my grandparents and it was great to have such a big extended family.. as aunties and uncles became like borthers and sisters and great aunts and uncles became uncle and aunties..

I just cant help the feeling of rejection that I have and wanted to warn you.. that if your dgc ever ask you or say this to you.. dont be offended by it as they will be gratefull for what you have done for them . Just listen to them ans let them know you will always be there,,

xxxxx

lijaco · 18/07/2008 22:59

Hi,
I never knew there was a gransnet on here! I am raising my Grandson he is 14 months old now. We have had him since he was 5 months old. He was in a foster place ment with his mum but she left the placement. His mum is my son's ex now. My son not really interested. It si difficult really as I worry about what to tell him when he grows up. We are going to be his gaurdians soon under special gaurdianship. Mum has shown no interest either. I ahve a 4 year old son myself who is the youngest of 4 kids.

lijaco · 18/07/2008 23:01

twoplusone I can understand your feelings and worry that is how my g.s. will feel.

technics · 18/07/2008 23:04

What a lovely nanny you are alysonpeaches

Original poster

alysonpeaches · 27/07/2008 16:58

Its nice to hear Im not alone. Ive recently been going onto the larger families forum ... the reason is we found out in May that we have another grandchild in foster care and another due October.

I am currently in proceedings for the 12 month old who will be joining us in a few weeks (we hope). We dont know about the other yet.

I talk to the eldest about his parents and he understands that he lived with them for a while but they couldnt look after him properly so he came to us. Fortunately, there are two other children in his class at school in the same position so he doesnt think its particularly unusual. Its obviously a growing trend.

I have absolutely no idea how I will cope with 4, as I only had 2 of my own. But Im going to do my best for all of them. My husband is going to reduce his working hours for a while to help me.

Unfortunately, I havent seen my daughter since May of this year and I didnt know she was pregnant (again). Funny thing is, the children are a lot calmer now they dont have contact as it was so hit and miss it used to upset them.

If anyone would like to keep in touch, let me know and I will post my extra email address.

Lovely to hear from you all xxx Alyson

OP posts:

pompeygal · 04/09/2008 21:42

I am bringing up my grandaughter, l say l am as l became a widow when she was 14 month old(l'm 61) l am finding it very hard to cope,she is a good girl and l wouldn't like to be without her but l worry about- like today l have been to a funeral it brings all the hurt back of not having a husband (we were married for 38 years) to talk to, to share the bad times and the good and have been in tears for most of the evening and she at eight is consoling me,l'm finding it increasingly hard to find the energy l had a few years ago,l'm not only coping with age but with late effects of polio.We have six children but they all have their own families and think because l managed to bring them up l'll be ok,well l did servive the school holidays so maybe l can,l do get around with the help of my mobility scooter so we go to the local park often,and C likes shopping.Is there anyone out there in similar cercumstances. Sandra

twinnylinnie · 10/09/2008 15:45

Hi sandra, not the same as you but similar, I too am widowed and have cared for my grandson for the last thirteen years, he has cerebral palsy. His mum is a single parent, works full time, so I have always been 'there' for them both. I lost my husband nearly four years ago very suddenly and have found it very hard to go on giving so much when I seemed to be getting nothing back in return. The problem with being 'strong' and the care giver is that when you are in need yourself it doesnt seem obvious to others. I became very depressed but I didnt know it, in the end the doctor called me in and I just tried to be normal until he said something about 'who is caring for you? and I burst into tears and I cried for half an hour. Despite my protest he recommended medication which really helped. I would try not to cry too much in front of your grand daughter, they havent the maturity to deal with this level of emotional stuff, and it could make her insecure. It sounds llike you did a good job of bringing up your children perhaps you could mention that you could do with a bit of additional support now and then, does your grand daughter go to brownies and other activities whhich could give you a break?

pompeygal · 11/09/2008 21:49

twinnylinnie thanks for your surgestion l will take your advice and try not to be upset in front of C. Yes C does go to brownies she also goes to gymnastics once a week and we swimm at least three times a week.My son has offered to help me at weekends and take C out with his daughter,my grandchildren get on very well together, so l will be taking him up with his offer

pookybear · 12/09/2008 15:36

Hi pompeygal, just wondering how this weeks gone, another weekend to look forward to. Its nice to have company of children her own age for your granddaughter. I was re reading your previous message and noticed you said you do not have the energy you had. I found when I was very down I could hardly drag one leg after the other, depression can affect your energy levels quite significantly. Even very mild depression makes you feel tired all the time. It sounds like you are giving it your all with all those activities, you are obviously doing it right, well done!

josette1973 · 10/05/2009 17:50

Hi, for any of you raising GC aged 8-12, can I recommend a great book that deals with this topic, that you might enjoy reading together?

The Enchanted Library by Karen Andrea is a magical story of the adventures of GF and 10 y/o GS he is fostering after GS is orphaned.

You can find it on amazon.com

gwendy63 · 27/04/2012 01:19

Hi, new to MN. We are raising DSG, had him since 16 months, he is now almost 7 y.o. Didn't realise so many of us out there. I have trouble with low energy, DD helps out sometimes taking him to Tae Kwondo and Beavers for me. DH is coach driver so cannot be relied on as never know when he is working

TJ1952 · 11/06/2012 13:34

I am legal guardian to my two grandsons aged 6 and 11 and have to say I sometimes find it a very lonely time as all the other mums are much younger than I am obviously...I am 60. I worry all the time as they dont have any friends to play with out of school hours, I worry about dying and what will happen to them, I worry about their education...in fact I worry if I havent got anything to worry about.......I expect this is normal. At the boys school there are 48 different languages spoken and unfortunately the indian cultures dont let the children come to our home for tea or to the park etc and so my boys are lonely with only me to play with after school. I am going to try the scout unit for them both and see if that helps them to intereract a little more. If you are a grandmother or even grandfather living near me bringing up yr grandkids, maybe we could get together for coffee or something...............

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