My DS1 is gifted and has Cerebral plasy. I want to put him into private school

[SparklyGothKat]

on a scholarship (sp?) as I think he could do it. But DH is being funny about it, and won't discuss it. He said that private schools are hard to get along in if you aren't paying. A local-ish one has scholarships places for sept. I think we should look into it.

WWYD

Why do you think a private school would be better for your ds? In my experience, state schools are generally much better at handling children with special needs - have you looked at your local schools and thought "dear god, no?"

I looked at my state schools locally and thought no way any good for ds with cp.

Why?

the state school locally told me it was very rare to have a physical disability and not be affected mentally as well! I totally disagree as it not the case with ds.

Also, class had 32 kids in it! how can that compare with current class of 12 kids....particularly as he is incontinent.

But won't he get one to one support in a state school? There is a child with spina bifida at ds's school - he's incontinent and in a wheel chair, but has a helper with him all the time and he manages brilliantly.

In my experience, state schools are much more clued up on dealing with children with special needs than most of the private sector. There are exceptions in both directions, of course.

he doesn't need it, he has no statement, no need for one. No wheelchair, he self catheterises and wouldn't want or need any help. Think maybe we are just lucky with our private school, didn't like the attitude of the state on at all, was made to feel like they only wanted him if he brought some extra funding with him!

I was a disabled pupil in a private school, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

A smaller calmer environment than the state schools could provide (even then 30 years ago, schools are much bigger now), I escaped from the bullying and 'feeling different' that I had experienced (aged 13 when I moved), no one in my school was snobby, and no one knew who paid fees and who was there on a grant. My best friend, who is now a very well off partner in a large legal practice, having got a 1st at Oxford, was a working class girl on 100% grant, but none of us knew it then.

You will, I firmly believe, get a better education for your son in a decent private school, who will be more able and willing to accommodate his needs. My school once re-arranged a whole terms timetabling for the whole school to ensure that I could come back to school in a wheelchair and do all my lessons on one floor after having surgery. (ok, now the school will probably be completely accessible, but as I say, this was 30 years ago.

If you and your ds would like to try for the scholarship, then go for it.

and as for "people in my family (and DH's) don;t go to private schools", well, that's rot. Once upon a time people from working class families didn't go to university, holiday abroad, go into restaurants.......
It's no good looking for a 'classless society' if people say "people in our family don't do that"

G F I, and very good luck.

I went to private school, on a scholarship..I found it a great school.I am really shocked at the post which says they turn out a high proportion of "snobby bastards"...well I think INVERSE SNOBBERY like this is equally offensive

sorry..just reread the post that said that and realised the poster went to private school herself But that makes me even more surprised to read it!!

An ex of mine went to Eton on a full scholarship and had the time of his life. He was head of this and that society, and I don't think there was ever any issue about his background. I would not hesitate to put a son with CP in a private school if I had the opportunity - not because the teaching is necesarily better, but because the school size and the intolerence of bullying in most private schools might be better for him. I would think the likleihood of him being bullied for his disability in a state school will be higher than the probability of him being shunned for his background in private.

In the private school my DS goes to there is no snobbery whatsoever - in fact there is a kind of inverse snobbery where everyone is at pains to hide their wealth if they have it. And most children have extremely normal backgrounds (the school fees being a marvellous means of levelling out the wealth!). OK so Eton might be different in terms of mix of pupils, but even so I would be surprised if it were an issue for the boys themselves.

How old is this girl your DH cites? If she is a teenager chances are she is just being stroppy with her parents and trying to weedle them into spending money on clothes and holidays and stuff, TBH that sounds more likely to me than her genuinely having problems because of her background.

Could you persuade your DH to go along to visit the school to meet the head?