should children be told about their real dad?

[Gransey]

I respect that couples need to move on but surely my DGD should be made aware of her real dad (my son). How on earth are they going to explain me in the whole scheme of things? I see my DGD every 6 weeks. my DGD will find out eventually. I would not go behind my xDIL for obvious reasons but wondered what the general view was?

what reason do they give as seeing you? how old are they?

DGD is nearly 4, therefore an explanation for seeing me has never occurred as she was too young, but now she is becoming more aware. A friend of mine has adopted from birth and they have a mood board for their son showing pictures of his birth family so that he will always know the truth. When I gave my DGD a framed picture of herself with my son, when she was two, it was handed back to me without discussion.

It depends on the reasons for her not seeing him imo.

What are the reasons behind your son not seeing his dc?

Your relationship with your granddaughter must be so precious - that must be protected and you are obviously treading carefully.
I always think honesty is best (and more respectful to the child), but there will be complexity of emotions going on, such as anger, guilt, unresolved issues which you migiht not be aware of.
Most of all, this is something you need to discuss with your ex dil (the mother) first, i.e. don't go behind her back - could you try and sit down and discuss it with her? because, eventually, children have to forgive too, and learn that adults aren't perfect but the right time for this should surely be agreed with her mother so everyone can be prepared and gentle, having sorted out their own emotions first.

i totally agree with you OP. it really makes me angry when i hear of children being told another person is their father or mother. i have experience of the effect this has on the person in question when they inevitably find out and it isn't a good reaction. it causes massive hurt.

however i understand how very risky it would be for your relationship with DGD for you to tell her the truth.

in your shoes i would protect that relationship. keep that communication open and no doubt over time they will have no choice but to explain your presence in her life.

i do wonder why your son is not involved with her though?