Wise Grans, please help me. I would like your point of view on my relationship with my mum...
My mum and I used to have a good relationship, she was young at heart and good fun to be around.
Three months after I got married, she and my dad moved abroad to Europe, to retire and enjoy a 'better' life. I was very sad when she and dad left.
I had my first child a little over a year later and they came home especially for the birth and all was rosy. I cried when they left and over time became used to them not being around and we visited each other often.
A year later I fell pregnant with number 2 and went on to have another child, another boy. Again, she came to stay with me after the birth, with my dad, who returned home after a week or so. She stayed a couple of weeks more. At this point she told me that she had feelings for another man and was not getting on with my dad all that well.
This was a real shock to me, and my mum took up a lot of my emotional energy when I really had my hands full with two boys under two years and recovering from a second Csection and a full blown chest infection. To be honest, I was a bit mad at her for being so selfish as to tell me this when I was myself so physically and emotionally exhausted.
I've never said anything to my dad, and my mum has let the episode pass and we don't talk about it.
Since that time, I believe she developed a low mood which progressed into some kind of depression. 10 years on she is not happy where she is living, I'm not sure that my parents relationship is brilliant, but they are still together. She is not keen on doing anything anymore. She stays indoors, has no interests, very little social life, although her friends were sympathtic at first and called to her to invite her out but after lots of 'no thank yous' they appeared to give up on her. My dad has a 'life' and includes mum as much as possible, but he finds her hard work too. We have both suggested counselling, joining a group to learn bridge or something similar, go to keep fit with a friend, but she wants none of that.
She's just been over for Christmas and sadly, as normal she was not good company. She doesn't want to do anything while she's staying with us, she feels bullied into doing stuff with us (we feel we're just trying to be encouraging) she snaps at me (which turns into a two way thing) and this week my DS2 was rude to her so she slapped him. She doesn't appear to enjoy my sons' company and just mopes around the house whilst she's here.
Quite frankly, I don't enjoy seeing her anymore. I would rather she didn't bother coming to visit unless she is willing to be a bit more up beat and energetic with the kids. And me.
I'm not sure what I am asking you, but am I being to hard on her? She is not the mum I had 10 years ago, who moved abroad, wrote letters and emails, learned a new language and raved about her new 'home'. What on earth can I do to help her? Are any of you in a similar position??