Is it worth paying for a private education or can state schools really manage a very bright boy?

[AvenaLife]

Just wondering. ds(9) starts a new school in a couple of weeks, I've just spent a small fortune on his uniform and have yet more fees that will push me to the verge of destruction. Is it really worth it though? The school's lovely, small classes and ds will have a great time. He's ahead by 5 years in maths and at least 7 years for literacy but can a state school really accomodate him? He's outspoken and likes to be listened to (I know this is a problem) so I think he'll have problems but at the same time the fees are a huge burdon. I think I just need some kind words please.

[pagwatch]

um
i'm actually now just wondering why you phrased your op as you did?

you clearly don't believe that state schools can cope.
which may be a valid view but kind of means that those of us who tried to make suggestions re state schools were kind of wasting our time .

I hope the chat with the school goes well. good luck

(although have to say I'd actually be a bit wary of a head who is so excited about one gifted child that he says he will change the cirriculem. If it is a highly selective school they should already have a few.... )

[Romy7]

Do visit the state options though.

DS teachers say that they often enjoy having a chat with him, and a bit of a joke, but are aware that it sails right over the heads of the rest of the class. there are state teachers who do 'get' bright kids, and these days there are all sorts of individual extension programmes to cover the academic side. What activities does he do out of school? You do need to make sure you have enough money left for 'life' or you risk turning him into a one-trick pony. do you have any other children? i think if ds was an 'only' we might consider private (and we may later at secondary), but there's no way i can afford 3 lots, so he'll have to settle for being bright and well-rounded!

hope you feel better once school starts.

[savoycabbage]

I agree with Twiglett that you should go and look at all of the state schools. You never know what you might find.

You sound so sad and under such great pressure. If you do manage to find a suitable school then everything will be so much easier. Go and look around every single school that it is possible for you to get him to and then put him on the waiting lists.

Perhaps you could tell us where you live, you never know someone might know a wonderful school!

When I was looking for a school for my dd I looked at lots and lots. I ended up loving my catchment school!

[AvenaLife]

Hmm. Good point.

I don't know alot about whether state schools can manage with G+T children like ds, this is why I asked. I can move if I manage to find one, I am just wondering what experiences are so I can have an informed choice. I know that just because my local state is dire, they are not all like this. I am after positive experiences of both sectors because I really am not convinced that I am doing the right thing, hence the doubts. I will be having a look around. I don't know whether the private or state are better at catering for him, if I went state it would be free so I could get him music lessons outside and we could have a holiday but what if they are not?

I'm just confused.

[JudgeNutmeg]

What ever you decide, it would be prudent to give notice in writing before September. If you don't give notice but you decide that you cannot afford fees by Christmas, you will still have to pay in January even if he goes to a different school.

I say this to everyone I meet who is starting on the private school treadmill.

[AvenaLife]

I'm in derby. ds goes fencing outside school, his old one took up so much time though that he had little time for anything else. His friends all live far away so he's lonely aswell. He's an only child so I won't have to worry about having two children to pay for.

Do G+T policies vary between schools or are they set by the government?

[AvenaLife]

I can only just afford them Judge but it's at a huge sacrifice. I would send him if there was no alternative but I think I should look at all the options though. I'm not well informed enough to do that though, which is why I'm asking all of you.

[savoycabbage]

I thought my local school was going to be awful too. They had been in special measures and everything. But I still went to look at it and they had brought in a new headmistress and she had sacked all of the staff except for one. She was great and the new teachers were all enthusiastic and skilled. It is a totally different school from what in once was - and I almost didn't look at it because of what I had heard on the grapevine.

[savoycabbage]

I'm in Derbyshire.

[AvenaLife]

I'm so worried that I'll do the wrong thing and he'll become depressed again. I think I'm assuming that they won't cope with him, this is wrong, I know it is but I just can't see him like this again. It's so hard knowing what to do.

[savoycabbage]

The thing is though you can hardly afford the fees so you must explore the alternatives and then at least you will have all of the information before you make a decision. A very difficult one though.

[AvenaLife]

He goes over my head Riven. I can only just cope with his questions. I encourage him to look for himself but he wants to talk to me and discuss things in a way that gives me a headache. I'm exhausted by the time he goes to bed. I do feel very sorry for his teachers.

Hi savoy.

[pagwatch]

Yep
my Ds stopped asking me things really early and just used to plough through books and use computer.

( first time he asked me to help him with his greek I nearly burst something..)

[AvenaLife]

I've got a degree, almost a MSc, a levels, gcse's and am 1 year off qualifying as a peads nurse but ds scares the life out of me. He's not self motivated and will do nothing given the chance, which is worrying as I wonder how far he could actually go if he puts in a bit of effort. I know nothing about philosophy or astrophysics though, which are his topics of discussion at the moment.

[AvenaLife]

Pagewatch: most use words at the moment are "I'm not sure". God, it's terrible.

[AvenaLife]

Lol! he thinks the net is for playing runescape. I've had him at home with me over the holiday and have been kissed to within an inch of my sanity. I can't wait for him to go back to school. Apart from the reasons in this thread however.

I did make the mistake of letting him read a human rights book, he went into school the next day and requested that his confiscated Lego was returned under article 5, freedom to have posessions (or something like that). This went down well. Not!

[AvenaLife]

Science pays riven, there's a shortage and companies always pay for scientists when there is a shortage. He sounds like a delight.

[AvenaLife]

That sounds familiar. I think alot of highly gifted children are like this. They see injustice and have to act because they see themselves as of equal status. ds never forgets an injustice, which does cause problems as he will no longer respect that person. I try so hard to try to get him to fit in but I don't seem to get anywhere. He has alot of friends though and can be sensitive to others needs most of the time so I don't think he has aspergers. He does get bored very easily though and will get up to mischief when he has nothing to do or left to his own devices.

The new school's cool, the head says they have alot of children like ds, they have specific areas so they can climb trees and run around. If I can get this at a state school I would jump at the chance. I don't know if such places exist though.

[AvenaLife]

I've got to go. ds wants the laptop and is correcting my spellings. I'll be back when he goes to bed.