Christmas - keeping everyone happy

[MissWooWoo]

Ladies (and gents) please can I have some wise words from you ...

It feels wrong that my parents will be on their own (together) on christmas day.

Prior to my sister splitting from her partner christmas day was always at my parent's house. Since the split arranging christmas - especially now that I have a dd of my own - is a nightmare.

This year I have invited my parents and sister to my house (an hour away) but they have declined because my parents are having me, dp and dd, sister and her dd over on boxing day. My sister, who lives a 10 minute drive away will not be coming to me nor inviting my parents over as she prefers to spend the day sulking to herself after her dd goes to her dads after present opening.

What really gets my goat is in the 4 years prior to my dd arriving my mum would be very put out if anyone suggested not getting together on christmas day, but since the split they don't seem to give two hoots about spending christmas day with my dd. Is it a case of been there done that with other grandchild (whom I love dearly btw)? Or are they just too old to muster up the energy to do two days in a row of festivities (both early 60s and working, hardly past it).

They did come and visit us on christmas day last year but it was like pulling teeth getting them to commit to anything until my sister had (eventually) sorted out what she was doing which ended up with them not being invited there.

I want them to be with their family on christmas day, why don't they want it?

I think you need to separate out what you're unhappy about - you make it sound like you're upset on their behalf ("wrong for them to be on their own"), but if they are happy on their own and you'll see them next day, what's the problem?

Or is it that you are annoyed that they don't want to take you up on your invitation, and you feel less valued than your sister and her child?

If its the latter, and its part of a general pattern, then YANBU. But I think you need to be clear that's why you're annoyed, not that its about their happiness in itself.

It's both! I do feel that my dd is less valued. I am also unhappy for my mum because I think it is more my dad not wanting to come than her and also unhappy that my mum tip-toes round my sister so as not to upset her. Never mind that my sister couldn't give a shit really.