Overwhelmed by first baby coming soon - how to kindly handle parents and inlaws?

[Oneof4]

What's the best way to handle relatives in the first few days after our baby is born? I'm concerned that I'll just want to bolt the doors and get used to the situation (and our baby), but I've got step-children, in-laws and my own (rather Victorian) parents to consider, all of whom will have to travel to visit.

Is it wrong to ask them all to hold off for a week or so whilst we get on our feet?

Any thoughts from the GPs' perspective would be very much appreciated.

I think the number one thing to remember is they should be considering you, not the other way around right now. It is absolutely not anything but completely reasonable to ask them to hold off. What you will have gone through ( 40 weeks, labor, raging unexpected hormones, soreness, urning to bond alone with baby, fatigue ect!) is life changing and time to take it in is deserved now, more than ever. One thing I have realized is you need to have conviction in telling them, ( or having dh tell them) and be very stern because people can really be bullies and extremley selfish when it comes to this. But it is not their right, it is your privacy, your new baby and your choice. Your comfort is very important at this time. I made everyone hold off for 3 weeks, even though his father was kinda a jerk about it. Ds is my first and I did not think I should sacrifice my comfort for the family at a time that was so delicate for me. Plus, if anyone thought for a minute I was in any position to play host, they could think again. not to mention the germs. Make sure the pushy ones respect your decision, the baby will be around for a lifetime. A couple of weeks wont make a difference in 2 years.

Oh! And the easiest way to tell them could be as easy as saying Doc said to keep people from touching/kissing baby for at least a week or two. They would not want to come and not be able to hold her, now would they?? Or they could just wait a week and then snuggle to their hearts desire!

i personally WANTED everyone to see each of mine asap when they were born, especially my mum

i think your parents may be upset if you ask them not to visit their grandchild (is it their first?) when it is born

while of course it is your perogative and i would never say you should do something you are really unhappy with, i think maybe you could compromise?

say you need time to get to know the baby. and maybe arrange set days/times for people to come?
you could ask them to stay in a hotel so it's no hassle for you and just invite them over for the afternoon or something?

i know it depends what your parents are like, i jjust loved having my mum here making tea for me and just watching her with her newest grandchild... it's really lovely

Thanks for the thoughts. My parents have always been incredibly critical - I guess I'm just feeling vulnerable, and know that's probably going to get worse. Time for the traditional stiff upper lip, obviously!

Can they come for a short visit early on? I thought hospital visits were rather good as there was so need to entertain and people didn't hang around.

I think a total ban on seeing their grandchild would be quite harsh. I also think no one should have to put up with lots of entertaining whilst they are trying to get used to a new baby.

Germs are not an issue in IMO.

As for the critical nature of your parents, I would practise your response for the first hint of any criticism - "I only want to hear positive and helpful comments please" said in a calm voice could stop them in their tracks. Your DH could take on this role for you.

Good tips, thanks. And yes, maybe I'll just task my very lovely and more-than-capable DH to manage visitors.