When my Dd1 was born my mum i think had a lot on, suffers with anxiety and in my fathers words 'got her priorities wrong'. My Dd was prem, poorly and we lived a long way away, but despite saying she'd visit my mum didn't for three months, even when I was phoning her begging her in tears to come. My husband and I were and felt completely isolated and alone. Some months later we visited them and we had an almighty row where I basically told her I thought she was selfish and had been pretty shit. (To be honest I still do a bit). Over time she did apologise, and said she was struggling herself at the time, and is now( DD 2.5) absolutely brilliant. I am expecting DD2, and she said the other day 'well, just let me know what you want me to do, since you got so cross with me last time'. I suspect she is just feeling awkward and worried about it, but i can't help but feel she's missed the point- she still seems to think I didnt want her interfering and visiting (she came for one day as a surprise after I'd asked her specifically not to that day, but then didnt come at all after that). Last time I asked her to come and stay for as long as she could but left it up to her. She is retired, and although busy has said she'd be willing to come up. After all the stuff thats gone before I'm not sure what to ask- I'd really like her to come and stay and help especially with the older one, or maybe visit to meet the baby and come back after DH goes back to work? I guess im still hurt from last time, although i try and let it go, and i don't want to ask only for her to disappoint again. What do you other grans out there think?