If you are a retired Granny, what do you do to keep you busy?

[ChocolateBiscuitCake]

My Mum is 65 and a Granny to three young boys.

She has become very reclusive and antisocial. She doesn't leave the house for days and spends all day on the computer (I have posted in relationships about this addiction).

She has mobility issues which cause her a huge amount of pain (from childhood). She chose competitive sports and doctors warned her this would have consequences and now she is paying the price - she can't walk long distances, plays some doubles tennis but skiing, riging etc out the window. It is a catch 22 as her immobility has got worse, because she doesn't go out (not even for a paper or pint of milk).

Before we confront her as a family (in a nice, loving way), I need to think of some things for her to do that get her out of the house having human (not computer) interaction.

For those of you who have retired, please would you be kind and share the things you get up to day-to-day or week-to-week that keep you busy, happy and healthy. I need some positive ideas to pass on to her so she can alter her current, destructive behaviour patterns.

Thanks so much

My mother joined the University of the Third Age, and she's hardly been at home since! They are a very sociable lot, with lots going on. They cater for all interests and abilities (it's not really a university!).

Or I can also recommend the WI, or Townswomens' Guild. Depends on how active local groups are, but again, lots of days out, coffee mornings, etc etc.

Or the Trefoil Guild.

My mum did this after she retired, I think it can be quite a big change. She retired at 63,had a stroke a couple of years after which shocked her. She started going to a day centre at church, but in typical er fashion as she healed from the stroke she went from being a client to a volunteer. At 71 she volunteers 4 days a week there which helps her mobility.

She basically needed to feel useful and when she initially retired that immediately went and she became depressed. So what does your mum like? What has motivated her? There are lots of voluntary opportunities out there which needn't take a lot of mobility.

Thank you for your responses (they are making me cry - its just hit me what a sad place my Mum is in).

She is a "young" 65 and I think is struggling with 'feeling old'. She has lost her purpose, but I think she lost that a long time ago and whilst my Dad has got through a similar bad patch, he has come out all the better.

She won't want to do anything that makes her feel elderly (like coffee mornings or WI), but reading through the suggestions there are a few things I am going to research more:

Joining a bridge club (she can do this with my Dad, so she can branch into the world with him by her side).
Learn Spanish course (she has talked about it for years)
Photography course
Creative Writing Course
Join a book club

Thank you so much.

When you say she can't walk long distances, what do you class as long? My MIL (60) goes on "health walks" (few leisurely miles) organised by Dr's surgery and has made some friends via that. Also she joined a theatre group which she really enjoys.

Her feet are fused so there is no movement in them. She has had one hip replaced. I reckon a walk to the corner shop and back would probably be about all she could manage without being in pain…but this should improve if she builds up some strength. It is a catch 22.

All those things you mention are available via U3A. And you don't have to be old to join WI!!!

And BTW 65 is not old!! Retirement age fie women born early 60s is now 67, and likely to be higher for younger people.

65 is late middle age these days.

YY U3A has lots of special interest groups. Really interesting guest speakers and are generally v welcoming, friendly. My late Father used to go when he retired and loved it.

Also don't write of the WI. I'm a member at 53 and there are lots of women there who are both younger and older than I am. There are a couple of Mum's who bring their babies along. The woman who started the group has young children. We have a separate book group and there's a craft night once a month and other special interest groups are in the pipeline.

The women who are older than me, all have young outlook and are really up for trying and learning new things. Whenever there are guest speakers who are dancers/fitness teachers etc, they always tailor things so that people who aren't so mobile can do a fair bit from a seated position.

There's also involvement in the community too that might encourage your Mum to get out and about a bit more. You can always ring up the person who runs a group to find out a bit more about it and see if you think they do stuff your Mum would enjoy. Each group has a different 'feel' and does different things.

Sounds like she could be depressed - or agoraphobic or have some other medical cause - diabetes makes you lethargic- maybe she needs some help from doc before she can move on. a friend of a similar age to go with her to a group thing would be better - she probably wouldn't go on her own. But at the end if the day it's up to her. Nothing you can do if she doesn't want to go out.

Probably not any use as she probably hates dogs but get her to rescue one. It worked for my Mum when she didn't have my children to run after once they finished school. She now has to go out on a scooter. She keeps saying her next dog will have to be small enough to go in a basket...not sure she knows the point of it all...
The majority of my older pts, have a dog and feel it gives them a purpose. Something that relies on them... Even if it's a cat, they have to go out to get the food.
Like I said probably a stupid answer. I don't think I could ever live without one of either. If she is not a 'people' person and some of my pts are not....
Might be worth a thyroid check as it all sounds like something that could be responsible. In the 'old days' thyroid patients were considered psychiatric and would often be hospitalised as such with low mood, depression like symptoms and lethargic and altered thyroid function can exacerbate bone disease like osteoporosis.
It may need a family conference to 'sort her out'. Give her a purpose. 65 is hardly 'old'
As for the computer addiction, what is she doing? I sit online far more than I watch TV these days when I am not at work.

Having a dog is the most socially rewarding thing I've ever done! I've met so many new people and if your Mum is on Facebook (I bet she is) there are loads of local dog walking groups she can go to. Then there's the WI who are crying out for new members and have a wide range of interests (its not all jam and Jerusalem). You can do as much or as little as you want really.