I am posting in this stupid topic because I need someone to kick some sense into me :o(

[Greensleeves]

I have a meeting with ds1's teacher (with whom I am deeply unimpressed) and the school senco this afternoon. I spoke briefly to the teacher this morning to confirm, and she told me gleefully that we needn't look at the problems from the G&T point of view, because there is another child in the class who has "more words" than ds1, she has "gone from nothing to 350" in a very short time.

Everything in me is screaming "NO, NO, he is free reading at home, you are just BORING him and your stupid 600 word reading test is a blunt instrument". Which is true - and also they have done NO reading with him whatsoever since Christmas! He used to get one-to-one reading at his own level with the TA while the class did phonics etc, but his new teacher (since Christmas) decided he needed to be included in it because his handwriting is poor

I am disgusted at the strength of my reaction I am sitting here in tears feeling as though I have been repeatedly punched in the stomach. I am trying to separate out the different strands of emotional turmoil and discard the ones which aren't relevant to ds1 NOW and HIS future. If anyone wants to help me that would be really helpful

1. The re is so much fear/hurt/general anxiety which has built up over the last year around ds1 - and I am on two separate drugs for anxiety and one for hypertension as it is, so I am probably not capable of being objective

2. we only heard last week that ds1 has Aspergers so it's all a bit raw

3. the new teacher is very old-school and doesn't particularly like either me or ds1

4. I do think I am right about his reading being far far above the level she's placed him at with her poxy fucking test - ds1 told me a few days ago that he is bored and misreads words on purpose

5. as well as the farce around his reading they are completely neglecting him in every other way - he is a lively and inquisitive child who really wants to learn and share ideas

6. I think my reaction to this is influenced by several things that have NOTHING to do with ds1 - when I was a child I had a crap home life and was bullied at school (went to 13 different schools because my mother is nomadic, that didn't help) and I clung to my status as "freakishly clever child" because it was the only positive bit of my identity

7. I am frustrated and worried about my own future and prospects at the moment - I think if I could tackle those issues, and re-locate my 'status anxiety' in my own life instead of in ds1's, that would be healthier all round

8. I am disappointed and taken aback by my own despicable feelings here - I loathe people who push and showcase their children academically, what the hell am I upset about here?

I am now really really dreading this meeting this afternoon, I am going to end up either crying or losing my rag

If anyone has actually managed to get to the end of this pile of piffle and would like to offer advice/boot up the jaxy, that would be good.

No advice, just huge amounts of support and encouragement.

You don't need to apologise for your DS's talents and abilities, just as surely you don't need to apologise for his disability.

The teacher sounds like a total cow, BTW and that is really unfair.

Poor you. Sounds like that teacher is a right piece of work. Having limited experience of this G&T stuff (my neice was listed as that in Ireland and then US though) - can you just ignore the teacher? Sorry if this sounds crass - but who cares what she thinks, or what list he is on? He is your special boy, and a clever cookie at that. Who cares where stats and standards put him? That does not make a great person. And his confidence can only be knocked if he is put on a pedestal that someone else is trying to push him off.

Maybe you should go to the meeting on teh offensive, and explain that you are not really that interested how he stacks up against their stupid tests, what you are most interested in is how they are tailoring his learning. Mention that he has told you he is bored, how are they dealing with it.

Surely it would be better for your little one to feel valued by you, than to risk being 'knocked down' and put down based on some arbitrary test. He is only little for goodness sake.

I am drawing on personal experience here also, I always excelled, but my confidence was very low due to being 'pushed' and 'compared' constantly. Even now it gives me a sick feeling in my stomach remembering how it felt - like stats were more important that me as a person. I know you are upset,and we all want validation that our kid is the best - but please think about how you do that. You showing him he is your clever, wonderful boy who you are so proud of will do so much more for him in the long run.

FWIW, I think you need to take a lot of deep breaths and try not to mention the reading at all (or as little as possible) - the meeting should be about DS1's needs as a whole, and the effect the Dx will/should have on how the school handle him. It should mean people other than his class teacher getting involved and, as others have said, developing a plan for him which addresses both weaknesses and strengths, so the reading thing will be covered as part of that. If you raise the issue of how they are going to maintain/build his self esteem, just maybe it will come out as part of that?!

As long as he reads and continues to enjoy it at home, a term or two of treading water at school won't be the end of the world, IMHO - the "whole school experience" issue could be, though. I know it is frustrating, I have a friend going through much the same thing.

Agree with Stealthsquiggle. The main thing is that he gets supported, not what level he's placed at. Otherwise, you may find yourself locked in a power struggle with the teacher, where ds's needs become less important than the desire of each of you to prove that your assesment of ds's reading is the correct one.

good luck for this afternoon greeny. Will be thinking about you.

Best Wishes

BBBee

also want to say briefly that do not consider yourself a failure if you come out of the meeting and do burst into tears. These sorts of meetings are stressful for any parent, drugs or no drugs , and it takes quite a bit of time to get used to them and how to deal with them. Is a big learning process getting used to dealing with your child's issues at school - really it is.

Greeny, nothing constructive to offer, but there is loads of fantastic advice for you here. But I will be thinking of you this pm! Love PTx

Seconded. I cannot talk to DS's teacher without wanting to cry and he doesn't even have any major problems, so I cannot imagine myself getting through a meeting like yours without crying - that makes you a normal mother, not a failure!

Good Luck.

Leave the G&T thing aside for a bit, at primary level the schools are paying lip service to it, so it is unlikely to make any difference whether they list him or not. (Off the point but DD1 is listed G&T and is FURIOUS because she has to do boring literacy extension work when they others are doing art - NOT well planned in my view.)
Your problem is not how the teacher is categorising your DS but the fact that she doesn't seem to understand him at all. FWIW there are only two children in DD3's class who can read fluently (DD3 and one of her friends) and until recently DD3 was being given reading scheme books that were far too simple for her - we just read them through quickly and let her get on with reading other stuff at home). When this happened to DD1 I was quite cross because I wanted them to acknowledge that they had NOTICED that DD1 was a fluent reader, but this time round I just shrugged my shoulders.
I know this sounds a bit odd, but in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter if they haven't picked up on how good his reading is. What matters is whether they are picking up on the things he needs help with, and it sounds like they are not.
Honestly, let the reading go, and focus on what you think they can help him with.
She sounds like a witch though, so just keep telling yourself, one more term and he is bound to have a nicer teacher next year.

Greeny - if this woman brings up the other child's abilities - just point out as pleasantly as possible that you aren't here to talk about the other child, but your own, and that the discussion should be firmly focussed on him. Furthermore, as all children are different and have differing abilities, you don't find comparisons helpful in establishing your own DSs needs and abilities. You need to establish where your DS is; what he needs in his IEP to support him; and what support the school are going to give him. They have a duty of care to him, if they don't help, they are failing him.

The G&T doesn't really matter. There's not going to be any support coming from that way anyway. You need to sort out the support for AS. If that's in place then your son will be able to reach his academic potential. If that's not in place he may not.

Focus on the AS. Get that sorted. Then worry about G&T later.

I've just realised I'm probably too late. Hope the meeting went well.

What Rosa said.

Hope the meeting goes ok.

Message withdrawn

So? How did it go.....