How do I make sure my DS is being challenged at school without sounding like a pushy parent?

[LaundryFairy]

Parents' night is coming up and I need some advice on how to deal with this. DS is in reception and very bright, fantastic reader, and I want to ask about what they are doing to keep him interested and challenged at school, but I don't want to be seen as a horrid pushy parent. I really want him to be happy at school more than anything, but I'm worried that he may get bored very easily and loose interest in the whole thing. Any advice?

There's a whole general question here as well - I have parents evening for DS (Yr1) tomorrow and am pondering the whole "how do I make sure they are challenging him without seeming like a pushy parent" question as well - in DS's case numeracy is the key concern I have (loves it at home, doesn't like it much at school because it's "too easy" )

Teacher input welcome - what are the "pushy parent" signals I need to avoid?

Ooh, I'm going to watch this thread with interest
Have identical issues with DD (now in yr 3).
Something to do with talking to her teachers makes me all nervous and gabbly, and I think I come across as a bit neurotic - not ideal given that I do want to try to ensure that she is not getting bored at school. I always end up talking about DS (who is definitely average) to "prove" that I'm not pushy..

I find it such a minefield...

Sorry, Lemsip, I appear to have been too pushy and killed it

Yup, think between us we've well and truly done it...

Bother. And there was me thinking "what a well-timed thread, MN can write my script for tomorrow"

LaundryFairy,
My experience with parent/teacher evenings is that the teacher has about 10 minutes to spend with you. He/She also has to see 20 or more sets of parents in one evening. (I've got nothing but admiration for teachers, since I was one in California for 4 years before moving to the UK. I know how hard they work and the pressure they're under.) If you want to talk to the teacher about challenging your son, make an appointment with them. Then you'll have enough time to go in depth with them. My DS1 has been in the top 1% in all things academic for the past 4 years. Parent/teacher evenings have always been about seeing his current work and the teacher talking about his social behavior and some academic behaviour. Most of the information and progress I've had with his teachers have come through appointments and impromtu "chats" with his teachers after school. Hope that helps. Just my opinion.

Seeing as it's close to Easter I thought I'd resurrect (sp?) this thread and see if anyone had any thoughts or help...

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for the advice. In answer to Princess, yes, they still listen to DS read although it may be parent volunteers doing this rather than the teacher or LSA.

And that is a good idea about making a separate appointment, JandDmon. I'd feel a lot more relaxed about it if I knew that the teacher was coming to the meeting with that particular subject in mind, rather than checking her watch needing to make sure she doesn't keep 29 other parents waiting.

Nice to know others are in the same situation, Stealthsquiggle and Lemsip. Do you fancy letting me know how you get on after the meeting?

Good and bad - his teacher recognises she is not challenging him!!

..to be fair, they are gaining another teacher next term and she says they will be better placed to address it then.

For tonight at least I am choosing to interpret that as good news.

When is your meeting, LF?

I have come to the conclusion, that they don't listen to you anyway, when you ask them for harder work for your child, they fob you off. They would rather see your child miserable and naughty then treat them as an individual and give them what they need. Our children are a problem to them, they don't like changing the work for them and they have no idea how to manage them when they are bored. Why do we bother?

If anyone feels their child is not being stretched in a state school then investigate whether your local authority has a Gifted and Talented team - or someone responsible for the Gifted programme. If you can find someone in the LEA who is responsible then phone them and voice your concerns - they may well then go into the school, observe the child and make recommendations to the school.

avenanap - forgot to add - one very effective way of getting more challenging work is to go into the school taking this sort of line of "I know you have so many others in the class to teach and I don't want to cause you any extra work but I want DS/DD to feel happy and challenged for part of the day, I really don't want their behaviour to become a problem through boredom" - then say you will send in work of a suitably challenging standard for your child to do after they have completed the class work. Say that you will mark it and set more - thus saving the teacher any work. It's surprising how often challenging work can then be set in school.

It's a private school so you'd think they'd konw what they were doing! He has social problems due to whatever.... He's a model pupil in class but a nightmare out of it. The academic stuff is fine but they only do the english, maths, science etc. ds wants to do philosphy and atomic theory. They are not going to stick that on the curriculum for him. They used to do enrichment classes but the teacher left so mow there's nothing. He's been there for almost 4 years though and they've only just assessed him to see what level he's at . It's all crap, I've spent 4 years asking them to do this and complaining about his homework. It's been like talking to a wall.

avenanap - if he wants to do philosophy then there's a lot of material on Philosophy for Children on the net. This site tells parents how to start the process at home, though I suspect your DS would be happy to read through the stuff himself and think about it: www.mtholyoke.edu/omc/kidsphil/. There are loads of others: e.g. www.philosophyforkids.com/ . There is a programme now which schools can follow and it is superb and produces great results in extending thinking skills both at primary and secondary level so it's a pity the school won't consider doing it. (It is wonderful - I've seen a seminar from a very inspiring teacher who is using it in her school).

As for "atomic theory" - encourage DS to put that into google and get him to start reading up about it. If he gets stuck then sites like: www.thenakedscientists.com welcome questions being sent in.

We found with our DS and DD that if they were interested in something and the school wasn't delivering (which is fine if it's philosophy or atomic theory) then provided we helped them access the knowledge at home they were a lot happier. Hope you can resolve your DS's unhappiness with school.

LaundryFairy - recommended MO for parents' eve is (a) listen to what teacher says [as others have said], then (b) when she's done ask the key question: "Do you think X is doing himself justice?" - this tends to be an ideal opener-up - allows you and teacher both to consider achievement & potential with no hint of pushiness. (PS - it can also elicit some bits of could-do-better - but those are useful, I find.)

Avenap - I am sorry you are having a bad experience. My experience - with dd, anyway, ds is a different thing entirely - is that her teachers (also private school, by the way) couldn't be more enthusiastic about giving her extension work. BUT this does though have a lot to do with dd's gung-ho bright-and-bouncy attitude, though - boredom just isn't something she's a prey to. (I think there's a whole separate issue about how innately prey to boredom a person is, by nature - which sounds key re your ds.)

Hi Stealth - well, I guess the fact that your DS's teacher knows she isn't doing enough is a start - just hope they sort it out soon. I'd want to go back and see what they've managed to improve in a couple of months.

My meeting is next Monday. I like Bink's phrase about doing oneself justice - may try that one out.

LF - I am mostly encouraged by how well she understands him - she identified his main "problem" as being that he sets himself very high standards and then gets cross with himself on the (she says rare) occasions when he makes mistakes.

That's my boy

Avenanap - does the school have class themes or projects? - they seem to be a good outlet for extra intellectual energy for DS?

They don't seem to do anything appart from the bog standard subjects. Every now and again they have school spelling competitions or poetry competitions. They didn't even manage to make a mothers day card last week because they were busy doing maths! He used to have extension work, he had enrichment classes where he was designing a squirrel enclosure as part of a zoo for the enrichment group. He was really enthusiastic, after the first class he did so muck work, he researched his animal, found out where they lived etc and even made a sign in Latin for his enclosure. He had one more lesson, after which he designed his enclosure and they did no more. They always do this, they start things and never finish them or I ask them if they can do things and they don't. He's brought home a book so that he can research sea animals for a personal project though. I just hope that they are allowed to finish it.

Thanks flaming, I'm going to have a look later, I've found him some books to look at and I'll encourage him to use his talents a bit more to stop him getting bored. He's going to see a new school on Friday so I hope things will get better for him.

LaundryFairy I too share your concerns don't want to appear like a pushy parent but at the same time you would like for your child to be encouraged and not left bored. I have calmed down a bit now and realise that the school cannot do what the parent can -just continue to work with Ds at home more. I have introduced with DS 4.5 yrS an hour routine when we get in from school and after we eat-he looks forward to doing it! -I've called it PAS (Piano, Art, Sums) and he loves it because he needs it otherwise he is all over the place when we get home if he has nothing structured to do! He is learning the playground rough and tumble though -he hates going out there but he needs it too. Develop the things he is less interested in too. Hope this helps.