I was gifted and home schooled ask me anything

[Giraffapuses]

I was home schooled until going to university and identified as gifted by the National Academy for Gifted and Talented Youth. Ask me anything.

@ArosAdraDrosDolig I'm glad I was home schooled.

I made friends via home schooling groups and extra curricular activities attended by other children. Sometimes it as harder, but I still have some strong friendships from that time so it can't have all been bad.

I don't know if i missed out on the 'day to day friendships' its true that I didn't see children every day but I did see them quite a lot and as an adult.i have not struggled to make friends. Obviously, I have the same insecurities and worries about making a good impression when I start a new job or whatever, but certainly, I don't find socialising hard

The range of influences open to.home ed kids can be much higher than in school as the diversity of people who home is quite wide.

I don't personally wish my parents had insisted on formal qualifications. I got into university without any formal qualifications so it worked out fine.

thank you for replying!
what did you end up studying at university? i didn't realise you could do this - so you didn't do A levels or IB?
did you choose to do anything more or less through self directing?

sorry i saw you already answered what you studied.

Many thanks for starting this thread. Did you find your learning ability change at any point? How did you overcome failure? What was your teenage life like? What did your parents do to keep interested and self disciplined? Many thanks

@QueenPenny I studied politics and philosophy. I wanted to study politics, economics and philosophy at Oxford but I failed the interview after passing the entrance exam (turns out I'm not good at maths!).

I did not do A Levels or anything like that. I did study with the open university between 16 and 18. I then used these credits to get in. It did require some convincing of the university admissions. I went to an okay university (Times top 30) so maybe had I have done A levels I would have gotten into a better uni.

@twinsyang I'm not sure how I would measure a change in learning ability. I guess I grew up so what I studied become more complex over time. The order in which I learned core skills was also different. I didn't learn to read until I was 11 years old but other areas of my education was advanced earlier. Point being, don't worry if your own children pick up skills at a different time to when they would have learned them in school. I should say, I note many of my comments have typos. This is because I'm writing on my phone (which I hate) not because my English is bad. I'm actually employed primarily to write.

I'm not sure how to best explain how I overcame failure. Academic achievement was important to me so I did 'feel it' when I failed academically but I guess I got over it by how my parents reacted. They did not define my identity by my academic achievements so I guess I learned to do the same.

My teenage life was a bit rubbish owing to a trauma that was unrelated to my education. But, in an educational context it was a bit harder as there were fewer children my age and scrutiny from friends and family was more critical. But, some of my closest friends today are people I met during my teen years.

To keep me disciplined my parents provided encouragement, were creative in how they taught and allowed me to follow my interests. Discipline wasn't really an issue. Everyone loves to learn, it's part of being human so it didn't take that much. Personally I was motivated by peer pressure from other home schooled kids, the praise of my parents for doing well and (later) wanting to study subjects deeply to answer my own curiosities and questions. One of the main differences between school and home ed is that your peers generally want to discuss what they are learning so it pays to put the effort in so you can participate. I'm not sure where this difference comes from. If you are thinking of home schooling, its also worth remembering that part of what will help your child learn discipline is giving them permission to be undisciplined. For what it's worth, as an adult, I am extremely disciplined, it drives my partner crazy.

[quote Giraffapuses]@twinsyang I'm not sure how I would measure a change in learning ability. I guess I grew up so what I studied become more complex over time. The order in which I learned core skills was also different. I didn't learn to read until I was 11 years old but other areas of my education was advanced earlier. Point being, don't worry if your own children pick up skills at a different time to when they would have learned them in school. I should say, I note many of my comments have typos. This is because I'm writing on my phone (which I hate) not because my English is bad. I'm actually employed primarily to write.

I'm not sure how to best explain how I overcame failure. Academic achievement was important to me so I did 'feel it' when I failed academically but I guess I got over it by how my parents reacted. They did not define my identity by my academic achievements so I guess I learned to do the same.

My teenage life was a bit rubbish owing to a trauma that was unrelated to my education. But, in an educational context it was a bit harder as there were fewer children my age and scrutiny from friends and family was more critical. But, some of my closest friends today are people I met during my teen years.

To keep me disciplined my parents provided encouragement, were creative in how they taught and allowed me to follow my interests. Discipline wasn't really an issue. Everyone loves to learn, it's part of being human so it didn't take that much. Personally I was motivated by peer pressure from other home schooled kids, the praise of my parents for doing well and (later) wanting to study subjects deeply to answer my own curiosities and questions. One of the main differences between school and home ed is that your peers generally want to discuss what they are learning so it pays to put the effort in so you can participate. I'm not sure where this difference comes from. If you are thinking of home schooling, its also worth remembering that part of what will help your child learn discipline is giving them permission to be undisciplined. For what it's worth, as an adult, I am extremely disciplined, it drives my partner crazy.[/quote]
Thank you so much for your reply! Very helpful!

How did you study things like science experiments, plays (dramatic readings), foreign languages without having other pupils/ specialists to lead?

@ClaudiaWankleman your right that some subjects are harder to teach at home. Science i learned from books with far too many trips to various museums and events. Had I have wanted to study experimental science I'd probably have joined a science class at a local school.

Languages I didn't choose to study. But that would have been easy (local or Internet based language class)

Drama and plays was through various drama groups. I did a vast number of these.

All this aside you are correct that certain subjects are harder to learn at home. But what's more important than the equipment is the teacher and this was where it got fun. If I wanted to learn something I'd have to find someone willing to teach me. This led to some amazing times with some truly special people. Plus, it meant I was very invested because it's a challenge to track down and convince someone to be your tutor. I did also have a paid maths tutor for a while. But, it didn't help - I was still bad at maths.

How did you become a member? I was in NAGTY but I didn't apply, I just got a letter, Hogwarts style. I vaguely recall it being based on exams I did in year 6 and/or 7 (SATS/CATS). Did you sit any exams?

@therearefourlights I had to provide a load of essays. As I had I sat no exams I didn't have the evidence they needed. I think my mum read about it and asked how a home ed kid would apply. I did also get the hogwarts letter too tho.

My children are exclusively HE. This thread is a real confidence booster. Thank you for posting.

While you were being home-schooled, did you discover new subject that neither you or your parents had been interested in beforehand?

Asking because I sometimes wonder what being home-schooled would have been like for me: if it had been directed by my interests and the interests/expertise of my parents, then beyond the very basic primary level, I suspect I would have learnt lots of languages, mainly dead languages, lots of ancient and medieval history and very little of anything else. I would not have been in the least interested in exploring modern history or physics or politics or maths beyond basic adding and subtracting. I'm rather glad I was made to do a few things out of my comfort zone: some of them proved surprisingly interesting.

The other thing I wondered about is what you said about motivation, that everybody likes to learn, so motivation is not difficult. That certainly holds true for many members of my family but not for everybody.

My youngest has shown a very strong disinclination for anything requiring effort or pushing himself (except recently as regards physical exercise). Despite a home environment full of story-telling and music and outdoor trips, he never really wanted to make an effort to learn anything. He also wasn't interested in crafts or doing anything with his hands, he wasn't interested in playing an instrument or learning DIY or learning to cook.

He did learn how to read eventually because school (and his parents!) insisted, but he has never read a book voluntarily or for pleasure. It wasn't just about being unhappy at school: he was the same before he started school and he was the same during his very free, outdoorsy summer holidays. We lived near the sea and though he eventually learned to swim well, he never pushed himself to learn more difficult things or learn more quickly like the other children did. If it was combined with any effort or risk of not getting it immediately, he didn't want to know. He simply is the least driven person I have ever come across.

He is now holding down an unskilled job and doing his duty in it, because he knows he has to. The only other environment he did well in was the Uniformed Services BTEC which he did instead of A-levels. He was fine with being told to do push-ups, the only problem there was that he really didn't want to join the army.

He is a pleasant and helpful young man, but he seems to feel no need to conquer new worlds or explore new territory. It's not a mindset I can understand, but there clearly are people like that, and I wonder if it is even possible to home-school someone with that personality.

@corythatwas I did discover subjects that neither me nor my parents knew I would be interested in. For me this was finance. However, I suspect that for both school and home ed what your family values probably does have a big impact on where you focus. Perhaps this is more so for home ed pupils.

It's also worth considering that self directed learning often takes you to places you never thought it would. To be honest, I only started studying philosophy to impress a girl. I had no idea I'd get so involved with the subject I'd spend 3 years on it at uni.

That's interesting, OP. Suspect my problem would have been that I was so very, very focused on the specific things I loved from a very early age - and had absolutely no idea of the wider range of skills and knowledge I would need to actually pursue a career in this field.

To me, there are three possible things that give a person drive:

a competitive instinct- ds genuinely doesn't have it (nor do I tbh: I can put an inordinate amount of work in to learn a new skill, but I'm not interested in what colleagues do)

a love of hard work/learning in its own right- again, ds doesn't have it

a love of a subject or task- the only things ds loves is weight-lifting and watching football

@corythatwas your son sounds great. He is strong and content being helpful in an unskilled field. He may just not be intellectual or driven. I'm sure he has other attractive qualities like kindness and it sounds like a willingness to follow instructions. He sounds very pro social with his weight lifting and interest in football. You come across as very open and conceptual. Perhaps you have different perspectives. I have this problem with my mum also. I am very focused on climbing the corporate ladder. She feels that's a total waste of time.

To your other point about your own very focused interests that sounds like a great place to start home schooling from. Anything interesting tends to be difficult and anything difficult tends to require a diversity of skills and thinking. So, perhaps over time you would have broadened what you studied to gain a deeper knowledge of your core focus.

I like your taxonomy of motivation! Your son does sound motivated tho. Weight lifting is literally painful - it requires real dedication.

How old is he? Perhaps as he matures he will broaden his horizons.

How did your parents help you 'learn to learn'? I know kids want to discover the world, but a little 5 or 6 year old just runs around climbing and jumping on stuff - understanding the world physically and socially, I suppose. They don't even know there is wider conceptual stuff to learn.

School education is based on someone deciding what 'everyone should know' and making sure all children are taught that (whether they take it in is a different matter!). Do you think you learned as much as someone educated in a school? Do you think you learned more? Do you think you learned enough?

@Raindropsonrosesand my parents helped me learn how to learn by focusing on conceptual frameworks over specific subjects and more practical things. (e.g. if I had a question they would encourage me to find someone who was an expert and ask them).

You are right that small children do often spend a lot of time playing. But learning through play and particularly learning how to.soczlise through play can be important.

Home schooling is also not the absence of guidance or the absence of parenting. For example, my parents would let me know there was conceptual stuff to learn.

I don't know how I would measure if I know more or less than someone who went to school. I do love to learn. So, I guess the intention is there and I guess I have a degree and a job. So, in the brace tacs sense of what school is there to do, I suppose it's at least equal?

Good question..hard to answer.

Really interesting thread, OP! Thank you.

I was briefly educated at home due to illness, but I’m not sure if that was “homeschooled” as such, since we followed all the school books with a view to me returning asap (which I did). School suited me fine overall, usual ups and downs, but I definitely felt I’d lost some of my innate curiosity after going back - it was all about grades, extra curricular stuff, volunteering (through the school). Lots of it was sort of put in front of me rather than allowing me to find it. Perhaps that’s more efficient but I sometimes wonder if it stifled something like a spark. I really enjoyed being at home because I could go into more depth whenever I wanted, it was just part of learning. But formal school sort of ended that for me.

My question is - how would one encourage a child to be a child who is in school to not lose that sense of intellectual roaming, that you have so clearly benefited from?

How old are you OP?

You didn’t learn to read until you were ELEVEN?

How did you manage to learn effectively until then? As in what did you actually do? I’m boggled at that. Tbh I’d regard that as a massive failure but I’m a book person and I passed it on to my own kids and I cannot imagine how you would not focus on opening up all those worlds for your children no matter what sort of education they were in.

Do you think not learning to read until 11 limited your learning in any way?

Some of my students are working in English as their second language, and every now and then your phrasing and the rhythm of your writing sounds very similar to theirs, as if you're not quite comfortable in it. Over the years, I've found a strong correlation between fluency of writing and a love for reading.

@MumblesAndMutters good question. I would recommend supporting your child's interests at home (as you probably already do) and enabling them to access experts in the areas they are really passionate about. This helped me more than the actual home schooling. However, in my view school does incentive a narrow skillet in learning that is about acing tests so perhaps you may also want to make sure you praise your children equally for their academic success on the report card but also recognise the academic achievements that don't result in a grade. Good question, not sure if my answer is helpful.

@Soontobe60 I am in my early 30s.

@RJnomore1. I learned primarily through discussion and my parents read to me. I have an immense love of books today and when I did learn at 11 my appetite for books was enormous and I progressed quickly. I was reading thr same books as my reading age exceeded my peers within about 18 months. However, I do wish I had learned earlier as I would have got to enjoy books sooner.

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross I don't feel as though learning to read at 11 has limited my education. I read philosophy and politics at university and at the time I didn't feel out of step with my peers knowledge or experience. But, I suppose I could never really know what difference it would have made.

To your point about my English, in my job at a consultancy, I am primarily employed to write. I think you may be picking up on the fact I am writing these long posts on a smartphone keyboard (which I hate).